Need Definitive Answers And Advice

[jevans74]

Well it's a long story. About 7 years ago I met this girl. We had a short and sweet relationship. She left 3 months later for the military. Soon she was stationed out of state. I was not very serious about her until she revisited the next summer. After that I knew I was in love. Well we kind of grew apart, but stayed in contact for on and off. She revisited back in 1998 for a weekend. Well that whole weekend she basically ignored me. After that we lost touch. In 2000 I found out through one of her coworkers that she was married after calling her at work. She never told anyone about it. We lost touch again until around my birthday in 2001 a month before 9-11. Apparently her marriage was on the rocks ever since it started. During these years, I had other relationships but still loved her in the back of my mind. We fell in love again and started to get serious realy fast. She was gonna get divorsed, get out of the military, and come back to this area to live. over the course of four month we would drive 7 hours each and meet half way to be together on the weekends. Things fired up quickly. We started sleeping together. Inspite of her marriage, we were a couple. We talked everyday, and did all sorts of things. All my friends thought it was the perfect story of love. Her husband found out and I had a fight on the phone with him. She went cold turkey on me and later got orders to go overseas. I never got any closure from this. It has been 18 months since I've seen her. I now where she is but when I try to talk she is not responsive. The things she says don't come out right. I really love her and I'am stuck on her. She will respond to an email once in a while, but won't say much. I have too much hope. She always says more to my best friend. He is like a big brother to her, and he informs me of any conversation. I hate depending on that, but she won't talk to me openly. If I were to call her she would b so defensive and play that classic avoidance behavior. Even when I'm with someone else, I still think about her. This has been a long greiving period for me. After all the e-mail, phone calls, visits, and sex, how can you just cut it off like that? What should I do? Please anyone let me know why do people do this.

[Tony T]

1. "After all the e-mail, phone calls, visits, and sex, how can you just cut it off like that?"

 

Easy. People grow. Needs grow. She may have been using you to fill time or to make her husband jealous. Who knows. The fact is that now she doesn't want you to bother he. She's trying to get rid of you by being cold and distant. Show her some consideration and respect and take the hint. The more of an annoyance you are, the further you will drive her away.

 

2. "What should I do?"

 

Move on. It's pretty clear she's trying to send you a message. Why would you want to aggravate somebody you care for. That's not very nice. Stop calling, stop emailing, stop all contact and go find a lady who responds to you more favorably. And stop messing with women who are married, no matter that their situation.

 

3. "Please anyone let me know why do people do this."

 

People are capable of anything. But she's not doing anything to you...you are subjecting yourself to this. It's your choice. The more you contact her, the more she will "do this." When it finally sinks in your head that you aren't spending your time productively, you will find she will no longer being doing anything to you. Remember, she can't put you through any grief at all unless you present yourself as a willing candidate for same.