Prince charming=cowardly jerk????? WTF??

[beta]

So I am so resolved last night. I am going to see him. I will see first hand what it is he is so afraid of! I am excited and looking forward to my trip!

 

How do these emotions go up and down? I tried calling Phone was either switched off or he's finally blocked me?!

 

4am this morning I wake up unable to sleep (yet again!) I wrote him an email. This time it's more like "come on!? You're having a laugh! This ignoring tactic is utterly juvenile and YOU should know me well enough by now to know that I am not likely to take the "oh well" route!"

It was noon when he got it (IF he didn't block my email too!) So, of course, in good neurotic obsessive behavior mode, I used a friends account to send a copy of the email "in case".!

 

I am angry now! First time in weeks! I am gutted and sad but I am F* mad!

I know what you mean Sedona and WA. If we were so sure this time round, HOW in the world can we ever trust again? I honestly can't imagine any thing MORE a man can do or say that this one didn't ? NOT that I am looking! Not that I think I ever will! (Which is part of the problem I think!) If I don't have a tangible reason, how can I go on?

I also realize that if I keep acting like this (trying to contact everyday) then I will then provide him with the reason we're done

 

I honestly just can't figure out how NOT to try to contact him? I have will power on so much and am clearly stubborn but why can't those characteristics lend themselves to this situation?

 

Still unsure what to do. I expect eventually he'll answer my email....urgh. I dread his response though. I just don't know anymore. The only time I DID know was when we were together.

[Walking away]

beta,

 

Try not to contact him anymore.

 

He knows you want to talk to him. Let him contact YOU. You will preserve your self respect by being silent.

 

Men like to pursue for the most part. And he KNOWS you want him.

 

If he wants you, he will find you.

 

Is this hard? Yep. I am doing that right now. I am being silent.

 

But, here's the thing: I want someone who wants ME. And if I don't ever hear from him again, that is my answer. He doesn't want me.

 

Tough pill to swallow, but the truth.

 

Men have been known to go to the ends of the earth for the women they love. If he wants you, he will find you.

 

Let him go.

 

And know that you are not alone.

 

Hugs...

 

WA

[Mouldylocks]

Good girl, Mouldylocks!

 

Not a word from mine since Monday.

 

But, I expected this. And with each day, I feel more peaceful.

 

 

 

Must admit that I'm itching to write back - just to say thank you, really. Not for eventually replying, but for being the only person to NOT react to my tale of Mommie Dearest's weirdo behaviour with a "You should give her a chance, she sounds like she's really trying" (long story, but she's a sandwich short of a picnic). His reaction is pretty much that she's a selfish b*tch who shouldn't be trusted. Which is pretty much my opinion All my friends have said that she's extending an olive branch (that'll make up for 37 years of emotional abuse....not!) and I should give her a chance. Unfortunately every chance ends up with me hurt, bewildered and feeling totally inadequate. He seems to get it.

 

This is so frustrating. I want to take him and shake him (by the neck ) and ask how he could be so bloody stupid

[LuCidiTy]

 

I, however, am repulsed by men right now. For the first time, I feel this way.

 

Same here. I either turn away in disgust, and that's just seeing one say in a grocery store, or burst out crying. And heaven forbid one should try to actually speak to me...even old friends. I just ignore them and turn away. This is all very new...never happened before. And it's bizarre. It's not that I'm angry with men...I don't know what it is.

 

I have to believe that somehow I attracted this type of person to me. How I don't know.

 

Seems I always manage to somehow attract the wounded or transitional souls. They seem to be happy and get strong, taking from me and giving little back, and then they leave...either on to the next or back to their past. And I...well...you know...sit here wondering why it is no one ever chooses to stay. Oh damn pity party. lol

[sedona]

I, however, am repulsed by men right now. For the first time, I feel this way.

 

I have to believe that somehow I attracted this type of person to me. How I don't know.

 

 

WA

 

Well, I'm not repulsed by men, but I've decided to stop looking for a while. I want to get over this on my own, not by submerging my feelings in another relationship -- which is something I've been doing for the past two years or so! A bad habit which I need to break.

 

I went to see a Jungian analyst a couple of weeks ago. I'd still be seeing her, but I couldn't afford it. Anyway, she said that yes, I do attract this type of men to me. That there is something on a deep unconcious level that recognizes a kindred spirit in a prospective partner. One of the reasons I fell for this man - and he fell for me -- is because of this similarity. It's one of the reasons we got along sooooo well, right from the start. Unfortunately, because we have the same problem, we can't help each other -- we don't have the right key. She said that if one of us had been different, then it's possible that we would have been able to overcome this problem, or that it never would have appeared at all.

 

What that means is that if I want to attract men to me who don't have this commitmentphobia, then I have to change myself. I don't know how to do that yet -- I'm working on things with the help of another therapist. Can't hurt me, although I'm not quite sure how it'll change my luck in being attracted to and attracting the type of man who is right for me.

Does this mean that a relationship between this guy and me was doomed from the very start? That's a depressing thought!

 

Still unsure what to do. I expect eventually he'll answer my email....urgh. I dread his response though. I just don't know anymore. The only time I DID know was when we were together.

Beta, he won't answer your calls or write you. I wish you luck, but have back-up plan. I think you might very well be letting yourself in for a lot more pain than you're in now.

 

Years and years and years ago, I broke up with my bf when I was living in London and he was living in Germany. He wanted me back, but I was just finished. He did the same thing you're contemplating doing now. He just showed up on my doorstep. I refused to let him in. He was obsessed, and it pushed me completely away.

 

No, I don't know that that will happen to you. But you're a mess right now. You're not thinking straight! I've been like that for the past few months, and my bf just wasn't in a place where he could deal with it. It sounds like yours can't either.

[Walking away]

Same here. I either turn away in disgust, and that's just seeing one say in a grocery store, or burst out crying. And heaven forbid one should try to actually speak to me...even old friends. I just ignore them and turn away. This is all very new...never happened before. And it's bizarre. It's not that I'm angry with men...I don't know what it is.

 

 

 

Seems I always manage to somehow attract the wounded or transitional souls. They seem to be happy and get strong, taking from me and giving little back, and then they leave...either on to the next or back to their past. And I...well...you know...sit here wondering why it is no one ever chooses to stay. Oh damn pity party. lol

 

 

Sounds just like me.

 

I have several men contacting me and calling me. I always have. Its' funny that way. When I am the LEAST interested in men, they crawl out of the woodwork. I just don't even have the interest to even respond to any of them. But, my guy friends: I continue with them. They are tried and true friends. And I trust THEM implicitly. As for "my" guy: fortunately, I am not crying. I'm just numb.

 

I am shot, though; nothing left to give.

 

This situation has wiped me out. I am exhausted and sad and heartbroken.

 

I'm functioning well in life, though. I still have a dynamite job and business and they are going very, very well. So, I derive my self esteem from that.

 

But, during quiet times, I miss him....

 

(Sigh...)

[Walking away]

Sedona,

 

I am also well aware that I have severe commitment issues. I have been told by many men and by therapists, too.

 

But, knowledge is power. I know that I need to get through my issues.

 

Can I change 42 years of habit? I sure as heck am going to try.

 

Perhaps then, someday, when I feel up to trying with someone new, I will be healthier and will attract a healthy mate.

 

But for now, the shop is closed indefinitely.

[Walking away]

Must admit that I'm itching to write back - just to say thank you, really. Not for eventually replying, but for being the only person to NOT react to my tale of Mommie Dearest's weirdo behaviour with a "You should give her a chance, she sounds like she's really trying" (long story, but she's a sandwich short of a picnic). His reaction is pretty much that she's a selfish b*tch who shouldn't be trusted. Which is pretty much my opinion All my friends have said that she's extending an olive branch (that'll make up for 37 years of emotional abuse....not!) and I should give her a chance. Unfortunately every chance ends up with me hurt, bewildered and feeling totally inadequate. He seems to get it.

 

This is so frustrating. I want to take him and shake him (by the neck ) and ask how he could be so bloody stupid

 

 

The best thing he needs right now is to experience life without you in it.

 

He undoubtedly is expecting to hear back from you.

 

DON'T do it.

 

Pull a change up. Be unpredictable. And distance.

[beta]

It's starting again.

Thank God I find some comfort in you all here.

 

I know he's home. I know he's read my email. I know he's just a phone call away!

My throat is swelling now. No tears. my shoulders are very heavy and cramped. I feel drunk but am dead sober. I'm irritated (trying to make lunch as we speak for my kids!!!) DAMMIT!

I know this too well! I've done NLP, I've been to loads of seminars! Have more self-help books than my local librairie!

But I've never been this involved!

You're right. I am a bloody mess! How can he be attracted to me now?

Sedona: your bf in Germany, did you tell him that he was the most important person in your life and were you planning a real future with him before you broke up with him? (and did you break up for no reason?!)

I just want to understand?!

Honestly, at this point, there must be some form of way to simply just erase and forget? (something shy of a lobotomy!)

How else do I get answers?

I didn't really manage today since i tried calling him at 4am this morning

I wish I was on day 7 like I was suppose to be on!

[Walking away]

Breathe....

 

Just breathe....

 

This feeling will pass.

 

Yes, you are panicking. DON'T.

 

You survived for years without him, and you will survive now without him.

 

Maintain your dignity from this moment on.

 

NO MORE contact. It will preserve your self respect and it will allow you to distance from a situation that is very painful for you.

[sedgwick]

Same here WA.

 

I hope that he thinks about me. So stupid! Human nature to waste time thinking such pointless thoughts.

 

I have calmed down some too since I last saw him and no longer expect to hear from him. I feel drained and oh-so-sad and still disbelieving. Still waiting to feel happiness, joy or anticipation again.

 

But the man in my life won't build walls to keep me out. He won't be thinking all the time about what he has to give up or change to be with me. He will want to be with me because we make each other's lives richer.

 

Now I just have to figure out how to know when I've found the real thing. I was so sure that this guy wanted the same things as me -- not because I assumed, but because we talked about everything and his actions also showed me that we were on the same wavelength. In the future, assuming I someday meet a man again, how will I ever be able to judge whether he's another guy who suddenly going to do an about-face on me?

 

I could have written this word for word.

 

And Beta, please be careful. Your guy is not going to see this as a romantic gesture. It's just going to push him further away. You suspect he's blocked you from his phone, and he's ignoring your attempts at contact. He may have told you at one time that he loved you, but mine did too, and obviously that either changed or was never true in the first place. Please preserve your dignity. You'll be so glad later that you did.

Edited March 29, 2008 by sedgwick

[Mouldylocks]

The best thing he needs right now is to experience life without you in it.

 

He undoubtedly is expecting to hear back from you.

 

DON'T do it.

 

Pull a change up. Be unpredictable. And distance.

 

Well, not responding to my mother (i.e. not going back for more of her nastiness) has got her very rattled, so who knows, it might work on him too I know I'm not the same person I was when I last saw him (when I last saw him, I was in the grip of a severe episode of clinical depression - I was at rock bottom, anxiety levels beyond anything I've ever known, uncontrollably trembling - just a wreck), and I know I can never go back to being that person again.

 

A week or two after he broke up with me, I set my email to automated response. He emailed me, got the "I am unable to read your message at this time" in return and emailed the most random question ever the next day......

 

I went out shopping with my son today. For the first time in ages, I put on make up, dressed up nicely and smiled at random strangers. In an effort to fill my mind with something other than him, I took up jewellery making and yesterday, I got my first order for a commission piece So I'm getting on with my own thing. What else can I do?!

[Walking away]

Good girl!

 

I find that focusing on myself and my kids (I have 5) keeps me busy and happy.

 

Plus, I am an entrepreneur and that, coupled with my regular job, is a source of great self satisfaction.

 

And, boy oh boy, is he proud of me in those areas!

 

As a matter of fact, he mentioned his admiration for my parenting abilities and my ability to make everyone love me in my jobs.

 

But, enough about what he thinks of me.

 

Who cares?

 

What matters is what I think of me.

 

And I think I'm pretty cool....

 

Congrats on feeling better...

 

[beta]

 

I hope that he thinks about me. So stupid! Human nature to waste time thinking such pointless thoughts.

 

But the man in my life won't build walls to keep me out. He won't be thinking all the time about what he has to give up or change to be with me. He will want to be with me because we make each other's lives richer.

 

 

But we had all that? didn't we? That's how this wall came down to begin with!

 

That is my fear too, Sedona.

 

I didn't see this coming either.

 

I, however, am repulsed by men right now. For the first time, I feel this way.

 

I have to believe that somehow I attracted this type of person to me. How I don't know.

 

But I am heading into therapy to get this thing figured out because this relationship was toxic to my mental health.

 

There is no hope with my man so that keeps me trudging the path away from him. He came back once before and we are right back to where we are again. The only difference is that I stopped things with a bang this time instead of letting things die with a whimper.

 

I am at a loss, too.

 

WA

 

Right. I am NOT used to attracting these men I married two good men (ironically, one reason I was not happy with my last husband was that we didn't "connect"..never did. He could never reach me at the core of my heart....like this one did. Ironic isn't it? I left my husband because he didn't have the ability to hurt me like this one did...the disconcerting thing: my husband never would have!

Am I then doomed to a relationship of "partnership" purely? no soul-mate? no connection? in the name of self-preservation?

 

beta,

 

Try not to contact him anymore.

 

He knows you want to talk to him. Let him contact YOU. You will preserve your self respect by being silent.

 

Men like to pursue for the most part. And he KNOWS you want him.

 

If he wants you, he will find you.

 

Is this hard? Yep. I am doing that right now. I am being silent.

 

But, here's the thing: I want someone who wants ME. And if I don't ever hear from him again, that is my answer. He doesn't want me.

 

Tough pill to swallow, but the truth.

 

Men have been known to go to the ends of the earth for the women they love. If he wants you, he will find you.

 

Let him go.

 

And know that you are not alone.

 

Hugs...

 

WA

 

 

I know I'm not alone. Thank you. "let him go!" urgh. That is tantamount to letting my heart go...for he is still so attached to it! Am feeling the need to concoct some childish point system to get me through the hours! What will I get if I don't contact him?

On one end, one might be tempted to say "dignity", on the other hand, I am still WITHOUT answers!

Reframe! right? we need to reframe!

....as I cry

 

 

Breathe....

 

Just breathe....

 

This feeling will pass.

 

Yes, you are panicking. DON'T.

 

You survived for years without him, and you will survive now without him.

 

Maintain your dignity from this moment on.

 

NO MORE contact. It will preserve your self respect and it will allow you to distance from a situation that is very painful for you.

 

breathing.....and hurting. But breathing in a paper bag...

[Walking away]

I remember feeling how you feel right now.

 

I felt like someone stuck a hot poker in my stomach and heart.

 

It sucks.

 

If I may...

 

I pray when the pain gets unbearable. I pray for peace and God never fails to provide it to me.

 

If you believe in a higher power, go there. Ask for help through this difficult moment.

 

I am so, so sorry that you are in such pain.

 

WA

[beta]

I know I'm not the same person I was when I last saw him (when I last saw him, I was in the grip of a severe episode of clinical depression - I was at rock bottom, anxiety levels beyond anything I've ever known, uncontrollably trembling - just a wreck), and I know I can never go back to being that person again.

 

That's where I am! I am here! how did you get out? how long? it's been 3 weeks

I'm seeing a therapist. writing in my journal. reading books but still have NO answers! I've never NOT found the answers (even in life threatning situations, I knew "there was a reason"...i had faith!) I don't now And I have no answers! AND I've never been here so i'm unsure if I'll make it.

How do I get out? How long will it take?

I didn't think this state was even possible! (certainly not for me...a known warrior!) God I hope this is bottom. I can't do anymore. I'm having a hard time coping here!

I feel like I am holding on to the landing skis of a helicopter (like you see in movies). The helicopter is flying fast and doing all sorts of trips in the sky (as opposed to just hovering nicely)...I am slipping. I am scared and all I hear are people saying "hang on...we'll eventually land" BUT WHEN? Cause if this flight goes on for much longer, I'm gonna slip and fall! At least I won't have to feel the pain of the calices forming on my hands and the anticipation of possibly falling and crashing down How do I gauge how long I have to hang on for?

[bleh]

U know someone was telling me that they read somewhere that statistically (75% of all statistics are made up) people who don't go to therapy after a break are more likely to get over it quicker? this doesn't mean they get over it better however. Think of the positives right now, at least you know the origin of your depression, so don't try and fix the depression try and fix the problem. Your much better off than the people who feel like this and yet have no idea why. You know the problem so you are infinately more able to find the solution

[Walking away]

I agree, bleh.

 

Knowledge is power.

 

Knowing what is wrong is the first step towards changing!

[sedona]

Sedona: your bf in Germany, did you tell him that he was the most important person in your life and were you planning a real future with him before you broke up with him? (and did you break up for no reason?!)

 

I just want to understand?!

Honestly, at this point, there must be some form of way to simply just erase and forget? (something shy of a lobotomy!)

How else do I get answers?

I didn't really manage today since i tried calling him at 4am this morning

I wish I was on day 7 like I was suppose to be on!

The bf in Germany was my college bf. We went out for about 5 years, and yes we had planned on marrying, having kids, the whole 9 yards. It doesn't really matter why I broke up with him. For him, it seemed like no reason and he just wouldn't give up trying. That was way back in the days of yore, so there there was no email or text messaging, but he'd call all the time (I stopped picking up), call my friends about me, and write letters and postcards. And then finally, he just showed up. Everything he did just pushed me away more and more from him. The best thing he could have done is NOTHING. I don't know now whether I would have ever changed my mind, but his obsessive actions made the break-up absolutely irrevocable. They killed off any feeling of love I had for him.

 

Hmmm. I should've thought of this sooner in my current situation. I should have gone cold turkey long ago. Oh well, what's done is done.

 

And beta, as for Day 7...you can't change the past either. But you can control your actions. Stop contacting him. Get your head on straight again!

[Mouldylocks]

That's where I am! I am here! how did you get out? how long? it's been 3 weeks

I'm seeing a therapist. writing in my journal. reading books but still have NO answers! I've never NOT found the answers (even in life threatning situations, I knew "there was a reason"...i had faith!) I don't now And I have no answers! AND I've never been here so i'm unsure if I'll make it.

How do I get out? How long will it take?

I didn't think this state was even possible! (certainly not for me...a known warrior!) God I hope this is bottom. I can't do anymore. I'm having a hard time coping here!

I feel like I am holding on to the landing skis of a helicopter (like you see in movies). The helicopter is flying fast and doing all sorts of trips in the sky (as opposed to just hovering nicely)...I am slipping. I am scared and all I hear are people saying "hang on...we'll eventually land" BUT WHEN? Cause if this flight goes on for much longer, I'm gonna slip and fall! At least I won't have to feel the pain of the calices forming on my hands and the anticipation of possibly falling and crashing down How do I gauge how long I have to hang on for?

 

My depression was nothing to do with him - we were still a couple the last time I saw him in person In fact, when we parted, he held me, kissed me and said "I love you". It would take too long to explain why I was in the state I was in - even I didn't know why at the time, but I do now - but it wasn't anything to do with what he'd done/not done.

 

Before he broke up with me, I was prescribed antidepressants (but they hadn't kicked in) and I'd arranged therapy but hadn't actually started. So, I'm afraid I just don't know how long you'll have to feel like you do I don't have any answers. I'm dealing with all my issues and I'm making HUGE steps in growing emotionally and letting go of all my demons.

[sedona]

Beta. Why did you need answers right now? Stop looking for immediate answers. Things will become clearer in time.

 

U know someone was telling me that they read somewhere that statistically (75% of all statistics are made up) people who don't go to therapy after a break are more likely to get over it quicker? this doesn't mean they get over it better however. Think of the positives right now, at least you know the origin of your depression, so don't try and fix the depression try and fix the problem.

Thanks bleh. Very true. In the past, I just kept going and look where it's gotten me. To LS. So now I want to try a different route.

[beta]

Right. More info. I am really struggling and really appreciate all of your help! honestly, i do. Please don't mistake my going round in circles as a reluctance of wanting help! I DO want help!

Am going to try to make this as vague (identity) yet detailed (for accuracy) as possible.

 

1. been living 2 hrs apart from my ex-husband since june 07

2. we finally separate in nov 07

3. Relationship with bf gets real serious (by dec)

4. ex-husband does not want to pay! (i've been at home caring for kids for 6 years and forfeted my prof. career for his! for the past 12 years!) He suggests I either move to where he is (bigger city), get a job (so he pays no spousal) and have joint custody (though I would have them most of the time, due to his job BUT he would then only pay 1/2 child support!) He cannot force me to sell the house. He makes enough that i can keep the house and stay here and continue developping my business (had much potential! lacking action only!) I've been "fighting" to stay back because bf and I are going to be moving together! (no sense in me moving to where my ex-husband is if I am just going to be moving within the year to be with bf!!) How is that going to be possible? Ex-husband has already said that I can go anywhere I want, as long as he does not have to pay and he can visit the kids when he wants. NP. BF wants me and kids with him! has said so throughout (with elaborate talks about building forts and teaching them to ski etc....you know the story!). I can carry on building my business and with settlement (from pension, equity on home etc..) I don't have to depend on ex-husband OR bf to support me and my kids! (at least for a year or two and that is PLENTY for me)

5. BF leaves!!!! Where do I go? I had NEVER planned on settling here! (nor where my ex-husband is either!) He may or may not be there for God knows how long! Ultimately, I want to move back to England! This is my TRUE love! I have 3 kids though and without something concrete, I can't really move there can I? (at least, not now!)

6. OPTIONS

6a) Stay here until June 2009. Get my needed university credits through distant learning in order to enroll in law program in Sept 2009. (I would then move to where my ex-husband is...do the joint custody and negotiate 4yrs support while I do this (which sounds like allot but if we do go to court, he is likely to pay for 13 years!) At the end of the program, I am a lawyer and can work in International business (business has been my "thing" in the past) or Whatever! options are mine! I can move to England if I want! (a long haul but it would get me there!). During these next 15 months, i can carry on doing my business while I study (only need 5 courses and have 15 months to do it!)...the kids stay in same school, same activities (small town means much cheaper, safer, accessible to live in!). I get my head on back during that time (or keep in my depression ) and hope for clarity along the way. Biggest problem with this: In my state of mind, I cannot promise my ex-husband that I will move to where he is! (I'm not sure WHAT clarity will bring me!?) I know enough to know that I simply don't know!

6b) I agree to sell the house now. I'm not ready and it would be quite stressful. My ex-husband is willing to buy a house where he is and come up with an agreement with me (something like I will live there , pay rent whatever...it would still be mine and we would have our separate lives but he would have joint custody). I can enroll in a program for sept 2008. Do one year full time (def. amass my much needed credits) and carry on in Sept 2009 in the law program. challenge #1) I am essentially giving up on the business that I have built thus far. I have a certain amount of success (have built a client base, credibility and authority in the field...am actually giving a talk tomorrow night! I make products...so this manufacturing requires my custom made lab (which I have here at home)...would cost lots of $ to have done in new home 2 hrs away! Besides, raising 3 kids, going to school full time and a business? the business would def. become a hobby and not a real focus for success. Challenge #2) I am essentially closing all possibilities with bf. Please refrain from saying "good!" I LOVE this man more than anyone in the world! To permenantly leave that possibility (I would NEVER uproot my kids all over again in a few months or a year...and he would never ask. It would be a definite "i'm moving on"

6c) I keep status quo. Promise nothing to my ex-husband. Maybe take a course or two in the meantime and bring the house in my name. Which essentially is closing options for a move next year (as long as my ex-husband owns half the house, his employer would pay for all move and realty costs...no small figures!) If I had to pay for that next year, I wouldn't be as keen. He knows this and so do I. This option is also essentially saying that I am going to make my business work!!! HOWEVER , in order to really push it, I should be in a more city setting (am limited to web base and wholesale sales this way). My dreams of building chains and making this a huge success story would require me to work very hard (which is ok) but I am alone, in a small town, depressed and no reprive for kids! (my ex-husband can only really have them for 1 night , 2 days)

 

I don't know that I want to give up my business. I don't know that I want to buckle down for 4 years! The one solace I have with studying is that i would still be able to travel at least once a year to Europe (my loveland!) ...school is only from sept-april really and my tuitiion would be paid for with loans and grants (i could always pay for it myself if need be with the equity of the sale of the home)...point is: I know myself. I would not be able to commit to 4 years of solitude being broke if I didn't know there was light somewhere (always looking forward to my trips to England and France!)....sounds like I am spoilt! Believe me! I have lived in the most inhumane conditions in Canada! I know what I want and I know what will motivate me to get it!

 

phewww....didnt' think i would go on so long.

Don't think i missed anything.?

 

Oh yeah. it's april soon. Decision kinda needs to be made!

My ex-husband is coming up next weekend to "talk"...hopefully we can come up with an agreement...but I don't know what to say???!!!

 

Oh...and

when I am not thinking of this? I am sobing uncontrollably in my bed

 

Not thinking straight and don't even know who to ask?

 

It was all planned out with bf....now it's gone

[sedgwick]

Seeing someone who has children say they love their boyfriend more than anything in the world makes me sad and scared. For you and for your kids.

 

I don't know where you are in the world, but it sounds like you really want to be in England and that England is far away. I would say, if that's what you really want, if that's truly where your heart lives and what you really want, find a way to make it happen. Whatever it is you have to do to get there and build a stable career for yourself, do it.

 

Spend some time chasing your dreams rather than this guy, and remember how much your kids love and need their mom, okay?

[beta]

1. Please please please know that I would NEVER EVER leave my children! Not for anyone!

 

2. It really does go without saying that my kids are the ones I love most in the world! Nothing I do would ever ever be to their detriment.

 

3. When I am speaking in bf mode, and talking about love, I see it as romantic love! Even when referring to my husband, I could never mix the two loves...The love I feel for my children is simply not comparable to the love I feel for a partner...therefore I cannot even begin to put them in the same category. My children are in a separate category all together that hold the top place in the billboard!

 

So when I said I LOVE him more than anyone in the world, am not even THINKING of comparing to my kids. If it was to their detriment, he would not even be there!

hmmmm.

"If it was to their detriment, he would not even be there?" Interesting. my depression is certainly not to their benefit? ....need to think about this!

 

However, bf was not going to be to their detriment, he would have been a GEM in their lives ! An absolute GEM!

 

---sorry for confusion

[sedgwick]

Okay, that makes me feel MUCH better!

 

The girl who bullied me all through junior high -- and I mean mercilessly -- was the daughter of a mom who had a habit of choosing men over her kids. This girl had been moved all over the place, gone to all these different schools every time her mom hooked up with a new guy, etc. Now, looking back, I see what was going on, but when I was 13 and she was tormenting me, I couldn't. The sad part is that we were friends for a while, but then I went to stay the night at her house and watched her mom and sister fight with each other. I didn't want to go back, so the next time she came to my house instead. She saw my parents (married 40 years and still madly in love, bless 'em) and how they laughed and hugged a lot, and that was when she started being mean to me.

 

Last I heard, she ended up in jail for stealing money from her job, leaving two kids of her own behind. I couldn't help but wonder who her kids are bullying now, what little girl is being given ulcers today over having to go to school and face them.

Edited March 29, 2008 by sedgwick