Walking away Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 (edited) You could do what I did. If he inquires about it, tell him you mailed it to him, but don't. I did that to one schmuck that I dated and lived with a million years ago.... He needed his birth certificate to go up to Canada and told me he would pick it up from me at my hospital. Ok, that's cool.... I took it with me to work and expected him to come pick it up, right....? But, my daughter spotted him at the mall with some hoochie chick when he told me he was working late. Poor guy. They are making him work late AGAIN. Could I please leave it at the concierge desk at the hospital? Sure, darling. Anything you want. I went to the mall and "accidently" ran into him and his new beau. Wow. He left me for THAT? Anyway, I was sweet and very nice to both of them. (Realize it had been a few months since we broke up so I was emotionally capbable of doing this....) I texted him later that night asking if he got the birth certificate alright. Told him I ran to the hospital and put it on his windshield so he didn't have to inconvenience himself by running by the hospital to pick it up. You should have read the texts. I could almost see the blood drain from his face. He drove back to the mall so see if it blew off his windshield by accident. (And by this time, it was pitch black outside.... ) Of course, I was completely apologetic that he "lost" it. I LEFT it under the windshield wiper in full view of where he could have seen it.... God, I am so glad I left with dignity. He never saw it coming and he never suspects that I was capable of such evil.... P.S. I burnt the birth certificate and he missed his trip to Canada. Poor baby... WA Edited April 2, 2008 by Walking away Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 And, BTW... I get a few friendly emails from this guy every year asking about me and the kids... He is none the wiser.... Link to post Share on other sites
beta Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 (edited) Hey everyone, just finished my reading of the last couple of pages with my coffee;) WAS having a good day yesterday...WAS doing good...until I wasn't I started thinking of all the wonderful things he said to me (always speaking in "we" not "I") his daily inquisitions on the kids...his smile, his eyes and God I want him so much (in ALL ways!) I don't even toggle back to "the hand" moment when he said "I changed my mind". Right...WHEN? Didn't get the MEMO!!! F*ck! Anyways.... I drank my sorrows after putting the kids to bed and woke up this morning. I do remember dreaming of making love to him though. DAMM! Urgh Worse part: I feel lathargic again. Not physically. I'm just utterly confused (still!) So resolved one day and F*ing depressed again the next! I wonder if when I am feeling strong, it is really my sub-conscious hoping that "only when I am strong and resolute will he come back". Is that it? Am I fooling myself in trying to get over him just to get him back? How contradicting is that!? I know I need to get on...get OVER it (clearly HE has!) But I don't want to! I know you know so I don't even have to try to explain my position. Sedg: SO Cool about your grant! YOU are awesome! You know, some amazing bloke is going to recognize you and treat you like the Queen that you are! AND ...maybe he will be a musician, maybe not...but he will LOVE that you do what you do and he will feel so lucky that you are in his life. He will be strong, brilliant, artistic and quirky. He WILL be gorgeous and he won't smell! lol His name will be something like "Franz" or "Pedro" and will have a smile to die for...but he will only have eyes for you. Soon. Sedona: You seem to be my other half...on the other side of the world so I expect our man will be the same! (but NOT!)lol....still working on him (I keep describing my last one...) Far Behind: You have a soul bearing night and he f*'s off?! WTF! *hole! (but we've gone thru that already!) lol Yours will be sweet and understanding. He will surprise you on your doorstep when least expected. He will notice that you may feel uncertain at one point (for no good reason really) but he will send you flowers with the simple text "I'm Yours". His gentle touch and energy will re-assure you to the point where you won't even feel insecure. You'll be happy and serene. This will be your man. WA: Beautiful Blond with fantastic career....hmmm...with short grumpy overweight f*head!? Hang on! Yours will be clever!!! F*ing Clever! He will be so proud of you! (but not in a patronizing way). As a matter of fact, the only reason he will be available is because he was waiting for this wonderful, sexy, ambitious, caring woman who loves children to come into his life. I'm thinking he will have some. (That's why he is available) He will only accept the best in the life of his children...and you are exactly what he's waiting for! He will lavish you with gifts (really well thought out ones) He is not shallow or insecure. He loves that you are successful...but he is VERY financially secure. You don't scare him. He ADORES you! And your children adore him. And all of yours get along harmoniously. Mouldylocks and Lucidity: don't know you well enough yet...let me have a think. ...sun is shining today....that's gotta help? too smelly...plastic! I could print all the lovely emails and burn them and dance on the ashes however....hmmmm. Or i could just put this crap behind me and move on. Put his name on a piece of paper and place it in the freezer is a good one, too. ----I want to know about this freezer thing! What does that mean? Edited April 2, 2008 by beta Link to post Share on other sites
beta Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Looking at pictures of us together now.... Lobotomy? Hypnosis? I just want to forget Remembering is just too hard Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 If a man doesn't know what he wants, he generally doesn't want what he's got. Link to post Share on other sites
sedona Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 OK, so I'm driving home today thinking about what I could have done differently to make things work. I jut couldn't keep my cool when he started to get more and more distant. I thought that we could talk and fix things. I thought that's what you do in a relationship. I became emotional and cried as he just looked at me, a bit perplexed. If only I could have just turned off my emotions and waited it out. It's not like I'm in any huge rush to move in with someone or get married... But no. He did this. He's the one who's strange and was reacting wierdly. He went from loving me to slowly and inexorably backing off, without giving any warning or being able to give any explanation. Not understanding why I could be upset. Diving in completely and then being afraid of responsibility and possible expectations. How are you supposed to react when that happens? Less and less physical contact of any kind, fewer text messages, no more long phone calls, never invitations anywhere. And when he won't tell you that anything's different, even though you bring it up. He says you're great. Says that you're just too impatient. Says that he loves being with you. But he stops saying that he loves you. How do you just take it in stride, especially when it only dawns on you slowly? When you've never experienced anything like this and have no idea that a man can just change for no real reason. Right now I just need to know that there was never any chance, even if I could have controlled myself at all times and just accepted that ok, his feelings have changed. I need to know that they would never have changed back if only I had reacted differently. If I had been mature, more independent, tackled it in a different way. Link to post Share on other sites
sedona Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Btw WA, that story about the birth certificate was terrific! That could have been on a TV sitcom. You do have an evil streak. And a slightly warped sense of humor. That's meant to be a compliment (just to be sure you understand). Link to post Share on other sites
beta Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 OK, so I'm driving home today thinking about what I could have done differently to make things work. I jut couldn't keep my cool when he started to get more and more distant. I thought that we could talk and fix things. I thought that's what you do in a relationship. I became emotional and cried as he just looked at me, a bit perplexed. If only I could have just turned off my emotions and waited it out. It's not like I'm in any huge rush to move in with someone or get married... But no. He did this. He's the one who's strange and was reacting wierdly. He went from loving me to slowly and inexorably backing off, without giving any warning or being able to give any explanation. Not understanding why I could be upset. Diving in completely and then being afraid of responsibility and possible expectations. How are you supposed to react when that happens? Less and less physical contact of any kind, fewer text messages, no more long phone calls, never invitations anywhere. And when he won't tell you that anything's different, even though you bring it up. He says you're great. Says that you're just too impatient. Says that he loves being with you. But he stops saying that he loves you. How do you just take it in stride, especially when it only dawns on you slowly? When you've never experienced anything like this and have no idea that a man can just change for no real reason. Right now I just need to know that there was never any chance, even if I could have controlled myself at all times and just accepted that ok, his feelings have changed. I need to know that they would never have changed back if only I had reacted differently. If I had been mature, more independent, tackled it in a different way. I just finished writing my therapist a letter. With the exception of a few words, it is EXACTLY what you just said! The events are identical. The feelings just as confusing! The wondering "what if" is driving me MENTAL! I wish something would have happened! I wish there was an event I can blame this on! (A part from me showing my emotions when he "backed off") Is this really my fault? Or was it doomed anyways? I want to know!!!! Sigh... Link to post Share on other sites
beta Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 When he said "i don't think this is going to work out" I felt sick. Was crying and he said "i don't know what to make of how I'm feeling" i said "sick? cause that's how I am feeling!" he said "bemused". !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sedona Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 he said "bemused". !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg! That's my guy exactly!!! Poor, poor man. I'm absolutely crushed and he's a bit puzzled. So unfair. He caused this and he gets off easy. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 If the next thing that happened was that he pulled out a banjo, we really are all dating the same guy. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Yup thats my guy too.....same guy........same everything.....did they clone this somewhere along the way and keep spinning it out over and over and over again? Yeah, and in the end......please don't show any emotions......I mean your not supposed to be upset about any of this. OMG. But I know my guy was talking to someone at least one month prior the the breakup too. So I know what happened there. Now, I know of course I did not then. Do each of you know for sure there were no other women involved? Link to post Share on other sites
sedona Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Nope, no other women involved. I know that for sure. The only thing standing in our way was him and his unexplainable but oh-so-solid mental barrier. Sedg, you made me laugh. Banjo indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Mouldylocks Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Mine was different. He seemed - or as much as you can seem over email - genuinely distraught at ending it. He said he'd never be more sorry for anything in his life, and he'd never had to make such a horrible decision whilst still feeling so strongly about someone so very special. Yeah, well why dump me then? Link to post Share on other sites
sedona Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 "Distraught". "Bemused". You know, we really should feel sorry for these men. While we're here posting on LS, I'm sure they're pouring out what's left of their hearts on SP, the forum for the Slighty Perplexed. I'm sure the typical post goes something like this: Can anybody explain this behaviour? My situation: I met the most amazing woman. Independent, beautiful, sexy, sporty, intelligent. We could talk about anything and everything together. We had the most incredible connection and fell in love. A short while later, I fell out of love with her. Why? Dunno. I still think she's terrific, but hey - things change. My dilemma is that she says she still loves me and when she finally realized that I had friendzoned her (of course, I never actually told her - I let her figure it out from my actions), she kept asking me all sorts of questions like "Why?" and "How could your feelings just vanish?", etc. I'm sure that you guys out there have heard them all!!! And get this-- she actually expected me to talk about what happened and she kept on crying! The last time we talked, I just sat there wondering how much longer this conversation would last. I mean, she just kept going on and on, rehashing what for me had already become ancient history, saying much she loved me and how wanted to work things out. Meanwhile, I had to get going to walk my dog. Have to say she was a bit inconsiderate there! So I just don't get it. Can anyone please explain her odd behaviour to me? I am totally perplexed. Bemused even. What is her problem??? Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 hey hey hey when did you guys come to England and start dating my guy huh..? Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I had this ridiculous thought that maybe it had all been some sort of cruel prank, but of course it was simply cruel, no prank. No word today, not that I expected one. And believe me when I tell you that there will be no word from me...but my one wish is that he would contact me at some point so that i could finally, once and for all, tell him to f*ck himself. I think I have earned that right. I was joking with a friend of mine about how we could fill up our cars with his ATM card, but he is not worth the risk involved in doing that. I deleted all of his emails, the ones I received and the ones I sent. I have not shed one tear. I still feel stressed/anxious to the max, but more importantly, I do feel strong and resolved that he is SICK and I am completely well rid of him. It makes my skin crawl when I think of what he did, and how calculated it seems. Just venting here because I've held this in all day at work and running around w/ my kids for the past couple of hours. Now I have to see my ex husband to get my child support check and as edgy as I am, he will pick up on it. Did I ever mention he is still in love with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Far Behind: You have a soul bearing night and he f*'s off?! WTF! *hole! (but we've gone thru that already!) lol Yours will be sweet and understanding. He will surprise you on your doorstep when least expected. He will notice that you may feel uncertain at one point (for no good reason really) but he will send you flowers with the simple text "I'm Yours". His gentle touch and energy will re-assure you to the point where you won't even feel insecure. You'll be happy and serene. This will be your man. ----I want to know about this freezer thing! What does that mean? Beta, I love your description of who is waiting in the wings for me. Let me tell you, I have made plans with a girlfriend already for Friday and trying to put something together for Saturday, too, because this is my weekend w/out kids. I want to get out. I have sat home (except when I was with the butt head for the past 3 weeks) licking my wounds and feeling sorry for myself. I'm done, done, done. Stick a fork in my, girls! As to the freezer thing...I guess it's like freezing them out of your life, or your heart. I think I will do it tonight. I'll let you know. As angry as I am, that omg I am missing him feeling is creeping in. That how could he do this to me there must be some mistake, he is so flawed and with my love and help he'll (and we'll) be ok. Would one of you PLEASE slap the crap out of me NOW? Link to post Share on other sites
Event Horizon Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 (edited) I've just been lurking in this thread and kept my opinions to myself, but since you asked for someone to slap you: My guess is the guy is tired of all the soul bearing conversations and was just humoring you through the last one. He's asked repeatedly for space sometimes. As soon as he told you that you were getting pushy again...you went right into IMing/texting and emailing, etc.. None of what's happened should be any surprise. You said you were going to take it SLOW....but you never did. E..H Edited April 2, 2008 by Event Horizon Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 OK, so I'm driving home today thinking about what I could have done differently to make things work. I jut couldn't keep my cool when he started to get more and more distant. I thought that we could talk and fix things. I thought that's what you do in a relationship. I became emotional and cried as he just looked at me, a bit perplexed. If only I could have just turned off my emotions and waited it out. It's not like I'm in any huge rush to move in with someone or get married... But no. He did this. He's the one who's strange and was reacting wierdly. He went from loving me to slowly and inexorably backing off, without giving any warning or being able to give any explanation. Not understanding why I could be upset. Diving in completely and then being afraid of responsibility and possible expectations. How are you supposed to react when that happens? Less and less physical contact of any kind, fewer text messages, no more long phone calls, never invitations anywhere. And when he won't tell you that anything's different, even though you bring it up. He says you're great. Says that you're just too impatient. Says that he loves being with you. But he stops saying that he loves you. How do you just take it in stride, especially when it only dawns on you slowly? When you've never experienced anything like this and have no idea that a man can just change for no real reason. Right now I just need to know that there was never any chance, even if I could have controlled myself at all times and just accepted that ok, his feelings have changed. I need to know that they would never have changed back if only I had reacted differently. If I had been mature, more independent, tackled it in a different way. to change the outcome. You couldn't have tackled it any differently. I WAS mature and independent at the end. I showed class. Was very firm and unemotional. He STILL let me go. Nothing we could have done differently would have changed their minds. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Btw WA, that story about the birth certificate was terrific! That could have been on a TV sitcom. You do have an evil streak. And a slightly warped sense of humor. That's meant to be a compliment (just to be sure you understand). I get that warped sense of humor working in my profession... We call it gallows humor... Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I've just been lurking in this thread and kept my opinions to myself, but since you asked for someone to slap you: My guess is the guy is tired of all the soul bearing conversations and was just humoring you through the last one. He's asked repeatedly for space sometimes. As soon as he told you that you were getting pushy again...you went right into IMing/texting and emailing, etc.. None of what's happened should be any surprise. You said you were going to take it SLOW....but you never did. E..H She could have taken it at a snail's pace and he still would have ducked out on her. Leopards don't change their spots. He is a jerk and NOTHING she did warranted that type of behavior from him. He is a loser. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Beta.... Thank you for your thoughts on what my true love will be like. You give me hope... Thanks. WA Link to post Share on other sites
Event Horizon Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 She could have taken it at a snail's pace and he still would have ducked out on her. Leopards don't change their spots. He is a jerk and NOTHING she did warranted that type of behavior from him. He is a loser.VERY possible you are right...in fact, it's likely you are right. But she knew this and still wanted to go for another try. Her only shot was to try and change her behaviour and she slipped right back into the old routine. If he contacts her again, it'll all happen again. From my reading of this whole ordeal, Far Behind still does not have the strength to walk away. The only chance she's got to get away from this drama is that he never contacts her again. I pray he doesn't because when this is all over she's going to regret giving this guy so much of her dignity. I hope she keeps whatever she has left. It will help her recover. Under no circumstances should she contact him again. If he trys to make contact...surprise the hell out of him and ignore it. Not just for a day...but forever! E..H Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I agree. She should not give this man one second of her time ever again. And no man is worth the pain he put her through. He simply is not worth the salt in her tears.... Link to post Share on other sites
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