Prince charming=cowardly jerk????? WTF??

[Event Horizon]

He simply is not worth the salt in her tears....

No he isn't and at the age of 48, he damn sure isn't going to change. His window of change closed YEARS ago. This is who he is.

 

E..H

[Far Behind]

I've just been lurking in this thread and kept my opinions to myself, but since you asked for someone to slap you:

 

My guess is the guy is tired of all the soul bearing conversations and was just humoring you through the last one.

 

He's asked repeatedly for space sometimes. As soon as he told you that you were getting pushy again...you went right into IMing/texting and emailing, etc..

 

None of what's happened should be any surprise.

 

You said you were going to take it SLOW....but you never did.

 

E..H

 

That really is not quite right...when he said I was getting pushy it was in an email, and I replied to the email. I IM him Monday night. Extent of contact. The guy really and seriously has a screw loose. I know I have my issues, but he is a whack job. For him to even suggest that I was pushy knowing what he had already put me through and the lack of trust I was feeling was pretty ballsy.

[Event Horizon]

After everything you know about this guy, you KNEW to back off after the pushy comment...but you couldn't stop yourself.

 

Go back and re-read all of your posts in this and other threads regarding this guy. You KNEW he was going to back off again.

 

Look, you can blame him all you want but the only one that can make you feel better is you. He isn't going to do it, or be the kind of BF you want him to be. The pain you are going through is of your own making. You have to decide to walk away or resign to continue this pattern. But at some point you have to accept resposibility for putting yourself in the position you are in. You can't keep getting back in the water and complaining that it's too cold. At some point you have to quit getting in.

 

E..H

Edited April 3, 2008 by Event Horizon

[Far Behind]

Arrrrrghh, tried 3 times to edit that post.

 

Wanted to add, after reading the rest of the threads, I have lost dignity and that hurts...pride, stinging. Whatever. The important thing from here on out is to regain my composure, and yes, ignore any contact that may come from him. I will never attempt to contact him again. The hurt he put me through...like I said earlier, it is skin-crawling weird how some of it played out. It is like calculated, if that makes sense, much as I don't want it to. But the soul-baring stuff...that was him, not me. I can't go into much detail, but he was clinging to me! Look, I'm 50, and I know I have some issues, but like WA pointed out, nothing I did warranted his bullsh*t of this week. All I asked was that he be aware of my trust issues (due to HIM) and call when he said he would. He didn't, and I called him on Saturday BECAUSE i SAID I WOULD BE IN HIS NEIGHBORHOOD ANYWAY! The email that he sent me, I responded to. I have not contacted him since, other than the email I sent last night that said I was done, which as far as I know he never read. I can't check anymore because I deleted all contact from him from my computer.

[Far Behind]

After everything you know about this guy, you KNEW to back off after the pushy comment...but you couldn't stop yourself.

 

Go back and re-read all of your posts in this and other threads regarding this guy. You KNEW he was going to back off again.

 

Look, you can blame him all you want but the only one that can make you feel better is you. He isn't going to do it, or be the kind of BF you want him to be. The pain you are going through is of your own making. You have to decide to walk away or resign to continue this pattern. But at some point you have to accept resposibility for putting yourself in the position you are in. You can't keep getting back in the water and complaining that it's too cold. At some point you have to quit getting in.

 

E..H

 

And yeah, it is up to me, and that's why I sent the email last night, I knew it needed to end regardless of if he disappeared or not. I knew it was never gonna be right. Ever.

[Event Horizon]

Hey Far Behind, do not think I'm criticizing you. We are all anonymous here so who really cares anyway? I'm just trying to support you but at the same time not tell you what you want to hear.

 

And make no mistake...I've been right where you are at. I'm no better. I just have the advantage of not being on the fog that you are in right now, so i try and give advice that I would want if I was in the same position.

 

E..H

[Walking away]

What hurts is when they slam the door in your face.

 

There is nothing harder than being abandoned. I, personally, could handle pretty much anything, but ABANDONMENT throws me flat on my back.

 

Far Behind is reeling from his blatant abandonment.

 

And it is gonna take her some time to set herself straight.

 

And, IMHO, there is nothing worse than not having closure.

 

That just simply sucks.

 

Period.

 

[Far Behind]

EH, no worries, and I NEED to hear what you are saying, because I want to learn from this, and I NEVER want to make that mistake again.

 

WA...abandonment SUCKS..."worse than anything has ever sucked before" (thank you Beavis and Butthead).

 

Yes, I am REELING. But I also feel relieved because I know it's done this time. The anxiety...that shakey feeling...damn I hate that...xanax-popping bowl of jelly, that's me. Tomorrow I am seeing my GP, want to go back on lexapro for a while.

[sedgwick]

Just wanted to tell you ladies about a friend of mine. We'll call her C. Her best friend for 20 years was a guy we'll call B. C was already in a long-term relationship with another guy, P. B would intermittently tell C how much he loved her and how they should be together. She didn't feel that way about him, etc. Fast-forward, C finally realizes she's in love with B, breaks up with P, and moves out of the house she and P bought together, leaving it to him. After 20 years of chasing her, B finally wins her. They're together as a couple for about six months, and she realizes he was right all along, they're perfect together, you see what's coming. He bails. Gives her a bunch of dumb excuses about how they're incompatible -- things like, "I like cold weather and you don't" -- and then just stops communicating with her. For 20 years, they had talked several times a day, and then he just vanished.

 

This was three years ago and she's still messed up over it. He refuses to talk to her about it. He sends her emails about surface, technical stuff -- they work in the same industry, so he'll send her links to websites and stuff like that -- but he won't answer any questions about the relationship.

 

I'm telling you, they just get body-snatched. They really do.

[Walking away]

My girlfriend is barely functioning today. Last night her man had his body snatched.

 

She is barely coherent. She has been bawling all day.

 

He, too, loved the chase and when she told him she loved him (Yikes!), he dumped her....IN THAT VERY SAME CONVERSATION.

 

She didn't see this coming.

 

She can't eat, sleep, or work.

 

This guy did a number on her.

 

And you know what? I could TELL from the first time I met him, he was bad news.

 

Too bad I don't have that razor sharp discernment when it comes to ME.

[Far Behind]

You know the body snatching thing is true.

 

What is also true, is I feel like I have been deliberately manipulated, and that's what has me reeling. At first, the first time, I felt like that, then when we started emailing I stopped thinking that and went w/ the he's flawed theory, which I believed with all my heart. Until now. Now it feels like I am in my very own Alfred Hitchcock movie. That's where the shaking, babbling, and anxiety comes from, I think...I feel like I've been victimized; mind-f*cked.

[Walking away]

Far Behind,

 

I think your man is too stupid to know HOW to manipulate you.

 

He simply has no social graces, class, nor empathy. He is like a machine.

 

Was he, by any chance, abused as a child?

[LuCidiTy]

Mine was different. He seemed - or as much as you can seem over email - genuinely distraught at ending it. He said he'd never be more sorry for anything in his life, and he'd never had to make such a horrible decision whilst still feeling so strongly about someone so very special.

 

Yeah, well why dump me then?

 

 

very close to my situation. i know i'd choose my child too though. but i still don't get why he thinks it's an either/or choice. he could have had both. or maybe i do understand...maybe it was just a convenient excuse. argh.

[Far Behind]

Actually, no, but had enough trauma...dad died when he was 2, brother killed at La Guardia Airport in a terrorist attack (he told me, but how do I know if this is truth). Has traveled w/ bands for his entire adult life, though for 5 years worked on a cruise ship and also worked at a casino in AC. Has NEVER settled in one place for long, but when I met him his whole gig was about how he was tired of running and wanted to settle down, all that was missing was...ME. Of course, I was charmed and flattered. A rock 'n roll guy looking to settle down...my dream (my nightmare as it turned out). And FILLED with southern mannners. And a mama's boy, too. Mama is 92 and he is terrified of the day she dies because he feels (and told me not to be offended) but he will then be totally alone in the world. Ummm, ok.

[Walking away]

So he has had no stability in his life.

 

Sounds like my guy.

 

You can't fix him.

 

Throw this fish back to sea.

 

He was a horrible catch. And far too damaged for you.

 

Mine is the same.

 

Far, far too damaged for me.

[LuCidiTy]

 

I'm telling you, they just get body-snatched. They really do.

 

Yep. As likely an explanation as any.

[beta]

"Distraught". "Bemused".

 

You know, we really should feel sorry for these men. While we're here posting on LS, I'm sure they're pouring out what's left of their hearts on SP, the forum for the Slighty Perplexed.

 

I'm sure the typical post goes something like this:

 

Can anybody explain this behaviour?

 

My situation: I met the most amazing woman. Independent, beautiful, sexy, sporty, intelligent. We could talk about anything and everything together. We had the most incredible connection and fell in love. A short while later, I fell out of love with her. Why? Dunno. I still think she's terrific, but hey - things change.

 

My dilemma is that she says she still loves me and when she finally realized that I had friendzoned her (of course, I never actually told her - I let her figure it out from my actions), she kept asking me all sorts of questions like "Why?" and "How could your feelings just vanish?", etc. I'm sure that you guys out there have heard them all!!! And get this-- she actually expected me to talk about what happened and she kept on crying!

 

The last time we talked, I just sat there wondering how much longer this conversation would last. I mean, she just kept going on and on, rehashing what for me had already become ancient history, saying much she loved me and how wanted to work things out. Meanwhile, I had to get going to walk my dog. Have to say she was a bit inconsiderate there!

 

So I just don't get it. Can anyone please explain her odd behaviour to me? I am totally perplexed. Bemused even. What is her problem???

 

Holy ** Sedona!!! You had me ROTFL!! Freaking brilliant! My man is however NOT posting on SP, he is on his way to the flippin Grand Prix this weekend! (as I am making extra appointments to see my therapist!) !!!

 

 

He's asked repeatedly for space sometimes. As soon as he told you that you were getting pushy again...you went right into IMing/texting and emailing, etc..

 

None of what's happened should be any surprise.

 

You said you were going to take it SLOW....but you never did.

 

E..H

 

Hang on!!! They didn't go out for a wee cup of tea over biscuits now did they? THey had a soul bearing night! She didn't call every 10 min! Not even twice a day ! (which most would find perfectly normal in a Soul sharing relationship!!) She contacted twice in two days!!!!! Why is it that he feels perfectly within his rights to F* her and leave her and she is meant to sit pretty waiting until HE is ready again!!?? I'm sorry but "pushy" is not what FB was being! By no stretch! F*ck wit is just an aloof bastard who has no class!

 

What hurts is when they slam the door in your face.

 

There is nothing harder than being abandoned. I, personally, could handle pretty much anything, but ABANDONMENT throws me flat on my back.

 

And, IMHO, there is nothing worse than not having closure.

 

 

EXACTLY! WHERE are the answers?! Closure is a minimum! You can't even return an item at Walmart without writing out a REASON you don't want it! How is it that these men feel they can window shop for some time (just to make sure to let the store know they are VERY interested), purchase the goods, use them all up and when they're done, return them! BUT wait! They don't even stand in line at customer services! They just drop the item at the door and walk out! You need a reason to return goods butt head!

 

Just wanted to tell you ladies about a friend of mine. We'll call her C. Her best friend for 20 years was a guy we'll call B. C was already in a long-term relationship with another guy, P. B would intermittently tell C how much he loved her and how they should be together. She didn't feel that way about him, etc. Fast-forward, C finally realizes she's in love with B, breaks up with P, and moves out of the house she and P bought together, leaving it to him. After 20 years of chasing her, B finally wins her. They're together as a couple for about six months, and she realizes he was right all along, they're perfect together, you see what's coming. He bails. Gives her a bunch of dumb excuses about how they're incompatible -- things like, "I like cold weather and you don't" -- and then just stops communicating with her. For 20 years, they had talked several times a day, and then he just vanished.

 

This was three years ago and she's still messed up over it. He refuses to talk to her about it. He sends her emails about surface, technical stuff -- they work in the same industry, so he'll send her links to websites and stuff like that -- but he won't answer any questions about the relationship.

 

I'm telling you, they just get body-snatched. They really do.

 

THe man ought to be in prison! That is down right poor in the EXTREME!

 

My girlfriend is barely functioning today. Last night her man had his body snatched.

 

She is barely coherent. She has been bawling all day.

 

He, too, loved the chase and when she told him she loved him (Yikes!), he dumped her....IN THAT VERY SAME CONVERSATION.

 

She didn't see this coming.

 

She can't eat, sleep, or work.

 

This guy did a number on her.

 

And you know what? I could TELL from the first time I met him, he was bad news.

 

Too bad I don't have that razor sharp discernment when it comes to ME.

 

****...another one gets bitten!

[Far Behind]

So he has had no stability in his life.

 

Sounds like my guy.

 

You can't fix him.

 

Throw this fish back to sea.

 

He was a horrible catch. And far too damaged for you.

 

Mine is the same.

 

Far, far too damaged for me.

 

 

Throw the fish back in the sea...the website i met him on is called plenty of fish dot com, lol. It's like match, but free. And you have described him to a tee--a totally lost and damaged man-child. He never grew up. I know that nothing I did warranted his actions. I did not get pushy on him, he KNEW how scared I was, even said he didn't blame me and would work on being patient. They get close...expose too much of themselves, and retreat. And leave the walking-wounded behind.

 

For a while tonight I had him on my AIM list and finally I deleted him because just seeing him there was making me nuts. I feel better since I did that. I didn't block him because he won't IM me anyway. If/when he makes contact it will be by email. I don't think it will be for some time, but it usually does happen. I'm not scared this time cuz I know he can't suck me back out to sea with him.

[Far Behind]

Beta...you ROCK!

[Walking away]

My friend can't even talk. No kidding. She texted me this morning writhing in agony.

 

I called her when I got off work and she couldn't even talk. She just sobbed.

 

And you guessed it.

 

She is beautiful, accomplished and successful.

 

What is WRONG with this picture...?

[Walking away]

Beta,

 

MY man isn't posting on SP either.

 

He is on his myspace with his crack whores and tramps.

 

Like I said before...

 

Whatever works for ya, buddy.

 

[Far Behind]

My friend can't even talk. No kidding. She texted me this morning writhing in agony.

 

I called her when I got off work and she couldn't even talk. She just sobbed.

 

And you guessed it.

 

She is beautiful, accomplished and successful.

 

What is WRONG with this picture...?

 

Men suck, that is what is wrong in this picture. At least the men we've all seem to have run into.

[Walking away]

Far Behind,

 

My guy is damaged goods. There is no way getting around it.

 

And he acknowledges it freely.

 

But, I wonder this:

 

If you KNOW you are messed up, why in the world would you let another person enter into your world?

 

That is just plain selfish.

 

It is pathetic, really.

 

He is like a little child banging his head against the wall....and getting nowhere.

 

The meaning of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

[beta]

I honestly can't fathom for the life of me how the hell we get into these situations!

 

You know, I was thinking about this driving home tonight (who cares where I was! I ALWAYS think of this! Dammit!)

 

If we were going to dump someone...how would we do it? (married twice and plently of experience dumping in between!)

 

1. Wouldn't be telling someone that I love them to no end if I had an INCLING of doubt! (been there many times) Maybe I'll keep seeing them but under no circumstance would they get the idea that I was waiting for a ring unless I really felt it!

 

2. When I did care but felt unsure. Said so. Straight up! Not feeling good about this. WHy? There would be a freaking list! Everytime! (not bashing the man per se, more self deprecating really.) Mostly about how our values differ so much (not saying his are bad, just saying...they are different) However, there would be REAL issues to talk about ...discuss!

 

3. Right. Not a successful outcome but with my husbands, I would try and try again! Invariably the relationships would end but under NO circumstance can either say it was "abrupt" or I didn't try!

 

4. Never been in a situation where I felt the most amazing love of my life...shared my inner most secrets...interacted daily on everything imagineable and was so bloody sexually turned on it was almost mental AND then....(drum roll) "change my mind"! Nope. Can't say I've been there!

 

To say they are undeserving of our love is an understatement. To be in the position we are in (sobbing in depression over "our lost" is borderline pathetic (am speaking for me here)

 

-----sorry for all the profane adjectives! Am bitter tonight! lol

[Far Behind]

OMG, mine too. Freely admits to having issues. Why, when you have gone 48 years without committing to anyone but your deal old mama, would you think you are ready NOW?

 

I just know I am so much better off, and ready to move on. The relief of not worrying if I will say the wrong thing or if he will call or not...it's great!