Walking away Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 OMG, mine too. Freely admits to having issues. Why, when you have gone 48 years without committing to anyone but your deal old mama, would you think you are ready NOW? I just know I am so much better off, and ready to move on. The relief of not worrying if I will say the wrong thing or if he will call or not...it's great! Because these men want SO MUCH to love, but have absolutely NO idea how to do it. Either they are like mine and have had no love shown to them as kids or something or someone damaged them so much emotionally that they have a mental block that absolutely will NOT let them let someone in again. I think it is that simple. There is a screw loose somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Event Horizon Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 THey had a soul bearing night! What is it with the soul bearing stuff..lol. Apparently it means more to you girls than it does to us guys. A woman would call it a soul bearing night whereas a guy would say it was a night of hell! and just so we're all on the same page here....you do realize your dealing with human beings who don't owe anything to anyone. If someone wants out of a relationship you can't make them stay and you can't make them handle the break-up in a mature manner either. They aren't married and he can leave whenever and however he wants. You girls expect husband behaviour out of men that don't even make good boyfriends. and you asked why he thinks it's within his rights to F* her and leave her? Well, because it IS within his rights..lol. What do you want him to do, stay even if he doesn't want to??? E..H Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 No, he doesn't need to stay. But there is such a thing as social grace. And having a modicum of respect for another person. That is what separates us from the animals. (Or at least most of us humans...) Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 No, he doesn't need to stay. But there is such a thing as social grace. And having a modicum of respect for another person. That is what separates us from the animals. (Or at least most of us humans...) Well said...there is such a thing as compassion, too. We (well, speaking for myself, anyway) were shown none, and I DO believe I was owed that. I wasn't seeking husband behavior, I was seeking HUMAN behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Event Horizon Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 But there is such a thing as social grace. And having a modicum of respect for another person. Well that's been established and I think we've reached the conclusion that this guy is an ass. The question is, where does she go from here? E..H Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 As far away as she can. She really has no other choice. She needs to go into self preservation mode. He certainly is not looking out for her best interests that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Event Horizon Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Well said...there is such a thing as compassion, too. We (well, speaking for myself, anyway) were shown none, and I DO believe I was owed that. I wasn't seeking husband behavior, I was seeking HUMAN behaviour.He's treated you like this before and expecting any kind of behaviour from him is an excercise in futility. THIS IS WHO HE IS and you knew that. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. You're just having trouble admitting it to yourself. He didn't do it to you this time. You did. Will you do it again? Funny thing is, this guy is actually acting completely normal(for him). Past behaviour is the best indicator for future behaviour. Sometimes that phrase bears repeating. E..H Link to post Share on other sites
beta Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 What is it with the soul bearing stuff..lol. Apparently it means more to you girls than it does to us guys. A woman would call it a soul bearing night whereas a guy would say it was a night of hell! and just so we're all on the same page here....you do realize your dealing with human beings who don't owe anything to anyone. If someone wants out of a relationship you can't make them stay and you can't make them handle the break-up in a mature manner either. They aren't married and he can leave whenever and however he wants. You girls expect husband behaviour out of men that don't even make good boyfriends. and you asked why he thinks it's within his rights to F* her and leave her? Well, because it IS within his rights..lol. What do you want him to do, stay even if he doesn't want to??? E..H I'm a fairly intelligent woman. When getting into a business transaction, I state exactly what it is I want, what I expect and how I expect for it to be played out. It's like poker! you in or out? The other party has at that moment the perogative to do as they want! If the deal is something that appeals to them and they want the goods, they consider my proposal OR counter offer. Simple. We both KNOW what we want and we agree to try to find a means to negotiate. I DID this! FIRST day! (truth be told!) SAID in no uncertain terms: listen, I've been married twice, i have 3 children, i know what I want. i'm not prepared to be some distraction while you're on this stressful job. He is a brilliant man. AND elaborated on the why he is prepared to buy in (poker) He really wants the goods (ME!) Of course I spot check (my wall is still up) I am having fun...lots of it but also notice that I am starting to bet more than the chips on the table! I don't want to bet my house if he's not in all the way! But he is! As a matter of fact, He's ALL IN! Wow! (i'm thinking...this IS it!) he's just bet ALL! I put EVERYthing in on the run and he mucks on the RIVER! I'm sorry dude but if you're in it for fun? Say so before the FLOP! Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 He's treated you like this before and expecting any kind of behaviour from him is an excercise in futility. THIS IS WHO HE IS and you knew that. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. You're just having trouble admitting it to yourself. He didn't do it to you this time. You did. Will you do it again? Funny thing is, this guy is actually acting completely normal(for him). Past behaviour is the best indicator for future behaviour. Sometimes that phrase bears repeating. E..H I appreciate your frank posts. Past behavior IS the best indicator for future behavior. I agree completely. It is a sticky wicket you get into with affairs of the heart, though. The mind KNOWS the truth, yet the heart wants what the heart wants. I do wish the mind and heart would be on the same page at the same time. Would make life alot easier, that's for sure... Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Yep...lesson learned. Regardless of if I "fell" for it or not, I still believe in compassion. You are right, the guy's an ass, no question. I said, I am feeling the sting of pride, because mine's been seriously bruised. But I WILL survive. No one puts Baby in a corner. (sorry for so many movie references, that's me though, lol) Link to post Share on other sites
Event Horizon Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I'm a fairly intelligent woman. When getting into a business transaction, I state exactly what it is I want, what I expect and how I expect for it to be played out. It's like poker! you in or out? The other party has at that moment the perogative to do as they want! If the deal is something that appeals to them and they want the goods, they consider my proposal OR counter offer. Simple. We both KNOW what we want and we agree to try to find a means to negotiate. I DID this! FIRST day! (truth be told!) SAID in no uncertain terms: listen, I've been married twice, i have 3 children, i know what I want. i'm not prepared to be some distraction while you're on this stressful job. He is a brilliant man. AND elaborated on the why he is prepared to buy in (poker) He really wants the goods (ME!) Of course I spot check (my wall is still up) I am having fun...lots of it but also notice that I am starting to bet more than the chips on the table! I don't want to bet my house if he's not in all the way! But he is! As a matter of fact, He's ALL IN! Wow! (i'm thinking...this IS it!) he's just bet ALL! I put EVERYthing in on the run and he mucks on the RIVER! I'm sorry dude but if you're in it for fun? Say so before the FLOP!I wish the world worked like this but it doesn't. Relationships are a risk and the risk doesn't end after the flop. There is always another hand to play and people can fold at any time. E..H Link to post Share on other sites
Event Horizon Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 It is a sticky wicket you get into with affairs of the heart, though. The mind KNOWS the truth, yet the heart wants what the heart wants. Agreed and it sucks. E..H Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 and just so we're all on the same page here....you do realize your dealing with human beings who don't owe anything to anyone. If someone wants out of a relationship you can't make them stay and you can't make them handle the break-up in a mature manner either. E..H Yep. Him not choosing to be with me in the end really has no impact on my life or worth. I tried, I gave, and I was willing to go on, thought he was too, but was I was mistaken. I'm not sorry for any of that and don't know of a damn thing I could have done differently. He, for whatever reasons decided he couldn't handle me in his life. I have to simply accept that and carry on. Nothing I can say or do is going to change that. If he was being honest with himself and me and does come back after he resolves his issues and I'm still around, we'll see. If he wasn't being honest, oh well. In either case, I'll be that much further down the road. Funny how he already seems like a stranger to me. It's like I didn't know him at all. I've already lost whatever closeness I felt and a good bit of trust. Even if I were to ever see or speak to him again, I wouldn't know what to say or how to say it. It would be like starting all over again. But chances are, in that fishbone path, that won't happen anyway. Too many crossroads and curves in the road. Link to post Share on other sites
beta Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I wish the world worked like this but it doesn't. Relationships are a risk and the risk doesn't end after the flop. There is always another hand to play and people can fold at any time. E..H What I'm saying is: If you've convinced your partner you're ALL in! (after the Run)...at least hold out for the River! (after all, you lose if you walk but you MIGHT get lucky on the River!) How will your partner ever know? You promised her your best shot and you folded! (when you specifically said you wouldn't!) yeah it's risky...but bluffing your way through is down right dirty! Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 What I'm saying is: If you've convinced your partner you're ALL in! (after the Run)...at least hold out for the River! (after all, you lose if you walk but you MIGHT get lucky on the River!) How will your partner ever know? You promised her your best shot and you folded! (when you specifically said you wouldn't!) yeah it's risky...but bluffing your way through is down right dirty! Mine told me in the beginning that he saw this box around me, and he was getting in the box...bound and determined. Once he was in...he bailed. Of course, we all know how the story ended with round 2.5. Is that it? Hell to the yes that's it. What is the definition of insanity? Well if you look it up, you would probably find a picture of me with a short bio of how I've spent the last 3 months of my life pining after this LOSER who screwed me not once but twice because I was so gullible and wanted to be loved so badly? Yikes, that is nauseating!!!!!! Pass the xanax and a shot of tequila, please. Link to post Share on other sites
Event Horizon Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 You promised her your best shot and you folded! (when you specifically said you wouldn't!)I know, I've been there. It sucks. I swear to god though, you girls WILL get through it and you'll feel great again. I never thought I'd be pushing NC. I thought it was a stupid sounding, new age internet thing when I first read about it here. Turned out to be the only thing that saved me. E..H Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Here's a thing. Someone can mean what they say at a given time, and then things can change. It doesn't mean what you thought was real was false. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Ok everyone... Download "Never There" by Cake. It's got a cool groove and I think you will like the lyrics... WA Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Guess what...I think mine meant everything he said at the time, and then scared the piss out of himself based on how he's lived his life to date. He can say all he wants about being tired of running away, wanting to settle down. He said "I love you, I was miserable without you, I don't want to be alone." That was Thursday. Hello? Did I misinterpret those words somehow? I don't think so. I think he meant it all and when it comes to following through, he's just a weenie, for lack of a better word. Sorry, xanax kicking in, almost time for sleep. Link to post Share on other sites
Far Behind Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Ok everyone... Download "Never There" by Cake. It's got a cool groove and I think you will like the lyrics... WA Didn't listen but read the lyrics...like it a lot. Well check it out tomorrow on my laptop...no sound on pc, sigh. One of my favorite songs, learned it from him, btw, and the lyrics are chilling...Far Behind (hence the name) by Candlebox. Scary. Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Guess what...I think mine meant everything he said at the time, and then scared the piss out of himself based on how he's lived his life to date. He can say all he wants about being tired of running away, wanting to settle down. He said "I love you, I was miserable without you, I don't want to be alone." That was Thursday. Hello? Did I misinterpret those words somehow? I don't think so. I think he meant it all and when it comes to following through, he's just a weenie, for lack of a better word. Sorry, xanax kicking in, almost time for sleep. boys are weird. i think sometimes they scare themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 boys are weird. i think sometimes they scare themselves. They sure as hell scare ME! Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 They sure as hell scare ME! smart woman! downloaded it...i'm dancing and listening. not bad. lol...interesting title on one of their other songs "Shut the F*^% Up! lol! Link to post Share on other sites
LuCidiTy Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 OMG, mine too. Freely admits to having issues. Why, when you have gone 48 years without committing to anyone but your deal old mama, would you think you are ready NOW? I just know I am so much better off, and ready to move on. The relief of not worrying if I will say the wrong thing or if he will call or not...it's great! everyone freaking has issues. some people just can't deal with life. or choose not to. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 (edited) No ****. Get over it already. (And I am speaking to these men....) We all have had trauma in our lives. It is how we CHOOSE to deal with it is what matters. Some people are fighters and survivors and some just.... aren't. Edited April 3, 2008 by Walking away Link to post Share on other sites
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