frieder Posted March 19, 2008 Share Posted March 19, 2008 Hi, I am a 37 y old male living in Paris, France and realised recently, after a year of real big confusion and lots of thinking, that the root of many of my problems is in me, and it's called "committment phobia". I have seen several posts of people in this forum dating from some years ago who discovered that they are committment phobic, some of those people willing to do something against it. I also want to do something against it. I am committed to this idea of doing something against it. I have read suggestions in the forum like "try getting professional help" and "try google and read on the Internet" - But I really wonder if anybody can report a positive experience and progress in "getting over it". Once you realised you are afraid of committment, did you succeed to actively go against your fears? What's the best way of doing so? I would suspect that once I realise that I am on level 7 out of 10 on the scale of fears (meaning I might sometimes tremble, but I don't have real panic attacks) - I should be capable by working on me to reduce it, maybe not to level 1, but to some degree? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Good news first -- human beings can do anything they decide they want to do, and if they are willing to put in the effort necessary! Start by just "being" with your phobia -- find out all you can, about it. Take your time and be patient with yourself. You may finding it helpful to use a journal to assist the process. Ask yourself these types of questions: What exactly do you mean when you say you are commitment phobic? Write down everything that 'commitment' means for you, personally. What are the words that come to mind? Then ask what meaning do those words have for you. What is your phobia trying to do for you...how is it helping you in life? (Or how is it trying to help?) When did it start? What caused it to start? Are those original reasons and causes STILL relevant to you today? Or have you gained new knowledge and skills that make it unnecessary to be so anxious about making a commitment? At the end, you're trying to uncover what, exactly, makes you so afraid to commit to something -- what are all the things you're afraid will happen, once you make a commitment? IF that "scary" situation(s) should arise in the future, what would be a more effective/mature/functional way to deal with it? What are the chances that they will arise? -- is your fear something that was useful way back whenever, but has long since become useless? You won't so much "get over it" as come to understand that the fears that underly the phobia were created out of misinterpretations, misinformation, and even a misguided attempt to protect yourself from things that are an unavoidable part of living a full, happy and successful life. You can decide to start living, stop worrying about what MAY happen, and just enjoy every good thing that IS happening around you right now! Well...maybe that is "getting over it", huh? Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 I don't get this.. commitment phobia thing.. Do you mean that you really want a committed relationship but you just can't... for some psychological reasons... I am single by choice.. not that I have a phobia (maybe I do, I don't know) but I just know for sure that I do not want anyone in my life full time.. I am not sure if there is such a thing as commitment phobia.. maybe you are just better off single and have fun.. no??? Link to post Share on other sites
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