Im failing at life :(

[layercakegal]

Hi all

 

Basically........i think im failing at life.

 

Im 20 and i live away at university, im nearing the end of my second year, coming up to exams in less than 2 weeks.

 

I havent started revising, i have an essay in for the same time which im only 1/3 of the way through, i work one day a week at a home furnishings type place, not getting much money, because i only work about 7 hours. I then spend that quicker than i get it almost.

 

Im fat and unattractive, but i have a boyfriend who ive been going out with for nearly 8 months, whos the most amazing person in the world, he makes me so happy

 

Because i live away at uni i dont get to see him much though.

 

I feel contstantly tired, unmotivated, dont want to go out the house or get dressed. I feel like i dont have any friends, mostly because i dont go out and just hide away, so ive lost contact with most people.

 

All of my friends, one in particular, seems to be great at life. Shes independant, motivated, attractive, popular, etc etc. Im just not good at life.

 

I feel like im failing and lost :(

[ShoeGirl]

Feeling like that is common for girls in college, I did for a while my 2nd year too. Most schools have a free counseling center for students, you should look into it and see if someone to talk to and give you advice would help.

 

You should try getting out of the house and walking or doing some other exercise most days, the exercise will help you feel better and it's a good chance to get your mind off of everything else.

[confused2007]

Hi layercakegirl,

 

So to sum, you're failing in life because:

1. You need to study

2. You only work 1 day at a week and it's not enough money

3. You think you're overweight and unattractive

4. Tired and unmotivated

5. You lack friends

 

1.

Midterm's are around the corner so I'm assuming that's putting a lot of mental pressure on you. Be proactive. Turn off all distractions and focus on the work that needs to be done and get it done.

 

2. -5.

I have a solution that'll solve all of these. Get a job at the University's recreational/gym center and start a workout routine. It'll give you more money, help boost your self-esteem and confidence, help you loose weight, increase your energy and make you more alert, and it'll be an opportunity to make new friends.

 

If they're aren't hiring, maybe a local gym?

 

Also, put the negatives aside and start focusing more on what you do have and that you're proud of. You mentioned that you have a wonderful boyfriend. That's hard to find so consider yourself lucky.

 

Your in your second year of college. College is not an easy place and you made it after the first year. Good job! Keep on trucking and graduate.

 

See where I'm going with this?

 

Good luck!

[City_girl]

You are not failing at life, you are failing at UNi, big difference. You can turn this around if you try to focus on what you want and not what you don't want. I know it's hard to pull yourself up and keep going but this is a test of your determination. Model yourself on your friend, ask her how she motivates herself. Find a role model, for eg, My daughter loves Madonna, she's 18. when she's down she thinks of what Maddona has achieved and it motivates her to keep going.

 

You can turn this around and you can achieve what you need to if you do as the other posters have advised and focus on what you can do, not what you can't. Be wary of black and white thinking , there are always grey areas. There's a book. CBT for dummies. it can help with all or nothing thinking. Be kind to yourself as well. you have a job, you have a boy and you haven't dropped out, see it's all about perspective

[Kamille]

University students are one of the segment of the population most affected by depression.

 

Basically, what I remember of my undergrad is that I knew I was acheiving something while I was there, I just had no idea exactly what it was I was learning. What the heck did it matter what I thought of some obscure XIXth century poet?

 

Now I realize the biggest lesson I learned in undergrad was how to train myself to be an autonomous worker.

 

University is hard and right now you are in the crunch of it. Do your best and remember this: we'll all get to the month of May at the same time (give or take 24 hours what with time zones and all). Just get through it and once the semester is done, see if your mood improves.

 

It most likely will. these feelings are just rendered acute because of end of term stress.

 

 

And I have a sneaking suspicion that you are not so much failing as you are putting pressure on yourself because you're a perfectionnist.

[Ofleg7]

I'm in the second year at uni too, my exams are more than 2 weeks away, but I'm pretty much in the same boat. I've done no revision and pretty much no reading and I haven't been turning up too much this year. I also leave all my essays and coursework to the last minute so that they're rushed and poor quality. I think there's a good chance I might fail this year and have to redo it. But bluh, you get out what you put in. It's just too easy to be lazy, that's my excuse anyway

 

Hope you cheer up soon anyway =) things aren't so bad