what to do?

[Will]

Here's my question...I was recently involved with a woman who I care about very much and would like to get back with. But one of the major issues we had was the fact that she had "experimented" with homosexuality. She's never had an orgasm with a man (she did with the woman) and she's rather unabashed about the experience. Yet she swears she'll never do it again. I doubt this. I think she's fooling herself that she'll never do it again. And I really don't want to be in a relationship with a woman thats into other women. Still, she has some very good qualities, and she may not try it again. So, am I wrong for having backed out of the relationship?

[Shirley]

Here's my question...I was recently involved with a woman who I care about very much and would like to get back with. But one of the major issues we had was the fact that she had "experimented" with homosexuality. She's never had an orgasm with a man (she did with the woman) and she's rather unabashed about the experience. Yet she swears she'll never do it again. I doubt this. I think she's fooling herself that she'll never do it again. And I really don't want to be in a relationship with a woman thats into other women. Still, she has some very good qualities, and she may not try it again. So, am I wrong for having backed out of the relationship?

 

Hi!

 

Many women achieve orgasm easier while masturbating or by being with other women. They know what each other likes, and they don't have to give a lot of instruction. Because she's had an orgasm with another women, does not mean that she is lesbian or bi-sexual. And the fact that she's not embarrassed about it, shows that she is comfortable with her sexuality. And being comfortable with her sexuality means that she wouldn't have a problem telling you if she were lesbian, or letting you know if she wasn't sexually interested in you. Men and women have totally different ideas when it comes to sex. If the idea of her having an orgasm with another woman really bothers you, think about it this way. Would you be disgusted watching her masturbate? Then think about all of the X-rated movies on the market today. Most of them involve women together. I don't think quite as many women get excited watching two men together.

[Totally Confused]

One thing you have to understand is, the female body. Most women orgasm with a male during intercourse, because the shaft of the male penis rubs against the clitorus. This is why most woman may prefer to be on top. The woman can control that better.

 

Now your girlfriend may have experimented with a woman once, but I have two friends who have done the same and have reached orgasm from it, yet they are totally in love with their boyfriends and are 100% heterosexual. They weren't with a woman because they were in love with the woman, it's because nobody knows a woman's body like another woman and it was totally for experimental purposes. They told me it was new and it felt naughty and forbidden being with someone of the same sex. That also added to their turn on. If given the choice, they'd both want men. To be honest, there are a lot of woman out there who have experimented with other woman, but are straight. Look at Madonna. She has been called Bi-sexual for years, but when she was referred to as such, she said, "I've experimented with women, but I'm heterosexual." She would choose a man over a woman, because that is her preference. She even says that her days with woman are over and that's what the media tells us also.

 

If your girlfriend is telling you she likes men, then she likes men. Believe her until you are given a reason to believe otherwise. At least she was honest enough with you to have told you about her experience in the first place and now you sound like you're throwing it back in her face. It sounds to me like your girlfriend's preference is men, but had a great experience with one woman. It doesn't mean she will fall in love with a woman, she was just with her for sexual, experimental reasons. Go ahead and ask her if she's ever been IN LOVE with another woman...that will tell you if she's hetero or not. Then let it go. Don't judge her and predict the future, until it happens. Stay with her, cause you obviously like her. Don't label and judge her for trying to explore and find out who she was. And whether she's fooling herself or not, is not for you to decide. That's being unfair and very close-minded on your part. If you are concerned about her not reaching orgasm with men, but did with a woman, then why don't you try to find out about what she likes and doesn't like. You'll have to explore and ask each other. Remember, foreplay is very important to a woman. Ask her what she likes and let her tell you what to do. She'll let you know if you just ask and do your homework.

 

Good luck and I hope it works out.

[Heather]

One thing you have to understand is, the female body. Most women orgasm with a male during intercourse, because the shaft of the male penis rubs against the clitorus. This is why most woman may prefer to be on top. The woman can control that better. Now your girlfriend may have experimented with a woman once, but I have two friends who have done the same and have reached orgasm from it, yet they are totally in love with their boyfriends and are 100% heterosexual. They weren't with a woman because they were in love with the woman, it's because nobody knows a woman's body like another woman and it was totally for experimental purposes. They told me it was new and it felt naughty and forbidden being with someone of the same sex. That also added to their turn on. If given the choice, they'd both want men. To be honest, there are a lot of woman out there who have experimented with other woman, but are straight. Look at Madonna. She has been called Bi-sexual for years, but when she was referred to as such, she said, "I've experimented with women, but I'm heterosexual." She would choose a man over a woman, because that is her preference. She even says that her days with woman are over and that's what the media tells us also. If your girlfriend is telling you she likes men, then she likes men. Believe her until you are given a reason to believe otherwise. At least she was honest enough with you to have told you about her experience in the first place and now you sound like you're throwing it back in her face. It sounds to me like your girlfriend's preference is men, but had a great experience with one woman. It doesn't mean she will fall in love with a woman, she was just with her for sexual, experimental reasons. Go ahead and ask her if she's ever been IN LOVE with another woman...that will tell you if she's hetero or not. Then let it go. Don't judge her and predict the future, until it happens. Stay with her, cause you obviously like her. Don't label and judge her for trying to explore and find out who she was. And whether she's fooling herself or not, is not for you to decide. That's being unfair and very close-minded on your part. If you are concerned about her not reaching orgasm with men, but did with a woman, then why don't you try to find out about what she likes and doesn't like. You'll have to explore and ask each other. Remember, foreplay is very important to a woman. Ask her what she likes and let her tell you what to do. She'll let you know if you just ask and do your homework. Good luck and I hope it works out.

 

Dear Totally Confused,

 

Your'e not confused at all, you are the most clearly thinking person I think I have ever read.

 

Good advice on this one.

 

Heather.

[Totally Confused]

Thanks Heather, that was really nice of you...I really appreciate the compliment.