Mont Posted August 27, 2003 Share Posted August 27, 2003 I DO keep checking... I'm about to do something crazy, will update - my theory is better to have loved and lost, than to have been boring... (somebody, the other day, called my love a sickness - I hope I never get that cynical!)... I just have to go a long way to see her, and I have NO hopes of anything great coming from it, but I am over being distracted, and simply can think of nothing else...when things get busy in the fall, it will be impossible...so, I'm just going to blow a wad of cash and fly... Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted August 28, 2003 Author Share Posted August 28, 2003 im completely lost by your last post mont lol things are getting better, 2day she got back from holiday i dont wanna hear from her, ive started to move on with a new gal and things are starting to look up at last, but no1 can ever replace the love i felt and still feel for my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetheart71 Posted August 29, 2003 Share Posted August 29, 2003 Well, it breaks my heart! A 17 or 18 year old boy has gotten his first heartbreak. OK.......now for my real feelings about the whole situation. You are not even old enough to smoke! You've only been driving for a few short years. You may have graduated high school. You should be starting college soon. And usually college is the beginning of your grown up life. MOVE ON! Obviously it is never gonna happen again. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Most of us have been in the same situation and I know I have gotten over it. And so has everyone else. This is not the end of the world. You'll always have a special place in your heart for your first love but it will be miniscule to the spot for your true love. And by the way, it sounds like you deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted September 1, 2003 Author Share Posted September 1, 2003 i am old enuff to smoke and i dont drive, this is my first love and i dont think its really worth it at the end of the day, im getting over her christ its only been about 2 months, i havent contacted her in 3 weeks or so, so personally i think im doing well. dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted September 9, 2003 Author Share Posted September 9, 2003 right this is really important, i txt her the other day and she wrote back that she knows how "happy" i am im not happy, im really down, she is now in depression and is on pills, i want to help her, please please plese help me help her! ppl. thanx, dan Link to post Share on other sites
Mont Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 Lost by my last post? Yeah, I did something crazy. A long story, and no time right now...basically, though, from your last post it seems that you are not over it. I too, am over it, not over it, over it, not over it. The difference is...well, I had one long term girlfriend before, but this time really truly deeply in love... Yeah, i'll update you on what I did, but for you...help you help her. I dunno, man. Every single solitary person gives me the same piece of advice - even the girl in question - leave it alone, at least for now. Yet neither you, nor I, seem to be able to do that. I didn't contact her for a week, that's the best I've done. This is my own personal theory. Everyone says stuff like "This happens to everyone. Everyone gets over it." But, y'know the truth? My friend said the other day her only friend who was happy at Christmas was the one whose parents had already divorced. 99.999% of the people on the planet end up unhappy, bored, or wahtever. Well, do you want to get married someday? I asked my friend. Yes, she said. Why? Your parents are bored. Everyone you know has parents who are either unhappy, or bored, or worse. Why the hell would you want to do that. Because I'm romantic, she said. I, personally, don't give a sh*t what most people think, because most people are in that 99.999% category, and will end up miserable, bored, whatever. I don't have a solution, sorry, but I do know that love is a freakily powerful emotion, and those - like that girl who called my love a sickness - who "cure" their heartache by becoming cynics lose, in my opinion, more than they gain. You want us to help you help her? God knows, it seems so easy to fall into the cliche and say give it time. BTW, the crazy thing I did was go to the new city where she was - she was singularly unhappy to see me, but it was worth it - I think most communication is non-verbal, and to see someone say something conveys a lot more subtlety...basically, what sounded cold and heartless on the phone sounded transient and hurt in person, seeing her. And I blew a f*ckload of money getting there, but I am glad. And was fine for a week...and now, miss her again, but have more confidence, and miss her at least in a less desperate, more generous way. I'm rambling, I know...I am in a HUGE hurry, but just wanted to write some stuff... Follow your heart but use your head? How's that for the cliche of the day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted September 16, 2003 Author Share Posted September 16, 2003 cheers mont. i contacted my ex after bout 3 weeks of no contact and asked "is there anychance of us getting back together?" my ex openly admitted to me that she didnt THINK so, 1, because she is hearing how "happy" i am-(a load of rubbish) and 2, that she is on pills for her depression. now, i have got mixed feelings and signals from this message, she is depressed, why?? i want to help her but now she is not contacting me back and i feel guilty, i know i am not going to chase her as it isnt fair on me to build up my hopes but i really do recon some good can come out of this as she has only told me, no family or friends, just me that she is on depression pills??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted September 25, 2003 Author Share Posted September 25, 2003 please help Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 In 3 weeks, have you not felt angry because she WOULD NOT be your lover? Have you not desired a companion that was an equal? and equally in love with you as you are with them? This woman obviously is not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship. Why ask why? Just accept the truth of the matter. Accept what is. At any point, she could tell you her thoughts and feelings, but my guess is, she is not evolved yet in life enough to know what she feels. By holding on to her, you may be causing damage as well. If she doesn't think so, she doesn't think so. Unless she has requested your help, it should not be any of your business. I'm sorry, but leave the poor girl alone if that is what she wants. Otherwise, that would be stalking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted September 25, 2003 Author Share Posted September 25, 2003 you got me sooooo rong sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted October 8, 2003 Author Share Posted October 8, 2003 hey great news!!!!! i thinkk im nearly there ppl, i have been socialising alot and have about 13 new girls no.s on me mob, greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat lol, i have decided that she was my first love and thats it, if we were meant to be then we wouldnt be like this, someone write to me lol im well chuffed Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 I'm sure you feel better and look better.... It's all good. I'm glad for you. One day, I PROMISE, you will look back and say, "Whew, God did for me what I could not have done for myself". Good people, like yourself, try to make the impossible work. Therefore, you'll have a tendancy to hang on long after you should have. One day, you'll meet the woman of your dreams. And that's the one that's meant to be. She'll feel the same about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted October 9, 2003 Author Share Posted October 9, 2003 i have more important things in life than to chase her, she can play all the games she wants but i am gonna ignore that, i enjoyed it while it lasted but i know it wont be the same with her again, im now looking for that special girl, she is out ther and believe me i WILL find her. i have alot more friends and am closer to my family for this experience has made me realise that time is special and is not to be wasted, with this in mind if there are any girls reading this....... Link to post Share on other sites
Mont Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 Hey Man - I've had a hell of a time connecting to the internet recently, and never remembered to check this page when connected. I think, in my own personal opinion, you've swung too far the other way. That's just me speaking, but, then, maybe you are further along in your thing than I am in mine. But, the thing is, everyone's thing is different! I'll tell you what 98% of the people out there reading this will think is horrible about my thing. (Okay, I'll stop using the word "thing" now!) But, I don't think it's horrible. Basically, the MOMENT she felt down and needed me, she contacted me, after two months of blowing me off, even hanging up the phone on me! And in what most would consider a somewhat weak way, it didn't bother me. But I think it's strength. Part of me loves her the way a brother loves a sister, and accepts her faults as well as her qualities (of which she has many...) The thing is, to simply say, well, your gf can take care of herself is a little extreme, I think. Most people are cold, heartless bastards, in my opinion, and you don't seem like one. You should really walk out of this - if you want to walk out - feeling a profound deep love for this girl. If you don't, I think you will either become like all of those people who kept giving crap advice, or...I dunno...just some cynical, "grown-up". To put it another way, there is this assumption that sophistication, even cynicism, is beyond and above naiveté, or innocence, because it comes, if at all, after. I just don't think that's the case, anymore than death is better than life, or old age better than youth... I think if you are really lol-ing, you are either becoming like all those people who gave you bad advice, or...kidding yourself. I had about - I HAVE about - a million and one girls (well, not really, but there is not a shortage). And each one makes me realise (I mean each one I talk to for the third time) that my gf is special and different. Maybe my gf and me won't end up together, maybe we will, but I learned how to love by loving her - and I will NEVER, ever, just walk away with coldness... Granted, depending on what you're like, going out will a million and one girls might make you feel better...but, probably, empty, after a while, because you'll miss that special thing- yeah, I suppose, statistically, you'll probably end up as others have said, with someone else... Anway, just my three cents worth! Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted October 11, 2003 Author Share Posted October 11, 2003 cheers mont, im sure i will find my true love, it cant be the true love if it is not meant to be then its not meant to be. not alot more i can fight for, i tried and believe me id did. oh while im here, i was chatting to a lovely girl the other night from half eleven to half seven n the morning, someone told my ex and now she is "spying" on me, my every move is noticed by her friends that remain at my colloge and i get weird txt messages back from her! i really can be doing without the hastle of worrying about what i say infront ofher friends because i know full well that it will all go back to her. 1, why does she remotely care 2, what business is it of hers to be poking around in my life still 3, i dunno how to get her to stop thanx dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 ...also, i found out who has been talking to her about me, i wasnt happy, i had a go at them and told them to keep their noses out, then she said that leanne often asked if i changed? what could this mean???/ wb dan Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 Hi Dan I have just read all 7 pages of your thread, and it took up most of my morning at work. Maybe i should stop looking at this place. Anyway - i think you have done so brilliantly to get where you are now, and the fact you have done this, may well be sparking the interest from your ex. She has had a hard time herself, it can be just as hard finishing things with someone else, as having it finished for you. Shes not dealt with it as well as you have, but even so it sounds like you still have some feelings for her, which is admirable, i am sure a lot of people would just be bitter towards her for hurting them. She still doesnt know what she wants, if she did, you would very likely know about it - she may be sending you cryptic messages, but you have to ignore these as they could mean anything from 'why are you over me' to 'I ate too many skittles at lunchtime and the sugar has sent me doo-laley'. If people are talking to her & relaying messages, they are acting on her behalf, not yours, telling you the information they/she wants you to know. This is cruel and unnecessary as if she was ready for a a geniune relationship for you, she should tell you straight instead of arsing around with games after all you have been through - and if she is playing games to show you she still cares, thats not a geniune relationship and you have to question whether she is right for you - as you already have done. i dont know what she means, and neither do you. My advice to you, is to carry on as you have been doing, keep your options open, never say never, dont stop caring about her, thats just humanitarian as opposed to longing for something you cant have, if its meant to be - you'll both find a way. But until she actually comes out and says 'i want you back' - she doesnt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted October 17, 2003 Author Share Posted October 17, 2003 cheers mate, im glad people are taking time to listen to me, i am gonna carry on, if she wants me back she will ask but im not so sure i will accept her straight away as i cant guarantee that she wont do it again?? anyway im getting stronger each day and im getting on with it. thanx again Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 Hi again Dan Adda boy - just one comment though, i feel that if you are meant to be together, you have to accept her for everything that she is, and you have to make your decision whether to trust her, and then love her without expectation. I know its jumping the gun because you dont know what she wants or even what you want, but every time you enter a relationship, you run the risk of getting hurt. holy sheet its hard aint it? but it doesnt have to be, you have to let go of all of the crap thats led you here, and trust. thats when you are ready to move forward. Thats par for the course, you have to be able to move on (with her or otherwise) knowing that if you get hurt, it will all be part of the process and you'll be a more understanding person for it. and never, ever look back. which is rich coming from me, miss read-his-emails-30-times-over-searching-for-clues. thing is, if you keep telling yourself something, you can make yourself believe it. oh well that was more than one comment, but you know what i mean. Best of British. let us know how you get on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted October 17, 2003 Author Share Posted October 17, 2003 will do matey, hell im only 17 and i have experienced love with this girl, i loved, and do, her with the whole of my heart, i guess that im just not what she wants anymore after 3 happy years, she says shes moved on but i cant believe that the way she is contacting me whenever i get near a girl, i would be over the moon if she asked to get back together and yes id forget anythinginhe past because the furure is all that matters, even if it isnt with my ex im sure i can make a girl out there very happy and i will find the one for me. so watch out girls, hehe dan Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted October 17, 2003 Share Posted October 17, 2003 I know, i really do know its horrible but lets face it - your mojo's back with a vengence so get your dancing pants boyo L x Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted October 17, 2003 Author Share Posted October 17, 2003 hehe the boys r back in town!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mont Posted October 18, 2003 Share Posted October 18, 2003 The internet is so cool...this is actually the first time I've ever, sort of, been, of course in the most tangential, ephemeral, and pretty superficial way, but, involved with other people on the internet. I mean, I email my friends a lot, have bought the odd book from Amazon. Anyway, pretty sad, as it's Saturday night, I am now through with my - well, I'm out of a small University town, and in the big city (taking a graduate thing), and have not quite got the hang of sorting out my weekends in advance, I'm so used to everything being right outside my door. Went back last weekend, lots of friends still there, almost did this weekend, but could't be bothered. It's really weird, and kind of nice, living on my own. There is always the pressure to get drunk, or dance 'til three AM, or whatever, in Uni. Anyway... Sad, at the internet on Sat night - bet a million quid/euros/yen (take your pick, though don't know how much yen are worth) that Dan is out having a good time now...so, take this loser's advice with a pinch of salt! (Having said that, i met the most remarkable girl the other day - well, remarkable in that she is so frigging similar to my gf! ;-) Anyway, to the point at hand. (the post of October 11) Yeah, so, in a similar way, I, in truly all innocnence, let my gf know about this new girl (read old posts to get the background if you don't know about this), and she FREAKED out. And, y'know - not being together was your idea, angel pudding - I thought - (not that I really call - or would call - anyone angel pudding, but, y'know...) so... Someone said it's just a pride thing, but...everyone is different. With my gf, in what is really, from an objective point of view, the most appalling way, she barely glances at emails that are to do with me, but ones which say nice things about her go into her treasure chest. Y'know? Flattery. Her ego? Although I could never admit that about my gf, who I like to believe is still head over heels in love iwth me, when talking about someone else's, it is easier to consider the possibility that her ego would be damaged if you were intersted in someone else. I dunno - I was, genuinely, THRILLED and happy when my other - first - gf got a new boyfriend. I was so happy. BEcause I had broken up. The current one pulled the trigger, yet..the moment I thoght i could go for four weeks without talking to her, she rang me for the first time in over a month! (I had been contacting her). It's like, they have a sixth sense, these girls. What's up with that?!? Then, any interest I exrpess in other girls is met with horrifying jealousy. But, I say (words to the effect of) you don't want to be my gf, baby cakes (again, i would NEVER call anyone that!) It must, at least partially, be an ego thing, man. Everyone makes such a big deal about your age, I think that's lame. I know plenty of people...well, what I know is that your capacity to love is cool, lots of guys are just interested in snogging or the stages following that (!), I maintain my hope that you remain the way you are. Finally someone gave me a pep talk the other day - I said I didn't want to become cynical, and I said forever to this girl, how could I ever mean it again. And he said, yeah, but I didn't change my mind, she did. So, y'know, that gives me the opportunity to still be a bit...it its best sense - niave (or is that always a perjorative?) Well, romantic...innoncent, I wanted to say, though it sounds pretty un-macho. But, whatever, maybe you catch my drift, as i t were... See ya! Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted October 20, 2003 Author Share Posted October 20, 2003 yea i was out sat night as it happens, lol, i was enjoying my mates company had a real laught il 3am, hehe then got up and played footie but lost, still im out doing things that i never thought could. the internet is great and i have met this gal that told me something cool the other night, i have been contacting her daily and even when she went to greece she still rang me, what i mean is that my ex can get as jealous as she wants, i love it and it just shows that the one being dumped CAN and DOES move on to bigger and better things and this new girl i have met online has made me realise that i am back, im single-through no choice of my own but im getting on with it. write back ANYONE!! dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author danandlea Posted October 27, 2003 Author Share Posted October 27, 2003 Anyone???? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts