MissNYC24 Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 My boyfriend and I have a 16 month old daughter, and due to financial issues, we are still not living together. He is a very responsible person. He works two jobs and is doing so in order to pay off his car payments and credit card bills so that we can finally move in together with no financial burdens over our heads. Being that he works 7 days a week, he doesn't get to spend quality time with the baby. He does come over every time he gets off from work and he has a few hours. Problem: His mother is constantly asking him to do things for her and it's beginning to piss me off. First of all, b/c i think she is taking advantage of him. For example: She is newly married, but has an arrangement not to live with her husband. She stays at her husband's every other weekend, and then has my boyfriend pick her up on Sunday nights when he gets out of his job, which he just worked from 3pm-11pm. Now, she just got implants last week. My boyfriend had to wake up at 5am to take her to the doctor, then take off a few hours of work (getting docked) to pick her up. When I expressed my confusion as to where her HUSBAND was b/c HE should be the on edoing this for her, my boyfriend got really pissed at me and told me "THis is my MOTHER. I am doing what needs to be done". A week later, she had her follow-up appt. My boyfriend was off from his 2nd job that day and was supposed to come see his me and daughter. He went to his mother's appt and came with her to my place to see the baby for a HALF HOUR before having to leave to take his mother to her husband's house. The next night he was supposed to spend time with us again. He came over and after an hour and a half he told me he had ot go b/c he had to bring his mother's her medication (i guess pain-relievers). I flipped out b/c I am NOT going to be dropped everytime his mother needs him to run all of her errands. This woman is as healthy as can be- she goes out dancing every weekend. Her husband is not disabled- but he has no car. My boyfriend gets very defensive when i complain about this behavior. I want to know your opinons about this and tell me if I am wrong in any way. I just feel that me and the baby & I should come first now, and that he has to learn to let go of his mother's apron strings a little bit if he is serious about OUR family. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissNYC24 Posted July 10, 2003 Author Share Posted July 10, 2003 LOL! I just don't like to seem like I don't know how to write.. Proceed.. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Clancy Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 Obviously I don't have all the info here (such as does your boyfriend pay rent to his Mom.? If not perhaps doing these extra errands for her is a way of compensating her for room and board.) With that said my opinion is tht since your b/f is reposnsible enough to hold down two jobs and pay bills then I think you two could find a way to live together (get married?) cheaply at the beginning and get out from Momma's wingspread. It's time to move on. You guys already are a family, you have a child together. The way things sound, and the connection this guy has with his Mom I think it's going to be hard for you(and the baby)to be number one all the time like you should be. I'm talking from experience, long ago, I worked part-time, went to university, raised a baby girl, paid rent on an appartment and got married. all at the same time. We were poor then, but it can be done. Good luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissNYC24 Posted July 10, 2003 Author Share Posted July 10, 2003 Hi, and thanks for the reply. To answer your question, my boyfriend pays ALL the bills in his mom's apartment, which i might add is extremely low considering she is on welfare- (YET she had money to get breast implants...kinda tips u off to the type of woman she is, huh?) She wasn't working at all until I got pregnant and JUST RECENTLY (3 months) her rent went up due to her income. NOW she contributes to maybe 1/3 of the rent b/c it's higher..But basically, she never helped her son get on his feet to leave, but instead let him support her. So no, his errand-running is not to compensate for anything. What do u think now? He is paying for my ring at the moment and he doesn want to get married. But now I'm wondering if i even should... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissNYC24 Posted July 10, 2003 Author Share Posted July 10, 2003 [color=blue]correction: he DOES want to get married[/color] Link to post Share on other sites
MercyRose Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 Behaviour like this is either guilt-related or he is the most wonderful son in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 Originally posted by MercyRose Behaviour like this is either guilt-related or he is the most wonderful son in the world. ....and his mother has a husband that obvioulsy doesn't care enough to take care of her as he should.....The is no way the son should be burdened by paying her rent and taking care of all of these things if she is married. Where the hell is this guy and what kind of marriage is this stay over every other weekend? Sounds like one twisted situation. I totally understand the son wanting to be good to his mom but there are limits. Link to post Share on other sites
turtle Posted July 30, 2003 Share Posted July 30, 2003 Your boyfriend's mother needs some serious counseling. I think your boyfriend does too much for her. It sounds like he feels obligated to help because nobody else will. Why would she not live with her husband 100% of the time?!? Does he have a mistress that he sees during the week or something? He helps her pay rent and pays bills for the place?!? YOU and HIS child should be number one on his priority list. Why can't he pay rent towards a place for you guys to start a family? A women on welfare getting breast implants? It's good to see my tax dollars hard at work. Well, I guess I really didn't give you much advice. I wish you the best of luck and I hope your boyfriend learns to get his priorities straight. Link to post Share on other sites
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