yagottahelp Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 Just out of curiousity, do you think it's possible to date, become best friends with the person (2 1/2 years worth) technically not be going out, and still be best friends??????? And by best friends I mean hangout almost everyday, miss each other more than anyone else, talk to each other everyday for a substantial amount of time, write emails every once in a while just to make someone smile, (stuff that you do when I consider it dating) I'm thinking the answer is if you are really totally broken up and there's nothing there, then no-you break up, and maybe be best friends in the future, but not for a long time What's your opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 your opinion sounds right to me. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author yagottahelp Posted July 10, 2003 Author Share Posted July 10, 2003 Thanks for the reply, i'm just trying to show myself that I'm not a complete whack job. My ex and I broke up a few months ago, but we are best friends. I would not hesitate to get back into something again slowly. I mean i'm crazy about her, but we definatel know what mistakes were made and why, there's no reason a very sound and healthy relationship can't take shape again. She doesn't know what she wants, which I understand, we had a few fights and things said in the relationship that never should have been, we were immature, but we're still "bestfriends". I have ben saying to myself well if we are still this close, then things aren't as bad as they appear. Because if they were bad, we would have truly broken up, goodbye, burn each others stuff, and it's over-you don't want to be bestfriends still and talk about getting a shore house together when we're older and that why am i upset, i should know everything will be ok, she swears we'll get married. Just needed someone to tell me I wasn't crazy and that if things were super bad, we wouldn't still be bestfriends. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Arcane Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 I'm in the exact same position, and pretty much have been since March or so. My ex and I were engaged for about 2 1/2 years and we broke up earlier this year (not my choice) we still hang out, though not as often as I would like. She claims to be uncomfortable around me, but she will still hang out with me at least 2 or 3 times a week. While obviously I want more, I'm content with being friends with her for now and hope it develops back into a relationship. I agree with you, if it was truly a breakup and the feelings were gone, there would be minimal or no contact accompanied by much burning of mementos. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yagottahelp Posted July 10, 2003 Author Share Posted July 10, 2003 Thank you for the response Arcane. I am not quite at the marriage level, call me crazy, but we both know it'll happen-just not right now, we're both in college. As far as you go, Although it's not quite what you'd want maybe, i think it's a good sign also you are still close to your ex whatever. I wonder what makes her feel uncomfortable??????? I'm glad to see that two of you now say that chances are under the situation, somethings still there-and there's a chance. Good luck to you and thanks for replying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yagottahelp Posted July 16, 2003 Author Share Posted July 16, 2003 Just a little update, maybe someone will respond.......so I get a letter in the mail today from my ex who is my "bestfriend".......not that she isn't, but i am not seeing the difference between and us and bestfriends, but anyway....... She has 7 hugs written on it, and on the inside she's like here's a hug for every day we won't talk while i'm on vacation and i can' twait to see you when you come visit (she moved) and she can't wait to spoil me when i come out and she signed it and stuff, and drew a little picture about a star that's ours, and then put a circle on the paper and wrote smell this.......so i did, it's perfume she hasn't worn since 9th grade when we dated for a few months.......i knew instantly what it was I think this is a good sign, i'm not saying she's saying come and take me away forever, but this just crosses the bestfriends line to me....... your thoughts please Link to post Share on other sites
reenie Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Seems to me that you are wanting it to be something more than friends. Think back on why you stopped dating. Sometimes we just make better friends than boyfriend girlfriend. I wouldnt send a note to a guy friend with perfume and a smell this attached unless I wanted him to think about putting his face close to my neck. Did the thought cross your mind as you smelled the familiar smell? Best friends can talk about anything. When she returns ask her what she meant. Then again you could just go with the flow. Either way enjoy the close bond you have found with her. Sometimes we never find that. Sometimes as we get older we get so wrapped up in our careers that we forget true bonds we used to have with people. Nothing wrong with having a best (girl) friend. But if you are still having feelings about her, maybe you should casually ask if she is too. Make is a joke if you have to just to see how she feels about it. Have fun, be safe, God bless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yagottahelp Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 Thanks Reenie, well you figured me out, I definately still do have feelings for her. We have been apart for a little over 2 months, which has given me time to really think about why we broke up and what led up to it. I've really though about if she is someone I want to be with, or is it just I want to be with someone, and I definately want to be with her. This break has forced me to be dependant on myself, strong as a person, and pulled me away from her, eliminating both our smothering clinginess. These are all great things.......it's too bad this had to happen to make me feel like that, but it could be the best thing to happen to us. We definately do make great bestfriends, but the way we act is not like bestfriends it seems, it's more than that. I like your point about the perfume why would you ever do that?? That was almost 7 years ago we dated back in high school, so it definately brought back a ton of memories, whether this was her purpose or not who knows, I'm sure she wasn't doing to say i'm gonna screw with his mind, but one would hope she did it for positive reasons. I am going to visit her next week for four days, the first time we've seen each other in a month, she seemed incredibly excited and I'm going to see how it goes. If it's appropriate, I might bring up the subject- I'm hoping, although not expecting, I don't have to bring anything up and it just seems to work out when I'm there. We definately have a bond with each other, a bond neither of us want to replace.......thanks for your kind words and help!! Link to post Share on other sites
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