independent Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 You've opened up your mind on other people's advices. then you've made a decision which is your right in the first place. so be it! whatever your decision is, you're the only one who is responsible to that. not even your wife. her decision is her responsibility. this is a place wherein people voice out their thoughts. what we say is what we think will help the needy. anything you see or read can help you in a way "TO SEE" the big picture. but still, we can't make you do you have a mind of your own. you know that person very well so maybe what you should do is not to pretend that everything is ok when danger comes in. think outside of the situation before you decide if problems like this happens again. love is love but respect is a different word. it is much more powerful than love. you can love a person and she can love you back. or you may love her but she only loves herself. get that? when making decisions (on your own) imagine yourself being twins... twin 1 is the cynical one. twin 2 is the forgiving and unselfish one. by doing so, you can see the situation clearly without blinding yourself of the truth. i'm sure you'll know when it is TOO MUCH and INTENTIONAL. lastly, i still have one question about why your wife cheated on you. did she tell you why?how it started?when it started?why she continued doing it secretly. and why did she keep it from you? her answers here can make you think again or be satisfied and may trust her again. it could be your fault or it could be real infidelity on her part. "don't wear shades in the dark...." Link to post Share on other sites
independent Posted July 20, 2003 Share Posted July 20, 2003 sorry for the missing parts.... we cant tell you to do what we want you to do..(because we don't intend to spoonfeed you) so your decision is you decision. no arguments on that.. on the questions...my questions, that isn't supposed to be one last question. it is a couple of question that needs an answer before i end this topic. Link to post Share on other sites
IRULE Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 well i don't think your an idiot for staying kids or not but don't allow her to screw around don't make it easy for her, she'll probably grow out of it when shes 40 or so. i never screwed around but i liked to party i met my husband when i was 17 took me along time to grow up probably because we don't have kids, but she will grow up.and if you treat her good she will figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
come on I'm nick Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 Hello snowey. Well boddy I'm proud of you. Yes I really do. It's not so easy to push yourself to fix such a problem you have with your wife. The point is that I'm on the place of your wife and my wife is on your place. The situation is not equell to your one but they're very close. The problem is that I'm alone. Ofcourse my wife would say that she's trying to do everything to become not just a wife but a friend too, to discuss everything happening in my life which is important for me. Well but she's also doing some things (and I'm sure she doesn't notise that) that screw all her tryes up. So, that's why I'm here in the chats looking for real friend to talk too. And that kissing of photo is just a conequence I think. Link to post Share on other sites
sickntired Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Hey dude my wife of 13years layed down with my cousin I have 3 kids with her and as soon as I come up with a 1500 dollar retainer her cheating a$$ will be sucking the life out of some other unlucky smuck... I love her too thats why I have to let her be happy cause I know I deserve to be free of her cheating a$$ that will make me happy and yes my kids will be with me if our wonderful [ha ha] justice system doesnt screw up.... Good luck it only took once for me////////// Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 People, snowey came here for advice, not for you to call his wife a 'Ho' and other bad names. If you have opinions, fine but at least try to be diginifed about them. Snowey sounds like you had a rough past and a good heart for wanting this to work. What you have to ask yourself, is she remorseful for what she did? And why did she do it? If you been neglecting her, and she wasn't communicating with you then that could be a reason. Is it justified? Probably not, but neither is you not treating right as well. Do you two argue alot? Sounds like communication is an issue here. I would really look into counciling, because even though you two might have really good intentions of fixing this yourself, majority of the time it can't. A councilor will listen to you both and then usually get your point across to your partner without getting into the fighting, misunderstanding, etc. It will really open up her eyes, and going through this together you can finally not feel like you are living day-to-day within' the relationship and finally feel secure about it. In a relationship there are 'deal-breakers' which means when one partner does something extreme, then divorce is usually the only answer. Have you two set 'boundaries'? Even though you are married you still need to discuss what both of you can do with the opposite sex. Whether chatting online, flirting, etc.. That may seem like an obvious question, but you might be surprised at what some people consider 'cheating' and what they don't. Remember she is the one that did wrong. That computer is as much yours as is hers. Sounds like she isn't upset that she did this, but that she got caught. Blaming you for spying is a defense mechanism so she isn't in the 'hot seat'. You need to stand upto her as well. When you don't like what she is doing, tell her. No reason to yell or scream but be stern about it. Again I would highly suggest looking for a marriage councilor. This isn't a good start to the relationship. You both have pretty deep issues that you can't work out between yourselves. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Snowey, I think it's awesome that you would give her a second chance. I've been taught to forgive and be forgiven (sometimes that's hard!!). Now I'm not gonna forgive over and over and over, but to start over once is suffice. Or twice if you have to. I admire you for standing up, sucking it in and being a man that can get over it and get on with your life (with her). I hope she never, ever lets you down again. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
rd1978 Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 i noticed you posted somewhere back that {" you have been there done that"} well im going to say that your wife hasnt,,,,, you guys got togethor at a young age,, and she feels like she is stuck ,,, it seems to happen alot in the mid 20's i myself am goign thru something of the same crap,, 5 years togethor im 25 in love with her but she decided to go a little nuts ,still calling me though,, but we needed the break up to make sure this is what we really wanted anyway,,,, you seemes determined to make this work as time goes on your mindset might change a little,, do what your heart says ,, but dont do it because your scared to be alone........... i think what she has been doing is totall bullsh*t but if you can work it out and you can trust her again id say go for it,, you just need to know 110% this is what you want Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 You said this is the first real problem you've had. I don't think that ANYONE can have the strength to leave someone they genuinely love after ONE real problem. If she had slept with him, would you still be willing to stay? See, we can offer all the advice we want, because we are not in your relationship. We don't get that fluttery feeling when she smiles. We don't light up when she walks into the room. We don't know how she feels in our arms. We don't love her. You do. Don't take to heart anything anyone says...take it to mind. While I think what she did is worth leaving her for, I can't guarantee that I'd use the DUH factor in my relationship either. I WANT to believe that I would be GONE if my husband had a girlfriend, but I can't say that I would. I always thought I'd be too strong to put up with what I already put up with from him....but he's not all bad. No one else can read his expressions like I can. No one else has a pet name from him. No one else knows his secret hang ups. No one else loves his smile the way I do. No one else knows how good it feels to lay in his arms at night. So no one else can tell me what's the obvious thing to do in my relationship. I've learned to never argue on loveshack...there's no point. People on here get it in their head that they are right, and they will not be swayed. I, of course, always post what's going on, because we like to be kept updated. I will dog my husband to death one day, then go home to prince charming, and come back on here and tell everyone that he's really not so bad, but they will argue that I should still leave. IT'S HARD! It's hard when the person you love *or think you love* treats you badly, then turns back into the person you fell in love with. IT'S HARD! Never put anyone's opinion down. I know it's hard not to defend your own opinion, or your relationship for that matter, but loveshack is here to give perspective...not to argue over who's right, and who's stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 awesome reply Monday. Link to post Share on other sites
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