Was it wrong for me to let him know I'll be in town?

[pr-girl]

If she wants to move back to MO it should be for more reasons than just me at this point.

 

That might be what your guy is thinking. We are madly in love with eachother. Although we were only dating for 3 months like you. She has said the same thing, "only if we were dating for 6 months" she would feel better about coming back to MO. I feel if you really love someone you let them go and if they come back they are yours, cheesy i know but maybe true?

 

He knows WHEN I move there, it will be for more reasons than just him, BUT I said I would move there SOONER because of him and "us." You're right, though. He said he fears me moving there because if it doesn't work out, I would "resent him." That's not true.

 

You said: "if i'm willing to move there one day" -

 

IF, and ONE DAY. What is that? If you are going to, what is holding you up? It sounds like your whole life is in CA including a possible great relationship.

 

I have a lease I cannot break at the moment and I just began a new job in December. I want to get in about a year at this job prior to leaving. I have considered beginning the job hunting process now in LA, though. I also have a couple financial obligations here prior to leaving to another state. I can probably have that taken care of within the next 6-12 months.

 

You also said - I'd like him to show me how much I mean to him and how much he doesn't necessarily NEED me, but WANTS me in his life. If he could show me how much he cares,

 

How can he show you how much you mean to him? How can he show you that he doesn't necessarily need yyou but wants you in his life? Tell me how and I will do this for my ex. I thought I already have...and your man might think he has too...

 

He can show me by letting me know he's there for me now. He said he'd always be there for me, but when I called him recently, he text me back the next morning. He was performing with his band the night before so he was busy. That's fine, but why not CALL me back? Why text? Why doesn't he want to talk to me? I feel as though he's trying to forget me. I want someone who yearns for me, wants to see me even if it's only for a weekend here and there. Someone who wants to hear my voice. He said he hates texting - then why do it with me? AND, he said he'd check his calendar to see if he's in town the weekend I am. Why hasn't he let me know yet? That was Friday.

[lost66]

pr -girl,

 

I looked at your previous posts. You are getting the feeling I am getting from my ldr. My ldr is confused on so many levels, with her career, with her ex bf, her soon to be ex husband, etc. I am not confused, i have a solid career, own my own business, know what I want out of life, and am over any other romantic relationships i've been in. This guy seems to be a weaker person than you as mine is weaker than me. This is a BIG reason I don't push the subject. I feel that she needs to decide if I am worth moving back to MO. There is no talking her into it, she needs to decide. Not keeping in contact with her will either make her decide to come to MO because she feels the same way I do or its just not meant to be unfortunatley.

 

You said: - I want someone who yearns for me, wants to see me even if it's only for a weekend here and there. Someone who wants to hear my voice. He said he hates texting - then why do it with me? AND, he said he'd check his calendar to see if he's in town the weekend I am. Why hasn't he let me know yet? That was Friday.

 

I want the same thing and there are women out there that can give this to me and men out there that can give this to you. I think the my girl and your guy are not these people. If so they would be flying in to see us. Or, they have other emotional/psychological ISSUES (i know mine does) that she needs to work out before having a successful relationship with anyone, not just me. It is a sad, sad deal but being our age, we don't have time for bs. I'm sure there are some great guys in AZ for you. I know it is a horrible feeling, I've been hoping my girl texts me today or calls but if she doesn't i guess it is just not meant to be. Even if she does the only thing i would want to see is "i'm coming to MO" or I got a job in MO, or "moving to MO" and that isn't going to happen for a while, hense why i had to cut it off. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!

[pr-girl]

This guy seems to be a weaker person than you as mine is weaker than me.

 

...they have other emotional/psychological ISSUES (i know mine does) that she needs to work out before having a successful relationship with anyone, not just me. It is a sad, sad deal but being our age, we don't have time for bs.

 

Funny... he said the same thing. He said I'm the strongest person with the most resolve that he's ever met. He also said he's apparently more emotional than I am; that he's "in awe" of me. He doesn't understand why the distance isn't as hard for me as it is for him. Well, IT IS! I'm just more positive about the outcome. I can see a possible future that he can't.

 

He has told me that he has a fear of intimacy because he's been cheated on and hurt very badly. Well, haven't we all? Jeez... I put myself out there and got hurt badly a few times. I'll still do it again because I know I deserve to be happy. The risk is worth it.

 

He tells me he's opened up more to me than any girl in a long time. I know he cares, but I think it's so sad that he won't give himself the chance for possible ultimate happiness. There are no guarantees in life. I'm 31 and have never married. I've been asked several times, but I'm won't settle for less than I deserve, but I'm willing to try my hardest to get it. Argh...

 

When they realize, it may be too late.

[lost66]

Pr girl, I feel for you babe. I wish that my ex had the same head on her shoulders as you do. I still haven't heard from her today. She hasn't been online either. Yea, I keep checking. It sucks. But, going to a real nice dinner with a buddy of mine tonight to take my thoughts off it a bit or better yet talk to him about it. He is actually haveing g/f troubles too.

 

Pr girl, I bet you are a beautiful person that has no problem gettting guys. I am the same way. But, some people are just not ready or never will be ready for a long lasting, healthy relationship. I say don't force love, it will come. There is a guy out there for you and I that would travel across the world for us.

 

Think about who you are dealing with. You are in love with a guy that is 32 and is either a successful musician and getting laid all the time or is struggling and is 32 with nothing to show for. Is that what you want for a future?

 

Just so you know, I'm dealing with a girl that was engaged in MO, met a guy, Moved to NY, married another guy, then moved to MO and moved in with another guy, then they broke up and then she moved in with me. She has some GREAT qualities about her, beautiful, great cook, we have same interests as working out, fine dining, she is very smart, up until the first of the year had a successful career in PR/Producing (ironic, i know).

 

But, faults of her; she might have a drinking problem, she has a hard time committing in a reationship and right now to a career, a place to live, a lover, etc. I have trust issues with her and I usually don't with women and I don't think she is over her ex. What are the positives and negatives of your guy? That might help put things in prospective.

 

xoxo

[pr-girl]

You are in love with a guy that is 32 and is either a successful musician and getting laid all the time or is struggling and is 32 with nothing to show for.

 

But, faults of her; she might have a drinking problem, she has a hard time committing in a reationship and right now to a career, a place to live, a lover, etc. I have trust issues with her and I usually don't with women and I don't think she is over her ex. What are the positives and negatives of your guy? That might help put things in prospective.

 

He has only been intimate with only 4 women, including myself, his entire life. He is very emotional and sensitive and needs to feel an ultimate connection before sleeping with someone. This is actually a positive.

 

Pros: The BEST communicator I've ever known, we have the BEST connection I've ever felt with another, very honest, genuine, smart, funny, talented, giving (he's a tutor for homeless kids), passionate (his music, his surfing, his charity, his lovemaking), great listener, great advice-giver (ironic, huh?), deep thinker, introvert (which is what I'm most compatible with since I'm the complete opposite), has my complete trust IN a relationship, faithful, loyal, attractive, great job, great cook, loves wine. I could go on and on...

 

Cons: Cannot open his heart/ closed off emotionally, seems happier being sad, a pessimistic (when it comes to himself), isn't very social, has a very simple life (I tend to like more extravagant things, but I'm not materialistic or superficial).

 

He and I are very different. I was the popular kid in school that cheerleaded and danced while he was the musician in band that played Dungeons and Dragons for fun. We have different tastes in music, but do appreciate some of each other's tastes. I love our differences in dress, style, music and hobbies. I'm a bit conservative while he's a bit more edgy with long hair and facial hair (I think he's beautiful ). Heck - look at Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban! HA! We have experienced new things together because of it.

 

This is tough. There seems to be MANY more positives than negatives. If he opened his heart, we'd be GOLDEN. I guess that ONE negative seems to overpower the positives, huh?

Edited March 25, 2008 by pr-girl

[lost66]

good morning pr-girl,

 

I haven't heard from my ex since monday at about noon, the text with a comment of the song we used to sing. Its killing me not talking to her but its best i guess. Until she gets her life in order and until she can give me what i want/need which she has told me she can't right now I need to leave her alone, heck, I told her not to call me. What kills me though is myspace and facebook. some guy in stl tells her how she is soo hot on a comment. She is hot though, thats never been the issue, its whats inside that i have problems with. RRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! why is this soo hard!!!!

 

As far as your pros and cons, opposites do attract sometimes but it seems like there are a lot of differences between you two. And, being closed off emotionally and happier being sad are not qualities that your personality could take for a lifetime (sort of what you need to think about at our age). Thats what I think with my ex. I already have issues with her now and we were only dating for 3 months. Imagine the issues after 5-10 years. I think there are better women out there for me. Could you deal with a person the is closed off emotionally and hapier being sad for a lifetime? I think not I'm online all day so feel free to post again, i'll be checking back. xoxo

[pr-girl]

What kills me though is myspace and facebook. some guy in stl tells her how she is soo hot on a comment.

 

Could you deal with a person the is closed off emotionally and hapier being sad for a lifetime? I think not

 

If it weren't for Myspace, I wouldn't know what my ex has been up to. Darn, Myspace! It's way too easy to stay attached! HAHA! I kid.

 

No, I couldn't deal with that for a lifetime, BUT I would never stay with someone that could NEVER open up to me. We only dated for 3 months AND I live out of state. If we were in the same city, which we will be in about a year or so, and we dated for longer than 3 months, than I'd be able to discern if he was ultimately right for me.

 

I leave to LA today for work until Friday. I will be moments away from him. It'll take EVERYTHING in my power NOT to call him or see him. He knows I'll be there. The worst part about it will be when I'm in my hotel room. I'll be alone and thinking about him, I'm sure. I've already made plans with one friend of mine to go out and have some drinks - just so I'm not tempted to meet up with him.

 

What do I do if he calls me?

[lost66]

I say if he calls, answer it. But, he knows you are coming and hasn't called you yet, f'em. LA is a fun place, I used to live there, go out with friends and have drinks and good dinners, thats what I would do. Who knows, you might find a guy that is a little more "available". You know, guys/girls can be "unavailable" even if they are single. This guys seems unavailabe because of his emotional problems.

 

You better post back when you get home and tell me what happened.

[pr-girl]

I say if he calls, answer it. But, he knows you are coming and hasn't called you yet, f'em. LA is a fun place, I used to live there, go out with friends and have drinks and good dinners, thats what I would do. Who knows, you might find a guy that is a little more "available". You know, guys/girls can be "unavailable" even if they are single. This guys seems unavailabe because of his emotional problems.

 

You better post back when you get home and tell me what happened.

 

Here's the thing: He asked if I wanted to "have coffee or something" while in town. I wrote him back stating that this week I'll probably be too busy with work (which is true.) Next week, I go to LA for a concert and to see some friends from Thursday-Monday. That's the time I'd be more likely to see him. If he doesn't text or call me by next week, I'll know he doesn't care to see me and I'll be able to let him go... hopefully.

 

I keep telling myself that since it was him that let me go, I shouldn't meet up with him. That I'd only be creating more misery for myself, especially if I see he still cares for me. I don't want to be self-destructive.

 

Thank you for the advice. I will definitely post back.

[lost66]

If he does call, make him come to you, don't come to him. Thats what I would do in your position. And, it might be nice not to see him at all. Then it would be done.

 

In my case, I just blocked and deleted my ex from instant message. I spoke to one of her friends today in MO and we are meeting for lunch tomorrow. This is the same girlfriend of hers that was warning me since the first time I met her. I am already starting to think more clearly about this situation with this girl after not talking to her in a couple of days. I think she is freakin nuts!!! I can't wait to hear what her friend has to say about her at lunch tomorrrow. I will let you know about that too.

[pr-girl]

If he does call, make him come to you, don't come to him. Thats what I would do in your position. And, it might be nice not to see him at all. Then it would be done.

 

In my case, I just blocked and deleted my ex from instant message. I spoke to one of her friends today in MO and we are meeting for lunch tomorrow. This is the same girlfriend of hers that was warning me since the first time I met her. I am already starting to think more clearly about this situation with this girl after not talking to her in a couple of days. I think she is freakin nuts!!! I can't wait to hear what her friend has to say about her at lunch tomorrrow. I will let you know about that too.

 

What is it that you're saying will be done? The relationship? The friendship? Heck, I'm about to say, "The Heck With It All!"

 

You seem to be doing much more than I am in order to avoid the ex. Good for you! I wish I was at that point. I do believe I'm getting there, though. Although, my ex isn't trying to contact me AT ALL. He doesn't ignore me, he always responds, but he never reaches out. I did tell him to not contact me, though. It hurts me to talk to him. He told me if I wanted to reach out, to do so. He wants to respect my request for him not to contact me. So, it was my decision. I just hate that I had to make that decision.

 

Good luck tomorrow! Let me know how it goes! I'll let you know what happens on my end, but I'm sure I already know. We won't see each other because he won't reach out to me. Oh, well! Time to move on, right?

[lost66]

pr girl,

 

I just found out a bunch of juice on my ex. She is freakin crazy! I met her friend and she gave me the goods. I'll let you know when you get back from your trip, just leave a post and I will let you in on everything.

[pr-girl]

pr girl,

 

I just found out a bunch of juice on my ex. She is freakin crazy! I met her friend and she gave me the goods. I'll let you know when you get back from your trip, just leave a post and I will let you in on everything.

 

So, I'm back from LA. I didn't see my ex, but I think he's in Phoenix recording his album. I believe he gets back on Thursday, the day I arrive in LA again. I'm very nervous, but I don't think I'm going to call him when I get in town. If he texts or calls me, I will respond. I will have to see how I feel about meeting him.

 

How did it go with your friend?

[lost66]

Pr girl,

 

So....I met her friend for lunch on thursday and she explained a lot to me. I guess she has issues with lying. She is pretty much a compulsive liar. I also found out that she cheated on her previous husband from almost the very beginning of their marriage. Then, she move to st.louis (where i live) for the guy she had the affair with, then cheated on him!!! She has made her soon to be ex husband (its not finalized yet) and her last b/f's life hell. For instance, she lied to her friend that her mother flew to stl to get her car and stuff then her mother drove her car back to dallas. What actually happened is her mother bailed on her and she drove down by herself, she left my house, i should know. She actually was calling her friend acting like she was at the airport leaving stl to dallas. I know, pointless lie, but just to show you, she is full of them. The whole time she was telling me she was coming back to stl when actually she knew all along she was going to dallas for good, at least for a long while.

 

I'm now glad she moved! I haven't heard from her since monday after telling her not to call me. I am going to chicago this next weekend for a wedding. I still have a few things of hers at my house but i don't want her coming here to get the stuff without me here, i'm afraid she might steal something. Freakin nuts! I can't believed I was so niave to her games. I think I'm going to get my locks changed on my house.

 

I think you are playing it correctly with not calling him but answering if he calls/texts. If he doesn't then its not meant to be, don't chase someone that lives in another state, its just not worth it. Especially because of his wierd issues with opening up and liking to be unhappy, who needs that?

[pr-girl]

So, I met up with my ex while in CA yesterday. We met up at 8pm for drinks and he ended up taking em tot he airport at 6am. We didn't sleep together. We talked the entire time with the exception of MANY hugs. We did kiss each other and it was very emotional.

 

We both spoke about how we can tell something is still there. The attraction, the butterflies, the fun we have together. He mentioned he's "broken" - that he can't open up easily. He said the distance didn't make it any easier for him. But, he mentioned that several times, he looked at me last night and felt "really happy with me." I saw it in his eyes. I know he still cares.

 

I don't want to get my hopes up. Nothing has changed: I'm still in NV and he's still in CA. We still have opposite work schedules. What am I doing? Am I holding on to hope? I realized last night that I am absolutely in love with this man. I am so happy when we're together in the same city. I know he has feelings for me too.

 

Interesting thing: Last night he brought up a few comments such as him liking the simple life and he doesn't think I could live like that, that he is not as ambitious about work as me but about his passions, that he doesn't have the same religious beliefs as me, etc. None of this matters to me. I'm not materialistic, I LOVE how ambitious he is with his music, surfing and tutoring, and I'm not religious (but, spiritual). Does this mean he's thinking of why we shouldn't be together or is he thinking of how we CAN be together? That he's actually thinking of the future with me? I responded to him that he needs to not assume what I'm feeling or will feel in the future. He needs to trust me.

 

I'm so afraid I just back-stepped my healing process. It seemed as though we were a couple again last night. His arm around me, constant hugs, him looking at me when he didn't think I noticed, his words... I miss being with this man so much. I just want to hop on a plane to CA and live there TODAY. But, I know it will take time. I need a job, a home, etc.

 

I'm confused. Do I wait this out and show him I'm sincere and want to be with him or do I let him go and chalk this up to "living in the moment?"

[Miad's Princess]

Life is too short, go with your gut and what makes you happy!

 

Good Luck with this relationship..

 

I see a lot of hope