family doesn't care

[hcd03]

Ok, I have been engaged since June of last year. I reluctantly chose one of my sisters for a bridesmaid because she's family. She's incredibly spoiled, selfish, unreliable, and only seems to care about herself.

 

This past month, I have been looking for bridesmaid dresses and have had all but my sister outfitted and gotten their dresses ordered. I spent the past month and a half, calling my sister over and over to set up a time to order the dresses (at this time, the dresses will take 4 months to get in, and I'm getting married in 6. They still need to be adjusted to the bridesmaids afterwards, so time is of the essence.) She never even bothered to call me back when I'd leave messages. I ended up telling my mom to relay the message that if she doesn't call me by the 17th of March, she'd be cut. I told my mom that 1 month ago. My sis called me on the 16th, taking her freakin' sweet time while my dress time windles away. She wasn't even sorry for acting that way. She just laughed it off and said she'd answer the phone from now on.

 

I have a feeling that she's going to be acting like this the whole time, and to be honest, it's incredibly stressful. I've brought this up with my parents (who should be involved and happy about the wedding) and they don't care. They say she's my sister and should be in the wedding regardless of how I feel and that I should just deal with it.

 

so I guess, I could use some advice. Should I let her be in the wedding to make my parents happy and stress out over everything my sister has to do (and probably won't) and even worry she won't show up to the rehearsal or be late to the wedding or should I just cut her and deal with unhappy parents while at the same time relieving my stress with a more reliable bridesmaid?

[Walk]

Trust me, stressing out about this stuff is absolutely NOT worth it. The wedding is supposed to be about you and your fiance celebrating with people you love.

 

I would suggest you don't include your sister in the people standing up with you. And it doesn't have to be an insult against her, or a reflection of how you feel about her. Why don't you explain to your sister that you'd rather she attend the wedding and have fun, rather then allowing your parents to force both of you to do something neither of you want to do?

 

Just tell your sister that you want her to be at your wedding and that you understand that the time and cost of being a bridesmaid might be too much for her at this time. Let her know you care about her, and want her to be a part of the wedding and then suggest other areas that your sister might enjoy more (and have the time and money for). Like going with you to pick out the cake, or helping with decorations, or spending a couple hours helping with wedding invitations. Something that will allow her to feel like she's a part of the wedding without forcing her to purchase a several hundred dollar dress she'll never wear again, and spend numerous hours in fittings and rehearsal dinners prior to the wedding.

 

Maybe your sisters avoidance is based out of fear and embarresment from her fiancial situation? Maybe she knows you aren't very happy having her in the wedding, and believes you're only doing it because your parents are forcing you to? Maybe she didn't know how to tell you she didn't want to be in your wedding because she didn't want to hurt your feelings and is hoping you'll tell her she can't be in it?