I made a bad post-breakup mistake

[devinmusicman]

Hi everyone,

 

After 5 and a half weeks or so of relative stability, I crumbled miserably last night. It was really bad guys, I man pathetic.

Got an email from my ex. She mentioned what had been going on in her life, and commented how she had been having some negative things happen to her. Nothing major, just setbacks. Well I kind of lost it. I read it as ME being one of those minor setbacks. Well I just kind of lost it. Just went and jumped in my car, and proceeded to drive around the night for a while. I just drove around bawling, screaming, cursing my ex's name to hell. I yelled so loud, I think I managed to pop a blood vessle because I felt a sudden and sharp pain start at one point in my head and start to spread after yelling very very loudly. Today there is still pressure in my head.

Anyway, I got home and wrote a very foolish email. I think I managed to say just about every single thing that you're not supposed to to your ex. I literally begged her online to take me back. I said how horrible my summer has been and how desperatly I wanted to try again. I concluded: "at least think about it, I think I deserve that".

I know what you're thinking: "wow, I just lost all respect and sense of credibility towards this guy, he blew it big time." Well, you're right. I blew it. I know I did. It was stupid. I'm here to tell everyone to NEVER EVER EVER do something like that. I did it because I felt so incradible desperate and hopeless I saw no other way than to bend down on my cyber knees, bow my net-head, and type my heart out.

As you might have expected, it backfired.

I got the longest email I have ever received from her. "You think I haven't thought about all this? ", and "I know how much pain I have cause you and I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind and now I'm starting to get irritated". Yeah, bad huh. Then, she went on to say how rude I had been to not even address the issues in her last email, like "something that was upsetting her at home" that she was expecting me to ask about, and how I completely neglected to talk about anything going on in my life or hers in my previous email, not to mention how i failed to sign it at the end. Granted at the time I wasn't really very concerned with her problems, and I can't really blame myself for that. But she was clearly very upset with me, and she had a right to be. I sent a very very long apologitic email, humiliating myself again. I wouldn't have done it, but I will have to see her every day at school next year, and I couldn't stand being awkward around here. Plus, my heart hasn't let go of her yet.

There's absolutly nothing I can do, and no matter how many times I tell myself this or how good I may be feeling at some point, it all comes back to this lowness. Feelings of being nothing more than a little toy that a child no longer wanted to play with, and therefore threw away. These past weeks have been going decent, and now I feel as if I'm back to square one, all because I am too damn weak to control the urge to write "I am begging you..."

When your dignity is shattered by being dumped, why is it our natural inclination to belittle ourselves even more? I wish I knew.

I'm going to be gone for a week, I'm going to lake Tahoe from July 13-19 (Saturday-Saturday). I really love lake tahoe, ever since I was very young it has been one of my favority places on earth (next to paris). I hope I can muster up something inside of me to at least enjoy it a little.

Well everyone, that's my story. And all in all, it's basically a very long way of saying "keep your dignity". If you are desperate, don't let it show they way I did. I knew it wasn't good when I was writing it, but somehow I wanted to believe that it was. It was a boomerang has come back and knocked me cold.

 

For the sake of your sanity, don't do it.

[jenny]

o man,

 

i know how much it sucks now, but hang in there. occasional crumbling is just part of being a er..human..foodstuff?

 

you broke down because you loved well, and you loved hard. there's no shame in that.

 

see it as a strength, with consequences. this is the price of being sincere; its worth it. frankly you sound lovely, the kind of guy my mates and i are always trying to 'discern' in libraries and other such zany spots.

 

xoxo jenny

[yagottahelp]

But on the same note, it's ok for her to feel so sorry for you, and oh by the way, why don't you feel bad about all the horrible things in my life. That's junk-you aren't her crutch anymore, she ended it, you are broken up, she can find her support from someone else, if she's so annoyed, screw it.

[RogueK]

I'm telling you man the best thing for you to do is COMPLETELY cut off ALL ties from her. You will NOT heal without letting it all go. I know you HATE the way you feel right now and if you've EVER taken any advice just TAKE MINE.

 

Cut it off. Block her emails, don't pick up the phone IF she calls. It's the only way you can start healing. Other wise this pain you feel right now will stay with you. You need time man..to reflect and understand. This is time to better yourself and grow. It isn't going to help you to stay in contact with her. It's over. I know it's the hardest thing to read (cuz i've been there a month ago) but if you continue to say it to yourself you'll eventually believe it and start the belief that a future without her is still a bright future regardless.

 

I'm pulling for you man. Think of yourself. It is time to do so because noone should have to live with that pain.

[devinmusicman]

I know it's for the best to cut all ties. Just cutting them for 2 weeks was enough time for me to do some minor healing. But the fact of the matter is this: when we go back to the university, we will be in the same classes, and even the same dorm complex. We have the same friends too. It would be impossible to cut myself off completely from her. So what would be the next best thing?

[Cpunch75]

man I remember screaming in my car over my ex-- wow I totally know what you're going through. Keep your head up- youre doing the right thing by treating yourself to a trip to Lake Tahoe!

 

The reason you feel belittled is because your self esteem has been somewhat shattered, it's natural and happens to all of us.

 

I agree with what the previous post said, cut off contact.

 

and as for the university classes, is there any chance you could take another section/time for the same class?

 

Keep your head up, the grass gets greener:)

 

Punch

[RaiderNation]

whats up man. about a month ago u gave me some advice on how to deal with my situation--and I took it; I remaind strong, I let her go and started working on myself. If you recall, I had a slight depression problem because of my health situation. Well, what I've been doing since my ex gf of 4 1/2 yrs broke up with me is, working out and hanging with friends. I have lost 20 lbs and I jokingly tell my friends I truly lost 140 lbs: My ex weighed 120lbs and I lost 20lbs on my own--they start cracking up. I'm getting myself back into shape because I have to hit the dating scene again. What also keeps me motivated is, writing messages to myself to remind me to keep focus; for example, in my calendar with big letters, I wrote,"this is your month!" The reason I did this was because I would frequently look at my calendar to see how many days went by since last contact with her. In order to keep me focus, I wrote a message to myself--it does help me a lot; so maybe you can do things like this to help u be strong man. As for seeing her in school, try your best Hollywood acting; or better yet be yourself; be the person you were b4 you met her. Well I promise you this, I will remain strong man and I hope u will too. Remember--She's not a GOD only human. your pal,

 

--RaiderNation

[devinmusicman]

Thanks everyone

 

I know I've preached a lot and I know how hard it is to practice what I preach. Thanks for sticking by me everyone.

[MrSadman]

Hey man, I did the exact same thing you did I crumbled and lost my dignity too. When my girl broke up with me I sent two emails telling her to please take my back and to give one more month. I even in the middle of the email said I think I at least deserve that because I really really think we can work this out. She was my first girlfriend and I met her my first semester of college last fall and went out with her during the spring semester. But she broke up with me for telling her I love her in one month. Like you she was in my classes my spring semester and it was awkward. She is probably going to be in one of my classes this coming fall semester and its going to be awkward again. Also like you we had the same friends some live in my dorm complex for this coming up fall semester. You are right Never Never lose your dignity through email it make you feel humilitated and ashamed for what you have done thats how I feel ashamed for losing my dignity like that begging her. But like that one girl's advice said we are human and thats a normal human reaction the dumpee has when getting heart broken. The ex gf knows that we are hurt but we have to change her mind and try to get her to take us back and we hope begging will do it but unfortunately it doesn't and sometimes it aggravates the ex gf a bit by begging like that even though we both didn't mean to beg were just really in love and love make people do things strangly sometimes. Just be glad she doesn't have a new bf yet like my girl does he will be living right next door to me for this coming up fall semester and I will have to see them coming out of his room and my mind will wander just be thankful you don't have to go through that I will or won't depends on if I will transfer just so I don't have to see that. Sorry I couldn't advice I just wanted to let you know that your not the only one going through this and I'm here if you ever want to talk just private message me and we can talk because we did the same thing and we both paid the price for it unfortunately.

[devinmusicman]

Wow Mr. Sandman, you story sure does seem a lot like mine. As far as living arrangements, she does live in the same dorm as me. Originally she was gonna live next-door to me but she ended up moving into one of her girlfriend's rooms on the other side. Wow, it would have been absolutly horrible if she lived nex to be.

 

Man, I'm really sorry to hear that you ex has moved on already and that he lives next to you. It's gonna be tough, no doubt about that. I too am sorry that I don't have any advice to give you about that, other than that it sounds like we're definetly in this whole thing together. Even the whole situation how you guys met and hooked up sounded very similar to mine.

 

I guess we have to hang in there somehow. People have done it before us. No reason to think we can't.

[Paul]

Hi devinmusicman,

 

Originally posted by devinmusicman

I yelled so loud, I think I managed to pop a blood vessle because I felt a sudden and sharp pain start at one point in my head and start to spread after yelling very very loudly. Today there is still pressure in my head.

 

Hi there. It might be a good idea to get that looked at by a doctor. I'm not a medical doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but I think it's generally a bad thing when things like your head make popping noises.

 

Best wishes,

Paul