Mydish1 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 I think I may have put myself into an awkward situation with myself and my needs. A few weeks ago I agreed to be in a relationship with a girl. The thing is that this girl likes me a lot, in fact she was the one who initiated to be in a relationship...I don't know why but she really wants to be exclusive with me. I think the reasons why I agreed was A) I was bored and a bit tired of being single B) I am a bit of a nice guy at heart and didn't want to reject her. The way I feel about her is...almost laid-back. She doesn't make me very very happy nor am I repulsed by her or find her annoying. I don't mind hanging out with her, but it doesn't really bother me if we don't. If I don't go online to talk to her every night, she usually winds up calling me. I can't help but feel like I'm leading her on and lying to myself. A large part of me still wants to keep my options open and meet the right girl, but at the same time I want to be in a relationship - the companionship and comfort of stability. I guess you could say I want the best of both worlds. Today at work my co-worker brought up his sister and we kind of hung out in the office playing games. My gut told me that my co-worker was trying to hook me up with his sister. Though I didn't let anything get further than that because she's going back home to another state next week...but i wonder what I would've done if she resided in this city. But I don't think his sister or my gf has to do with anything about infidelity. It's just that neither of them I don't feel a spark at all or that high chemistry you normally feel when you like someone, and honestly I haven't felt that spark for any girl since my last FWB. I'm completely over my ex-fwb and my exes. I think it's just me being emotionally unavailable/distant for no absolute reason at all. And honestly I don't even know why I am like this on occasion, even with my friends. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 There's nothing wrong with you. You're emotionally distant because subconsciously you prefer to be alone by yourself right now. What I don't approve of is your relationship with this girl that you're not emotionally attached to. You're using her to fill up those idle minutes and in the end you'd be the one to blame for stringing her along. If you don't feel the connection with her, then you have to tell her that and just be friends. It doesn't help that you harbor thoughts of finding the right girl out there yet you're not single to begin with. The best choice for your case is to be single and casually date people. It'll lessen any pressure on your part to reciprocate and see what else is out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mydish1 Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 There's nothing wrong with you. You're emotionally distant because subconsciously you prefer to be alone by yourself right now. What I don't approve of is your relationship with this girl that you're not emotionally attached to. You're using her to fill up those idle minutes and in the end you'd be the one to blame for stringing her along. If you don't feel the connection with her, then you have to tell her that and just be friends. It doesn't help that you harbor thoughts of finding the right girl out there yet you're not single to begin with. The best choice for your case is to be single and casually date people. It'll lessen any pressure on your part to reciprocate and see what else is out there. I know you're right, and I really do feel bad about the situation. I think yesterday I made my gf cry. This is the second time she's complained that she always tells me how she feels about me but I hardly ever reciprocate the same to her...anytime she does that I say a bunch of random stuff about me to give her the hint to dump me...and I think it was those hurtful things that made her cry. Honestly it's very hard to reciprocate feelings which I don't have...I would just be deceiving myself and her at the same time. I honestly don't want to be the bad guy or jerk that makes her cry over me (or be the one to dump her), I kind of want her to be the one to dump me. Because I don't feel deserving of her and her kindness and care. The thing is she wants to be very serious with me in moving the relationship forward. But I don't know if I could give her the same. Though the complex part about me is I don't even know what I really want because I'm often an emotionally distant person to begin with. and I told her that, I told her I was a complicated person. In a way I badmouth myself in certain ways hoping to scare her off. But in a way she wants to make the effort to see this through. I really do care about her, but there's just something missing from our relationship. and I firmly believe it's the lack of spark/chemistry I have for her. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 You are absolutely right about having lack of chemistry for this girl. Please don't be with her because you feel guilty for her. That does not help her or you at all. When you love someone, you have that butterfly feeling inside your stomach and want to be with them every second. They make you very happy and you feel alive when you're with them. It borderlines on obsession which you don't have for this girl. I would gently break up with her and next time you need to go slower and if you don't feel anything for another girl then don't be with her. I don't think there is nothing wrong with you, just that you don't love this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
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