Star Gazer Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Some of you may remember that the Ex told me a few weeks ago that he had started a new relationship, and it really bothered me. While I was upset that he had moved on so quickly, I was also relieved because I knew that if he was moving on, I had no choice but to do the same thing. This enabled me to take steps to do just that. As a result, I've felt more emotionally detached from him than ever. Well, given his recent behavior and commentary, I have a strong feeling that his new relationship never really even got off the ground, that or it's pretty much over. In addition, the Ex appears to be trying to sneak back in a little (actually, a lot). Don't worry, he hasn't succeeded. In recent weeks I've met a couple great guys (well, at least they seem great so far). One in particular has really captured my interest. Thing is, I feel guilty. Really, really guilty...and I don't know why. I don't feel guilty towards the new guy (who knows about the situation with the Ex), but towards the Ex. I'm sitting here all excited about my third date with this new guy tomorrow night, and I feel guilty. Why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Could it be that you still harbor hope of getting back together with the ex? Perhaps you are subconsciously expecting him to realize what he lost now that this new relationship didn't suceed and come crawling back to you. I don't think you feel guilt towards him, but guilt towards your feelings for him. I don't think you have fully allowed yourself to detach. Keep dating this other guy, and others as they may crop up. Stop communicating with your ex, and let life heal you! At least that's my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Some of you may remember that the Ex told me a few weeks ago that he had started a new relationship, and it really bothered me. While I was upset that he had moved on so quickly, I was also relieved because I knew that if he was moving on, I had no choice but to do the same thing. This enabled me to take steps to do just that. As a result, I've felt more emotionally detached from him than ever. Well, given his recent behavior and commentary, I have a strong feeling that his new relationship never really even got off the ground, that or it's pretty much over. In addition, the Ex appears to be trying to sneak back in a little (actually, a lot). Don't worry, he hasn't succeeded. In recent weeks I've met a couple great guys (well, at least they seem great so far). One in particular has really captured my interest. Thing is, I feel guilty. Really, really guilty...and I don't know why. I don't feel guilty towards the new guy (who knows about the situation with the Ex), but towards the Ex. I'm sitting here all excited about my third date with this new guy tomorrow night, and I feel guilty. Why? I think you feel guilty towards yourself: you invested so much of yourself in the R with your ex that moving foward, and seeing potential in someone you, might seem like you are betraying your own beliefs. One thing I learned about love: everytime I think I've figured out what it is, it rips my heart out and then goes right on to show me I didn't get it at all: that love, in fact, was far grander then anything I could ever imagine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 You both seem to think I'm feeling guilty about my own feelings. I don't quite understand... Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I don't feel guilty towards the new guy (who knows about the situation with the Ex), but towards the Ex. I'm sitting here all excited about my third date with this new guy tomorrow night, and I feel guilty. Why? Could you be feeling guilty towards him because his new R did not work out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 Could you be feeling guilty towards him because his new R did not work out? Perhaps. And I'm still assuming his new relationship didn't work out... I mean, he's calling me every night when he otherwise should be with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I'm sitting here all excited about my third date with this new guy tomorrow night, and I feel guilty. Why? Doesn't seem like you feel so guilty, when you went through the trouble of getting a manicure, pedicure, tan, and hair style for that date. (Yes, yes, it was not for the date, you do it all the time). It seems more like pity of letting go of the illusion that you had the perfect thing going and it was crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 Doesn't seem like you feel so guilty, when you went through the trouble of getting a manicure, pedicure, tan, and hair style for that date. (Yes, yes, it was not for the date, you do it all the time). I actually get a mani/pedi every two weeks, and my hair appointment is set for every 5th Saturday, which just so happens to be tomorrow. Believe it or not, I do take care of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Perhaps. And I'm still assuming his new relationship didn't work out... I mean, he's calling me every night when he otherwise should be with her. It's probably not where he wants it to be. Given the reasons of our break up, it made me feel guilty of moving on cause I pitied him. The situation his mother put him in etc. I got over him in no time cause of what he did so it really wasn't because I still had feelings for him. Seeing that you're really interested in the new guy, focus on that and forget the X. It was his call to break it off and now he has to face the fact that you are moving on. Without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I actually get a mani/pedi every two weeks, and my hair appointment is set for every 5th Saturday, which just so happens to be tomorrow. Believe it or not, I do take care of myself. Wow, you're so organised! I am always making last minute appointments. I don't think your guilt is unusual. Fidelity to one person would be hard to break, so I think some guilty feelings would be inevitable. The important thing is you don't let it stop you from moving on, if that makes sense Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 You both seem to think I'm feeling guilty about my own feelings. I don't quite understand... Let's think about it in reverse. There are plenty of people out there who are in relationships, but have no qualms/guilt about cheating. That is becuase of sometihng inside them - they are not fully attached, or they compartmentalize very well, or whatever. Now think of the reverse someone fully attaches, committs, etc - they cannot bring themselves to cheat. Regardless of the status of the relationship the ability to move on or "cheat" comes from within the individual, it actually has nothing to do with the other person in the relationship (or in their new relationship). That is why we said this is about your feelings and about you. You are still attached on some level, and possibly hoping he comes back - therefore you feel guilty moving on. Does that help? Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I actually get a mani/pedi every two weeks, and my hair appointment is set for every 5th Saturday, which just so happens to be tomorrow. Believe it or not, I do take care of myself. This is astoundingly impressive. I get a mani about once every 6 weeks (I just run out of time), get my bangs trimmed when they are roughlhy around my chin and my hair cut 2 or 3 times a year. All last minute. I never seem to make time for me. although there is a strong argument that time spent with my horse (every single day) is time for me - yup I'm going with that. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Because you're still emotionally attached to your ex and have some deep feelings for him. Maybe you're not quite ready in your heart to accept another guy into your life on an intimate level. Link to post Share on other sites
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