I'm weak...

[Lizzie60]

So you think you can "counsel" a married guy who f's around on his wife with just about anyone? A gal who "does" married guys as part of her living? I'm sorry, but you are in no position to offer advice to this guy. Your views on marriage (and the promise of fidelity it is supposed to hold) are way too biased - seemingly all to the good of no one but yourself.

 

I never believed in marriage.. other than financial reason (pension) there is, IMO, no solid reasons to marry..

 

I am not a religious person either..

 

So I think, in my views, I am just as good as any therapist I've seen during the six years I was sick..

[Owl]

Sorry Owl.. but I cannot discuss my client oops patient.. this is confidential..

 

Now THAT got an out loud laugh from me!!!

 

But, on a serious note:

If you don't believe in marriage...how can you "help" him with his?

 

I'd agree, people with experience make great counselors...once they've overcome their own trouble and can help relate how THEY got to the point that their patient is trying to reach.

 

Since you're a chronic OW...how can you help him reach a goal you've not been to, and don't believe in?

[Lizzie60]

Now THAT got an out loud laugh from me!!!

 

But, on a serious note:

If you don't believe in marriage...how can you "help" him with his?

 

I'd agree, people with experience make great counselors...once they've overcome their own trouble and can help relate how THEY got to the point that their patient is trying to reach.

 

Since you're a chronic OW...how can you help him reach a goal you've not been to, and don't believe in?

 

Well like I said this is a confidential matter.. but between YOU and I.. I'll give you a few 'hints'.. shuuuussshhhh don't tell anyone...

 

he's not married.. they're living 'common-law'...

 

I don't see myself as a 'troubled' woman.. I think I am a very smart, fit, confident, know-where-she's-going type of lady.. I am very secured in all departments.. lol

 

Even if I'm a OW.. I can still help him reach his goals.. but ... see.. his goal is NOT to stop cheating..

[Owl]

AHHH...now it comes clear to me!

 

I should have seen it from that angle!!! /smacks forehead!

 

You're right...if his goal is to keep cheating...he picked the best possible counselor he could have!!! You've got DECADES of experience in successful cheating behind you, as well as a second profession dedicated to it!

 

DUH!!! I should have seen this already! Somedays, I should have just stayed in bed.

[Lizzie60]

AHHH...now it comes clear to me!

 

I should have seen it from that angle!!! /smacks forehead!

 

You're right...if his goal is to keep cheating...he picked the best possible counselor he could have!!! You've got DECADES of experience in successful cheating behind you, as well as a second profession dedicated to it!

 

DUH!!! I should have seen this already! Somedays, I should have just stayed in bed.

 

Tst.. tst.. tst.. wrong again.. I never cheated on any of my partners..

[Owl]

Yep...I shoulda just stayed in bed! :D

[Lizzie60]

Yep...I shoulda just stayed in bed! :D

 

Well.. yes.. maybe you shudda... get your stuff right..

 

Try again tomorrow..

[whichwayisup]

Try again tomorrow..

 

This made me LOL for real.

[Owl]

And on THAT note...have a good night, ladies!

[Lizzie60]

And on THAT note...have a good night, ladies!

 

Good night.. ha-hem.. be good.. get some rest..

[jmargel]

Only reason I see that you can't help him is because you are in a 'relationship' with him, at least in his eyes you are. No good counselor can help and sleep with their patient.

 

You also aren't qualified to be his counselor.

 

I don't know your background Lizzie, but from the brief PMs I had with you, you sound like a smart and kind person. Have you ever been married? If so, what happened with that?

 

Most women who go after MM are women who are afraid of commitment for some reason or another.

 

There are no guarantees in life, you can fall in love, get married and get hurt however the reason why it hurts so much is the same reasons why it feels so good to find and fall into it.

[jmargel]

By the way, about 5-6 years ago during my single days, I was the OM. Kinda fell into the role of it. She was a married for 17 years and claims she never cheated on him before me.

 

My intention was never for it to happen, and tried to be there as a friend for her as helping through her marriage problems. However I knew things have changed when she came over to my place one night and professed her love for me. When I told her I couldn't say the same thing back, she went nuts. I never saw a person so hurt before. It struck me the damage I was doing to her.

 

I cared for her and was very special to me, however I knew that instead of me helping her, I was more of a road block in her finding true happiness. I became selfish without knowing it. At that point in time I stopped trying to help her because of her attachment towards me. She would call and cry and was willing to leave everything behind but I wasn't ready for that. It saddened me quite a bit to know that someone who was neglected during a good part of her marriage, found it in me, however I wasn't ready to pursue it further.

 

Lizzie you kind of sound like in the same position I was. She didn't want to leave, she would be there anytime I called. She just loved me like a puppy loved their owner. It felt so good to be looked at that way and I didn't see it as an ego boost but as someone being worth something to someone. She was someone that latched on and honestly knew that she probably would have been someone very grateful and happy if I would have taken her in.

 

It's hard to let go of someone who adores you that much. The thing is, the longer you play this game, the longer they will do this. However, it's not fair for them, it's not fair to your MM. It's not fair to his wife. And it's not fair to you, because at some point in time you will be lonely and all of this will stop.

 

Not sure what your thoughts on this are, but wanted to give you my experience. It's something I don't bring up much, but I thought it was appropirate here.

[Lizzie60]

Only reason I see that you can't help him is because you are in a 'relationship' with him, at least in his eyes you are. No good counselor can help and sleep with their patient.

 

You also aren't qualified to be his counselor.

 

I don't know your background Lizzie, but from the brief PMs I had with you, you sound like a smart and kind person. Have you ever been married? If so, what happened with that?

 

Most women who go after MM are women who are afraid of commitment for some reason or another.

 

There are no guarantees in life, you can fall in love, get married and get hurt however the reason why it hurts so much is the same reasons why it feels so good to find and fall into it.

 

I know I am not a qualified counsellor... I'm being silly.. I'm not stupid.. I have never been married.. as I don't believe in vows and marriage but I was in 2 long term relationship (common-law) 1 for 18 yrs and 1 for 5 yrs. I left both times.. long story..

 

I am not looking for long term relationships.. I'm not even looking for relationships at all.. I don't want anyone full time in my life.. not even for dating..

 

I like my space and my freedom too much.. I like the fact that I can see different men on a regular basis.. I can't see myself with only one..

 

This is where I am at this stage of my life.. I don't say I'll never change.. but for now.. that's what makes me happy.

[Lizzie60]

By the way, about 5-6 years ago during my single days, I was the OM. Kinda fell into the role of it. She was a married for 17 years and claims she never cheated on him before me.

 

My intention was never for it to happen, and tried to be there as a friend for her as helping through her marriage problems. However I knew things have changed when she came over to my place one night and professed her love for me. When I told her I couldn't say the same thing back, she went nuts. I never saw a person so hurt before. It struck me the damage I was doing to her.

 

I cared for her and was very special to me, however I knew that instead of me helping her, I was more of a road block in her finding true happiness. I became selfish without knowing it. At that point in time I stopped trying to help her because of her attachment towards me. She would call and cry and was willing to leave everything behind but I wasn't ready for that. It saddened me quite a bit to know that someone who was neglected during a good part of her marriage, found it in me, however I wasn't ready to pursue it further.

 

Lizzie you kind of sound like in the same position I was. She didn't want to leave, she would be there anytime I called. She just loved me like a puppy loved their owner. It felt so good to be looked at that way and I didn't see it as an ego boost but as someone being worth something to someone. She was someone that latched on and honestly knew that she probably would have been someone very grateful and happy if I would have taken her in.

 

It's hard to let go of someone who adores you that much. The thing is, the longer you play this game, the longer they will do this. However, it's not fair for them, it's not fair to your MM. It's not fair to his wife. And it's not fair to you, because at some point in time you will be lonely and all of this will stop.

 

Not sure what your thoughts on this are, but wanted to give you my experience. It's something I don't bring up much, but I thought it was appropirate here.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience.. I don't think I am quite in the same position though.. This guy likes me a lot..but he's not 'in love' with me.. and I'm far from being in love with him.. I like him a lot but that's about it. We enjoy being together, to talk, to joke, etc.

 

It will eventually stop.. I know.. I just don't know when.. and we won't be devastated..

 

It's hard to explain.. but this is how I want to live my life for now..

 

Will I be lonely eventually.. I doubt it very much.. I've been single for the last 6 yrs now.. and being alone is not being lonely.. not in my case anyway.. I'm happier now than I've ever been.

 

Lots of women/men in relationships end up devastated and lonely.. there is no guarantee... but when someone is happy being single.. I truly don't see how they can end up lonely.. I really don't.

 

Trust me when I say this is the best life I've had so far.. I'm 20 years older than you.. I have lived what you are living right now.. it was good when it was good.. now.. it's something else.. and it's still good.

 

[JosieMcCoy]

Good for you Lizzie! You have much experience to offer!

 

Cheers!

[jmargel]

Well if it works for you, great.. I'm happy for ya

 

Just try to stay away from those married men..

[Lizzie60]

Good for you Lizzie! You have much experience to offer!

 

Cheers!

 

Thanks... you're sweet.. I like your avie..

[Lizzie60]

Well if it works for you, great.. I'm happy for ya

 

Just try to stay away from those married men..

 

He dropped in this afternoon.. we didn't do anything.. he begged me to go in the shower with him... and have sex.. I said no..

 

I was strong.. no.. not really.. I didn't feel like it..

 

We again had the talk.. but he hates it.. he said I sound like his mother.. ... we couldn't discuss his cheating.. he got mad and just don't want to talk about it.

 

At one point, I thought he was going to cry.. he said he was hurt when I said I wouldn't mind if I didn't see him anymore.. I am honest with him.. maybe too much..

 

He left.. I'm not sure if he'll be back.. he said he just can't stop thinking about me.. that he misses me .. blablabla..

 

I just have a hard time believing him... and that makes him even angrier at me.. that I don't take him seriously..

 

When he left he said.. 'men should have 2 women'.. lol.. He said, 'if I were single, I'd be with you'..

 

Ahhh les hommes!

[Owl]

Yep...sounds like this affair is doing WONDERS for his marriage!!

 

I totally understand now how people can say that they feel the affair often helps the marriage. Its clear in this case how much its helping for sure.

[nymphetgrown]

IMO you need to go NC with this guy. I really feel for his wife. I just don't understand how you can find such immature guys so attractive.

 

Me, neither. Give me men, not little boys looking for new toys.