NoIDidn't Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Just because men and women become parents, they don't cease to be people, people with desires and needs... I certainly don't hope this was offered up as some sort of justification for what he is doing to his gf and unborn child. If so, its a lame excuse. Sure parents have desires too. But it doesn't give them the right to trample on the rights of others to expect self-control and maturity. Once desires and needs become acceptable excuses, we should empty out all of our prisons as I am sure that the inmates had unmet desires and needs and that's why they did what they did. Well, all except the murderers. Unless they just desired to kill someone..... Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Did anyone ever stop to think: maybe this is the whole problem? Just because men and women become parents, they don't cease to be people, people with desires and needs... Maybe he's so afraid of what you guys all accept...He's going to be a father so put up with crazy, manipulative chick who bangs her head against the wall until she bleeds?! And this is just the beginning? Holy cow...She needs a shrink ASAP... Lizzie, I don't see why her having a baby is your problem anyway...It doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong...Their R is between them, you're not part of it... So if your pregnant daughter's husband were to screw around on her, you dont' think the OW shares any of the blame? Lizzie, I really like you (despite your lifestyle choices). But really, I don't understand why you allow this guy to continue to see you. You seem to have an influence over him...so why can't you talk him into revealing his wants to his gf? He's clearly not the monogamous kind. Don't you think he should come clean to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 So if your pregnant daughter's husband were to screw around on her, you dont' think the OW shares any of the blame? Lizzie, I really like you (despite your lifestyle choices). But really, I don't understand why you allow this guy to continue to see you. You seem to have an influence over him...so why can't you talk him into revealing his wants to his gf? He's clearly not the monogamous kind. Don't you think he should come clean to her? I understand what you're saying Ocean.. but the thing is, even if he would tell her... he and I know that she won't bulge.. she won't leave.. and he knows that. He will never be the monogamous kind as you say... he knows it, she knows it. The thing is, I like this guy, and I really (honestly) feel that I can help him in this relationship, with his baby, etc. I might become his best friend.. who knows.. I feel less and less 'sexual' with him .. and I think he noticed so he doesn't push anything. He is extremely intelligent, that's another thing I like about him. He works like crazy to give her a nice house, a nice living... he's proud and wants the best.. she doesn't make much money.. financially she can't survive alone... that's another reason why she won't let him go.. She is 'spoiled' in a way. Sex-wise.. she has a high sex drive.. so sex is not the issue.. but the timing is.. he works a lot, goes home and is too tired to perform.. she gets mad at him, they have fights sometimes in the middle of the night.. he's been working 12-14 hour day.. he just doesn't feel like fighting.. He finds her very immature and possessive... but I know he still loves her in his way. I don't want him to break his relationship with her... I want them to be happy. It's hard to explain but deep down I know it's not that bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 Did anyone ever stop to think: maybe this is the whole problem? Just because men and women become parents, they don't cease to be people, people with desires and needs... Maybe he's so afraid of what you guys all accept...He's going to be a father so put up with crazy, manipulative chick who bangs her head against the wall until she bleeds?! And this is just the beginning? Holy cow...She needs a shrink ASAP... Lizzie, I don't see why her having a baby is your problem anyway...It doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong...Their R is between them, you're not part of it... Yes, I agree, she would need a psych... She's very young though.. maybe she'll eventually grow up... (I hope..for his sake)... He once told me that he doesn't see himself with her all his life.. (if she didn't change).. He's not the first MM with a child on the go who cheats.. I don't see any difference with MM that cheat after or before they have kids. We had a good conversation yesterday.. and from what I heard, he will need good advices for his little boy (it's a boy!).. He was raised by old-school parents.. and he has 'old-school' ideas himself. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 They sound like a "can't live with each other, can't live without each other" kind of couple. Their poor kid has a world of dysfunction to look forward to. All I can say is that I hope the kid manages to live through his parents, and not grow up like them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 They sound like a "can't live with each other, can't live without each other" kind of couple. Their poor kid has a world of dysfunction to look forward to. All I can say is that I hope the kid manages to live through his parents, and not grow up like them. Yes I agree.. I feel a bit sorry for the kid.. They probably will do their best.. but between them.. there are a lot of issues that need to be addressed. They are both very hot-tempered... he told me stuff yesterday that I didn't know about him.. So that made me think that he will need support and advices for the baby. There are things that are not acceptable when you raise a kid.. I will be his personal 'councillor' Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I think because: in spite of your hyper sexuality; your bravado about “not needing a man for anything but sex”, and how you think male/female relationships pretty much “suck” ... THIS is the deeper kind of connection your secretly missing from all your lovers. He just left.. he stayed most of the afternoon, we had pizza... it was fun.. he was 'goofy', we talked... no sex... we just enjoy each other's company.. Although I don’t suspect you’ll ever actually come out and admit it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 I think because: in spite of your hyper sexuality; your bravado about “not needing a man for anything but sex”, and how you think male/female relationships pretty much “suck” ... THIS is the deeper kind of connection your secretly missing from all your lovers. Although I don’t suspect you’ll ever actually come out and admit it. No.. I honestly don't think so.. been there done that.. I was most of my life in long-term relationships.. I do not need a man in my life.. other than for sex... (and the usual chores around the house).. I do have male platonic friends and female friends for all that 'goofy'- pizza - movies - trips - etc... stuff.. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I do have male platonic friends and female friends for all that 'goofy'- pizza - movies - trips - etc... stuff.. True enough. But it’s all the more special when you find that lover and goofy best friend all rolled up into one person. That sort of sets them above the rest and makes them someone worth holding onto. If partitioning out all your needs to different people worked so well in theory ... then we’d never get so hung up on that one individual who somehow met them all. And the “letting him go” thing wouldn’t even be an issue. NOT if you had so many others lined up who could so easily fill in all those gaps for you like he does. Careful Lizzie! You’re almost on the verge of slipping into what might constitute a as genuine “relationship” ... like the rest of us poor saps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 True enough. But it’s all the more special when you find that lover and goofy best friend all rolled up into one person. That sort of sets them above the rest and makes them someone worth holding onto. If partitioning out all your needs to different people worked so well in theory ... then we’d never get so hung up on that one individual who somehow met them all. And the “letting him go” thing wouldn’t even be an issue. NOT if you had so many others lined up who could so easily fill in all those gaps for you like he does. Careful Lizzie! You’re almost on the verge of slipping into what might constitute a as genuine “relationship” ... like the rest of us poor saps. Hahaha.. no.. trust me on that one.. I know I won't... but I have to agree that, with him, I find everything rolled up in one person... but I know how I feel.. I am not 'in love'.. I enjoy him.. but when he's not around.. I sometimes don't think about him for days.. so that proves that I'm not emotionally involved with him. I never call him.. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 So if your pregnant daughter's husband were to screw around on her, you dont' think the OW shares any of the blame? No I don't...I would blame her H...What the heck is wrong with people around here?! Put blame where it belongs.... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I guess if you feel no responsibility towards potentially affecting a child's life, this will be your attitude. After all, it's not your child, so what does it matter? You are so right TBF! Kudos! You hit it on the head! He has the responsibility to his child: to provide for it, to nurture it, to love it... He can do that WITHOUT being with it's mother... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I certainly don't hope this was offered up as some sort of justification for what he is doing to his gf and unborn child. If so, its a lame excuse. Sure parents have desires too. But it doesn't give them the right to trample on the rights of others to expect self-control and maturity. Once desires and needs become acceptable excuses, we should empty out all of our prisons as I am sure that the inmates had unmet desires and needs and that's why they did what they did. Well, all except the murderers. Unless they just desired to kill someone..... Why is this always what it comes down to? It seems that the smartest thing to do is to look for common threads throughout all these stories so that you can safeguard your own R/M... Instead what happens? People come here and just blah, blah, blah their own justification for why their M sucks...and blame it on selfishness... I think it's just as selfish to completely forget your vows to your H and completely ignore his needs...That's why a lot of men cheat...So wouldn't it be smarter to realize it and make an effort? Even if you really don't feel like it? If it makes your M better just by doing that one simple thing? To me it seems like a no-brainer but apparently people just want to get married and that's it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 That's why a lot of men cheat I don't think so. It's a matter of character. It's not a matter of a man "not gettin' any at home." It's already been stated that the guy in question's g/f has a high sex drive. Anyway, I don't think this guy will come around much longer if he's not getting any sex. He's clearly a serial cheater and will find someone else soon who will provide him with he high he requires. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 You are so right TBF! Kudos! You hit it on the head! He has the responsibility to his child: to provide for it, to nurture it, to love it... He can do that WITHOUT being with it's mother... So you recommend that he leave a pregnant SO, so he can hang with someone who's old enough to be his grandmother? I dunno...GEL...this doesn't sound like very healthy advice to anyone. Some people will always put their "now" selfish need, over everything else. ME, ME, ME. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Lizzie, I know you are very content with your choices and life-style which is a good thing. BUT could you be, ever in the least bit, falling for this guy? I think that you have rather strong feelings for him. Just saying! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 Lizzie, I know you are very content with your choices and life-style which is a good thing. BUT could you be, ever in the least bit, falling for this guy? I think that you have rather strong feelings for him. Just saying! No.. I swear on my grand-daughter's head.. seriously.. no.. I like him a lot.. but there is no 'love' in the traditional term. I can go on for days/weeks without thinking about him.. if I don't hear from him... If I was falling for him.. he would be in my mind more often.. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 OK! I agree. He would be on your mind constantly for sure. In the falling in love stage, you can think of nothing else but the person you are falling for. Besides, you know yourself better than anyone in here. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 so that proves that I'm not emotionally involved with him. I never call him.. But you definately post about him more than your other MM. I dunno, I still think you are getting emotionally attached to him. You say you never call him, yet when he calls you or shows up at your door, you can't say no.... Anyway, you of all people should realize that there's a good chance some of what he's told you about her is bullcrap, or extreme exaggeration. Who in their right mind would get a girl pregnant when she threatens herself? Hurts herself? Either he is lying to you or he is very messed up in the head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 But you definately post about him more than your other MM. I dunno, I still think you are getting emotionally attached to him. You say you never call him, yet when he calls you or shows up at your door, you can't say no.... Anyway, you of all people should realize that there's a good chance some of what he's told you about her is bullcrap, or extreme exaggeration. Who in their right mind would get a girl pregnant when she threatens herself? Hurts herself? Either he is lying to you or he is very messed up in the head. I am not with them so I only have to go with what he's telling me.. he has no reason to lie to me.. in fact, sometimes I think he's too opened. She doesn't threaten herself 24/7.. it happens a few times.. when it came close to break.. they also have a good relationship in general, between the 'fits' like a lot of couples I guess. He's not lying but he admitted more than once that he's an idiot for doing what he's doing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 OH baloney he's having a hard time ditching a pre-menopausal 50-something year old woman for a young lady who's having his child. THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!! I'm glad I make you laugh.. and oooh.. I think I'm post-menopausal.. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 So you recommend that he leave a pregnant SO, so he can hang with someone who's old enough to be his grandmother? I dunno...GEL...this doesn't sound like very healthy advice to anyone. Some people will always put their "now" selfish need, over everything else. ME, ME, ME. If that's all you can get out of what I said, then there's nothing more I can say... I can't see how being with a woman who INJURES herself is better than an older woman?! Maybe you can explain this to me... Or maybe not... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 If that's all you can get out of what I said, then there's nothing more I can say... I can't see how being with a woman who INJURES herself is better than an older woman?! Maybe you can explain this to me... Or maybe not... No she can't, like no one else can, without knowing me personally and knowing this guy.. they can always assume all they want.. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 I don't believe that stuff about her banging her head until it bleeds - sounds like classic MM cheat making up ridiculous stories to tell the OW about why he doesn't leave the W/why he's cheating/etc....Lizzie, seriously, do the right thing and stop helping him act like a loser...he sounds like the biggest jackass going and he needs to man up and respect his W. I guess you have loads of cute guys on the scene so you wont miss this one! If he doesnt want to be with her, then RESPECT her and finish it and provide for the kid, then he can date all he likes and you 2 can hang out all you like. And this control issue....so you can 'control' him, so what...he gets the ego boost and attention from you anyways, he wants to feel wanted and you give him that, so you're not controlling anyone...if he wants sex and you wont give it to him he'll go elsewhere, but he'll keep coming back for the ego stroking.... Jeez, whatever happened to doing the right thing...! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 I don't believe that stuff about her banging her head until it bleeds - sounds like classic MM cheat making up ridiculous stories to tell the OW about why he doesn't leave the W/why he's cheating/etc....Lizzie, seriously, do the right thing and stop helping him act like a loser...he sounds like the biggest jackass going and he needs to man up and respect his W. I guess you have loads of cute guys on the scene so you wont miss this one! If he doesnt want to be with her, then RESPECT her and finish it and provide for the kid, then he can date all he likes and you 2 can hang out all you like. And this control issue....so you can 'control' him, so what...he gets the ego boost and attention from you anyways, he wants to feel wanted and you give him that, so you're not controlling anyone...if he wants sex and you wont give it to him he'll go elsewhere, but he'll keep coming back for the ego stroking.... Jeez, whatever happened to doing the right thing...! See.. we have different opinions about doing the right thing.. I believe him... why wouldn't I.. I know he is finding excuses for his cheating cause he's always saying he's an idiot for doing what he's doing blablabla.. I know he loves her... I'm sure he does.. but he also loves me.. in his own way... I don't think he gets any ego boost from me.. I'm 30 years older than he is.. I am the one who gets it.. He's only 25... but he's extremely mature for his age.. she's the immature one. Link to post Share on other sites
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