jmmm Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 My b/f was on his computer and as I came by he scrolled down really fast so I couldnt view the page..He tried to say he wasn't hiding anything but eventually he said he was looking at women. He said someone sent it to him. And I said how is that supposed to make me feel that you are looking at naked women? Meanwhile we slept together hours ago, so it really makes me feel horrible. He basically told me I really don't care how beautiful a boyfriend's girlfriend is or wife or whatever..if a guy can look at a naked picture of a girl, he is going to. He said i am jealous of a computer screen and what do you think I will do--sleep with my computer? I know i cant do anything about it but it bothers me and he is basically telling me this is my problem Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 It is your problem. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Go get on the computer, pull up some naked men. Make sure you know he will walk into the room and see what you're looking at. When he asks you why you're looking at them say to him, "if a girl can look at a pic of naked guys she will." Then tell him it is his problem. Basically everything he just told you. If he is ok with it, then all is fine. If he is not, then he just called his little kettle black. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 It is YOUR problem... jealousy kills 'love'. As JJ said.. do the same thing... but he probably won't mind. Are you jealous of the porn star when you're watching porn together? Come on... Link to post Share on other sites
shanny Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 There is not a guy on this earth that wouldn't look at a naked women when he has the chance. It sucks for us, but unless you wanna switch teams there is nothing you can do about it. Relax... as long as he's not obsessed with it or chosing porn over sex with you, you have nothing to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 My b/f was on his computer and as I came by he scrolled down really fast so I couldnt view the page..He tried to say he wasn't hiding anything but eventually he said he was looking at women. He said someone sent it to him. And I said how is that supposed to make me feel that you are looking at naked women? Meanwhile we slept together hours ago, so it really makes me feel horrible. He basically told me I really don't care how beautiful a boyfriend's girlfriend is or wife or whatever..if a guy can look at a naked picture of a girl, he is going to. He said i am jealous of a computer screen and what do you think I will do--sleep with my computer? I know i cant do anything about it but it bothers me and he is basically telling me this is my problem Why is it that a lot of men say it is "jealousy"? Some ladies don't care if thier men look at other women....I do, I think it is rude in some situations. Viewing porn, whether it be "soft" or "hard core" causes me to think I am not enouph for my man as I don't go running around looking at other naked men, or even looking period (and that is the truth). When women communicate the fact that it does bother them, they then become labeled or made to think there is something wrong with them....nope....everyone is entitled to handle their relationships the way they see fit and communicate what makes them uncomfortable....then the other party can make an educated decision as to whether they will respect their mates concerns.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 i just feel its such an excuse--"it doesn't matter how pretty a girlfriend or wife is, if its there we will want to see it" He said atleast i am not doing it in front of you and making comments. I said oh so just do it behind my back? and he said absolutely..he said im sorry but guys do like looking at naked girls. it almost makes me feel this can be used as an excuse for physical cheating as well "it doesnt matter how pretty or good looking the partner is, if its there and available why not" i know the two are VERY different but i feel this excuse is probably used in both ways in regards to looking at porn and physical cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 i just feel its such an excuse--"it doesn't matter how pretty a girlfriend or wife is, if its there we will want to see it" He said atleast i am not doing it in front of you and making comments. I said oh so just do it behind my back? and he said absolutely..he said im sorry but guys do like looking at naked girls. it almost makes me feel this can be used as an excuse for physical cheating as well "it doesnt matter how pretty or good looking the partner is, if its there and available why not" i know the two are VERY different but i feel this excuse is probably used in both ways in regards to looking at porn and physical cheating. Sounds pretty much like a justfication on his part. Even though it might be true men look at naked women, I would have to say, alot of men in loving committed realtionships at least take into consideration their partners feelings on the matter. I'm not sure what you situation is really, but if he can't at least see how you feel, then maybe you should find somsone who shares you same views or can compromise with you on the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 i just feel its such an excuse--"it doesn't matter how pretty a girlfriend or wife is, if its there we will want to see it" He said atleast i am not doing it in front of you and making comments. I said oh so just do it behind my back? and he said absolutely..he said im sorry but guys do like looking at naked girls. it almost makes me feel this can be used as an excuse for physical cheating as well "it doesnt matter how pretty or good looking the partner is, if its there and available why not" i know the two are VERY different but i feel this excuse is probably used in both ways in regards to looking at porn and physical cheating. From what I read.. he doesn't really care what YOU think.. he will do it no matter what.. And you're right.. if it's available, why not? porn or cheating.. it's a fact. sorry but if he's not what you're looking for.. better dump him now.. this guy comes out as being arrogant and selfish.. if you don't like this type you need to move on IMO.. sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 From what I read.. he doesn't really care what YOU think.. he will do it no matter what.. And you're right.. if it's available, why not? porn or cheating.. it's a fact. sorry but if he's not what you're looking for.. better dump him now.. this guy comes out as being arrogant and selfish.. if you don't like this type you need to move on IMO.. sorry... Yep, I agree. I don't have a problem with porn really. But I do feel that two people should be on the same page about it, or find some kind of common ground, or it will always be a problem in the realtionship, and more than likely not work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 So what do i do..break up over this? Wouldn't this issue exist with most other guys? Its effortless to be on the computer and view this material Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 So what do i do..break up over this? Wouldn't this issue exist with most other guys? Its effortless to be on the computer and view this material What would you like to do about it? I'm not saying you have to break up, but if you feel like its going to continue tob e an issue even after he knows how you feel, why would you want to stay with someone who disrepects how you feel on the matter? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I dunno, after reading your other threads I think you should break things off with him, for his sake. You have put him through enough over the past two years. I'm not sure how or why he stayed around as long as he did. I would warn you of one thing: changing boyfriends won't change your problems. I would hope you'd find a way to address your insecurity and jealousy before you try dating anyone else and putting them through that. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I personally think you are overreacting. Men like to look at naked chicks, it doesn't mean they will cheat. A porn addiction is a whole 'nother ball game, but I think you are making mountains out of molehills, and yes, there will be the same problem with other guys most likley. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 it does bother me..but it seems its almost acceptable now adays..i'm just saying even if it is an issue with me which it is because i hate the idea of a boyfriend sleeping with me and getting turned on by these fake women--how can it be avoided unless the guy has deep religious views or is completely against the idea of viewing porn? i find it very hard to believe that a guy will say ok i will never look at it again or look at any of the e-mails from guy friends i happen to get that include this stuff...it just doesnt seem realistic to believe if a guy is sitting at his computer at night by himself. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 it does bother me..but it seems its almost acceptable now adays..i'm just saying even if it is an issue with me which it is because i hate the idea of a boyfriend sleeping with me and getting turned on by these fake women--how can it be avoided unless the guy has deep religious views or is completely against the idea of viewing porn? i find it very hard to believe that a guy will say ok i will never look at it again or look at any of the e-mails from guy friends i happen to get that include this stuff...it just doesnt seem realistic to believe if a guy is sitting at his computer at night by himself. I think you are absolutely right, and if it bothers you THAT much, perhaps you should consider going out with a super religious guy. On the other hand, how do you know what he fantasizes about when he masturbates ? How and where are you going to draw the line ? Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 it does bother me..but it seems its almost acceptable now adays..i'm just saying even if it is an issue with me which it is because i hate the idea of a boyfriend sleeping with me and getting turned on by these fake women--how can it be avoided unless the guy has deep religious views or is completely against the idea of viewing porn? i find it very hard to believe that a guy will say ok i will never look at it again or look at any of the e-mails from guy friends i happen to get that include this stuff...it just doesnt seem realistic to believe if a guy is sitting at his computer at night by himself. I say, try what JJ had suggested on the first page. Might be worth a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtzdonit Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Fact: (Straight) men like to look at women, clothed or naked. Skimpy is better because it leaves lots to the imagination. Fact: Times have not changed. The medium has. Men (including married men) have been hanging pin-ups on their walls for a long long time. We just have better methods for looking at those pin-ups. Fact(ish): The more of a problem you have with it, the more you tell him NO HE CAN"T, the more he will "try" to hide it. Fact(I guess this should be an ISH as well): Just looking will not cause an affair. Some like to say "Just because I like to look at the desert cart don't mean I want to order from it." Find a happy medium you both can live with. Would you have a problem with if he looked only when your not around? Or does the knowledge weird you out as much as the catching did? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmmm Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 i just feel like a person is being used in a way..sleep with me when im available and when i am not look at these photoshop girls and tell me i'm being insecure and justify the guys behavior by saying "hey atleast he isn't sleeping with a girl" I guess it is part insecure..but i also think that whenever a woman has a problem with certain things--its labeled as insecure. Is a woman supposed to think--YES! My boyfriend is looking at HOT women on the internet and we just slept together 5 hours ago...i feel wonderful.. it just seems like we are supposed to turn a blind eye. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 i just feel like a person is being used in a way..sleep with me when im available and when i am not look at these photoshop girls and tell me i'm being insecure and justify the guys behavior by saying "hey atleast he isn't sleeping with a girl" I guess it is part insecure..but i also think that whenever a woman has a problem with certain things--its labeled as insecure. Is a woman supposed to think--YES! My boyfriend is looking at HOT women on the internet and we just slept together 5 hours ago...i feel wonderful.. it just seems like we are supposed to turn a blind eye. You know what? I'm not saying this will make you feel any better, but here it goes. Alot, of and I didn't say ALL, but alot, of those women in porn vids are insecure. Yep thats right. Thats why they get the fake boobs and are in those movies. NO NOT ALL, but alot of them. If they were secure they wouldn't do what they do. You see its the opposite of what some think. Some think theya re secure and thats why they take their clothes off, nah its about putting on a show and filling a void of something that is missing in their lives. Sure alot of it is for money too, but there are other jobs more respectable ones that pay good. There are ALOT of women who have left the porn industry and will tells of their story and how insecure they were, hopped up on drugs, and how they were and and lookng to fill a void in their life. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 i just feel like a person is being used in a way..sleep with me when im available and when i am not look at these photoshop girls and tell me i'm being insecure and justify the guys behavior by saying "hey atleast he isn't sleeping with a girl" I guess it is part insecure..but i also think that whenever a woman has a problem with certain things--its labeled as insecure. Is a woman supposed to think--YES! My boyfriend is looking at HOT women on the internet and we just slept together 5 hours ago...i feel wonderful.. it just seems like we are supposed to turn a blind eye. I would bet money that porn is not as glamous as its made out to be. Its pretty much about fantasy. Nothing wrong with that, but when they are infront of a camera thats all it is. You'd be real surpsied at what goes on when there is no camera rolling. Its not pretty. Sounds like you told him how you felt, he either respects that, or you both come to an understanding, or its time to move on because other than that I'm not sure waht else to tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
maica3 Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I agree, it is pretty much acceptable now a days and you're right it is not realistic to believe a guy will stop looking.....so what do you do? None of that changes the fact that it still hurts. I find myself in the same situations, but I am married to the guy so although it bothers me a lot, I cant just dump him. Am I insecure, well I didnt think so, but if it bothers me this much, but how can it not. He is showing that I am not enough, he is attracted to more than just me......and at what point does it turn from just looking to acting and following through? Sorry I'm not much help, I guess I am trying o find the same answers....so what do you do? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I guess it is part insecure.. You think? In this thread, it is naked pictures. What is next? Where does it end? Go back and read all the threads you have posted. Notice a pattern? I don't think your relationship has a chance if you keep running it into the ground with your jealousy, insecurity, and accusations. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 First, I'm a 57 year old guy, almost 58, however my penis is fully functional so I guess my opinion still counts. During my 25 years I occasionally viewed porn. First soft magazines, later when the technology became available in the 90's on the computer. I was a problem toward the end of the marriage. Divorced 7 years I'm trying hard to work into another (probably my final) serious realtionship. I can tell all who read this that I absolutely would not risk even the slightest discomfort in my hoped for relationship by keeping or viewing porn of any kind. Porn has no value that lasts beyond the few minutes it's viewed. A worthwhile relationahip has endless value. Why bother with porn, or any other obvious impediments to a successful relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
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