nescafe1982 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 For those that have moved or considering moving, how do you feel about leaving family behind? That's my only issue. I feel like a hypocrite because I said I would "never move for a man" but here I am considering it (never thought I would in a million years). We've been together for a year and a few months and we both are aware that eventually the distance has to end. We are both patient. He can't find work in my state and he's been trying so so hard for months but no luck...and he can't just leave his job and move to me that wouldn't be smart as his savings would dry up quickly and if he doesn't find work he'd have to depend on me after his saving are gone and he'd feel like crap. And he can't transfer. However, I can transfer. Where I work my boss would transfer me to another location right by his home, in the same state! My only issue is, I would miss family too much I feel like a big baby and I'm in my late 20s lol. I am so very close to my sisters and my mother. I'd hate to leave them behind and don't want them thinking I don't care about them. I do love my boyfriend and we are in a very serious, committed relationship and my family have met him and like him but they don't want me moving though. I may feel miserable once I move even though I would be happy to be with him. How do you handle it? I don't know what I should do. Hope someone can chime in. Thank you. This was a consideration for me. I'm 31 but was living in the town adjacent to my aging grandparents. I was partial caretaker for my grandfather, who's 81 and has late-stage dementia. The concept of switching coasts gave me a lot of anxiety, honestly. ...but in the end, one has to make a choice to do what is right for them. Meaning, I can't ignore the direction of my life to continue to play that role in someone else's, especially not when it would mean potentially losing out on one of the most important things in life (love). I grappled with feeling guilty/selfish for a while, but then got proactive and: 1) told my family I had decided to move; 2) helped my grandmother find a "Day Out" Program that would ease the burden of caring for my grandfather; 3) set aside a fund so that I could still come for visits frequently (like once a month). It was still hard to leave them, but what else can be done? So my advice? Don't ever say "I'll never move for a man." I've said that myself dozens of times, and the truth of it is that if it's the right man, you will be confronted by that choice at some point or another. Everyone moves these days... either he follows you, you follow him, etc. It doesn't make the decision any easier, though. But in the case you do want to make the choice to move, do everything in your power to arrange how/when you will also see your family before you leave.... I think this gave me a sense of peace about it. For instance, when I left on the morning of October 20, I didn't think "well, goodbye to you guys." I thought, "hey, I'll see y'all on December 19, when I return!) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 Thank you so much nescafe, your reply was very appreciated; made me feel better and it's nice to see you went through something similar. You gotta live your life. Thanks again. I'm happy that all is well with you and your SO. I'll keep posted. Take care 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 For those that have moved or considering moving, how do you feel about leaving family behind? That's my only issue. I feel like a hypocrite because I said I would "never move for a man" but here I am considering it (never thought I would in a million years). We've been together for a year and a few months and we both are aware that eventually the distance has to end. We are both patient. He can't find work in my state and he's been trying so so hard for months but no luck...and he can't just leave his job and move to me that wouldn't be smart as his savings would dry up quickly and if he doesn't find work he'd have to depend on me after his saving are gone and he'd feel like crap. And he can't transfer. However, I can transfer. Where I work my boss would transfer me to another location right by his home, in the same state! My only issue is, I would miss family too much I feel like a big baby and I'm in my late 20s lol. I am so very close to my sisters and my mother. I'd hate to leave them behind and don't want them thinking I don't care about them. I do love my boyfriend and we are in a very serious, committed relationship and my family have met him and like him but they don't want me moving though. I may feel miserable once I move even though I would be happy to be with him. How do you handle it? I don't know what I should do. Hope someone can chime in. Thank you. I'll be the one moving and moving different countries. In fact, in the next few weeks my family is flying with me to go visit his family. We're not planning on getting married for at least another year and a half and we wanted to give them opportunities to meet before our wedding. Have you asked your family if they want to travel to where you're moving to? It might ease their minds and hearts a little bit to see and experience where you'll eventually be living. My family (I'm also very close with my parents and siblings) means everything to me and, like you, I never in a million years would've thought I'd move. But here I am... but my family is also very happy that I have found someone who treats me like the most precious thing to have ever walked this world. I wonder sometimes, what did I do to deserve it? Sometimes you fall in love with someone and moving is just a part of life. What if one day in the future, when he is able to find work in your state, that you move back? Or like many couples I know that started out local and got married, one of them would get an opportunity to move to a different state or across the country for work. The wife/husband will follow. For us, flights are about 3.5 hours and we can only fly to one another. When I decided I wanted to move and when we both realized it was the best decision for the both of us, my F said that it would be a priority of his to ensure that we can fly my family out at least a few times a year (on our dime). Of course my family will make the effort to come and visit me too. My F also said that he would be happy to give my family all of the holidays that they feel are important (Christmas, Thanksgiving etc). It's a compromise we are both making together. I'm a bit rambling today but I guess my point is, it will be tough because you are so close and love them so much. You will likely get homesick in the beginning. But my family would never want me to give up someone I truly love and want to start a family with because I'm too afraid to leave home. At the end, there are ways to make it work without feeling like you've "left them behind". I surely know my family doesn't feel that even though they will miss me and I'll miss them terribly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 Thanks CherryT! Super helpful. Wow you are making a very big move. How exciting! Like you, my family like him and think he's a great guy and we are very excited to close the distance. I'm glad your family will be going with you to see where you will be living, that's a great idea. It's good that you and SO have discussed when the visits will be w/ family. Do keep us posted on your move Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 2 weeks, 2 days How's everyone else doing? How's your SO? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Good thanks, currently in his country with him for 16 days, am here for a week longer, having a lovely time and already not wanting to leave him behind next week, but he'll be with me for 2 weeks xmas/new year. 2 weeks, 2 days How's everyone else doing? How's your SO? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Good thanks, currently in his country with him for 16 days, am here for a week longer, having a lovely time and already not wanting to leave him behind next week, but he'll be with me for 2 weeks xmas/new year. Yay! Glad you're enjoying yourself Another country. Sounds exciting. 16 days is nice and lengthy. Leaving is always so hard but knowing you'll be seeing him again soon makes it better; especially for those holidays. Nice! Link to post Share on other sites
trinkletinkle Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 2 weeks, 2 days How's everyone else doing? How's your SO? So sweet of you to ask! I have been doing pretty good until today. I don't know what it is, but I just started feeling down and doubting our relationship. Sigh. I hope this is just a mini-episode that I'm going through. He is doing well. Busy, but well. I do miss him, despite today. So any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated! Just under 3 weeks left...How are you doing, Gal?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) So sweet of you to ask! I have been doing pretty good until today. I don't know what it is, but I just started feeling down and doubting our relationship. Sigh. I hope this is just a mini-episode that I'm going through. He is doing well. Busy, but well. I do miss him, despite today. So any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated! Just under 3 weeks left...How are you doing, Gal?? I'm doing well thanks Awww sorry to hear that *hugs* Honestly I think it's normal to start to doubt the relationship, especially when it's long distance. I have dealt with it before, not because I don't think he's a great guy and we get along so well but sometimes I wonder if we'll be together long-term because we live 12 hours apart and I wish the gap would close a little faster. The pessimistic in me says it won't last even though we're going strong for over a year and have seen each other quite often. I especially doubt when men approach me...I wonder, am I wasting my time on one man who may not even be who I end up marrying one day or should I keep my options open? I never would because I truly do love him and not interested in anyone else. Then I get upset when I think this way because I have honestly never been treated so well in any relationship I've been in. Btw, yesterday I felt down also. It was our 13 month anniversary and it made me feel all types of ways. I wasn't happy. LDRs are doable but not being able to be together when you want to does have its downfall. I remember you posted that you saw him for a week not too long ago, it's great you are seeing him again so soon. What is making you doubt? If you really dig deep you'll find your answer. If it isn't his loyalty to you, or if he's not trying to close the distance then what exactly is causing you to doubt him? 3 weeks is soon approaching! I hope you two have an amazing time together. How long will you be with him? Edited November 14, 2013 by ThisGal Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 All good things must come to an end so they say - and our three months was up today. He left this morning and I'm feeling a bit sad and lost without him at the moment . It was a great three months though so I shouldn't complain! He left here 15 hours ago and he doesn't arrive there until Saturday morning (that's another 21 hours!), but we've started the countdown to Christmas already! He's back here for another month long visit, arriving on Christmas eve - so 40 days to go! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 All good things must come to an end so they say - and our three months was up today. He left this morning and I'm feeling a bit sad and lost without him at the moment . It was a great three months though so I shouldn't complain! He left here 15 hours ago and he doesn't arrive there until Saturday morning (that's another 21 hours!), but we've started the countdown to Christmas already! He's back here for another month long visit, arriving on Christmas eve - so 40 days to go! I had a 3 month visit, too. June, July, Aug and it was tough not having him beside me once I was back home so I understand the feeling. At least it was a very memorable 3 months. And you are seeing him again soon, so that's awesome. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Next regular monthly visit is during Thanksgiving week (USA) with the kids this time! Yay! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Carenth Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 Just landed last night. Everything all approved to be here for two years (was a bit worried at the border they were taking forever to process paperwork). I'm super happy at the moment, so is my girlfriend. I was randomly offered a job by a store owner at a mall when he overheard me giving some advice to one of my girlfriends friends who we met up for lunch. Not that I'm particularly interested in working in retail again... I haven't done that for a long time now. I did find it amusing that within 2 hours of arriving in the city where my girlfriend was I was offered a job one I didn't even apply for none the less. He told me if I'm still looking for work once I'm settled in to come see him... Need to get all the basics set up now but so far so good 8 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Not looking forward to going back to the UK in 2 days, the past 2 weeks have been wonderful/special. To be honest, the thought of going back home to an empty house depresses me. The longer we have together and also the closer we become over the years the harder it can be to leave, but he'll be over for 2 weeks in a month's time. We've had more time together than normal, so I'm not looking forward next year to us going back to just meeting about every 7-8 weeks and for shorter times. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Good to hear you had a great time, that's gone quickly, even to me! I'm feeling sad about leaving my partner after 16 days, in 2 day's time, 3 months would be very hard (especially as we've no plans to close the distance). All good things must come to an end so they say - and our three months was up today. He left this morning and I'm feeling a bit sad and lost without him at the moment . It was a great three months though so I shouldn't complain! He left here 15 hours ago and he doesn't arrive there until Saturday morning (that's another 21 hours!), but we've started the countdown to Christmas already! He's back here for another month long visit, arriving on Christmas eve - so 40 days to go! Link to post Share on other sites
trinkletinkle Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Hey Gal! Thank you for your words. Made me feel instantly better. I suppose it's only natural to feel the ups and downs in any relationship. But god I miss him. And yes, I will see him soon for 1 whole month!! 2 more weeks!!! :bunny::bunny: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThomasD Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 He's back here for another month long visit, arriving on Christmas eve - so 40 days to go! The countdown has been re-set! Thanks for updating us about the great experience. I hope it repeats . . . in 40 days, and eventually forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Anna29 Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 Meeting my "friend" for the first time tomorrow night. We decided not to make anything official until we meet. At the moment i'm super nervous! But very happy to finally be in the same room for once We have been talking for a year now, so it's about time! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amayana Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 This Friday 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 Hey Gal! Thank you for your words. Made me feel instantly better. I suppose it's only natural to feel the ups and downs in any relationship. But god I miss him. And yes, I will see him soon for 1 whole month!! 2 more weeks!!! :bunny::bunny: No problem Yay, 2 weeks is close! Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGal Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 10 days Super excited after almost 4 months apart, yikes! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Thinker Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 She's not really my "SO", but 9 months Link to post Share on other sites
bill101 Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 Hi, 14 days here !!! I can't wait!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SaltwaterHeart Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Flight booked, only 24 days to go and we'll have a whole month together!! Haven't had that much time together since I left one and half years ago... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 Next Tuesday night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoop Whoop! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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