3.5 months on - update

[SarahT111]

Hi all!

 

I thought I would give you all an update on my situation seen you all helped me so much when going through my break-up.

 

Its has been almost 3 and a half months since my ex of 2.5years broke up with me. He was my first serious relationship and first breakup.

He left for another girl which tore my heart to shreds. I was so down in the first two months that all I wanted to do was die. I was in an unbelievable amount of physical pain. So much that I cant even attempt to describe it. I was terrified and lonely. I stopped eating and lost over 12kg in 2 months. I could never sleep and spent every single day crying.

I went through two months of blaming myself entirely. I could see no fault within him, only within my own actions. The first two months were the hardest two months I have ever been through, hands down. I hit ultimate rock bottom.

 

After one day of begging and questioning my ex I found this sight and went straight into NC. I have not contacted him for 3.5 months. He has not contacted me either. I found out after about 2.5 months his new gf (the one he left me for) had dumped him. I considered contacting him then for a while but ultimately decided against it.

I have had days where the urge to contact him was so great. Some days I wanted to abuse him for hurting me so bad & some days I wanted to beg and tell him how much I love him. So i made a rule stating that if I felt the same way that I was feeling then in one weeks then I will contact him and tell him. One week on I NEVER felt the same way.

 

Anyway the past month or so has seen small signs of healing. The huge physical pain has lessened and I have began to eat and enjoy life a bit more again. I no longer feel like I want to die.

I wont lie, I still miss him but it is nowhere near as bad as the first two months.

Once the massive pain subsided I was able to see clearly and understand that it wasn't all my fault and he wasn't a nice man. I was able to look back and see all the warning signs I had missed as I was so in love with this man.

 

A BIG mistake I did make was stalking him through face book and mutual friends after the break-up.

I read all the affectionate comments he left his new gf and heard all the comments he made about me saying he was so relieved he had dumped me and that I was a terrible gf etc etc.

These comments tore my heart out and still play round and round in my head to this day. No matter what mood i am in, whenever I think of these comments its like a dagger to my heart.

I know they will follow me around for a while and pain will always resurface whenever I think of them.

It put my ex in such a position of power as I was hearing and seeing all these negative and hurtful comments about me but had no way to defend myself and hit back. I just had to sit there and take it.

 

So my main advice to anyone would be to NOT stalk an ex through internet sights or mutual friends. And NOT to beg and question them. The things he/she will say to you at that time is something that could potentially scar you for a very long time. It is ultimately best not to know and not to hear their nasty reasons for not wanting you!!!

 

Another mistake I made was to rush out and try and replace my ex asap. I wanted that feeling of love back. I didn't know what else to do.

I met someone straight away who liked me and I tried so hard to force myself to love him (which was an absolute joke) I tried to change him so he was just like my ex then got mad at him when he didn't act the way I wanted him to. I used to come home every night crying because he was nothing like my ex and I couldn't love him. It lasted about a week. It just added to my pain and made me feel even worse.

 

I have learnt soooooooo much in the past 3.5 months and can honestly say I am a completely different person.

One of the biggest lessons I learnt is not to ignore all the warning signs and uneasiness I felt at times with my ex.

When I look back now there were sooooooooooooooo many warning signs that I looked past as I was so in love.

 

He treated his gf before me EXACTALLY the same way as he treated me.

It is VERY true that past behaviour is an indication of present behaviour.

He lied to me and made her out to look like the most horrible person in the world to justify his own behaviour. He did the same when he dumped me. He told our mutual friends I cheated on him (which is 100% untrue) and that i treated him like dirt so he wouldn't look bad for the way he treated me.

 

So to everyone out there going through what I did, hang in there!!

It WILL get better!

I loved this guy more than I thought possible to love someone and I NEVER thought the pain would go away but it does.

PLEASE do not stalk an ex over internet sights or beg and question an ex. The things he/she says can have the potential to scar you for life.

Don't force yourself to move on. Just wait until the time right, and there WILL come a day where the time is right.

 

Im not over my ex and don't know how long It will take, if it ever happens. The main point of this post was to tell people going through someone thing similar that it DOES get better. Although it may feel like it, you wont stay at rock botom forever!

 

Keep posting on LS!

 

This sight helped me sooooooo much and I want to thank EVERYONE who took the time to leave me posts when I was going through my lowest moments. You literally saved my life!

Edited March 23, 2008 by SarahT111

[Belkin]

Hey Sarah!

Great to hear you're better! Been a while since you last posted, I was wondering what was up... You've made so much progress, it's amazing. You're probably giving lots of hope to lots of people (me included) with this post!

I'm at 2 months and 2 days since breakup, and I'm felling better too. Still miss her terribly, but I can cross her on campus without that heart tearing sensation anymore. She now spends all her nights with her new bf, so I don't have to worry about bumping into her on my floor either. I'm trying to study my exams right now (for tomorrow!) but my thoughts keep drifting back to her; it's hard to concentrate on my maths! (and lurking on LS doesn't help much either!)

I'm so happy for you, it feels fantastic to realize you're finally letting go, doesn't it?

 

PS: it's spelled "site", not "sight"

Edited March 23, 2008 by Belkin

[eagle5]

Some great advice there Sarah, I'm glad to hear you are healing, keep going ...

[SarahT111]

Thanks Belkin

 

Obviously my spelling hasn't improved very much!

Great that you are feeling better.

I still have low moments but I have a lot less of that 'heart tearing' sensation now. I previously had it every second of every day for two months.

I'm still not over him by any means but i am far enough along to see now that there is no 'quick fix'.

I thought if I did everything possible recommended on this sight I would be over him in about a week and I couldn't understand why it kept dragging on!

And im far enough along now to see what I did wrong and what made it worse and better so thought id share some of my advice! Hope that it helped someone!