Dont know where else to go.

[smokiejjj]

Don't do anything right now. Do absolutely nothing, do not answer phone, email her back or anything. You don't have to do a thing. Just don't talk to her for a couple of months.

 

I live in PA. My wife wanted a divorce - and I eventually gave her one. The only reason I gave the divorce fairly quickly was because I had a lot of assets, and I did not want to go through a battle and lose half. She made me an offer that was really good and we did the divorce right away. But if it wasn't for my substantial assets, I would not have talked to her. I would have made her file and bring me into court. I would have had the court order marriage counseling ( which a husband can ask for in PA ). If you truly love her do not communicate whatsover. Just wait and wait and wait until you get divorce papers in the mail or she moves back. No negotiation here. No communication what so ever. To get a divorce she needs nothing from you. You don't have to say a word.

[Ssheena]

Sorry to hear the other shoe dropped via email.

 

We are here for you.

 

[Gunny376]

Forget her and her "things" you've got to do!

 

Your a "bachelor" now!

 

Your free! Do you hear me! FREE!

 

She's relinquished her whinning, complaining, b******g rights!

 

Your free to come and go as you want, when you want, when you want, with whom you want!

 

You can do as you damn well please!

 

"But Gunny?! That means I've got to go and find me a new girlfriend ~ wife?" Someone who really appreciates me, cares about me, gives a damn about me? Someone who's faithful, honest, truthfull ~ who's not going to cheat on me? Who's not going to run home ~ when things get hard? When things get tough? Someone who's not going to bail on me? Someone who's not a flakey broad? Who's predictaible? Dependable? Reliable? Who's got their act and head together?"

 

DAMN THE BAD LUCK!

[ash97470]

i didnt get some of your advice until it was too late. Unfortunately some of the bills and stuff are in her name, and i have to get them switched over, and she still has access to the bank account, so i tried getting her to talk to me, just so i can figure out how to get this all fixed. here is what transpired, im kris, and she is kim, these are best read in reverse order

 

 

 

from kim:

to Kris:

(this was the last message she sent me)

 

I will extend you the courtesy of responding to this tonight.

 

First. I have not asked for half of the money in the bank account, to which I am entitled. I have also not asked for half of the value of the shared household purchases we have made (Approx $6,200, excluding any home repairs/upgrades), to which I am entitled.

 

It is absolutely ridiculous for you to make the demand that I submit proof to you that my debit card has been destroyed. Before leaving, I told you that I would be using the card for my trip down and for my $252 bankruptcy payment. I stuck to this, excluding a $4.20 Starbuck's charge, which you can deduct from *my* money in the bank account.

 

I'm sure this entire email was written in order to make yourself feel as though you were in a position of power and to provoke a response. I sincerely appreciate the fact that you wrote such a ridiculous, immature email, as I am now 100% confident in my decision to leave you.

 

I will be up at the end of April to collect my belongings: Clothes, Shoes, Dishes, Jewelry, Blue Couch and Loveseat, Kitchen table and chairs, sofa table, lamps and any other belongings that were either gifted specifically for me, of zero use/value to you, or brought with me when I originally moved to Oregon.

 

You may purchase the washer and dryer, if you so choose, but I will need replacement valuve, in advance.

 

I will mail your car key up to you, as well as the other house keys, although I don't entirely see the point since you are "changing the locks" tomorrow. On that subject, I also don't understand why you feel it is necessary to change the locks, as I was the one that wanted to *leave* the house... I don't plan on coming back and trying to get back in.

 

I cannot take my name off of the bank account, as you were the one who originally opened it so you'll need to take care of that as well.

 

As far as the divorce, don't worry, I'll be only too happy to take care of that on my end.

 

I am being fair about all of this and your last email has pissed me off to no end.

 

Take your name off the other accounts or I will be cancelling service. And don't ever talk to me again like I owe you anything. I gave you a full, in-advance explanation of my feelings, my intentions and detailed what and why I was doing it. I don't owe you a thing...I tried to be more than fair, both emotionally and, ESPECIALLY, financially and I'm not going to take any **** from you.

 

Kim

 

 

 

Date: Thu, 27 Mar 2008 22:46:39 -0700

From: kris

Subject: RE: Hi

To: kim

 

 

you know none of this is fair at all. Stop pretending that by not talkint to me on the phone is making it easier for me, the only person it is making it easier for is you. I am not going to do this whole thing through email, it is stupid, and just a sick little control game. I thought i meant a whole lot more to you. I want to be civil about this whole thing, and i think i have done a pretty good job considering the rug got pulled out from under my life. I know something else is going on, whether you met some other guy down there, or your family hates me, i dont know, at this point i dont even know if i care. you didnt just hurt me when you up and left kim, you hurt a lot of people. Something has to of happened to where everything is seemingly fine one minute, and the next minute you are packing your bags and wont even answer my phone calls. We spent over 2 years together kim, is it that hard to talk to me on the phone. I told you, i know your not coming back, i know that you almost dont seem to care that you hurt the person you are married to.

Im

learning to get past all of this. But

im

not going to do this all through the email. I will change my name on that stuff, but i want you off the bank account first. And i need some sort of proof that your card, and your name is off the account, it was my account before you were around and

im

not changing that. If you can do that, ill take my name off those bills. If your going to be petty enough to cancel them, go ahead. This is ridiculous kim. Your treating me like some abusive husband that you are doing everything to get away from. And please stop reffering to this as a "divorce" it doesnt need quotation marks. Unfortunately this is something very bad and very real.

 

I meant no harm in contacting your mom,

im

not trying to go behind your back. Your mom was good to me, and did a lot of things for me, and for us, and since you are out of my life, i just wanted to thank her for that. Nothing else.

 

And if you are being cold to try and help me, just stop,

im

a big boy. Just talk to me like a person. I thought we were close (though i dont know now)

so

there is no reason you cant just talk to me on the phone, and be civil to me. Its not like we hated each other before you left. Ill reiterate, i have no delusions that you are going to come running back to me. Ive faced the harsh reality that i was apparently living in some sort of dream world where i thought everything was ok, and i thought you loved me like i loved you.

So

please stop writing me like

im

some business client. I feel like

im

being treated like some sort of monster, and i think that is unfair.

 

April if fine for picking up stuff. If you are bringing someone with you, id like to know

so

i can have someone here with me, its only fair. The locks will be changed as of tommorow,

so

i will have to be here when you come to get your stuff. Ill also need to know a time

so

i can have ash be somewhere else during this whole thing, because i dont want him to get upset like he was when you left, and give him false hope that you would come back. Ill want my car key, and any other keys back. Let me know a list of the bigger things you can think of you want and i will try to have them ready

so

your trip will be as quick as possible. The washer and dryer is the only issue i have. If you feel you are entitled to them fine, but they (A) are a pain in the ass to get in and out of there, and I dont have anyone to really help me get them in and out. (B) if you are taking them, where am i supposed to put them because

im

going to have to go get new ones, and id rather do that now, then later.

So

if we can come to some other agreement i would appreciate it. Ill talk to my grandparents and see if i can borrow money to maybe pay for them for what they are worth now. I figure that would save us both time and effort, because i gather from the tone of your emails you cant wait to be done with anything relating to me. And i dont know what your plans are but

im

sure money would probably be of more use to you than a washer and dryer.

 

Taxes. i figure we file seperately, and pay our respective amounts. If you take your name off the account i can give you the info for the website where i entered everything in. It will have all your information, you can file it on there or not, but i figure that would be the easiest for you.

 

as for the actual divorce, i figure since you were the one to leave, you should figure that out. There is a type of divorce we can do, where we are in agreeance on everything and we just sign, no lawyers have to be brought in, and we can just be done. I dont want to fight over anything, i just want you to have your stuff, and you can go and you dont ever have to come to oregon again if you dont want.

 

I just want you to realize that

im

not trying to screw you over, and i hope you arent trying to do that to me. As much as ive been hurt it is still hard for me to have ill will twords you. I get angry sometimes, but i think

im

justified in that. Let me know about this stuff soon please. Like i said, we can get this all out of the way quicker if you just call me,

im

not a monster.

 

 

Kimberly Robinson <

rote:

#yiv1962675707 .ExternalClass .EC_hmmessage P{padding:0px;}#yiv1962675707 .ExternalClass .EC_hmmessage{font-size:10pt;font-family:Tahoma;}

I'

m

not saying that our marriage doesn't deserve a "proper" break-up. However, I've given you every explanation that I can and I know that talking on the phone will make this harder on you. I'

m

sorry that you don't feel that email is sufficient, but I think it's the best solution.

 

Anything that we need to discuss about the actual "divorce" can be done through email.

 

The reason I need you to change your name on those things is because otherwise I will have to actually cancel them and I don't want to leave you without power, cable, blah blah...

so

please do that, okay?

 

I would appreciate it if you would please stop contacting my Mom about this. She knows what is going on, but of course with my being three hours away, her tendency to worry is certainly there and I think it's unfair to her.

 

I'll be up the last weekend in April to get my things. We have made a lot of major purchases together during our marriage - t.v., couch, dishwasher, computer, bed, etc, etc. and I intend to leave all of it with you, except for the things that are actually "mine" and that you would not have a use for. The only exception to that is the washer/dryer. I know this will make life slightly less convenient for you but since they were a gift from my parents and I will leave all of the other things that we have purchased jointly - amounting to a large sum of money - I hope you will understand.

 

I'

m

sorry to have to be

so

cold but I think it's the only way, as anything else would lead you on, causing you further pain.

 

Please let me know if you have any questions.

 

Kim

 

Date: Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:58:49 -0700

From: kris

Subject: Re: Hi

To: kim

 

I will do all of this that you want. But you have to talk to me first kim. Our 2 1/2 years of marriage deserves at least a break up over the phone. Like i said,

im

not going to try to get you back. The way ive been looking at it is my wife got on the plane, and didnt come back. But we both have to be adult about this, and there are things i need to talk to you about not pertaining to our marriage that i cant do in an email.

So

call me, we can figure this all out, i dont want to fight or be bitter about all of this. I am hurt and honestly

so

is everyone here who knew you, but if you want to go on we have to close this chapter first.

 

Kimberly Robinson

wrote:

#yiv1962675707 .ExternalClass .EC_hmmessage P{padding:0px;}#yiv1962675707 .ExternalClass .EC_hmmessage{font-size:10pt;font-family:Tahoma;}Hi, it's me. I was thinking tonight about calling you tomorrow and I've decided that it's not a good idea.

 

I'

m

sorry to have hurt you but as I've said before, I think this is best in the long run. When I start to feel guilty, which I do, quite often and I think about just coming back and "fixing things," I know, in my heart, that within the first day I would be feeling the same way again. I have decided to stay down here and to get a divorce and I am

so

,

so

,

so

sorry for any pain this will cause you.

 

If I sound cold, it's only because I feel that it's the way that I need to be in order to make this easy on both you and myself and move forward from here. I don't think that talking on the phone will help, in fact I think it will prolong and make the pain worse for you.

 

In 3 or 4 weeks, I'll come back up and get my things and what not. In the meantime, I need you to make some adjustments on our billing. Obviously you have changed the password to our bank account and I will no longer be using that bank account. I did get my bankruptcy payment but since I just deposited my work check into the account this past Friday, that should cover any outstanding shared bills that we have, plus some, and I won't need or ask for any money from it.

 

The things I need you to take care of, within a week or

so

, are - Pacific Power, Charter, Roseburg Disposal, Roseburg Urban Sanitary Authority (sewer) and City of Roseburg (water.) I have contacted them to see if I could be the one to do the footwork and get my name off of it but I can't. A person can be removed but I can't add your name to those accounts. Also, before the 20th - actually probably more like mid-month I will take my phone # off of the Virgin Billing. Or you can do this sooner, if you'd like. Lastly, the car insurance - I think there is enough money in our account (I think) to take care of my half for this month and then mid-month, as with the cell phone, I will call and get myself removed and get my own car insurance.

 

If you could please handle the other things within a week or

so

, I would really appreciate it.

 

I hope to make this as easy as possible. I have no ill will towards you, I just simply feel that this is the best, and really the only decision there is for me and in the long-run, we will both be better off for it.

 

Take Care and please email me if you have any questions or need any information in order to get the "business" matters taken care of.

 

Kim

 

[onmyownagain]

Her emails are very clear, that is how she feels at the moment and there is nothing you can do about it, my STBXW was exactly like this at the start.

 

Back off completely now. Don't contact her at all.

[jmargel]

She sound very immature to me and seems like everytime she doesn't get her way or feels scolded that she is entitled to do the things she is doing.

 

IMO I wouldn't bother contacting her, and when she contacts you don't even answer. Until she becomes a rational person there is no sense in dealing with her.

 

When my ex left she had the same attitude. Was she cheating on me? Yep. She acted like this to help relieve the guilt. Though it really came down to her immaturity.

 

Eventually you will be getting a call asking to 'be friends'. This is where you tell her to **** off. It wasn't until 3 years later that my ex arrived on my doorstep out of the blue, apologizing and asking for forgiveness. I gave her a hug and wished her the best.

 

I know it's hard trying to figure out why she is acting this way.. However what else has been going on in this marriage? Sounds like the communication between you two wasn't the greatest.