LDR and pregnant

[seanmatt1977]

I apologize for being long winded...this will take some time to read

 

I've been in a long distance relationship for going toward 3 years now. I met her while I was on active duty in the Army and stationed in Korea. We dated for a while and decided it best to go our seperate ways when my time to leave Korea came about and she was going to continue to stay there and teach. She is Canadian in case you were wondering. Well neither of us could shake the "what if" feeling about our relationship and to make a long story short we got back together and have been together for almost 3 years now.

 

After a long and bumpy road which including dealing with 2 deployments to the middle-east, we have decided to get married. I was recently discharged from the military for an injury I received while deployed and I am currently staying with family to deal with the Department of Veterans Affairs. I was able to spend a few months with her in Canada right after my discharge, which was awesome. It was so nice to have all the little things so many people take for granted on a daily basis.

 

But now however, we are faced with another situation. My fiance called me 2 weeks ago and informed me that she is pregnant. In addition to being pregnant, she is also type 1 diabetic and has to administer 5 shots daily to herself at a minimum. So now we are dealing with a high risk pregnancy. from long distance, at a time I'm currently not working while applying for Vocational Rehabilitation from the VA. Needless to say I'm a bit stressed out.

 

I wish nothing more then to be able to be there for her, but with our situation its just not possible right now. She is lucky enough to have friends and a sister who have children and can offer her a lot of information and peace of mind. She has outstanding medical care and has already had an initial ultrasound. Unfortunately I was not able to be there for any of this and its driving me insane. She talks with her family and friends for hours after her medical appointments and thats great, but when she talks to me it is for no more then 15 minutes and she tells me that she is tired and needs a nap. I feel like I'm being shut out or that this is her way of punishing me for not being there. I've asked her if she resents the fact that I'm not there, and the answer is always "No". I've tried to tell her what I'm struggling with but she always gets extremely defensive and bursts into tears on me. I feel that no matter what I do, I'm dead wrong.

 

The only thing she said that I can do for her is to be well read on what to expect and do research into what her doctors tell her so she doesnt feel like a teacher in this situation. The only problem is that by the time she tells me, she has already gotten the info from her friends and researched online before we speak. So I'm sitting there being bombarded with information and to be honest overwhelmed. I'm 30 years old and I have no children, so all of this is completely uncharted territory for me.

 

Additionally, she asked me not to say anything to my family because I am an only child and they will apply extra pressure. Which I know that they would and with this already being a high risk pregnancy, there is enough pressure and worry. So I'm basically isolated here, can't talk to anyone about whats going on in my head, feeling like everything I do is completely wrong and that I cant win. I love her so much it hurts and I would do anything in this world for her.

 

Only problem is right now I dont know what to do.......

[Green]

First off, I believe you wouldn't be disrespecting her if you told her you are going to talk to your family about it and you hope she understands. Maybe after you talk to your family things will feel better for you. I understand why she asked you not to talk to your family and why she may be unhappy if you do, but you really should

[seanmatt1977]

Well she has said that she wouldnt mind me telling them as long as they didnt call her incessantly and make things any more stressful.

 

I love my family but as an only child, well they like to get overly involved in my life and I cant gaurantee that wont happen.

 

I want to make things as easy as possible on her and if that means making it a bit more difficult on myself then I guess thats what I'm stuck with.

 

I guess thats why I'm posting on here. Just need some different perspectives on the situation. Tired of running in circles until 4am in my head over this.

[Green]

First off I hate doing research, especialy about babies and stuff like that, and its even more painful for me to hear about it. Women really have all the power in these types of situations, so thats pretty much causing alot of the stress. I mean its all hapening in her body. I think the best thing you can do is just avoid arguing with her if she gets upset with you, and do the best you can to get yourself into a good situation with everything thats happening with you. I would just tell your parents, if they bother her a bit thats their right, although they should know better

[blind_otter]

. I've tried to tell her what I'm struggling with but she always gets extremely defensive and bursts into tears on me. I feel that no matter what I do, I'm dead wrong.

 

Ha ha, welcome to the world of pregnancy. I am currently 24 weeks pregnant and I cry at the drop of a hat. It's mainly from all those hormone surges she is experiencing. Google "emotions and pregnancy" for more information.

 

I'm 30 years old and I have no children, so all of this is completely uncharted territory for me.

 

Why not buy some books and do some research online yourself, before she calls you or in between calls?

 

Additionally, she asked me not to say anything to my family because I am an only child and they will apply extra pressure.

 

How far along is she? It is very common for people to wait until after the first trimester to speak to anyone about the pregnancy, besides those directly involved. The risk for miscarriage is too high. I don't blame her for not wanting people all up her ass and in her business right now. I mean, when you're pregnant that happens inevitably, anyway, especially in the latter part of the pregnancy. So it's nice to not have to deal with it early on.