Not so sure anymore?

[Kortanos]

Hi, I met a great gal on a trip to another western country last year. I was there for about a week, and we had a great time. We continued to chat online for several months, and eventually decided to meet up again in my country for a week, where the relationship got a lot more heated, and we again had a great time. Looking back, we moved too fast, way too fast. But we both thought we were really right for each other and felt really strongly. We met up again for the third time not too long ago and were together for a whole week and a half and had a pretty good time. But I think the shine is starting to come off the relationship, but I'm just not sure about that either.

 

Lately I've been feeling pretty "blah" generally about my life. I'm currently working a whole lot of hours, (more than 80 a week) but my schedule despite the hours isn't that intense. Whereas when I was busy constantly I felt alive and fulfilled, this other end of the spectrum where I'm just required to spend hours on end basically babysitting too few employees for corporate political reasons is just leaving me feeling almost dead inside. so I'm not sure right now if its just all this other stuff thats effecting me or if I'm really losing interest in the relationship.

 

I don't ussually want to talk to her anymore, I don't mind talking to her when she calls, and if she can carry the conversation its great and I'm happy, but really, I have nothing to say hardly on my end. She's been wanting to talk about our future together, and I've looked at possibilities, and everything just seems unbelivvably difficult.

 

It doesn't seem likely she can get a job here, due to the horrific paperwork and problems involved (not to mention her lack of self esteem when it comes to interviews, A++ student who is contemplating going to grad school purely because she firmly believes no one on god's earth would hire her). And I honestly do NOT want to work in her country. Their cost of living is horrendous, the food sucks, and I'm sick of working so far from everyone I've ever known.

 

 

I dont know what to do, she just seems so enthusatic about the relationship, and when i'm with her it all felt right and great. But it'll be months before we can see each other again for real, and probably a couple years before we could really be together. I feel like I'm fooling her and myself, and wasting both our time. We've used the L word, and while at the time I believed I did, lately, I just don't know.

 

All I really know is I can't bear to tell her and hurt her the way this would, especially when she's in the middle of some intense exam preparation. There isn't anyone else that I'm interested in, but I just cannot see a way to make this relationship work right now. And it just depresses me all the more reading about the illegal immigration issues, a professional, intelligent person with a good background has to wait years to come here, but some jerk can just come over in a rubber raft and the government doesn't give a damn. It just makes me so bitter.

[Miad's Princess]

Clearly as you state your feelings have changed which isn't your fault but what would be bad would be if you led her on in anyway making her feel that her relationship is secure when in reality it's rocking.

 

Every relationship requires honestly especially a ldr, if you care about her you will tell her what you told us. Okay sure she is gonna feel hurt that's not questionable, but she will have more respect for you telling her how you feel now, rather than 6 months down the line it all comes pouring out how you have felt this way for months etc etc, she is gonna think that she/use were living a lie, and believe me that will hurt more.

 

Talk to her who knows maybe you can make it work, but it takes two you can't do this on your own it's not fair to either of you !

 

Good Luck!