samijams Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 (edited) ok first off this is a gay relationship, i hope nobody has any problems with that...but other than that its a pretty normal relationship of this kind, BIG BIG appologies for the length, just want u guys to get the full picture:) well ive been with my boyfriend for 5 months or so now...theres no questioning this is true love....were both 18 (im from australia hes from the us) but were very different- hes outgoing , draws a lot of attention, goes to clubs, had sex multiple times etc etc. Whereas im pretty shy, not too emotionally tough lol n dont have many guys in my life...and no history of any of that stuff either... anyways to cut to the chase a lot of other guys are interested in him sexually, romantically, whatever. he says he sees me as the guy hes gonna spend the rest of his life with and because of that he just needs to get some things out of his system in the meantime (making new gay friends, not necessarily for sex--- although for reasons he never suggested). he tells me he misses me even more when hes around his gay friends which im glad about to be honest, although im not sure if this means he wants to try something with one of them. i confront him about this stuff but he just tells me my happiness is more important than his is to him...and that he just wants me to believe in him. and i really do believe him about that... and yet i cant seem to get myself to trust that he wont 'cheat' on me before were together (i drive myself so damn crazy) as everyday there seems to be a new random guy adding him to facebook or myspace paying him all these compliments (and some actually asking upfront to take him out). guys that he sees every day at his college... im not normally a jealous person at all, but through this relationship ive come to learn just how jealous i can be (to the point i made myself sick at the thought of him with someone else one nite ). he also says he doesnt feel that he should explain things to me, like where hes going out to or who hes hanging out with, and that i should just trust in him that hed never do anything to hurt me. which is a very very very hard thing to do, especially when im open about who im with, where im going and what im thinking. but every time i act jealous (basically start assuming the worst) he gets upset and tells me that he cant be with someone whos insecure and nagging him all the time after he sleeps over at a guys house,,,and that i should just let him be him (which i know i should although every relationship should require sacrifices...)...anyway after these arguments i always end up wondering if things will be different the next day...cuz we always seem to be arguing about that....well it doesnt, were always gonna have this love for each other, but i worry it makes him look to other guys who he can be with with no emotional baggage or anything like that.....so yeah, theres kinda a vicious cycle going on there is it normal behaviour that despite being with me, he still craves the attention from other guys? it just hurts to know if he just clicked his fingers he could have all the sex in the world, be with any guy he liked. n i just make myself throw up thinking about him doing that with some other guy. i would still love him if he did it, but i couldnt trust him anymore. and of course, i worry even more that something could develop there with someone else i think im a pretty loyal person and i just dont have those needs of other gay guys in my life! but would i be better off in this type of relationship having those friends too? were not gonna be together until 3 more years, which is a very long time indeed. but hes hanging out with his gay friends more and more and enjoying their company weekly...please, any feedback at all would be grealy appreciated (although comments of 'dump him' 'move on' 'youre too young to get this emotionally attached' blah blah blah lol etc etc will be ignored... i truly know what i want and my minds made up with this) i just hope someone can understand this situation and my position in it again sorry for the majorly long post lol ive posted shorter things elsewhere but judging from the replies nobody understood properly Edited March 24, 2008 by samijams Link to post Share on other sites
Miad's Princess Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Hi, Firstly I want to say I'm sorry you are hurting, I would be too if my boyfriend done or said half the things your boyfriend has. I know you love him and I don't doubt he loves you too, but I think he is being a tad selfish. As you say relationships require sacrifice and if he knows his actions are hurting you and he continues to do them then what does that tell you? He shouldn't need all the attention from others when he has a partner in you. No matter what kind of relationship you are in gay or straight there should be boundries, compromise and agreements and what is right and what is wrong, your guy seems to be making his own rules. I feel for you and I won't tell you to dump him but I know I couldn't be in a relationship like yours, I would drive myself nuts and it doesn't make for a healthy relationship. Your boyfriend sometimes complains when you tell him how you feel but doesn't he realise he is helping create these feelings inside you. Why does he feel he shouldn't need to tell you where he is going and who he is with of course he should with holding information like that is only going to make your mind go more crazy. Trust, honestly, loyalty and openess makes for a healthy relationship if you don't have that how can your relationship survive! Best wishes ! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts