froggybum Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 Yesterday, my boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me & told me that he is having an arranged marriage in September & then they are going to live together abroad. He said that he still loves me & wants us to be friends, but that he has thought about the situation a lot & decided that it is for the best. I feel numb. He is my first love & we always said that we would be together forever. He told me over the phone. We met up today. We ended up sleeping together & then we went to our favourite restaurant for a meal. We didn't talk at all about the wedding until he was dropping me off at my house & we were sitting in the car. He said that if he doesn't go through with the wedding it will break his mum's heart. I don't think that there is anyway that I can change his mind. He says that he will love me forever & that I am his soulmate. He told me that he wants to marry someone who believes in the same religon as him. I just got off the phone from him - we spoke for 4 and a half hours. He was crying down the phone at me the whole time. He thinks that we should have a month's break from each other & then talk on the phone every couple of weeks as friends, & meet up every month & go & see a movie or something. He is going to Kashmir in September for 6 months!! Some of his friends from here are going to go out there for th wedding. I really feel awful. I love him so much. I wish that I could hate him, but I can't. I don't think that he planned to have an arranged marriage all along. When we got together,he was only 19 & he said that recently he has matured & realised that having an arranged marriage is the right thing to do. He said that it is not about his happiness, it is about not breaking his mum's heart. I've already tried saying that I would be willing to convert & become Muslim. But he said that it is not just the religon thing. He would have to marry someone who comes from the same part of Kashmir as him, and his parents must know & respect the girl's family. He says that he has to go has to marry this girl now as otherwise she will be snapped up by someone else. I agree that it is going to be really difficult for us to stay friends, as I will be so jealous if I see him walking down the road with another girl holding his hand instead of me. But he said that he coouldn't bear it if he never saw me again. I really thought that I would be able to talk him out of it, but I've tried everything & it hasn't worked. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted July 12, 2003 Share Posted July 12, 2003 Ouch! that really sux. He must have some deep psychological problems if he puts his mom's wishes regarding his marriage ahead of his own, but i guess it's also in their culture & religion and breaking out of that would mean losing his family and background, for him. I guess he felt brave and ready to do what HE wants when he was 19, but now he wants to stick to his traditions... if i were you, i would NOT stay friends, or even in touch with him. he made his choice, and now you're free. Now you're off to find someone who will choose YOU ... I think it's terribly selfish of him to suggest you still see each other once a month or whatever. He's getting married, why doesn't he set you FULLY free to find someone for yourself?? What kind of a husband is he going to be, if he's planning to see another woman, who he claims to love, on the side? this must be awfully tough though - perhaps you can talk to a counsellor or something. best of luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
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