Going with Boyfriend to a Strip Club

[BabyGurl08]

Ok..I need advice about this situation. I decided to go ahead and go with my boyfriend to a strip club recently. Well it did not turn out to be positive instead we ended up fighting for about it. The situation is the following: We went and a stripper came and sat with us and he ended up paying for a lap dance for me. Once that was done she went on stage and started to dance well he ended up going to give her a dollar but instead she asked him to put it in his mouth and she took it with her breasts. I ended up getting pissed off and stormed out of the place. I felt disrespected. I dont know if I should be angry or if I should let it go. He told me that I have no reason to be mad because I had a lap dance and claims that she asked him to put the money in his mouth so he's not wrong.

Edited March 24, 2008 by BabyGurl08

[BlueEyedGirl]

Strip bars are sooo sleazy. You are disrespecting yourself by going there. It's OK to hate them and to not feel comfortable when your SO wants permission to leer and get aroused by other women.

[norajane]

Ok..I need advice about this situation. I decided to go ahead and go with my boyfriend to a strip club recently. Well it did not turn out to be positive instead we ended up fighting for about it.

 

What was the reason you went? What kind of expectations did you have? Did you have any discussion and agreement on what would have been ok and what wouldn't? What would have been a positive outcome?

 

The situation is the following: We went and a stripper came and sat with us and he ended up paying for a lap dance for me.

Were you ok with that part of the experience? Did you want the lap dance?

 

Once that was done she went on stage and started to dance well he ended up going to give her a dollar but instead she asked him to put it in his mouth and she took it with her breasts.

To be fair, using her obviously talented breasts to remove money from his mouth does not really put her any closer to him physically than the lap dance she gave you.

 

 

I ended up getting pissed off and stormed out of the place. I felt disrespected. I dont know if I should be angry or if I should let it go. He told me that I have no reason to be mad because I had a lap dance and claims that she asked him to put the money in his mouth so he's not wrong.

Either you are or aren't angry. Even if we said you had no right to be, or if we said you should be angry, it really wouldn't change whether you actually are or not. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel.

 

His justification, well, sorry, but he's not obligated to do what SHE wants him to do. If he's saying he put the money in his mouth because she asked him to, he's full of sh*t justifying something he was willing to do. He certainly didn't HAVE to.

 

He should just apologize and admit he did something that upset you and he probably shouldn't have, but didn't realize it would upset you since you were ok with the lap dance. And if he does apologize, you should just let it go.

[dancinggal]

This is ridiculous. He should never do anything to make you feel disrespected at all. My boyfriend went to a strip club with some mates for a birthday (and we have been apart for 10 months) and I was ok with it because he would never do anything like this. And definately not in front of me! I think you should discuss it with your boy and ask him how he would feel if some guy did the same to you. Guys like this generally don't like it when the tables are turned.

 

PS The lap dance was as much for him as it was for you, however what he did was all about him. Also, probably might have been a good idea to discuss boundaries before you went.

 

Other than that, I would dump him (if you are serious about him). Who wants a guy around who does stuff like that?

[Citizen Erased]

This is ridiculous. He should never do anything to make you feel disrespected at all. My boyfriend went to a strip club with some mates for a birthday (and we have been apart for 10 months) and I was ok with it because he would never do anything like this. And definately not in front of me! I think you should discuss it with your boy and ask him how he would feel if some guy did the same to you. Guys like this generally don't like it when the tables are turned.

 

PS The lap dance was as much for him as it was for you, however what he did was all about him. Also, probably might have been a good idea to discuss boundaries before you went.

 

Other than that, I would dump him (if you are serious about him). Who wants a guy around who does stuff like that?

 

Read the first sentence. "I decided to go ahead and go with my boyfriend to a strip club recently". She was a perfectly willing participant. He isn't a mind reader. If she didn't want a lap dance, then she should have said so. If she didn't want to be there, then she shouldn't have agreed to in the first place. I do find the letting the stripper get the bill with her breasts to be crude, but if she didn't want it to happen then she shouldn't have given him the signals all along the way that what they were doing was appropriate.

 

Regretting it and getting jealous after the fact is not grounds for her to dump him based on his behaviour. The issues need to be addressed of course, but breaking up with him I would think would be an overreaction.

[lovelorcet]

What did you expect?

 

That is what goes on there... I don't really see why you are so mad at him, you condoned all this by going IMO.

[ahah2322]

ok, i saw nothing wrong with him at all. It's all in good fun and it shouldn't even really matter even if he got himself a lap-dance. infact, you should show him how fun you are by treating him to one.

 

does it matter? at the end of the day, he comes home to you...

[BlueEyedGirl]

The way I see it:

 

• OP didn't really want to go to the strip club. Her bf probably likes them and she wanted to see what goes on in there and be the "cool" girlfriend all at once.
  
• She didn't really want a lap dance. Again, she did this to please her bf and then when he brings it up to justify his behaviour it's kind of ridiculous.
  
• She is now letting the resentment build and is too afraid to speak up about the whole stripper thing bothering her and is focusing her anger on the single event of "stripper getting the money from the bf with her breasts" while ignoring the larger issue at hand.
  
• Everyone's advice about her bf doing nothing wrong will more than likely make her sweep the whole thing under the carpet while countinuing to be disrespected.
  
• No bf that cares about his gf would act that sleazy in front of her. Men very well know the difference between right and wrong but will push boundaries as far as you let them.
  

[MimiMe]

I must say it is a lot of fun. I love it and used to go with my stbxH all the time. Now I go with all my friends. LOL!

[shanny]

You shouldn't put money in your mouth... very unsanitary, but anyway. I think you made a mistake by going there with him. If I went to a strip joint with my bf I would be boiled over with jealousy and insecurity. You tried though, so I give you props. I guess you can't really get too mad at him... like the others said, what did you think was going to happen there?

 

I know you're upset and jealous, but I think you gotta let this one go and just learn from your mistake.

[rainfall]

ok, i saw nothing wrong with him at all. It's all in good fun and it shouldn't even really matter even if he got himself a lap-dance. infact, you should show him how fun you are by treating him to one.

 

does it matter? at the end of the day, he comes home to you...

 

 

Yes to her it does matter. Just because you might find nothing wrong with that type of behavior doesn't mean everyone feels that way.

If she has a problem with it she needs to make it clear to her bf and if that behavior happens again she needs to decide if that is something she can live with or she needs to leave him.

 

To some people that type of behavior is not " good fun." It is disgusting, cheating, disrespectful, or whatever word you would like to choose to describe it.

[lovelorcet]

 

To some people that type of behavior is not " good fun." It is disgusting, cheating, disrespectful, or whatever word you would like to choose to describe it.

 

If that is the way she feels then she never should have gone with him. I think she set him up.

[dancinggal]

Read the first sentence. "I decided to go ahead and go with my boyfriend to a strip club recently". She was a perfectly willing participant. He isn't a mind reader. If she didn't want a lap dance, then she should have said so. If she didn't want to be there, then she shouldn't have agreed to in the first place. I do find the letting the stripper get the bill with her breasts to be crude, but if she didn't want it to happen then she shouldn't have given him the signals all along the way that what they were doing was appropriate.

 

Regretting it and getting jealous after the fact is not grounds for her to dump him based on his behaviour. The issues need to be addressed of course, but breaking up with him I would think would be an overreaction.

 

My boyfriend and I went to a wet shirt contest (all the girls were attractive, and all ended up taking off all their clothes) but the whole time, I never got the feeling that my boyfriend was more interested in looking at those girls than spending time with me. I had never been and had no idea what to expect, and my boyfriend was incredibly considerate of my feelings the whole time. He would NEVER had said, well, you wanted to go, what did you expect?

 

The problem isn't so much what happened, its how he reacted to it. He doesn't seem to care about how she feels about the situation at all. I can understand that he may of had the wrong idea about what she wanted to do, or what she was expecting to have happen, but he should have said, ok, I'm sorry, next time we can do it like this. The way he handled the situation was disrespectful towards her, and she should know that it is so she can express how she feels about it to him. I think she is entitled to at the very least tell him how upset she is about what happened. She should be angry, its ridiculous that a guy would treat a woman he cared about like this. If he isn't willing to say, ok, next time, we'll only go as far as what makes you comfortable, then he is a jerk and she should get rid of him. Also, if he is consistantly inconsiderate in this manner, then why does she want to have him around anyway? (Unless of course, she's just having fun with him and isn't serious about him, because then none of this should matter.)

 

How you feel should be important to the guy you are seeing. Admittedly, sometimes they don't always realise how girls feels about stuff, but they should at least be willing to fix things if they realise its upsets you.

[Ocean-Blue]

Considering the venue, can you really say you're surprised with what happened? Did you two talk about what you both expected and set some boundaries?

 

You can't get mad at him for doing what he did if you were OK with going to the strip club in the first place. If you two had discussed a "see but no touch" sort of boundary, then his actions are a no-no. But if you were giggly about the idea, you can't really blame the guy.

[sally4sara]

If that is the way she feels then she never should have gone with him. I think she set him up.

 

Agreed!

If you don't like him going to strip clubs and you don't want his body coming in contact with a stripper's body then you shouldn't pretend to be cool with it in the first place. That is lying.

But you went. You let your body come in contact with a stripper's body (probably more so than he did when tipping her). On what grounds do you feel justified to get upset when he does the same?

There is nothing wrong with you not being comfortable about something, but there is something wrong with lying about it and participating in it. How is he suppose to know what your boundaries really are if you're going to lie and try to hide them?

[rainfall]

If that is the way she feels then she never should have gone with him. I think she set him up.

 

 

That is probably true that she should of never gone with him. However if she doesn't view his behavior as ok then he should not do something like that again.