Can love disappear in an instant?

[Ann]

I went on a date with a man about 2 1/2 months ago. It was love at first sight for us, and we had a great relationship. We knew that someday we would marry, but we wanted to wait. He cared for me, always made sure that I was loved. We cared for each other, and connected deeply. I know this sounds silly for it beong only a few months, but it was wonderful. Lately we have been getting into arguements because he lives with a family that he wants me to be a part of too. I always hesitate, and I know it hurts him. We broke up for a half a day over this, but the next day we were back together and in love. That was two days ago, and we decided to go out with a bunch of people that night. We went to the bar and were pretty tipsy (everyone was). At any rate, we were pretty much stuck at the hip. Every now and again a guy that we didn't know would come up and hit on me (and in one case touch me inappropriately) and he would jump to my rescue. But there was one man there that everyone knew was a player. This man was flirting with me, and when I told my boyfriend he said "Well then just stay away from him." I don't remember him saying that but that is what he says. He got so jealous that he pulled me about 5 feet away from the other man and told em to make out in front of him, so he knew that we were together. Finally our designated driver said she was tired. he tried to tell me to go, but me in my stupor was rude to him and told him i was having fun. He went and sat down. Then I accepted a dance from the man that my boyfriend seemed to be so jealous over. That is when the sh*t hit the fan, so to speak. I saw him run out, and i called him at home and he told his friend he didn't want to talk to me. I talked to him the next day, and he said that while he was sitting on that barstool watching me that all of a sudden the room started to spin and it dawned on him that he didn't love me. He started to cry and ran to a few of my friends crying hysterically saying he didn't love me and that he wanted to go home. He told me that he didn't love me anymore, didn't like me in that way at all, that that guy didn't mean anything to him (even though he proceeded to tell me that the other guy just kept pushing the issue and wouldn't leave me alone). He doesn't want to talk to me, except in social settings, because he wants to get over me and doesn't want to give me false hope. He says that he thinks I am a beautiful woman but doesn't want to even try to hang around me because he feels it would be wasting our time. He didn't even let me hug him goodbye. All of this came from the man who had told everyone that I was the love of his life just the day before. He acted defensive and jealous of other guys touching me, but he says he wasn't. In fact he was downright cold to me when he was talking to me. He told me that he was hurting and would miss the good times we had. But he says he is done and that he quits and we have to get over each other. What the heck happened? Is he hurt and just needs time? Or is it really over?

[Heather]

I went on a date with a man about 2 1/2 months ago. It was love at first sight for us, and we had a great relationship. We knew that someday we would marry, but we wanted to wait. He cared for me, always made sure that I was loved. We cared for each other, and connected deeply. I know this sounds silly for it beong only a few months, but it was wonderful. Lately we have been getting into arguements because he lives with a family that he wants me to be a part of too. I always hesitate, and I know it hurts him. We broke up for a half a day over this, but the next day we were back together and in love. That was two days ago, and we decided to go out with a bunch of people that night. We went to the bar and were pretty tipsy (everyone was). At any rate, we were pretty much stuck at the hip. Every now and again a guy that we didn't know would come up and hit on me (and in one case touch me inappropriately) and he would jump to my rescue. But there was one man there that everyone knew was a player. This man was flirting with me, and when I told my boyfriend he said "Well then just stay away from him." I don't remember him saying that but that is what he says. He got so jealous that he pulled me about 5 feet away from the other man and told em to make out in front of him, so he knew that we were together. Finally our designated driver said she was tired. he tried to tell me to go, but me in my stupor was rude to him and told him i was having fun. He went and sat down. Then I accepted a dance from the man that my boyfriend seemed to be so jealous over. That is when the sh*t hit the fan, so to speak. I saw him run out, and i called him at home and he told his friend he didn't want to talk to me. I talked to him the next day, and he said that while he was sitting on that barstool watching me that all of a sudden the room started to spin and it dawned on him that he didn't love me. He started to cry and ran to a few of my friends crying hysterically saying he didn't love me and that he wanted to go home. He told me that he didn't love me anymore, didn't like me in that way at all, that that guy didn't mean anything to him (even though he proceeded to tell me that the other guy just kept pushing the issue and wouldn't leave me alone). He doesn't want to talk to me, except in social settings, because he wants to get over me and doesn't want to give me false hope. He says that he thinks I am a beautiful woman but doesn't want to even try to hang around me because he feels it would be wasting our time. He didn't even let me hug him goodbye. All of this came from the man who had told everyone that I was the love of his life just the day before. He acted defensive and jealous of other guys touching me, but he says he wasn't. In fact he was downright cold to me when he was talking to me. He told me that he was hurting and would miss the good times we had. But he says he is done and that he quits and we have to get over each other. What the heck happened? Is he hurt and just needs time? Or is it really over?

Ann,

 

I'm sorry to report this but, you really messed up. Adding

 

alcohol to new relationship ( and it sounds as though a lot of alcohol was added here) is not a good idea..

 

Give him some time to think things over. Tell him your'e sorry and leave it at that, please don't expect him to make an instant decision.

 

Good luck sweetie.

 

Heather.

[Totally Confused]

Honestly, you're a game player. He sounds like a decent guy and you were taking him for granted. You loved that he got jealous, because that made you feel like he loved you. The more jealous he got, the more you felt he loved you, so you kept it going. Unfortunately you carried it a bit too far. If you wanted those other guys to leave you alone, you shouldn't have led them on. I guarantee that's what you did. I find it so hard to believe that several different guys kept flirting with you when you said, stop, I'm here with my boyfriend,and I'm not interested in you, unless you didn't tell that to them. You let them keep on flirting with you and you pretended to be interested enough, just to keep them swarming over you to make your boyfriend jealous. If you love your boyfriend, why did you want to hurt him? Why did you have to prove to him that other men want you, all it mattered was that he wanted you. I personally think he's probably done with you. You've hurt him. He gave you his heart and you abused it. He got sick of it. No man wants a woman that flirts with other men...it makes them feel insecure. It also makes you look cheap and like you're not the marrying type. Would you want to marry a guy that's a womanizer - NO!!! He doesn't want a girl that isn't 100% devoted to him. Whether you were or weren't, it didn't look that way to him. How would you have felt if woman were all over him all night? You would have been so angry and jealous. What if the girls didn't listen, you'd start to blame him and you'd say, "Tell these girls you're with me and aren't interested, leave me alone." If he didn't and the girls stayed around and then you saw him dancing with one of them, you'd have broken up with him too. I'm sorry to say, you deserve everything you got and you don't deserve a decent guy like him. Next time, I would suggest you don't play games with people. When you get older, you'll realize how hard it is to find someone who's good for you. Maybe next time you'll have learned your lesson.

 

I will suggest one way of getting him back that MIGHT work. You're going to have to call him, email him or write him, explaining that you were insecure and wanted to make him jealous, because his jealousy makes you feel like he really loves you (JUST BE TOTALLY HONEST). Also let him know that you don't want anyone else and you'll never do anything immature like that again. I don't think it was the alcohol at all. The only thing the alcohol did, was give you the guts to flirt with other guys and then the next day, you figured you could just blame it on the alcohol if you had to. Don't even bother using that as an excuse...it won't fly. I don't know if any of this will work and I don't know if you've hurt his pride too deeply or not, but it doesn't hurt to give it a try and good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

[Ann]

Okay, let me explain. I would have never gone out of my way to hurt him. I didn't like people hitting on me, which is why for most of the night I stayed right next to him. Each person that approached me got told by myself that I was with someone. And I am pretty sure that we grossed out the whole bar by kissing all the time Thank you for your response, but no, I don't like games. The alcohol was a mistake though, I will admit that. I don't blame it all on the alcohol, but I will blame it for making me not realize just how upset he was. I blame myself, and have told him that. I also have told him time and again that I only want him and that I love him. I told him that again when we last talked. I don't like it that he got jealous, because I know that means he is upset. I also do not want to try to talk to him again, because I know he would just get upset. Will time heal this wound? I just don't want to hold on if there is no hope at all.

Honestly, you're a game player. He sounds like a decent guy and you were taking him for granted. You loved that he got jealous, because that made you feel like he loved you. The more jealous he got, the more you felt he loved you, so you kept it going. Unfortunately you carried it a bit too far. If you wanted those other guys to leave you alone, you shouldn't have led them on. I guarantee that's what you did. I find it so hard to believe that several different guys kept flirting with you when you said, stop, I'm here with my boyfriend,and I'm not interested in you, unless you didn't tell that to them. You let them keep on flirting with you and you pretended to be interested enough, just to keep them swarming over you to make your boyfriend jealous. If you love your boyfriend, why did you want to hurt him? Why did you have to prove to him that other men want you, all it mattered was that he wanted you. I personally think he's probably done with you. You've hurt him. He gave you his heart and you abused it. He got sick of it. No man wants a woman that flirts with other men...it makes them feel insecure. It also makes you look cheap and like you're not the marrying type. Would you want to marry a guy that's a womanizer - NO!!! He doesn't want a girl that isn't 100% devoted to him. Whether you were or weren't, it didn't look that way to him. How would you have felt if woman were all over him all night? You would have been so angry and jealous. What if the girls didn't listen, you'd start to blame him and you'd say, "Tell these girls you're with me and aren't interested, leave me alone." If he didn't and the girls stayed around and then you saw him dancing with one of them, you'd have broken up with him too. I'm sorry to say, you deserve everything you got and you don't deserve a decent guy like him. Next time, I would suggest you don't play games with people. When you get older, you'll realize how hard it is to find someone who's good for you. Maybe next time you'll have learned your lesson. I will suggest one way of getting him back that MIGHT work. You're going to have to call him, email him or write him, explaining that you were insecure and wanted to make him jealous, because his jealousy makes you feel like he really loves you (JUST BE TOTALLY HONEST). Also let him know that you don't want anyone else and you'll never do anything immature like that again. I don't think it was the alcohol at all. The only thing the alcohol did, was give you the guts to flirt with other guys and then the next day, you figured you could just blame it on the alcohol if you had to. Don't even bother using that as an excuse...it won't fly. I don't know if any of this will work and I don't know if you've hurt his pride too deeply or not, but it doesn't hurt to give it a try and good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

[Ann]

Heather,

 

Thank you for your response. It has helped me to think and has given me more motivation to leave him alone. He sounded so final when we talked, and I am holding on to the hope that it was anger and hurt that was talking, even though he said he is neither of those things. It sounded like he has made his decision. My question is, has he? I guess only time will tell.

Ann, I'm sorry to report this but, you really messed up. Adding alcohol to new relationship ( and it sounds as though a lot of alcohol was added here) is not a good idea.. Give him some time to think things over. Tell him your'e sorry and leave it at that, please don't expect him to make an instant decision.

 

Good luck sweetie. Heather.

[Tony T]

Dear Ann:

 

 

 

Your boyfriend was very jealous...and that takes a lot of energy. It takes even more energy to have a girlfriend that must be watched continuously when out, in this case at a club, to be sure she doesn't stray. It is easier on his energy level and his pride to bid you farewell than to be constantly worried that you will take up with someone else...right there in front of him no less. Relationships are difficult enough with disloyalty takes place behind ones back.

 

 

 

Your man is trying to save his energy and save face by staying away from you. You need to contact him, give him a very big apology for your conduct, ask for another chance, and hope for the best. But your guy is very smart and if he gives you another chance it will be your LAST. We go though things in life for a reason. I hope you learned something from this!!!

[Shirley]

I went on a date with a man about 2 1/2 months ago. It was love at first sight for us, and we had a great relationship. We knew that someday we would marry, but we wanted to wait. He cared for me, always made sure that I was loved. We cared for each other, and connected deeply. I know this sounds silly for it beong only a few months, but it was wonderful. Lately we have been getting into arguements because he lives with a family that he wants me to be a part of too. I always hesitate, and I know it hurts him. We broke up for a half a day over this, but the next day we were back together and in love. That was two days ago, and we decided to go out with a bunch of people that night. We went to the bar and were pretty tipsy (everyone was). At any rate, we were pretty much stuck at the hip. Every now and again a guy that we didn't know would come up and hit on me (and in one case touch me inappropriately) and he would jump to my rescue. But there was one man there that everyone knew was a player. This man was flirting with me, and when I told my boyfriend he said "Well then just stay away from him." I don't remember him saying that but that is what he says. He got so jealous that he pulled me about 5 feet away from the other man and told em to make out in front of him, so he knew that we were together. Finally our designated driver said she was tired. he tried to tell me to go, but me in my stupor was rude to him and told him i was having fun. He went and sat down. Then I accepted a dance from the man that my boyfriend seemed to be so jealous over. That is when the sh*t hit the fan, so to speak. I saw him run out, and i called him at home and he told his friend he didn't want to talk to me. I talked to him the next day, and he said that while he was sitting on that barstool watching me that all of a sudden the room started to spin and it dawned on him that he didn't love me. He started to cry and ran to a few of my friends crying hysterically saying he didn't love me and that he wanted to go home. He told me that he didn't love me anymore, didn't like me in that way at all, that that guy didn't mean anything to him (even though he proceeded to tell me that the other guy just kept pushing the issue and wouldn't leave me alone). He doesn't want to talk to me, except in social settings, because he wants to get over me and doesn't want to give me false hope. He says that he thinks I am a beautiful woman but doesn't want to even try to hang around me because he feels it would be wasting our time. He didn't even let me hug him goodbye. All of this came from the man who had told everyone that I was the love of his life just the day before. He acted defensive and jealous of other guys touching me, but he says he wasn't. In fact he was downright cold to me when he was talking to me. He told me that he was hurting and would miss the good times we had. But he says he is done and that he quits and we have to get over each other. What the heck happened? Is he hurt and just needs time? Or is it really over?

Hi!

 

This man wants to control you. Falling in love does not mean that you close your eyes to the rest of the world. Everyone in the world enjoys attention. And flirting is something that boosts our egos. He can't stand the fact that other men are attracted to you. And he has the odd idea that it's your fault that these men are flirting with you. Jealousy is in no way a part of love. And neither is the need to control. Men and women are not property, but this is how he is treating you. And because you aren't abiding to his rules, he is punishing you.

[Will]

Ann-

 

God knows I've got my share of probs, but I do disagree with the control issue. I really think that what you did was intentionally or unintentionally make the guy feel threatened (by responding to this other guy instead of ignoring him). One thing I've noticed, is that women think flirting is just flirting when they do it, and that somehow because their egos are seemingly always in danger, its ok because it makes her feel good. Bottom line: Yeah, he wasn't secure with the way things went. And you sure weren't too concerned about it either. And the last thing anybody - any man wants is to feel insecure, that he can't trust his lady. I don't mean top harangue you, but I've been through almost the same thing (on the guy's side), and its infuriating because it seems like your feelings are beneath notice...and then as an afterthought she expects love n' kisses. Wacked.

Hi! This man wants to control you. Falling in love does not mean that you close your eyes to the rest of the world. Everyone in the world enjoys attention. And flirting is something that boosts our egos. He can't stand the fact that other men are attracted to you. And he has the odd idea that it's your fault that these men are flirting with you. Jealousy is in no way a part of love. And neither is the need to control. Men and women are not property, but this is how he is treating you. And because you aren't abiding to his rules, he is punishing you.

[Ann]

Will,

 

Thank you for your response. I know exactly what you are saying. I was oblivious to how much it bothered him, and that is one hundred percent wrong. I love him very much and would never do anything to intentionally hurt him. Is this relationship salvagable?

Ann- God knows I've got my share of probs, but I do disagree with the control issue. I really think that what you did was intentionally or unintentionally make the guy feel threatened (by responding to this other guy instead of ignoring him). One thing I've noticed, is that women think flirting is just flirting when they do it, and that somehow because their egos are seemingly always in danger, its ok because it makes her feel good. Bottom line: Yeah, he wasn't secure with the way things went. And you sure weren't too concerned about it either. And the last thing anybody - any man wants is to feel insecure, that he can't trust his lady. I don't mean top harangue you, but I've been through almost the same thing (on the guy's side), and its infuriating because it seems like your feelings are beneath notice...and then as an afterthought she expects love n' kisses. Wacked.

 

[Totally Confused]

I don't think that you purposely went out of your way to hurt him, but that's what I had felt you were doing to him to try to get a reaction from him. making him jealous was the goal, not causing him pain. Unfortunately that seemed to have been the final result.

 

I don't doubt for a second that you really like him. Now, if you were by your boyfriend's side all night, then why was he upset? If these guys were all coming on to you and you weren't responding and basically tried to get them all away from you, then he shouldn't have blamed you for any of it. If you were totally innocent, then he's being the unfair one. Now if you danced with another guy in front of him, especially when it was a guy that was hitting on you all night, that was not fair of you.

 

I believe everyone deserves a second chance. You didn't mean to hurt him, but he got hurt, whether you did something intentionally or not. You had your reasons and he had his. If this guy really loved you, he should never had said to you, he didn't love you anymore, that wasn't fair to you, no matter what you did. When someone loves you or wrongs you, a person should never take the love away by saying "Because you did that and hurt me, I don't love you anymore." You're definitely right about one thing, You can't just not love somebody over night. He's just saying that to hurt you, because he felt you hurt him. What you need to do is write him a letter, because I don't think he's going to be reasonable enough to talk to you in person or on the phone - he's too upset. You really need to write a letter to him, talking about all the events that occured through the night. Just be honest. Explain why you danced with the guy, why you stayed by his side all night, why you maybe trying to make him jealous (come on, we all have done it before.) Then tell him that you will never do anything like that again, ever, because you respect him and the relationship. Then tell him, you deserve a second chance and it's not fair of him to not give you one. Tell him, "I'm sure you've made mistakes and have hurt people unintentionally, and it would have been unfair for you, if that person didn't give you a second chance." Then let him know it hurt you that he told you he didn't love you anymore and that you thought that was just as hurtful, and if he really had loved you, he couldn't just stop overnight. Then tell him you'll leave him alone like he has asked, and that if he ever wanted to discuss things with you or work things out...to give you a call. If he really sees that you are sincere and he really feels that you won't do that again, then he may just give it another chance, though things will be different. He'll have his guard up for a while. You'll be on a probation with him, so be very carefull not to flirt around him. Eventually, if you two work out, he'll let his guard down, but you are going to have to prove yourself to him.

 

I really do hope he comes around and gives you a second chance. If he really loves you, he will. Don't worry, he does still have feelings for you, he's just angry right now. Give it another day or two and then send the letter. Good luck.

[Ann]

He never said "Because you did this and hurt me, then I don't love you." He said that it didn't hurt him, that he was watching me and it dawned on him that he didn't love me, and started to cry. He said that the only time we can be together is in a social situation with other people around. He said that he needed to get over me and I needed to get over him, and that dating would be a waste of time because he didn't love me. Could he be saying all of this out of hurt or is he trying to not love me so that he won't be hurt again?

I don't think that you purposely went out of your way to hurt him, but that's what I had felt you were doing to him to try to get a reaction from him. making him jealous was the goal, not causing him pain. Unfortunately that seemed to have been the final result. I don't doubt for a second that you really like him. Now, if you were by your boyfriend's side all night, then why was he upset? If these guys were all coming on to you and you weren't responding and basically tried to get them all away from you, then he shouldn't have blamed you for any of it. If you were totally innocent, then he's being the unfair one. Now if you danced with another guy in front of him, especially when it was a guy that was hitting on you all night, that was not fair of you. I believe everyone deserves a second chance. You didn't mean to hurt him, but he got hurt, whether you did something intentionally or not. You had your reasons and he had his. If this guy really loved you, he should never had said to you, he didn't love you anymore, that wasn't fair to you, no matter what you did. When someone loves you or wrongs you, a person should never take the love away by saying "Because you did that and hurt me, I don't love you anymore." You're definitely right about one thing, You can't just not love somebody over night. He's just saying that to hurt you, because he felt you hurt him. What you need to do is write him a letter, because I don't think he's going to be reasonable enough to talk to you in person or on the phone - he's too upset. You really need to write a letter to him, talking about all the events that occured through the night. Just be honest. Explain why you danced with the guy, why you stayed by his side all night, why you maybe trying to make him jealous (come on, we all have done it before.) Then tell him that you will never do anything like that again, ever, because you respect him and the relationship. Then tell him, you deserve a second chance and it's not fair of him to not give you one. Tell him, "I'm sure you've made mistakes and have hurt people unintentionally, and it would have been unfair for you, if that person didn't give you a second chance." Then let him know it hurt you that he told you he didn't love you anymore and that you thought that was just as hurtful, and if he really had loved you, he couldn't just stop overnight. Then tell him you'll leave him alone like he has asked, and that if he ever wanted to discuss things with you or work things out...to give you a call. If he really sees that you are sincere and he really feels that you won't do that again, then he may just give it another chance, though things will be different. He'll have his guard up for a while. You'll be on a probation with him, so be very carefull not to flirt around him. Eventually, if you two work out, he'll let his guard down, but you are going to have to prove yourself to him. I really do hope he comes around and gives you a second chance. If he really loves you, he will. Don't worry, he does still have feelings for you, he's just angry right now. Give it another day or two and then send the letter. Good luck.

[Totally Confused]

Of course he's not going to say "Because you did this

 

and hurt me, then I don't love you." No one wants the other person to see that they were hurt by them, when they have a great deal of pride, that's why he said, I'm not hurt, but I just don't love you...it was a defense. HELLO!!! He cried. People cry when they are feeling overwhelming emotion. You can only feel overwhelming emotion for someone you care for. If he didn't care about you, there wouldn't have been tears. He would have just walked away and said "oh well, there goes another one." His actions, in this case, spoke louder than his words.

 

You hurt him. All he could think of doing was hurting you back. He tells you he doesn't love you and then tells you later on he needs to get over you. He contradicted himself. Obviously it was because he was hurt and he was acting on instinct. Why would he need to get over someone he doesn't love. He was hurt by what you did and embarrassed in front of everyone. You hurt him, his pride and his ego. It's like that other guy said, he was trying to save face in front of his friends and it was easier to push you away, rather than to deal with a high maintanance chick. I honestly think you turned him off a bit by your actions. He put up a wall and said, "I don't have time for this." He's not going to come to you - that I can tell you, so if you want any chance of getting him back, you're going to have to do all the work, but you can't push him either. Like I said, write the note. He still cares for you and he's probably cooled down a bit by now. Don't get me wrong, he's still hurt and upset and may look at you differently, but he may be a bit more reasonable to talk to now. It's not like you're a terrible person and committed a crime of the century or killed his puppy, so I don't see why he can't at least be mature and talk to you about it, whether he takes you back or not. At least try to let him know where you were coming from, so you can at least get some peace out of this whole thing.

 

And to sum it up. YES, He was hurt. YES, I am positive that he said all those things just to hurt you back, YES, he still has feelings for you (they don't just dissapear) and I DON'T KNOW, only your boyfriend knows the answer to "Will he take you back." And YES, I feel if he really cares for you, he'll give it another try or at least talk to you.

 

Good luck.

[Ann]

Well is it possible that he was crying because he realized that he didn't love me and felt bad for hurting me? Or are you saying that if he really didn't love me he wouldn't have cried? Sorry I am a bit new at this.

Of course he's not going to say "Because you did this and hurt me, then I don't love you." No one wants the other person to see that they were hurt by them, when they have a great deal of pride, that's why he said, I'm not hurt, but I just don't love you...it was a defense. HELLO!!! He cried. People cry when they are feeling overwhelming emotion. You can only feel overwhelming emotion for someone you care for. If he didn't care about you, there wouldn't have been tears. He would have just walked away and said "oh well, there goes another one." His actions, in this case, spoke louder than his words. You hurt him. All he could think of doing was hurting you back. He tells you he doesn't love you and then tells you later on he needs to get over you. He contradicted himself. Obviously it was because he was hurt and he was acting on instinct. Why would he need to get over someone he doesn't love. He was hurt by what you did and embarrassed in front of everyone. You hurt him, his pride and his ego. It's like that other guy said, he was trying to save face in front of his friends and it was easier to push you away, rather than to deal with a high maintanance chick. I honestly think you turned him off a bit by your actions. He put up a wall and said, "I don't have time for this." He's not going to come to you - that I can tell you, so if you want any chance of getting him back, you're going to have to do all the work, but you can't push him either. Like I said, write the note. He still cares for you and he's probably cooled down a bit by now. Don't get me wrong, he's still hurt and upset and may look at you differently, but he may be a bit more reasonable to talk to now. It's not like you're a terrible person and committed a crime of the century or killed his puppy, so I don't see why he can't at least be mature and talk to you about it, whether he takes you back or not. At least try to let him know where you were coming from, so you can at least get some peace out of this whole thing. And to sum it up. YES, He was hurt. YES, I am positive that he said all those things just to hurt you back, YES, he still has feelings for you (they don't just dissapear) and I DON'T KNOW, only your boyfriend knows the answer to "Will he take you back." And YES, I feel if he really cares for you, he'll give it another try or at least talk to you. Good luck.

[Totally Confused]

Believe me when I tell you, he wasn't crying because in the course of a couple of minutes he realized that he didn't love you, he was crying because you let him down and had hurt him, because he's so crazy about you. He was saying that stuff to you to sting you back. What he was really saying is "I can't believe that you let me down like this, when I thought we had something special going and now after seeing someone I care for so much hurting me to my face, it makes me feel so numb. I'm going to hurt you back, so you know how it feels and I also don't want you to see how much you've hurt me, cause I have a lot of pride." He doesn't understand why you did what you did - if you had really loved him so much? He obviously feels that if someone loves you, they would never intentionally hurt you. You know it wasn't intentionally, but he doesn't look at it that way. He felt that he wasn't going to give you the satisfaction of letting you see him hurt, if you didn't really care for him. That's why you need to write him or talk to him and straighten things out.

 

Now stop over-analyzing what he said and go talk to him about it. He'll give you all the answers you need. I'm sure he's cooled down just enough to be able to talk. If you wait too long to talk to him, he will have built up so much animosity and anger towards what you did, that he will have forced himself to start losing feelings for you. NOW GO!!!

[Ann]

I am not so sure that he has calmed down. He doesn't even say hi to me when he and I are online at the same time. By the way, what does it mean when someone puts "Taken, by cupid the ghost" as their marital status in a profile? (yes it is in his profile).

Believe me when I tell you, he wasn't crying because in the course of a couple of minutes he realized that he didn't love you, he was crying because you let him down and had hurt him, because he's so crazy about you. He was saying that stuff to you to sting you back. What he was really saying is "I can't believe that you let me down like this, when I thought we had something special going and now after seeing someone I care for so much hurting me to my face, it makes me feel so numb. I'm going to hurt you back, so you know how it feels and I also don't want you to see how much you've hurt me, cause I have a lot of pride." He doesn't understand why you did what you did - if you had really loved him so much? He obviously feels that if someone loves you, they would never intentionally hurt you. You know it wasn't intentionally, but he doesn't look at it that way. He felt that he wasn't going to give you the satisfaction of letting you see him hurt, if you didn't really care for him. That's why you need to write him or talk to him and straighten things out. Now stop over-analyzing what he said and go talk to him about it. He'll give you all the answers you need. I'm sure he's cooled down just enough to be able to talk. If you wait too long to talk to him, he will have built up so much animosity and anger towards what you did, that he will have forced himself to start losing feelings for you. NOW GO!!!

[Totally Confused]

Of course he's not going to talk to you. He's still upset, dissapointed and still trying to move on, but what I'm saying is he's probably at least more reasonable to talk to now than he was when it first happened. Try to talk to him or write a letter...now. It sounds like if you wait too much longer, he'll have started to move on and there will have gone any chance of reconciliation.

 

Also I think "Taken, by cupid the ghost" means he's single. If you break it down, Cupid brings love and ghost means non-existent or invisible, sounds like he means cupid hasn't made an appearance yet.

[Ann]

Well, I was online last night and had changed my profile. I put under marital staus "In love and missing him" and I put under my personal quote "Love as if you have never been hurt, or else you will be hurt again. Don't be afriad to become one with someone (believe me I have learned the hard way." I was online and I saw him on. I figured that he would IM me as he usually doesn't. But he did. He said "Nice profile." I thanked him and he told me taht girl scout cookies were in (i ordered them from the kids that he lives with). He said that we should meet in a remote place and I said that he told me we couldn't do that because he wanted to get over me. He said "Well your boy Ryan seems to be taking care of your feelings fine, I am over you." I said "but I thought you said it would take time" and he said "I did too." (Ryan is another guy that lives with him, who wanted to ask me out before. My ex hates it when I talk to him about us, which happened only once. But Ryan has been over in my building more often so I guess my ex figures that he must be with me). I said "Why do you care so much about that?" and he said "I dumped you youo can do what you want." He reiterated that he doesn't have feelings for me anymore, and that he didn't know why but he was sorry. He said are you going to bring this up every time we talk? So I told him to make me a deal (we were talking on a friendly level now but he still didn't want to talk about this subject). I told him how I know I hurt him and that people think he is just hurt. He said "Well I will straighten them out every chance that I get" And I told him that I know that I hurt him and that it sounds like he is pushing me away. I told him that I hurt him so badly taht he is now pushing all feelings for me away. He said "I know" and I said that I did too, because I have done that once. He said "well i don't want to have feelings for you" and paused. then he said "if i had feelings for you." At that point i spilled my guts. I told him how sorry I was and how bad I felt for all of the things I did to push him away. I told him that I loved doing some of the stuff we did, but pretended to complain because it was my way of pushing him away. I told him how he always said "Why don't you let me love you?" and I didn't and now he took it away. I told him I was an idiot, and he said I wasn't. I told him to please sit down with me sometime and let me get out my feelings, because it isn't so much about getting him back, it is because I know I hurt him. I said that it sounded like he was hurt and he was pushing his feelings away without realizing it. But you can only hurt for so long, until the pain goes away, and the feelings emerge again. I asked him to sit with me, and at least I would know I have a friend to hang out with every night. He tried to slide a joke in here and there (he cannot sit through a serious conversation) but all in all i think he listened. So I said "Will you do this for me?" and he said okay. He tried to leave the conversation and I said "should I call you with a date?" and he said no. I said "Do you want more space?" and he said "More space." I said "Will you come to me?" and he said "Maybe" and he left. Is this good?

Of course he's not going to talk to you. He's still upset, dissapointed and still trying to move on, but what I'm saying is he's probably at least more reasonable to talk to now than he was when it first happened. Try to talk to him or write a letter...now. It sounds like if you wait too much longer, he'll have started to move on and there will have gone any chance of reconciliation.

 

Also I think "Taken, by cupid the ghost" means he's single. If you break it down, Cupid brings love and ghost means non-existent or invisible, sounds like he means cupid hasn't made an appearance yet.

[Ann]

PS - Had to see him today. He kept staring at me but talked to the people around him.

Of course he's not going to talk to you. He's still upset, dissapointed and still trying to move on, but what I'm saying is he's probably at least more reasonable to talk to now than he was when it first happened. Try to talk to him or write a letter...now. It sounds like if you wait too much longer, he'll have started to move on and there will have gone any chance of reconciliation.

 

Also I think "Taken, by cupid the ghost" means he's single. If you break it down, Cupid brings love and ghost means non-existent or invisible, sounds like he means cupid hasn't made an appearance yet.