zingy Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 can someone have abandonment issues even if they are the one wanting to leave? the counselor i am seeing told me that i fit the criteria perfectly for AVOIDANT PERSONALITY DISORDER, which to me would fall perfectly into place for the POST TRAMATIC STRESS SYNDROME. even though i did not fully fit the criteria for PTSD, i did fit it for the APD (above) and also for anxiety induced by medical conditions with panic attacks, which for me the medical condition is my fear of seizures again. so all together i definitely do have the MEDICAL CONDITION INDUCED WITH ANXIETY/PANIC, AND THE AVOIDANT PERSONALITY DISORDER. which would of caused the PTSD. whew i hope that makes sense. so this lady is a cognitive behaviour therapits (CBT), i did not even realize that until the other day and i have seen her now four times! she is so great! i have these homework assignments that i have to do that involve thinking about certain things and of course one of them is the seizure thingy and dealing with the anxiety of it and the fear of it too. i fill out this weeekly assessment sheet for anxiety, depression and relationship. my relationship scores fall very low each time, due to the things that i am not happy with, which is our communications skills, or lack there of, our intimacy level, or lack there of.. so i think about leaving him still but not as much and when i do i have to stop and ask myself what is it that i am trying to avoid or running from... it is difficult to do because most of the time i just can't seem to find any underlying reason for wanting to leave, except sometimes i feel boredom. i am trying to follow through in my own head about what stops me from leaving, and i get to the pain of it hurting and never being with him again, never being able to come back, being stuck in the little town of iowa when it is 60 below and 80 below wind chill, him being with someone else and having all the love and attention i get from him, well alot of the times anyway.. so those are some of the reasons i can't seem to leave... there is a song that says going from someone you love to someone you use to know.. i think about that song, i think about years down the road, and i run into him and he is with someone else and she asks him who i was , and he says "just someone i use to know", and geesh that hurts so much! how can someone be together for five years then leave each other and be "someone you use to know"? that hurts so much..eeek! anyway that's about all for now folks.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 YOU ASK: "can someone have abandonment issues even if they are the one wanting to leave?" You betcha and it happens a lot. Most often it's a function of fear. The more a person loves another person and becomes dependent on or connected to them, the more they fear the pain of abandonment. So leaving them is a pre-emptive move to guard against the pain of the abandonment that is feared. I guess the idea is that the pain is dulled if leaving is our own idea rather than the other person's. In your particular case, I think you are overanalyzing. Or maybe you are realizing this guy is not for you and alas you are seeing some healing as a result of your therapy. After all, the idea is to leave a relationship when the person is not the right person for us. Hey...you're getting better!!!!! There are a number of other scenarios as well in which a person with abandonment issues will do the leaving first but the one mentioned above is the most common. Link to post Share on other sites
zingy Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 gee tony i always wondered what you looked like, and now i know...lolololol i think to a point that i am over analyzing everything at least for too many days i a row now.. i need a vacation from thinking...lol the therapy was suppose to be to help with the anxiey, seizure, agoraphobia issues not to tell if he is going to work between him and me, but funny that is the way it is looking instead.. i still am hoping to sort things out between us...at least with the assessments i can see where we need a TON of work, and where to start, tho who knows? she has suggested we do couples counseling or some communications/group class thingy.. tonight i am going to talk to him about it...thanks for the reply Link to post Share on other sites
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