Dagger Kockburn Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Hi everyone! I am new here and just want to introduce myself. My username is derived from my air guitar alter-ego, and the name that I use when I enter my soap box derby races. At any rate, I guess this one is for all the ladies at LS. I am really frustrated with women. I mean, how come I see such lovely women with guys that I would consider to be a jerk? I mean, those guys seem like such creeps. I try and be nice and befriend the woman that I want to attract, but I just end up getting the "Let's just be friends" schpiel. Then they end up dating the jerk. I am looking for a woman's perspective. Do women really want a nice guy? Link to post Share on other sites
ketostix Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 I was wondering this as well. Does anyone know why this is, and if girls really generally do like a guy that acts nice? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dagger Kockburn Posted March 26, 2008 Author Share Posted March 26, 2008 Well it's been a month now since I started dating this new guy. He is extremely nice, considerate, open minded, perfect gentleman. He's got a great smile, gorgeous eyes, is affectionate and caring. He is the perfect example of what a nice guy truly is. We come to spend our weekends together, and sometimes we do something during the week. He insists on paying for everything (although I try to let him let me treat, and I do things like make dinner for him, I like to feel as though I'm putting in something too). We're taking things slow as far as rushing into a relationship and having sex, but I now spend the weekend at his place. He lives in a city I'm going to be moving back to (there's an hour between us). He does sweet things like always stocks up on the soda or juice I like to drinks or he all of a sudden wants to take a trip to the store and asks me to pick up some snacks or food I'd like for the weekend (all things I don't ask him to do, he just does it on his own!). He's always coming up with things to do that he thinks I'll like. I feel very lucky to meet such a great guy! I'm not complaining by any means on what I have, but I'm noticing that as things go on I feel less attracted to him. I normally end up dating the bad boy type guy, and get treated like ****. I want to move away from that, but it feels like when I meet a nice guy the attraction decreases. I think part of the problem may be that I've gotten used to being treated like crap. 3 out of 4 of my serious relationships, the guys have been jerks. The one that wasn't I had the same problem with. Have any of you experience this type of issue? This is what I find confusing. Women say they want a nice guy, but then lose attraction after awhile. Any women out there care to shed some light on this conundrum? I am struggling with this at the moment. At some point, I might just feel like saying "Oh to heck with women anyway!"p> Link to post Share on other sites
KarmaSutra Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 There isn't anyway to rationalize what a woman says. What comes out of her mouth is usually the antithesis of what she truly means. Instead, watch closely her body language. Women don't have the mental fortitude to lie from behind her teeth and with her external mechanism at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Hi everyone! I am new here and just want to introduce myself. My username is derived from my air guitar alter-ego, and the name that I use when I enter my soap box derby races. At any rate, I guess this one is for all the ladies at LS. I am really frustrated with women. I mean, how come I see such lovely women with guys that I would consider to be a jerk? I mean, those guys seem like such creeps. I try and be nice and befriend the woman that I want to attract, but I just end up getting the "Let's just be friends" schpiel. Then they end up dating the jerk. I am looking for a woman's perspective. Do women really want a nice guy? I would think it depends on ones definition of nice. My definiton of a nice guy in a R is one who is respectful, honest, caring and committed. With that said this is the kind of Man I would prefer. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dagger Kockburn Posted March 26, 2008 Author Share Posted March 26, 2008 I would think it depends on ones definition of nice. My definiton of a nice guy in a R is one who is respectful, honest, caring and committed. With that said this is the kind of Man I would prefer. AP:) I would say that your definition of a nice guy and my definition of a nice guy are the same. However, it's been my experience that women will eventually become bored with this type of mentality and will end up leaving me or cheating on me with some guy that I consider to be a jerk. These types of guys are very unsavory to me. I mean, here I am, buying dinners, cards, chocolates, flowers, gifts for these women and treating them like queens. I mean, it works in the movies and on TV right? This is what I thought guys were supposed to do. Then they end up ***king the bad boy who doesn't seem to care at all for them. Can someone please explain to me why women say one thing, but believe something else? The words are incongruent with the actions. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Re creating attraction, try not to introduce yourself with an explanation of how your name is derived from your air guitar and soapbox derby hobbies. Keep that lame stuff for later (my name is derived from a rubbish Marvel comics villain, haha). As for these 'jerks and creeps' - what is so annoying about these guys, apart from they have the women you want? They say that a slut is a woman who has slept with everyone but you - similar;y, a 'jerk' is often just a guy who is more confident and successful with women than you. Having said that, women are much more attracted to an exciting, charming 'jerk' than a 'hey! I'm such a nice guy, approve of me please' desperate sack of neediness. Quit trying to score points off women by being 'nice.' Concentrate on being fun. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 This may prove instructive: http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp02142004.shtml Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 I would say that your definition of a nice guy and my definition of a nice guy are the same. However, it's been my experience that women will eventually become bored with this type of mentality and will end up leaving me or cheating on me with some guy that I consider to be a jerk. These types of guys are very unsavory to me. I mean, here I am, buying dinners, cards, chocolates, flowers, gifts for these women and treating them like queens. I mean, it works in the movies and on TV right? This is what I thought guys were supposed to do. Then they end up ***king the bad boy who doesn't seem to care at all for them. Can someone please explain to me why women say one thing, but believe something else? The words are incongruent with the actions. I get the feeling that it just may simply be the fact that you have not yet found the right type of girl that appreciates the nice guy. It sounds to me like you are doing all the right things to attract a nice girl. Did that make sense? AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Women will follow what their emotions are doing rather than what some guy is saying. Men who act like "jerks" are more exciting and interesting than some wanker holding a boquet of roses and a teddy bear. A motorcycle ride is dangerous, fun and exciting. A candlelit dinner satisfies hunger. If you want to attract a woman, you need to get her emotions jumping around. You need to display confidence in everything you do. You need to let her know that you are a man, she is a woman, and sex IS available to her if she is worthy. You need to show your desire for her, not with words, but with your body language and touch. These are all ingredients that will create attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dagger Kockburn Posted March 26, 2008 Author Share Posted March 26, 2008 Re creating attraction, try not to introduce yourself with an explanation of how your name is derived from your air guitar and soapbox derby hobbies. Keep that lame stuff for later (my name is derived from a rubbish Marvel comics villain, haha). As for these 'jerks and creeps' - what is so annoying about these guys, apart from they have the women you want? They say that a slut is a woman who has slept with everyone but you - similar;y, a 'jerk' is often just a guy who is more confident and successful with women than you. Having said that, women are much more attracted to an exciting, charming 'jerk' than a 'hey! I'm such a nice guy, approve of me please' desperate sack of neediness. Quit trying to score points off women by being 'nice.' Concentrate on being fun. Finally some straight answers. Thanks Collector! Your straight talk is like a breath of fresh air. I read somewhere that you shouldn't ask a fish how to fish. Is this the same with women? Should I even be asking women for advice about women? Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Finally some straight answers. Thanks Collector! Your straight talk is like a breath of fresh air. I read somewhere that you shouldn't ask a fish how to fish. Is this the same with women? Should I even be asking women for advice about women? Well, thanking and taking advice from yourself probably won't teach you anything new. I suggest you go to the link I posted earlier. If it helps, that comic is drawn by a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dagger Kockburn Posted March 26, 2008 Author Share Posted March 26, 2008 Well, thanking and taking advice from yourself probably won't teach you anything new. I suggest you go to the link I posted earlier. If it helps, that comic is drawn by a guy. You know what? I'm sick of kissing your women's asses. I asked for some real advice. Maybe I needed that slap in the face. This guy gave me some straight talk, and you (a woman) give me a link to a comic strip, somehow implying that as a man, I am unable to comprehend anything more than colored drawings. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Well, thanking and taking advice from yourself probably won't teach you anything new. I suggest you go to the link I posted earlier. If it helps, that comic is drawn by a guy. Don't be fooled, serial muse is all three of us. There are only six different people on the whole forum. That cartoon is great btw. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 You know what? I'm sick of kissing your women's asses. I asked for some real advice. Maybe I needed that slap in the face. This guy gave me some straight talk, and you (a woman) give me a link to a comic strip, somehow implying that as a man, I am unable to comprehend anything more than colored drawings. Please. Look, starting incendiary threads that insult half the population isn't likely to get you much help. The strip I linked you to points out something that answers your question very succintly: those so-called nice guys who don't ask a woman out but pretend to be friends, and then get upset when she dates someone who does ask her out, are blind to their own contributions to the problem. Because they'd rather be bitter and blame it on the other gender. That's a straight-talk answer, Mr. Collector Dagger Kockburn whatever your name is at the moment. But I'm quite sure you never intended to take anyone else's advice anyway. That much is clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 You know what? I'm sick of kissing your women's asses. Woah, just because she didn't give anything helpful, it doesn't mean that you need to thwack her with the "bad girl" stick. Be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) Thanks, Lovegod, but what I posted should be helpful, if the OP would bother to pay attention to anything a woman has to say. He asked for a woman's perspective on the nice guy question, and I answered. For all the good it did. DK said this: I try and be nice and befriend the woman that I want to attract, but I just end up getting the "Let's just be friends" schpiel. Then they end up dating the jerk. I am looking for a woman's perspective. Do women really want a nice guy? And the point of that strip was this: If a guy goes about pretending to be her "friend" when what he really wants is just to get in a woman's pants, he's not any better than any other manipulative jerk. Being "nice" is just his way of maneuvering to get what he wants - and personally, I don't think that's very nice at all. I think it's assy. But he's also less likely to get anywhere than the more overt brand of jerk, because he doesn't even ask her out; he just hangs about and hopes she'll take the hint and suddenly throw herself at him, or something. Edited March 26, 2008 by serial muse Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 So much for mister nice guy OP, want some advice from a guy? A lifetime mister nice guy? Get married and then flirt. It works famously Seriously, you can create attraction while remaining true to your values and self. The key is inspiring emotional and sexual desire in a woman, not necessarily consummating it immediately. Raise her attraction level and be clear about your intentions. Combine acceptance and empathy with confrontation. Engage her emotions. Keep your options open. Live life for yourself with a possible opening for her. Your existence is valuable. Read AussieJacks posts Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 He asked for a woman's perspective on the nice guy question, and I answered. Ah, so he's a troll. Time to get out the brooms! Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 OP, Look at it this way. When you hear the word " nice" the only image that generally springs to a woman's mind are kids in preschool. It's always "play nice", " be nice to each other", etc, and really, can you actually associate "nice" with the real world? Of course there's nothing wrong with being nice, but it comes across too friendly related. You can be " nice" to friends and people, but you can't be too "nice" to a girl you're interested in. I don't mean that you should be an a$$ but it's just most girls love a challenge. We don't want guys that are too predictable, say a "nice" guy. In the initial stage of courtship, buying us flowers and candies are "nice", but if you carry on that same routine, doing everything for us, we can become bored and take you for granted. You can "nice" but at the same time you have a balance when trying to impress a woman. Gifts don't mean anything. Link to post Share on other sites
BladeSteel Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Can someone please explain to me why women say one thing, but believe something else? The words are incongruent with the actions. Dagger, I'm new here too, and you seem like a decent guy. I've asked this question many times, and you will never get a solid answer. What I've learned is this, women don't want a nice guy that buys flowers. They want a good MAN. A good man treats all people with respect, yet commands respect in return. A nice guy supplicates, and puts the woman on a pedestal. A nice guy has a "please pick me!" attitude towards women, and guess what? Women run from this. A good MAN filters through women, searching for what he wants..he goes for what HE wants in life. A good MAN is in search of a true woman, and will not settle for less. Learn what red flags to avoid (such as women who complain there are no nice guys). Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 I am looking for a woman's perspective. Do women really want a nice guy? Nope! We all want *******s! and that is what we get! Link to post Share on other sites
goingforgold Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I am speaking for myself here but bad boys seem to always win the hearts of the good girls. There's something about bad boys that keep me coming back to them for more, no matter how much it ends up hurting me in the end. Nice guys are ok for a while but i end up losing interest pretty quick. Link to post Share on other sites
gmcjunk Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 The jerk is the guy with confidence. Every girl, and I mean EVERY girl is attracted to guys with confidence. Regardless if they are dishwashers or Wall Street. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Well, thanking and taking advice from yourself probably won't teach you anything new. I suggest you go to the link I posted earlier. If it helps, that comic is drawn by a guy. Lol, I love it SM! Link to post Share on other sites
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