Unsure About Status With "E-Girl"...

[HouseOfCards]

I've been chatting it up with this girl I met on an online dating site about a month ago. We have pretty lengthy convos on a regular basis, and while she's not exactly my "type" per se, she's very sweet and a lot of fun to talk to.

 

However, I'm not really sure where her intentions for our relationship are. On several occasions she's made a point to tell me how much she likes me, that I'm not like other men, and has called me "THE GUY", whatever that means. And she's stated that she could potentially see something happen between us someday. I mean, she just throws a LOT of flattery my way, more than all other girls I've ever been involved with. Combined.

 

She's made a point of saying that she doesn't go "below the belt" with guys unless she's in love. But, there have been MANY occasions where she's suggested that she very well may end up doing that with me when she comes to visit me for the first time (which will be soon). I have yet to clarify if she wants what I think she wants when we get together, because, frankly, I don't want to jinx it.

 

I've told her I'm not sure where I'd like to take this, but that I'd prefer to sort of let whatever happens, happen, without making any major decision before we've even met. She agrees with this idea. Still, can anyone here help me read into this girl? Does she want a relationship? If she does, why is she seemingly looking to bend her rules of sex when we meet? Is she just a tease, or is she expecting a major commitment from me very soon?

[Lovegod]

Still, can anyone here help me read into this girl? Does she want a relationship?

 

A woman will take her cues from you. If you "just let whatever happen", nothing will happen. Quit waiting for her to make the first move because she's waiting for you to do it. If you want to touch her, go ahead and do it. She will reciprocate. If you want to make love to her, lead her into the bedroom and she will co-operate. But if you do nothing, she will do the same.

 

Lead and she will follow.

[HouseOfCards]

A woman will take her cues from you. If you "just let whatever happen", nothing will happen. Quit waiting for her to make the first move because she's waiting for you to do it. If you want to touch her, go ahead and do it. She will reciprocate. If you want to make love to her, lead her into the bedroom and she will co-operate. But if you do nothing, she will do the same.

 

Lead and she will follow.

 

This almost makes it seem like you're saying that whatever I want from this, she will end up wanting too. I'm not in any position to make any sort of move because I haven't even met her yet.

 

I'm getting some mixed signals here, and I'm just trying to figure out what she's looking for from this relationship. That way, I can be sure whether or not she's expecting that any sort of physical thing that happens between us means I want to start dating her.

 

Or maybe I should just forget about what she "expects" and do what I want to do and see what happens. That's probably what you were trying to say, huh.

[carhill]

Too much investment without face time....

 

I see a splat in the future of this...

 

Explain "not my type"....

[Lovegod]

This almost makes it seem like you're saying that whatever I want from this, she will end up wanting too.

 

...if she's interested in you, and it sounds like she is.

 

I'm not in any position to make any sort of move because I haven't even met her yet.

 

Well, you have control of the situation. If you decide that she's a lousy investment, then ditch her. If you decide that she's worth your time, then date her for a while. If she's still worth your time after a couple of months, make her your exclusive gf.

 

I'm getting some mixed signals here, and I'm just trying to figure out what she's looking for from this relationship.

 

You're getting mixed signals because you're looking for signals from her. She's getting mixed signals because she's looking for signals from you. Someone has to take control of the situation, and it won't be her.

 

That way, I can be sure whether or not she's expecting that any sort of physical thing that happens between us means I want to start dating her.

A woman will have sex with you if you lead her to sex. If you don't initiate the first touch, the first kiss, and the first lay, it will never happen. She's waiting for you to decide what direction to go. She WILL have sex with you if you lead her in that direction. If you don't lead anywhere, you will get nowhere.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Too much investment without face time....

 

I see a splat in the future of this...

 

Explain "not my type"....

Agreed why not your type to old to large to skinny to young?

that covers a wide range.

 

Of course shes tossing complements your way shes a female on a dating site and you seam like a decent guy to her.

 

I'm no expert but I think the ratio of female to male on those sites is a little one sided some times.

 

Now shes got you interested obversely so shes going to do or say what she thinks will make you like her more to seal the deal so to speak.

 

That may also explain why shes hinting shes willing to break her rule for you not trying to put any one down.

 

But I think theres a cirtin air of desperation on some dating sites as well and I say that as a women who's used them.

 

Theres just not allot of great catches after you weed thu the married ones or with a gf already crazy ax murderers stalkers and so on lol.

 

She def comes off as a bit desperate saying stuff like your "The GUY" aka "The ONE"

 

I've had people on line say stuff like that before meeting and it always ended bad.

 

Not trying to rain on your parade but you really cant say that kinda stuff before hand its a bad sign to me anyways be careful theres female nuts out there too.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

[quote=Lovegod;1589997

She WILL have sex with you if you lead her in that direction. If you don't lead anywhere, you will get nowhere.

I know your the lovegod and all but umm not all women will have sex just because the guy tries to initiate it even if there into them.

[HouseOfCards]

Agreed why not your type to old to large to skinny to young?

that covers a wide range.

 

 

"Not my type" meaning she's generally not the kind of girl I usually find myself looking for, personality-wise. I generally am more interested in the shy, artsy, book-smart, reserved girls, and she is pretty outspoken, open, friendly, talkative, etc. Which, to be fair to her, makes for much better conversation than most girls I've been around.

 

I think my decision here is "proceed with caution". I'll try to cut down the constant talking if I can, and basically just take it easy until we finally meet up. I'm just a little worried if we meet and some sort of physical encounter happens, this sort of thing will just escalate, which I really don't want, because we won't have many opportunities to see each other for a while now. So, I'm still on the fence about that concept too.

[carhill]

Use the site for arranging contact IRL only. No flirting/discussion/gushing etc. You need face time.

 

Real life is always different. ALWAYS. Holster your expectations. Forget about "physical" and pay attention to her interest level. I may be wrong, but I expect a downturn in interest by one of you. Tell us where you'll be taking her for your real life meeting....

[HouseOfCards]

Use the site for arranging contact IRL only. No flirting/discussion/gushing etc. You need face time.

 

Real life is always different. ALWAYS. Holster your expectations. Forget about "physical" and pay attention to her interest level. I may be wrong, but I expect a downturn in interest by one of you. Tell us where you'll be taking her for your real life meeting....

 

Well, we're both at college right now, but she has a close friend who goes to my school that she's been meaning to visit, so on that same weekend that she'll see her friends she wants to meet me too. I'll probably take her for a walk around campus, get some dinner, and then show her my place. I haven't really formally set any plans, but that was my general idea anyway.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Sounds nice except the show her my place part if you don't want something sexual to happen why show her your place?

 

You should meet her some were public for the 1st time maybe a cafe near campus or something.

 

Also think of it this way what if she turns out to be a total flake in real life you want her knowing exactly were you live?

[Lovegod]

I know your the lovegod and all but umm not all women will have sex just because the guy tries to initiate it even if there into them.

 

If a woman is attracted to a man and she is not willing to have sex with him, then the man is wasting his time with her. If she's only interested in non-sexual entertainment, then she should find herself a friend instead of a lover.

[The Collector]

"Not my type" meaning she's generally not the kind of girl I usually find myself looking for, personality-wise. I generally am more interested in the shy, artsy, book-smart, reserved girls, and she is pretty outspoken, open, friendly, talkative, etc.

 

What a strange dichotomy! And you prefer shy to friendly? I hate shy people. So rude.

[Lovegod]

I'll probably take her for a walk around campus, get some dinner, and then show her my place. I haven't really formally set any plans, but that was my general idea anyway.

 

This is a recipe for disaster.

 

Dinner cures hunger. It does not create attraction

Tours create familiarity. They do not create attraction

 

You need to get this woman excited. You need to lead her into your world which should *already* be interesting and entertaining. Take her out to an activity that you enjoy. Take her bowling, swimming, dancing, mini-golfing, or anything that is an ACTIVITY. Eating is not an activity, it's a necessity.

 

If you lead her into a world of boring dinners and campus tours, she will want to leave.

 

If you take her out to a fun activity where she enjoys herself, you will not encounter resistance when you take her to your place afterward.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

If a woman is attracted to a man and she is not willing to have sex with him, then the man is wasting his time with her. If she's only interested in non-sexual entertainment, then she should find herself a friend instead of a lover.

What ever happened to getting to know some one and developing meaningful relationships.

 

When did it become about just hopping in the sack with the 1st person who may turn you on?

 

Yes I agree sex is also a part of any true relationship but not always right away how is it a waist of time to allow a relationship to develop 1st?

 

Then theres the flip side to your argument how about when women do give in and have sex right away there labeled as easy slu*s by most men and not seen as worth while for a serious relationship.

[carhill]

I'll probably take her for a walk around campus, get some dinner

See this quote? Nice. Stop there. I want to hear about the restaurant you have in mind. Burger joint? Casual sit-down? Trendy? What? You're going to tell her where you'll be taking her so we need to hear it now. My bank is on casual sit-down with maybe a bar and music. Active but with some quiet space for you, since she is friendly and talkative and you'll want to continue the conversation you began on your walk. Maybe then a little foot swapping on the dance floor and back to convo. Up and down. Edited March 26, 2008 by carhill

[Lovegod]

What ever happened to getting to know some one and developing meaningful relationships.

 

A meaningful relationship can only be established as time passes. It cannot be established at the beginning.

 

Yes I agree sex is also a part of any true relationship but not always right away how is it a waist of time to allow a relationship to develop 1st?

 

I don't know about you, but I'm not waiting until marriage to have sex.

 

Then theres the flip side to your argument how about when women do give in and have sex right away there labeled as easy slu*s by most men and not seen as worth while for a serious relationship.

 

This is a fallacy that has been created by either women or society. Women label other women as slvts. When a man calls a woman a slvt, he's echoing a woman's opinion.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

A meaningful relationship can only be established as time passes. It cannot be established at the beginning.

I don't really get your thinking but to each his own I suppose.

 

 

I don't know about you, but I'm not waiting until marriage to have sex.

Who said anything about marriage? but whats wrong with waiting a few weeks? heck even a few days?

 

 

This is a fallacy that has been created by either women or society. Women label other women as slvts. When a man calls a woman a slvt, he's echoing a woman's opinion.

Bull sh*t this is a fact and an opinion of MEN I hugely doubt when a man calls a women a sl*t hes echoing any ones opinion but his own!

 

And you know very well some men use this mindset against women after they get what they want.

[melodymatters]

I like confident, alpha type guys, but if somone tried to "lead me" into a bedoom and expect me to go along and have sex with them, they better check their medication dosage.

 

The best guys have always let ME set the pace. It shows they are not some desperate for sex kid, or a player. They are somone who hopes for a relationship with me: they don't beg or plead, or act too freind-zoney, but they are NOT sexually pushy. Ew.

[Lovegod]

I don't really get your thinking but to each his own I suppose.

 

Well, let me put it this way. How many men have you been in a "meaningful relationship" with on the first date?

 

A "meaningful relationship" cannot exist without anything meaningful. History is meaningful. A kiss is not necessarily meaningful, and neither is sex. Trust and respect are both meaningful, don't you agree? Those two cannot be established over a short period of time. In fact, you would be stupid to fully trust and respect someone after a short period of time.

 

Who said anything about marriage? but whats wrong with waiting a few weeks? heck even a few days?

 

In other words, a "meaningful relationship" can be developed after being together for "a few days." I personally wouldn't consider "a few days" to have much meaning. Perhaps a few months, but not days.

 

Also, who said anything about having sex on or before the first date?

 

Bull sh*t this is a fact and an opinion of MEN

 

Show me proof of your fact that men created the idea, and the definition of a slvt. Since sex hasn't been openly discussed for much more than a few decades, this proof shouldn't be hard to come by. If you provide the proof, I will stand corrected.

 

The best guys have always let ME set the pace.

 

Has it ever occurred to you that these men may have led you to believe that you were setting the pace?

 

but they are NOT sexually pushy.

I never once used the word "push". I used the word "lead". I don't know what the hell you're thinking, but I'm thinking of sex as a journey. I'm talking about taking the woman by the hand, leading her into your world, taking her on a journey full of fun, adventure, and excitement, creating wonderful memories in the process. You're obviously thinking about getting raped in someone's dinjy apartment.

[carhill]

God he's so smooth I'd have a go at him

 

Seriously, I'd never thought that a woman needed me to create all those amazing things. See, I always thought they had that capacity within themselves. Thanks

 

OP, forget the dinner. She doesn't need to eat. Bungee-jumping.....

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Well, let me put it this way. How many men have you been in a "meaningful relationship" with on the first date?

None but also the ones I've slept with with in the 1st few days didn't turn into meaningful relationships ether 98% of the time.

A "meaningful relationship" cannot exist without anything meaningful. History is meaningful. A kiss is not necessarily meaningful, and neither is sex. Trust and respect are both meaningful, don't you agree? Those two cannot be established over a short period of time. In fact, you would be stupid to fully trust and respect someone after a short period of time.

 

Least we can agree on something trust and respect are meaningful and no they cant be established over a short period of time agreed!

 

which is why now that I'm older and wiser I also know that sex should be between two people who trust and respect each other.

 

which as we have established cant be formed over a short period of time.

 

In other words, a "meaningful relationship" can be developed after being together for "a few days." I personally wouldn't consider "a few days" to have much meaning. Perhaps a few months, but not days.

Well I said a few days as apposed to rather quickly which was the tone I got from your original post there sorry if I was wrong.

 

I ideally think it should take a month at least I know I wouldn't before then.

 

And if he lost interest and couldn't wait then so be it I'm worth getting to know 1st.

Also, who said anything about having sex on or before the first date?

 

Well lets see the OP came here never having met this women before in real life and your advice was basically for him to lead her into sex no?

 

If he didn't lead things would go no were. Again forgive me if I some how read it wrong.

 

Show me proof of your fact that men created the idea, and the definition of a slvt. Since sex hasn't been openly discussed for much more than a few decades, this proof shouldn't be hard to come by. If you provide the proof, I will stand corrected.

I don't have to prove anything I can speak from experience on that one its a crewl card some men play after they got what they wanted and are no longer interested.

 

They "lead" the women into sex but once she dose thinking there is something there bang all of a sudden shes a sl*t and not worth their time.

 

Do you honestly think a women invented that trick for it to be used on other women to think that is to completely deny the darker side of mens nature in general and to just blame it on women no?

 

kind of like the old well she was wearing the short skirt so she deserved to be raped mentality its the womens fault for wearing that skirt or calling other women sl*ts at all in the 1st place after all

Has it ever occurred to you that these men may have led you to believe that you were setting the pace?

 

 

I never once used the word "push". I used the word "lead". I don't know what the hell you're thinking, but I'm thinking of sex as a journey. I'm talking about taking the woman by the hand, leading her into your world, taking her on a journey full of fun, adventure, and excitement, creating wonderful memories in the process. You're obviously thinking about getting raped in someone's dinjy apartment.

I think you took what melody said kinda out of text I think she pretty much hit the nail on the head.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I some how think this convo could go on and on here but in respect to the OP I wont continue it further sorry about that OP.. I hope your date goes ok for you just be careful and have fun.

[HouseOfCards]

Jesus guys, I live on a college campus. Bungee-jumping is not an option. Mini-golf is not an option. Swimming is not an option. I'm sure she realizes this, otherwise she wouldn't be so okay with coming here to visit me. My other alternative is to take her to a local concert (I don't think anyone's playing that weekend) or a campus club/bar (she's a few months shy of being able to get in). It's college. There are very limited options to how to spend your night sometimes, aside from the obvious college stereotypes. I get the feeling that if at the end of the night we decide the chemistry isn't there, it won't be solely because we failed to golf/swim/whateverthehell.

[carhill]

Just so you know, I was being sarcastic (about the bungee-jumping)

 

LS'ers are a passionate bunch, eh?