jessbob Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 This is a huge issue which has been the source of many arguments with my boyfriend. I love him and I know he loves me, however he still calls his ex occasionally for a chat. He was with her 4 years (first love), they broke up 2 years ago but he insists thats they're still good friends. When we first started seeing each other, she used to call at 2 in the morning, I pointed out that this was kind of unacceptable and soon afterwards the calls stopped. However, in a fit of paranoia recently I checked his phone (yes I know its my own fault!) and found that he still called her. He doesn't see it as a problem but I feel that when you break up with someone, you should move on and sever all emotional attachment, especially if you're with someone new. I feel very jealous that he still feels the need to have her in his life, and I'm wondering what he gets from her that I'm not giving him. Am I wrong to ask that, out of respect for my feelings, he should leave the past in the past? He thinks that its all my issue and says that I can't control who he's friends with, but I don't think people can go back to just being friends with someone who they've had an emotional involvement with. Who is right??? Link to post Share on other sites
Porter_26 Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 I wouldn't say that either of you are right. I went through the same thing with my girlfriend, but fortunately for her, my ex and I eventually just grew apart. I wouldn't force him to forget about her, that will work against you, especially is he's anything like me. I doubt that you're not giving him what he needs, it's just that they were together for a long time and they are really comfortable with each other. You can't forget about people that easily, even if it would make your significant other happy. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 As long as he talks to her in front of you, I see no issues. Almost everyone past the age of puberty has some past and some of those pasts still exist in the present. If you trust him, then his ex shouldn't be an issue. His job is to respect the trust you put in him. I know my wife and her exH (no kids together) talked occasionally (mainly about their settlement details) while she and I were dating prior to getting engaged and I helped her move some of her stuff for their former home. He and his family are nice people. I trusted her to do the right thing. She did. EOS. Link to post Share on other sites
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