wishful Posted July 13, 2003 Share Posted July 13, 2003 I've been in a relationship for the past two years with a wonderful man who I love with all my heart. During the first year we were together, he broke up twice, saying he didn't want a serious relationship. He took time by himself and ended up coming back. We've been solidly together the past 1 1/2 years until last week when he said he wanted to take a break from us. He's spending all his time going out with friends both male and female and calls me constantly to see how I am and to let me know he's made plans with someone yet once again. Being able to keep in touch with me, is letting him have his cake and eating it too situation. I am frustrated with this situation and have told him that. He did come to see me this past week but once the weekend came along - he was gone. I want to give him some space but feel that he's taking advantage of having me in his life when its convenient. I really thought we were on the same page but now am questioning everything. His doubts have started to eat away at me as well and now I'm just not sure what to do. I am keeping busy and not always being available to him. I know that its healthy to have a life that is balanced with together and separate time, have never had a problem with that. I too have male friends that I hang out with so its not a jealousy thing either. Want to give him this space but am interested to hear some advice. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 14, 2003 Share Posted July 14, 2003 If a man loves a woman, he doesn't need the kind of space he is requiring. There is space in the context of a healthy relationship...and there is the space that the two of you have. It's obvious to outsiders that either A) He is no longer wanting a relationship with you. B) He is afraid of committed relationships and is not wanting a long term relationship with anybody. C) He is not ready for a relationship with anybody. In any case, it is clear that this man...at this time...is not the person for you. This fact will be very hard for you to face given your level of love for him. However, I urge you not to let him jerk you around while he has fun for the next five or ten years. His constant calls seem to be enough to make you a fool and keep you on a string. If you allow him to do this, you are doing yourself no favors. A man who loves a woman wants to be with her. He doesn't want to be with you. That speaks a lot. He's got problems. Let him go for now and see what else is out there. That, frankly, is your only hope for motivating him if he is to be motivated. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeful Posted July 14, 2003 Share Posted July 14, 2003 Hi tony, thanks for the response. was wondering if any one else had any words of advice? Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted July 14, 2003 Share Posted July 14, 2003 I would give him SPACE and THEN SOME! I would not make myself available at ALL to him, I don’t feel that he even deserves your time. You can do better than that!!! How can someone SO ‘wonderful’ treat you in this way? Tell him to F – off! Excuse the French. You sound like a lovely person and let me tell you, YOU WILL find yourself someone who is emotionally available to you and does not feel they need to act like a 2 year old. TAKE your power back, rule the situation and say NO. CUT HIM OFF!!! Be strong, YOU have full control over this! Good Luck ~PurpleAngel~ Link to post Share on other sites
jrdn00 Posted July 14, 2003 Share Posted July 14, 2003 You know what? I was in the kind of relationship that you're talking about before! Everytime things seemed to be going OK, that's when the break up would occur. He knew what was going to happen eventually anyway. He would go out and play for however long he felt like, and then knew that when he wanted to come back, I would be there waiting with open arms. Even though I wasn't making myself available all the time either, he knew that ultimately, I would take him back no matter what. It sounds like that is what this guy is doing, and it's not fair to you at all. I agree with what was said before CUT HIM OFF! You can find someone who won't send you on an emotional roller coaster all the time. Someone who at least knows what he wants. The fact that his doubts are starting to make you have doubts, is a good indication that there is something wrong with this situation. Ask yourself this: If you two were to get back together again, would you even enjoy it or would you be analyzing everything that was said and done, trying to figure out when he was going to run again? Link to post Share on other sites
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