Help with new "romance"

[wishgirl]

I met someone a week ago that I actually met 13 years ago (he doesn't remember then). He asked for my numbers and called me after two days. We made plans for a date on Tuesday (2 days after first call). We went to a small nightclub (I made him meet me there to be safe.) We talked for 5 hours trying to get to know each other. We laughed a lot about it being somewhat of a blind date. He said he would call me during the following week so we could get together again. The next day I couldn't STAND knowing if he had a good time or not so i called and left a voice mail that sai "Hi, thanks for last night...It was really fun....Call me!" He waited about 24 hours to return my call and he got my voice mail. He said he had a great time and maybe we could get together the following week. He then said he would call me or I could call him. I waited about 15 minutes after the message to call him back. We talked for about 15 minutes and he said he would only be available Monday evening. I said fine and suggested a place for us to go. He asked how much it would cost and said it sounded good. He then said he would call me on Sunday before we got together Monday. He hasn't called and it Sunday. Am I being impatient and I should just expect he will call tomorrow to confirm our date for tomorow night? Also, isn't it a good sign that he talks about doing things togetyher in the future? I am severely insecure after having just started dating 2 years after ending an 8 year relationship. I think I'm doing ok and not revealing too much too soon. He is also used to girls having sex with him on the first date and I pretty much insinuated that sex would be waiting quite awhile because we hardly know each other. n Whats your opinion?

[clia]

Oh my God. Slow down!

 

Why are you chasing this guy? You are, you know? You didn't even give him the opportunity to ask you out or to call you. You did it for him! You suggested the place to go...hello? He's the guy. Let him lead a bit, okay, hun?

 

Did you have any definite plans for tomorrow? If not, you were "bookmarked." If you had a time and place, then you should show up there, and if he doesn't show, his loss and write him off. If you had no definite plans, then I'd say write it off if he hasn't called. Do NOT call him. It's his position to call. If he doesn't do so, then you can take that as a sign that he is not interested in seeing you.

 

Just chill out. You do not need to call guys this way and force them into dates. Let them come to you. You are the flower, the princess, the prize. It's highly unattractive to pursue a guy so ardently.

 

And P.S. -- do not have sex with him if you do get together.

[wishgirl]

Maybe you need a little more background before you judge me to be doing the chasing. The first time he called me and asked me out I declined because it was not enough notice and we planned it for 2 days later.. This was on a Sunday. He then called me again later in the day to ask me to go again. I again declined. He then called me then next day and when I did not pick up left a message and paged. As I was about to return the call 3 hours later, my phone rang and it was him again wanting to get together that evening. I said no we have plans for tomorrow night. The next day he called me 2 more times before we met. WHO is chasing who here?

I made the suggestion for the 2nd date because he is not familiar with the area I live in and does not know where anything is. His friend suggested the first place we went to and while it wasn't a place we'll go to again it was sufficient for "privacy in a public place."

I don't feel I am chasing....I have dialed his number a total of 2 times. I am only looking for clues that it looks like a positive date. And don't think I can get too attached; he lives out of town and only comes to my area for work a few days a week. For all I know this guy could be married or have a girlfriend. I was only asking opinions on if anyone thought this was a positive situation so far. Keep in mind I have not considered dating for about 10 years.

[wishgirl]

And about the sex part......I'm not even considering it but would like to know by what "rules" is generally the amount of time someone will date before sex typically takes place these days.

Thanks for your help.

[clia]

Don't get all mad when you didn't give all the information in your first post....I went off what you said!

 

Okay, so here's the revised version, based on new information.

 

He pursued you a lot prior to your date (which is good). THEN, you took on the pursuing role, by calling him the next day because "you couldn't wait." (For future reference, don't do this.)

 

Again, as I said previously, you took on the masculine role, suggested a place (he's got Google, right? He could've figured out a place to go.), and left it in his court to call you to confirm. He hasn't done so. So, you are "bookmarked." If he calls, cool, if not, then you are in the dust. He's the guy--let him lead the way.

 

You've dialed his number twice? How many real live dates have you been on? I don't call guys at all. I know they call when they want to see me. I'll return a call if they ask, but that's it. Guys call when they want to see you. That's one thing I've definitely learned. Although it's only been two calls, in the amount of time, and given what the calls have consisted of, you are pursuing him. He hasn't shown his interest in you after your date---you are the one pursuing this, not him. Stop it right now! Don't make excuses and look at it for what it is!

 

As far as the sex thing, I think 2-3 months, minimum. No need to rush into that oxytocin mess.

[Just A Girl2]

For all I know this guy could be married or have a girlfriend.

 

Hi there. Well I assume that if you're starting to date him, somewhere inside you've got some degree of hope that this could become a serious relationship...so that being said, would you really want to take the chance and invest even 5 minutes with someone who could actually be attached?

 

If I were you, I'd definitely be trying to find out if he's truly available. I don't want to make any sweeping generalizations, but it seems to be a common phenomenon that men who work out of town can sometimes be married, but looking for someone to have fun with in the city that they work in. I've encountered this a couple times in my life but I sure learned my lesson.

 

Have you come right out and asked him if he was married or involved with someone? (not that he'd necessarily tell you the truth but if you never actually ask him, he COULD withhold this info and not feel dishonest about it, having the mindset of "well, she never asked.")

 

I know it's awkward and like being in a strange new world, to be back in the dating scene after many years in a relationship. Just play things cool and don't be too eager. Be a bit of a challenge.

 

As for the sex thing......even though it's been 10 yrs since you were dating, I think the answer to "how long do you wait once dating to have sex?" question is: it's totally a personal choice/decision. I think in this day and age of HIV and Sexually transmitted diseases and all that, it pays to be very selective and to not rush into sex until you both really know you have something sound and stable. There's no rush. A decent guy isn't going to dump you because you don't 'put out' on the 3rd date. And considering you maybe don't know much about this guy's history (due to him being from another city) or marital status, etc...I'd really hold off on getting intimate. Just my opinion.