MusicMan72 Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 Hi All, A bit confused here. How many of you would and do flirt online in a sexual way whilst in a commited relationship? Does this mean you are looking elsewhere, or is it just a fantasy that makes you feel good and you'll never act on? I caught my GF in a sexually explicit chat session with some guy from her work. I left her over it, and now I am beginning to think that I may have been a bit too judgemental in all this. This guy from work is 500 miles away so the chances of meeting are somewhat reduced. I still did'nt like it and freaked out. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 I would never do that. I flirt with my wife's married girlfriends. It's much safer Link to post Share on other sites
PinkKittyKat Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 I used to do shlt like that in relationships, but I ended up being a cheater. It helped lead to cheating. It made me rationalize it, and it was only a gradual slope to ACTUAL cheating. Once you've a.) vividly imagined sexual acts being performed with another person, and b.)described it explicitly TO the other person, and c.)they have reciprocated those urges, it's only a short hop, skip and step to wanting to ACTUALLY do it. Usually it leads to feelings of wanting to take it into "the real world". Don't get me wrong, I'm sure some people just want an ego boost or some brief sexual stimulation with no actual contact attached. It's just...well, be cautious if you catch someone doing that. It can be only the tip of the iceberg. I'm sure she knew she was disrespecting you as she did it, and she did it anyway. Of course you freaked out, she was describing in graphic detail what she wanted a guy to do to her sexually. I think anyone would probably freak out... unless he had, like, a cuckold fetish or something. And yes, I've since learned better. Too much respect for my bf to pull that shlt. Or possibly, many people don't consider cybersex to be cheating....maybe she is one of those people. Did you guys ever discuss it beforehand? Link to post Share on other sites
Portage Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 Hi All, A bit confused here. How many of you would and do flirt online in a sexual way whilst in a commited relationship? Does this mean you are looking elsewhere, or is it just a fantasy that makes you feel good and you'll never act on? I caught my GF in a sexually explicit chat session with some guy from her work. I left her over it, and now I am beginning to think that I may have been a bit too judgemental in all this. This guy from work is 500 miles away so the chances of meeting are somewhat reduced. I still did'nt like it and freaked out. I can understand your hurt and feelings of rejection. I did this also to my husband, however, we had been separated for a long period of time. He was in the military and the distance between us was emotionally and physically great. And yes, it does put you in fantasy world. It makes you crave the other individual esp if you know what they look like, have that physical/emotional connection, and both want an escape. Had your girlfriend met this LD co-worker in person?? Did they have plans to meet up?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MusicMan72 Posted March 29, 2008 Author Share Posted March 29, 2008 Or possibly, many people don't consider cybersex to be cheating....maybe she is one of those people. Did you guys ever discuss it beforehand? We never discussed this, as I am a fairly traditional guy, and had assumed that she felt the same way. I guess I was wrong. The next GF I will certainly make this cleae to her from the outset. I certainly consider this cheating. Although it was not quite as graphical as you suggested, it certainly corssed the lione on my books. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MusicMan72 Posted March 29, 2008 Author Share Posted March 29, 2008 Had your girlfriend met this LD co-worker in person?? Did they have plans to meet up?? No, they had never met. No plans to meet up. One thing I did'nt mention was that it was her comming onto him. He seemed a bit put off by the whole thing and did'nt really encourage her. He is married with kids. He certainly did'nt seem like he wanted to hang around much. Thats does'nt make it any easier. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkKittyKat Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 We never discussed this, as I am a fairly traditional guy, and had assumed that she felt the same way. I guess I was wrong. The next GF I will certainly make this cleae to her from the outset. I certainly consider this cheating. Although it was not quite as graphical as you suggested, it certainly corssed the lione on my books. No, they had never met. No plans to meet up. One thing I did'nt mention was that it was her comming onto him. He seemed a bit put off by the whole thing and did'nt really encourage her. He is married with kids. He certainly did'nt seem like he wanted to hang around much. Thats does'nt make it any easier. Yeah, it's always a good idea to discuss expectations/boundaries with someone new. It's always an unpleasant thing to bring up, but at least then you know where your partner stands. I consider cybersex cheating. A lot of people do. Sorry, when you said "sexually explicit" I assumed... And HER coming onto him with not a lot of encouragement is a big red flag. I think you did the right thing by leaving her. It is still painful and a betrayal, though. You have my sympathies, and good on you for standing up for your own boundaries!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 29, 2008 Share Posted March 29, 2008 I am beginning to think that I may have been a bit too judgemental in all this. It sounds to me like you dodged a future and painful bullet by walking away when you did. It would have escalated from there - if not with this guy, then some other one. Link to post Share on other sites
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