new rules of dating: friends with benefits??

[Noos]

I have to say that I'm pretty shocked by the modern rules of dating.

 

Very recently, a guy friend led me on into believing he wanted a romantic relationship by dating me, saying things like "if we end up married etc.." and "you're all I can think about" and finally got me to admit my feelings for him.

 

He then tried to set up a friends with benefits by saying he wasn't interested in dating just as we got to his bedroom.

 

I'm 35 and he's almost 31.

 

From what I remember of dating in the late 80s and 90s - friends with benefits was always the worst thing you could do to a person, let alone someone you have a pre-existing platonic friendship with.

 

It's like saying I want to smut and sleep with you but I don't want to have any emotional connection or any responsibility for a relationship.

 

It's also saying, I'm too lazy to try to persuade strangers to date me and I'm too cheap to pay for a hooker.

 

I just feel so insulted and humiliated.

 

But, nowadays, it's like this is a normal arrangement, this is what guys want until they're ready to say they are your boyfriend. Meanwhile, the girl gets low self-esteem, constant insecurity and a sex partner who is still shopping around for someone they like more than her.

 

Of course, you can substitute guy for girl in this situation too.

 

When did this become an acceptable way to date??? Who invented this lazy, soul sapping FWB scam???

[j_hunt_12]

I always go strait to dating but yeah that situation is lousy and usually the "friends with benefits" is a major cop-out. But you don't have to follow along. Girls really need to set higher standards when they are looking for serious relationships. Guys always want sex and rarely want relationships... It is all up to the girl though to take control in that aspect.

 

But it is not always a bad set-up. Sometimes both the girl and the guy really do not like each other in a relationship way but are friends and are both attracted to each other. When you are friends with someone and you are both single you might as well have sex. Having a long term sexual relationship with someone you know and trust but do not want to date is a better idea than sleeping with a different person every week. And it is a lot better than not having sex for a long time for most people.

 

But you are right in that they rarely work for long periods of time, Usually jealousy or something will get in the way. But they can work and friends have told me that they have made it work before without problems... It is up to the people.

[MalachiX]

 

It's like saying I want to smut and sleep with you but I don't want to have any emotional connection or any responsibility for a relationship.

 

It's also saying, I'm too lazy to try to persuade strangers to date me and I'm too cheap to pay for a hooker.

 

But, nowadays, it's like this is a normal arrangement, this is what guys want until they're ready to say they are your boyfriend. Meanwhile, the girl gets low self-esteem, constant insecurity and a sex partner who is still shopping around for someone they like more than her.

 

Yikes! I'm sorry you were hurt but try not to make rude generalizations about all me.

 

For that matter, I don't think there's anything wrong with a guy or girl who wants to have friends with benafits. Sex is fun, and while it's better with someone you love, it's pretty damn good with someone you like (or just that's hot). I don't see the problem with wanting a sexual relationship with someone without the prospect of it turning into something more.

 

The problem in your case wasn't that he wanted sex but simply that he apparently mislead you into thinking he wanted something more (the marriage comment seems pretty out of line).