Fiance is bugging!

[cuteasviolette]

I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and am now engaged to him. We plan on getting married in April 2003. Lately he has been bugging me sooo much. He is really jealous, he says he does not want to lose me. I reassure him always,he never will. I don't go out without him. All he wants to do is be with me, he is smothering me A LOT! I have tried talking to him about this and he always ends up getting upset. He says I hurt him. All my friends say he is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. My family adores him and my mother absolutely loves him. I love him very much too. This is pretty much his first serious relationship and it's kind of but not really mine too. We get along great, share the same interests but sometimes I can't stand him. Even his smile bugs me. I tell him we need to spend time apart, but when I bring this up, he gets really depressed and doesn't do well at work, since I want the best for him, I think I sometimes keep it to myself so that it won't hurt him. I think I also deserve to have a social life, not be with him 24/7.I feel I'm in this alone, If anyone can please help me, I would appreciate this very much. I'd like to fix things before we tie the knot.

[Tony T]

We can't fix it for you here, for sure. You have got to sit him down and let him know in no uncertain terms that if he can't back off and give you some space to be your own person...to be the free human being you were meant to be...the wedding idea is OVER!!!

 

You simply can't live your life like this and it's getting close to the time when you will simply fall out of love with him. Humans were meant to have freedom and if you have a partner who takes that away from you, it can be hell on earth.

 

You will live a life of misery if you marry this guy if he doesn't change his clinginess. Ask him to see a counsellor (psychologist) to see if he can get to the root of his insecurities.

 

Relationships are not meant to be prisons. With somebody on your back all the time, it becomes a prison...a place you don't want to be.

 

Be very firm and tell him absolutely straight away...that you love him but that love will disappear if he doesn't get a life away from you and allow you to have a life away from him. If he has a problem with doing that, get away from him. It's far better you should end it with him now than go through a grueling divorce.

 

You may want to put your wedding plans on hold until you see some meaningful, long term change in him.

 

Why did you stay with this guy so long...and why did you get engaged to him if he had this problem??? Or is this something that just started recently??? Weird!!!

 

If this is something that started recently, tell him you fell in love with the guy he used to be, not the insecure, possessive, jealous wimp he has become.