Taken for granted - do the ex's realise?

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Hi everyone,

 

Without going into too much detail.....

 

My ex basically started treating me badly and took me for granted. I lost so much of my confidence, and self esteem over this. So much so, he wouldn't let me express myself. If I spoke to him calmly I was patronising him, and if I shouted he would call me foul names. I put so much into the relationship, so much time, effort, (money ) and love. My ex only ever found fault. He brought all the bad past experinces from his ex girlfriends and was looking for me to do the same! He never took me anywhere, and although he old me he loved me, he always made me feel like I wasn't good enough. He was punishing me every day for stuff I had no control over, and in the end I walked away. I walked away knowing I had done everything I could to make him happy and the relationship strong. I can't manage a relationship on my own. He contributed nothing and took me for granted!

 

Things finally came to a turbulant head and I told him that "I love you and I am scared of losing you.... But I am more scared of losing myself than losing you." He basically had a nervous breakdown right in front of me. I told him what the problems in the relationship were, (him basically), but I wasn't mean or cruel. I was trying to be calm and was telling him I loved him constantly but he twisted everything. Told me - I mean told me to take the blame for everything that had happened. Like an idiot, just so that he would calm down, because he sounded so messed up, I went "Ok! I take the blame!" He shouted, "Good! Thats all I wanted to hear!" I felt sick afterwards for saying I took the whole blame!!! What was I thinking?! Stupid cow! He was comletely gutted and told me I was the only girl he ever loved and I had broken his heart. Furthermore he said, "I don't want to hurt you. So I never wanna see you again. I can't do it to you."

 

His life is comletely stressful at the moment, (still no excuse for him to treat me as badly, and I mean badly as he was), everyone was telling me to leave him because I was turnining into this really sad person. But when that stressful part comes to an end, (in April/May), I am wondering whether he will actually start to get back to the person I fell in love with (who is a polar opposite to this guy), and realise - "****! I took her for granted!"

 

Has anyone had an ex come back to them and admitt this after succesful NC?

I wanna point out at this point that NC is working for me, and I realise that I don't want him back. I'm just wondering if he will realise and maybe break NC himself.

[Starla]

hi stella. maybe, maybe not. i guess all that matters is YOU have moved on..you can't change how the ex reacts or thinks or feels.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

I don't really need an apology or even an ounce of regret from him. I have moved on from relationships in the past without them, and I will again. NC is the best medicine.

 

I was just curious, because I think when his life becomes more stable he might reach out again.

[SoStupid]

Has anyone had an ex come back to them and admitt this after succesful NC?

 

 

 

Yes I sure have, he told me I was the only gf who had ever loved him and treated him the way he wanted to be treated and he messed up BIG TIME.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Yes I sure have, he told me I was the only gf who had ever loved him and treated him the way he wanted to be treated and he messed up BIG TIME.

 

 

I honestly think by the time my ex realises, sorry if he realises, I'll have moved on to someone else.

 

He has this "I'm right - you're wrong. I don't believe in saying sorry." Attitude!

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Yes I sure have, he told me I was the only gf who had ever loved him and treated him the way he wanted to be treated and he messed up BIG TIME.

 

I forgot to ask - how long did it take?

[carhill]

He has this "I'm right - you're wrong. I don't believe in saying sorry." Attitude!

There ya go. EOS.

 

Good luck with continued NC. He'll be but a distant memory in no time.

[frd150]

Hello Stella,

 

Well I can tell you from a male point of view that if he truley does not realize it then he was never worth all your effort.

 

You see What brought me here was very similar in some respects to what you describe. Fo my part I just got comfortable and never thought I would loose the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, I was never mean or crule or insuting outright but I guess the little things can really effect a partner.

 

Speaking fo myself ,I woke up. I thought at first that I could fix it so to speak but I truly did not know what it was I needed to fix had I known then she never would have left me:(. It took alot of alone time to apprecieate the lesson she was teaching me.In that time I also realized that I was not soley to blame and that we both let things go stale despite our love for one another.

 

Stella there is no excuse for the mean manipulative things he did and quite honestly you have to care to want to change and realize what it is you lost. Something tells me that he would only repeat this at some point. Change does not happen overnight. I thought that but nooooo. My true awakening was months into the process.

 

Im sorry for my part but is he... truly?

 

Good luck and know that you deserve the best for yourself.

Edited March 29, 2008 by frd150

[SoStupid]

I forgot to ask - how long did it take?

 

It was about a year, he dated other people and realised that they will never be me!

 

I ignored his phone calls and moved on with my life, after a year he was asking mutal friends about me, looking for me around town ect...

 

Then I ran into him, He told me he missed me and knows he wouldn't ever find anyone like me or loved him like i did. I told him it was alittle to late.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

It was about a year, he dated other people and realised that they will never be me!

 

I ignored his phone calls and moved on with my life, after a year he was asking mutal friends about me, looking for me around town ect...

 

Then I ran into him, He told me he missed me and knows he wouldn't ever find anyone like me or loved him like i did. I told him it was alittle to late.

 

I get the feeling my ex won't stay single for long. He works with his other ex who is 10 years older than him, (20 years older than me!), and a little bit desperate. They had been broken up 8/9 months when we met and started seeing one another. He kept it from work because when they were a couple, (3 years relationship), she would tell everyone their business and it became very difficult to be respected at work. Someone comented that he looked really happy one day, and he confided in them that he was in love with the one ! Needless to say his ex found out in half an hour and confronted him very loudly! He told her to mind her own business, but she seemed genuinely devestated. I was never threatened by her though.

 

They split up because he was never "in love" with her. All his friends are married or have setled down They all do the "couple" thing, and he is always excluded from things. He just got into a routine with her, he told me. She has three kids and a huge mortgage.... I know he'd only be going back with her because he was lonely. He told me he contemplated it throughout the 8 months they split up (before me). I get the feeling she will be sniffing round and he'll go back. Its sad for him. Maybe he'll think about what he had with me and look for someone similar. Good luck pal, I'm one of a kind!

 

 

 

Hello Stella,

 

Well I can tell you from a male point of view that if he truley does not realize it then he was never worth all your effort.

 

You see What brought me here was very similar in some respects to what you describe. Fo my part I just got comfortable and never thought I would loose the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, I was never mean or crule or insuting outright but I guess the little things can really effect a partner.

 

Speaking fo myself ,I woke up. I thought at first that I could fix it so to speak but I truly did not know what it was I needed to fix had I known then she never would have left me:(. It took alot of alone time to apprecieate the lesson she was teaching me.In that time I also realized that I was not soley to blame and that we both let things go stale despite our love for one another.

 

Stella there is no excuse for the mean manipulative things he did and quite honestly you have to care to want to change and realize what it is you lost. Something tells me that he would only repeat this at some point. Change does not happen overnight. I thought that but nooooo. My true awakening was months into the process.

 

Im sorry for my part but is he... truly?

 

Good luck and know that you deserve the best for yourself.

 

 

I totally agree with the points you raised here.

 

I started to make excuses not to see him because I was just getting so frustrated. In my mind I thought, put a bit of space between you and the next time we see each other things will be calmer. Instead e were not addressing issues, just papering over them. I wish I'd had the strength to ell him what was wrong, but with his circumstances at the moment I thought I was being selfish asking him to buck his ideas up.... I made a lot of excuses for him, and I still am.

 

I think NC is a gift you give to yourself and you ex partner. Everyday I wake up "knowing him" a little bit better. Thinking back to the things he has said and done, what was going on around us at the time, how he looked, his body language etc. I feel he will come forward once the dust has settled. Right now he has thrown himself into the last two months of his degree, but after that.... With all that time on his hands? That perfect summer he so carefully planned for us in his head not coming true?

 

How long did it take for you to realise?

[frd150]

I totally agree with the points you raised here.

 

I started to make excuses not to see him because I was just getting so frustrated. In my mind I thought, put a bit of space between you and the next time we see each other things will be calmer. Instead e were not addressing issues, just papering over them. I wish I'd had the strength to ell him what was wrong, but with his circumstances at the moment I thought I was being selfish asking him to buck his ideas up.... I made a lot of excuses for him, and I still am.

 

I think NC is a gift you give to yourself and you ex partner. Everyday I wake up "knowing him" a little bit better. Thinking back to the things he has said and done, what was going on around us at the time, how he looked, his body language etc. I feel he will come forward once the dust has settled. Right now he has thrown himself into the last two months of his degree, but after that.... With all that time on his hands? That perfect summer he so carefully planned for us in his head not coming true?

 

How long did it take for you to realise?

 

 

You know it was a gradual realization. It started after our last serious conversation about "us". I realized that I would only be lying to myself and her if we got right back together. Someone asked me If I had really sat down and thought about what went wrong,I had not so I did. Ive come along way with the realization that the little not so important things can ruin things if they are made into a big deal. After I posted earlier I thought about some of those little things and how they made the difference. You know If I could go back I would kick my own a$$ for how I was.

 

She now calls me on a regular basis and some say that she wants to maybe try again but that she is too afraid to say it (pure speculation). Im afraid to ask and I also know that i made attempts to reconcile so If she wants to really try then Im open but I think it needs to come from her this Way i know it was not me who in some way manipulated it.

 

 

I know she made excuses for me and thats not something Im proud of. No girl I want to marry should have to make an excuse for me. I also know that at the same time she was very proud of me and maybe thats what hurts me the most. I let her down.

 

Now Im speaking for me but since the break she has also admitted her faults. It takes two ,you know?

 

The best thing to do after such a thing as this is learn and move on wether quick or slow just get the ball rolling. Im moving at a medium pace;) What ever happens happens. You cant ignore the feelings you have you just have to remember not to let them get in the way of being happy. Life is good:).

[Stella Sleepwalks]

You know it was a gradual realization. It started after our last serious conversation about "us". I realized that I would only be lying to myself and her if we got right back together. Someone asked me If I had really sat down and thought about what went wrong,I had not so I did. Ive come along way with the realization that the little not so important things can ruin things if they are made into a big deal. After I posted earlier I thought about some of those little things and how they made the difference. You know If I could go back I would kick my own a$$ for how I was.

 

She now calls me on a regular basis and some say that she wants to maybe try again but that she is too afraid to say it (pure speculation). Im afraid to ask and I also know that i made attempts to reconcile so If she wants to really try then Im open but I think it needs to come from her this Way i know it was not me who in some way manipulated it.

 

 

I know she made excuses for me and thats not something Im proud of. No girl I want to marry should have to make an excuse for me. I also know that at the same time she was very proud of me and maybe thats what hurts me the most. I let her down.

 

Now Im speaking for me but since the break she has also admitted her faults. It takes two ,you know?

 

The best thing to do after such a thing as this is learn and move on wether quick or slow just get the ball rolling. Im moving at a medium pace;) What ever happens happens. You cant ignore the feelings you have you just have to remember not to let them get in the way of being happy. Life is good:).

 

 

I am moving along quite well. Had a rough couple of days for some reason, but I had no desire to break NC.

 

He has his head buried in his university books, doing he final big assignment so I'm guessing, (and its only a guess), he's not really thinking about me or us. Maybe he won't think of me at all when he finishes his degree, maybe he'll be over it. Or maybe it'll be just the opposite, and he only just starts to get over it.

 

I don't know. I can only concentrate on my own recovery and my own life. It would be nice to think the guy I fell for would one dy call me up and say, "I understand where you were coming from hun." But I don't need him to say that for me to move on.

[frd150]

Your allowed some rough patches.

 

Now remember what you said in your OP about all the things he said and did. Sounds like none of it fit into your program. Okay it goes without saying that everyone is different and no one is perfect but the way he made you feel needs to be acknowledged. This is fresh and after a bit of time you will even more so than you do now. Unless hes had some epiphany then I wouldnt cout on anything. Im sure he thinks of you, I mean come on.

 

Live it up and like you said ,concentrate on yourself.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

He did say when we last saw each other. "I don't know what I do that makes you feel like you can't be yourself with me, but its not intentional. I can't do that to you." He said to my mum, "I love her and I can't do this to her anymore."

 

I don't know what to think - all I know is NC is working for me. I'm not using NC as a way for him to miss me and come back, its about me healing.

[frd150]

He did say when we last saw each other. "I don't know what I do that makes you feel like you can't be yourself with me, but its not intentional. I can't do that to you." He said to my mum, "I love her and I can't do this to her anymore."

 

I don't know what to think - all I know is NC is working for me. I'm not using NC as a way for him to miss me and come back, its about me healing.

 

And thats what it should be used for "missing is just a by prouduct.

 

Have you sat him down with the premise that he is ti hear you out without a peep to tell him what it is that makes you feel this way? He needs to hear you out and agree to do so.

 

I put myself in his shoes and I could see him being defensive (but I think he over reacted a bit)

 

I wish she would have done that with me instead of just walking out.

 

This thread hits home for sure.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

And thats what it should be used for "missing is just a by prouduct.

 

Have you sat him down with the premise that he is ti hear you out without a peep to tell him what it is that makes you feel this way? He needs to hear you out and agree to do so.

 

I put myself in his shoes and I could see him being defensive (but I think he over reacted a bit)

 

I wish she would have done that with me instead of just walking out.

 

This thread hits home for sure.

 

 

Now is not the time to talk to him. I'm simply not strong enough, and because I still have love for him, I want him to pass this university course. It will open up so many doors for him, it is the secondary cause of his stress and frustration, (the first being his mum is not too well), and I don't want him to fail.

 

My logic is/was, I was the last thing to enter his life, I should be his lastpriority, he has bigger fish to fry..... Just realised another one of my flaws in the relationship, never putting myself first!

 

I think if I try and talk to him I would:

 

a) Mess his head up - he only has 6 weeks to go

 

b) Only have my words twisted round and used against me .- very defensive and doesn't listen

 

 

He is in a very negative place at the moment. He needs to get his head sorted out. I asked him, "Do you think we could be friends." He replied sarcastically, "Well friends are people who keep in touch aren't they?" He told me he had his "cold head on" the last time we met. He was trying to allocate blame, I think its his way of making sense of things, but this is only 1 week after the split that he said that. Very raw, he looked like he'd lost weight and his friend told me he was in a complete state of shock. He said I had just sat there and insulted him, (I hadn't), just him only looking at the negatives. Hearing what he wanted to hear. I kissed him really softly on the lips and held his hands and told him I would always love him, and was so proud of him. He said, "I doubt you will always love me." I held his face, looked into his eyes and said, "Well then, that makes you a fool. And I din't have you down as a fool." He got in the car, told me to have a happy life then sped away full speed. I think I got to him.

 

I don't think I should make the first move. I have sacrificed too much dignity and self respect for this person. I want him, (the old positive him), but I don't need him. There is a big difference.

 

I am glad the last time I saw him I said "I love you and always will."

I did also say as he closed the car door, "I hope you find someone who makes you happy." Because I do. Even if that's not me. I don't want him to settle for someone. I want him to have the real deal. I was the first girl he thought of as the girl he wanted to marry and have kids with. He told me he was gutted and that he felt I'd made a mug out of him.

Edited March 29, 2008 by Stella Sleepwalks

[frd150]

Now is not the time to talk to him. I'm simply not strong enough, and because I still have love for him, I want him to pass this university course. It will open up so many doors for him, it is the secondary cause of his stress and frustration, (the first being his mum is not too well), and I don't want him to fail.

 

You have love for him or do you truly love him? I only ask this because there is a difference. My ex told me that she still loved me but I think it was more like she "had love" she also walked out on me during a very stressful time in my life.

 

 

My logic is/was, I was the last thing to enter his life, I should be his lastpriority, he has bigger fish to fry..... Just realised another one of my flaws in the relationship, never putting myself first!

 

You sound alot like my ex. She is a nurturing type of person always putting others first. With me she would do this even though I never asked for it and I think Im the same way so it became sorta a compettition brought on by frustration. I think that for me her litle favors became an annoyance(but I always thanked her and was appreciative). I know better now and I also know like me doing for others is what made her happy. So maybe a by prouduct of your Nc will be that he will have a chance to realize the support you gave him and that there is no bigger fish than you.

 

I think if I try and talk to him I would:

 

a) Mess his head up - he only has 6 weeks to go

 

b) Only have my words twisted round and used against me .- very defensive and doesn't listen

 

 

 

A. maybe judging by the way hes been reacting

 

B.No progress can be made from that.

 

 

You backing off is another example of you sacrificing for others.

 

 

 

 

He is in a very negative place at the moment. He needs to get his head sorted out. I asked him, "Do you think we could be friends." He replied sarcastically, "Well friends are people who keep in touch aren't they?" He told me he had his "cold head on" the last time we met. He was trying to allocate blame, I think its his way of making sense of things, but this is only 1 week after the split that he said that. Very raw, he looked like he'd lost weight and his friend told me he was in a complete state of shock. He said I had just sat there and insulted him, (I hadn't), just him only looking at the negatives. Hearing what he wanted to hear. I kissed him really softly on the lips and held his hands and told him I would always love him, and was so proud of him. He said, "I doubt you will always love me." I held his face, looked into his eyes and said, "Well then, that makes you a fool. And I din't have you down as a fool." He got in the car, told me to have a happy life then sped away full speed. I think I got to him.

 

People say things when they dont mean when they are at a disadvantage and thats where he is. Oh he misses you and will eventually realize that his actions put the two you here in this situation. Stella Im still concerned though about the way he made you feel in the relationship. You CANNOT

go back to that you cannot build a life in that type of situation. You two need to be a team as my ex put it. No matter how bad or stressful ther is and will always be the two of you. There is no going back until the both of you realize that. Life will always throw situations at you that cause stress and if you/he cannot handle this now then there is no future "us".

 

 

 

I don't think I should make the first move. I have sacrificed too much dignity and self respect for this person. I want him, (the old positive him), but I don't need him. There is a big difference.

 

Me too. Ive done it already and the sad part is from her actions she may want me to do it again but I just cant put myself outhere again.

 

I am glad the last time I saw him I said "I love you and always will."

I did also say as he closed the car door, "I hope you find someone who makes you happy." Because I do. Even if that's not me. I don't want him to settle for someone. I want him to have the real deal. I was the first girl he thought of as the girl he wanted to marry and have kids with. He told me he was gutted and that he felt I'd made a mug out of him.

 

Ok this answers the first paragraph. The words you said about him being happy are the same words we told each other and at least I meant it. You see I never cared or loved someone like I did her. I was just ignorant as is he right now. I was preparing to propose then I got blindsided but the good thing is that I needed it the same as your man does.

 

"guttted" is an under statment and here in the states a mug is known as a chump.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Thank you for all your replies, they are really, really appreciated, and make a lot of sense to me about who he is and where he is coming from.

 

Its his birthday tomorrow. He'll be in my thoughts but I am not going to reach out verbally or physically. I saved and saved to buy him front row tickets to see his favourite band, flights and even a hotel. I put so much effot into it..... We broke up the night before my birthday - he hadn't bothered to plan anything or get me a present. He even told me this, and made out that it was my fault because I hadn't told him what I wanted, what girl wants to hear that? Maybe that's just men in general though. I had text him a couple of weeks before while he was studying and said, "Have you sorted my birhday out? I don't care what you do as long as its romantic!" He text back saying it would be the most romantic day of my life.... Fastforward two weeks and I was unable to get out of bed I was so upset! Happy Birthday! I would have settled for a take-away, sitting in bed with a rom com and a bottle of cheap wine. At Christmas and New Year he was "Champagne Charlie", treated my an absolute princess - those were his words, "I have never been so proud to have a girl on my arm. You are so amazing, I am going to treat you like a princess, because thats what you are to me!" I told him, "Don't treat me like a princess, treat me like a man should treat a woman." That is all I have ever asked of him.

 

In answer to your question. I'm struggling with my feelings. I think I was still falling in love with him than fully head over heels. There was a bond between us. We both admitted that it was the best sex we had ever had, we both loved each others famillies, we both have been through the same experiences - I don't know there is just something really intense and indescribable between us.

 

I do think now though - he really cannot handle stressful situations. The way he behaves, I know he was keeping stuff from me, trying to protect me, but he ends up taking everything out on me. He picked me up from work on Valentines Day, (his mum was going to have surgery the following day and I kept offering to shelve it), I got in the car and the first words he said where, "I have had a **** day at work, I'm in a bad mood, I don't want to talk about it. I wanted to buy my mum some flowers but they've hiked the prices up becase it stupid ****ing Valentines Day, so I'll get them tomorrow!" Neither of us got flowers that day.

He took me out to dinner, (after telling me what to wear!), and I felt like there was an elephant in the room. He did apologise for being moody, but when I said to him, "Please don't tell me what to wear." He got mad at me and said I was over-reacting.

 

I think relationships need to be strong and well established in order to cope with problems and trauma. The one thing I have been thinking this week is this; What if we had a baby and it was up all night or got ill? How wold he cope with that? How would he cope with a major financial problem? I don't think I could do that with him.

 

Another thing I have thought is; this guy works 7 days per week and studies 7 nights per week. Has he even had the opportunity to sit back and se how he has been behaving towards people? Has he even stood still long enough to appreciate what people are doing for him? Is it his fault?

 

The night it ended (not the last night we saw each other), I threatened to go to his house and get my stuff back. I was just so frustrated. I had been gentle, I had been calm and it was getting me nowhere. He twisted everything so much that finally, I snapped. He started screaming at me. "If you go anywhere near my house i'll ****ing kill you! You've shown your true colours there girl! Making threats!" Hung up. I rang him two days later and he threw it in my face again. He doesn't realise that I only shout when he frustrates me. He made me take the blame for everything. I think he will hold on to when I threatened him, (not a major threat in hindsight, but he HATED to see me shout), rather than looking to the good times. I think he'l think, "She was tricking me."

Edited March 30, 2008 by Stella Sleepwalks

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Hello,

I think you still love him & I think deep down in your heart you would like to be with him.

 

After reading your post, I think I might have taken my girlfriend for granted even though at the time I did not realize. I think you should give him space, complete NC, then if he is a prideful man, give him a call in about 30 days and ask him if he wants to get lunch. If he says YES, then meet him in person and see where his head is at.

 

True love only comes once in a life time, no matter what happens, you should always be willing to try again.

 

 

I've already gone through 30 days NC and I'm sticking to it, its working really well.

 

Did your ex have to make the first move or did you come forward and admit to her that you had taken her for granted? Did you only look at the bad times when you were apart? I wouldn't expect my ex to reflect on the good times yet - he is very negative at the moment.

[frd150]

Stella ,below is a link to my very first post

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114468/

 

I originally posted as a guest. Maybe this will help you understand what he may be thinking.

 

 

What still bothers me is how he treats you when hes stressed or frustrated. That behaviour does not compute with me. ill admit that I had a bit of an attitude but I never went into a rage.

 

Your concerne is valid regarding having kids. How will he act towards you and the child. He thinks life is stressful now,just wait.

 

 

Stella, you sound so much like my ex in that all you want is the best for people despite their faults.

 

 

I cant tell you how long it will be before it dawns on him or even if it will all I can say is you cant just sit around and wait to find out. You must make yourself a comodity and not a surplus but I suspect you realize this. If there is to be a chance he must first realize your value and respect it and vice versa you must be able to respect him with out any doubt.

 

 

I hope my post helps. Man, I was so heartbroken when I wrote it.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Stella ,below is a link to my very first post

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114468/

 

I originally posted as a guest. Maybe this will help you understand what he may be thinking.

 

 

What still bothers me is how he treats you when hes stressed or frustrated. That behaviour does not compute with me. ill admit that I had a bit of an attitude but I never went into a rage.

 

Your concerne is valid regarding having kids. How will he act towards you and the child. He thinks life is stressful now,just wait.

 

 

Stella, you sound so much like my ex in that all you want is the best for people despite their faults.

 

 

I cant tell you how long it will be before it dawns on him or even if it will all I can say is you cant just sit around and wait to find out. You must make yourself a comodity and not a surplus but I suspect you realize this. If there is to be a chance he must first realize your value and respect it and vice versa you must be able to respect him with out any doubt.

 

 

I hope my post helps. Man, I was so heartbroken when I wrote it.

 

 

Thank you both for all of your support. Today has been a strange day, but I have remained strong and totally NC. I bought my mum a present today, and thought, "These are for her, but I am marking the day by buying a present for somebody." My dad died when I was little and on his birthday every year I buy a present for someone just to mark it. Even if its just a tin of cookies for the office.

 

My emotions are still a lttle up and down, but its only been a month so I can live with that. I need to get to my old self before I can truley reflect on the way things were and the direction things are going in.

 

Many Thanks again xxx

[frd150]

Thank you both for all of your support. Today has been a strange day, but I have remained strong and totally NC. I bought my mum a present today, and thought, "These are for her, but I am marking the day by buying a present for somebody." My dad died when I was little and on his birthday every year I buy a present for someone just to mark it. Even if its just a tin of cookies for the office.

 

My emotions are still a lttle up and down, but its only been a month so I can live with that. I need to get to my old self before I can truley reflect on the way things were and the direction things are going in.

 

Many Thanks again xxx

 

 

Your welcome by the way.

 

 

Doing something for others on such an aniversery... With that kinda attitude you will no doubt end up ok.

 

Just checking up ,any update?

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Your welcome by the way.

 

 

Doing something for others on such an aniversery... With that kinda attitude you will no doubt end up ok.

 

Just checking up ,any update?

 

 

My ex-crush is now ringing me! We had a drunken one night stand a year ago, but remained friends mainly because we work together. Been having a good laugh with him. He's a true player, with a girlfriend

 

I know better than to "go there", I no longer have his number, and because of his job (police officer), his mobile phone number is always witheld when he calls, so I have no way of falling into the trap of drunk texting etc. He teased me today, the way boys do in school when they like a girl. I get the feeling the whole station knows I'm single, because I've been getting a bit more attention than usual.

 

I don't know, in one way its helping me. I feel attractive, I'm having a harmless flirt and he really does make me feel good about myself. For the first time in weeks I have been occupied with thoughts other than ex, who HATED my ex-crush by the way. Never could stand the fact that I work with him, (I'm not a cop, just an administrator). The fact of the matter is, I know this feeling wont last. My ex-crush always slips in and out of my life when things are going weird, and he's not a permanent fixture. Just making me feel good for the moment. There is no future, and I'm fine with that. I'm thinking he is bumping into his ex gf who he worked with, (and can't stand), our lives seem to mirror at certain times. But I'm only guessing.

 

Remaining NC, and it actually is getting easier. I am just torturing myself once a day with the tought, "He hates me!" and he will never realise what he did to me that made me feel so bad. His university coursework is due in, in 3/4 weeks time, so I don't know what will happen after that... Maybe he will reflect or maybe he will bury what feelings were there for me. There is no time limit I suppose - if its meant to be its meant to be.

 

Thanks for caring xxx

[frd150]

My ex-crush is now ringing me! We had a drunken one night stand a year ago, but remained friends mainly because we work together. Been having a good laugh with him. He's a true player, with a girlfriend

 

I know better than to "go there", I no longer have his number, and because of his job (police officer), his mobile phone number is always witheld when he calls, so I have no way of falling into the trap of drunk texting etc. He teased me today, the way boys do in school when they like a girl. I get the feeling the whole station knows I'm single, because I've been getting a bit more attention than usual.

 

I don't know, in one way its helping me. I feel attractive, I'm having a harmless flirt and he really does make me feel good about myself. For the first time in weeks I have been occupied with thoughts other than ex, who HATED my ex-crush by the way. Never could stand the fact that I work with him, (I'm not a cop, just an administrator). The fact of the matter is, I know this feeling wont last. My ex-crush always slips in and out of my life when things are going weird, and he's not a permanent fixture. Just making me feel good for the moment. There is no future, and I'm fine with that. I'm thinking he is bumping into his ex gf who he worked with, (and can't stand), our lives seem to mirror at certain times. But I'm only guessing.

 

Remaining NC, and it actually is getting easier. I am just torturing myself once a day with the tought, "He hates me!" and he will never realise what he did to me that made me feel so bad. His university coursework is due in, in 3/4 weeks time, so I don't know what will happen after that... Maybe he will reflect or maybe he will bury what feelings were there for me. There is no time limit I suppose - if its meant to be its meant to be.

 

Thanks for caring xxx

 

 

Oh,no worries.

 

 

And I have cop friends so no disclaimers needed:).

 

N/C does gets easier when your allowed to participate in it. My ex calls...alot so my healing processe has been much slower but Im not one to be rude so against the better advice of many on here I still have minimal contact with her. Some say her frequent calls mean she has interest but I cant live my life banking on it. So have fun flirting. It dosent mean you have to act on anything just soak in the attention your getting. Its funny but I think that "singleness" gives off a scent that the oppisate sex can smell, its primal i guess.

 

Hey How about a date with this crush?? Coffee, tea, whatever something simple.

 

We cant live on based on the maybes when whe have a possible for sure in front of us.

 

I dunno;)

[Trialbyfire]

Has anyone had an ex come back to them and admitt this after succesful NC?

Yes, it's happened to me many a time. My ex-H is still sending emails, ones which I've ignored and if he continues, I'll be blocking his emails in future. His phone numbers are currently call blocked.

 

In the past, there hasn't been an ex who hasn't come back with regrets. Oh well, if they had appreciated, when they had me, I wouldn't have dumped their sorry arses.