Boyfriend

[Katherine]

My boyfriend broke up with me because he has decided that I am a lesbian and I have lots of sex with men for all the wrong reasons. In my experience I always thoguht guys were turned on if a women was with another woman. I haven't even been with that many women and most were in group sex situations. I don't even consider myself bi-sexual because I was just curious and experimenting. I did make the mistake of saying that oral sex was better with a women but that was the only thing I really said. he's really uncomfortable with all the things I've tried and hes not religious and has actually had more sexual partners than I have. WHAT THE HELL IS HIS PROBLEM??? Please respond.

[David]

if only my girlfriend felt like you!

My boyfriend broke up with me because he has decided that I am a lesbian and I have lots of sex with men for all the wrong reasons. In my experience I always thoguht guys were turned on if a women was with another woman. I haven't even been with that many women and most were in group sex situations. I don't even consider myself bi-sexual because I was just curious and experimenting. I did make the mistake of saying that oral sex was better with a women but that was the only thing I really said. he's really uncomfortable with all the things I've tried and hes not religious and has actually had more sexual partners than I have. WHAT THE HELL IS HIS PROBLEM??? Please respond.

[Ryan]

NO David...no no no no no.

 

I don't necessarily think his "problem" is a problem at all. What you are describing is a great deal of sexual ambivalence on your part, coupled with notable promiscuity. Having group sex isn't exactly "experimenting." You seem to have a lot of confusion about your sexual identity, and what men really want. I'm not interested in seeing any girlfriend of mine with another woman, and I personally don't know of many men that do. Perhaps that is because I choose to be around good people.

 

Now, I'm not exactly sure if you were acting out sexually during this relationship or not, but if you did and he got upset and left, I don't see anything unusual about that at all.

 

The real question here is not about him and his problems....this is about what's going on inside of you. Perhaps it is a good time to reflect on your history and think about what has sculpted you into the person you are today. My guess is that it has been a bit of a bumpy road.

[JUSTAGUY]

Ryan is 100% correct.

 

Even aside from any moral aspects, consider this: sex between two partners should not only be a pleasant experience, it should reinforce the BOND between two people. Now you're talking about 3 or more people! Sex almost ALWAYS creates some sort of psychological bond, just in varying degrees with different people. And it can also DAMAGE existing bonds as you've seen first hand.

 

Group sex is not like buying a few toys or new outfits to spice up your relationship. You are EXPANDING your relationship with more people, whether your intentions are a one time fling or not. In doing this, you are weakening that special, EXCLUSIVE, intimate bond you have with ONE person.

 

You may have based your expectations of what men want on a FEW uncommon examples. Don't think that all men (or even very many) would want this behavior from their mate. As for those guys who admit to thinking it sounds like fun, you can bet it is almost always pure fantasy. Sometimes we fantasize about things we would *never* REALLY want, because we can stop the fantasy at the point where in real life, pain would begin.

 

As a guy, I can't say I'd ever want to open that door! I'm a fairly typical male in that I've got the usual male hormonal drive, but there's also a human, one-on-one side to me too. I don't think I'm alone!

 

As Ryan said, there are probably some issues in your own life that you need to deal with. I say this not out of judgement, but with compassion. If you concentrate on externals here (your boyfriend and HIS attitudes) you will be missing the real issue, which is you. Seek out counseling now and you will avoid a LOT of pain later. This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, just that you could use some insight into your own sense of identity--it helps to know yourself before you can really begin to understand others.

 

Good luck