Do men really want to be monogamous?

[Poonani Maker]

........no

[Trialbyfire]

Marriage is only for people who understand commitment. It's why people who's word isn't their bond, should never be married.

 

As for the pedophile comment, I find any kind of pedophilia disgusting. I even consider a 50+ year old women, drooling over twenty year olds, disgusting. To me, it's a form of pedophilia or someone clinging to the notion of the fountain of youth, by sucking the youth dry.

[Tony]

Please address the topic of this thread or simply don't post. The previous 14 posts were nothing more than off topic banter. Thanks!

[Scrivdog]

I'd say that men fear the idea of monogamy - but think they can make it happen with the right woman. I recently read that a woman at her horniest and with the highest levels of testosterone running through her veins still has 27 times less than the average guy on the street. 27 times!

 

I believe that they need their spouse's help in curtailing the natural tendency to want to pursue females. You can imagine what happens to some of these guys after a few years of monogamy coupled with very little sexual activity from the wife.

[Woggle]

I have never had any issue with sticking to one woman. If I love a woman enough to commit to her I don't even want to be with another. Good women are hard enough to find so if a man gets lucky and finds one why would he do anything to risk what he has with her? I don't get men who are married to truly loving and devoted women and then turn around and cheat with a woman that doesn't hold a candle to their wives. Women cheat just as much as men also and they tend to have bigger entitlement complex about it and a bigger lack of accountability.

[Curmudgeon]

I would say no. Some men (more so the religious than the non-religious) will marry. Most need some prodding. Given the choice between living together unmarried and being married, I think most men would opt for living unmarried.

 

While I agree that there are men who would rather not marry, and women as well, I'm no convinced that "most" feel this way.

 

My wife and I moved in together and withing a few weeks I decided that I wasn't comfortable with that arrangement. Neither was she as it turns out. We were married six weeks later and it just felt right and better for both of us. That was going on a dozen years ago and we're still married.

 

It's all very individual.

[TechDude]

I have never had any issue with sticking to one woman.

 

 

I'll agree with you there. That's not to say we aren't having some problems (partially related to her severe depression). At times I find myself wishing there could be someone else. But, realistically, that would be "settling for" out of desperation with some of my emotional needs not currently being met. The real solution I would like to see is some form of resolution to this depression and the opportunity to improve our relationship.

 

It's easy to point fingers, but how about some recognition that society's rules are so at odds with human nature

 

If human nature is for blokes to want to sleep around with whoever they can (which you seem to be suggesting), then you need look no further than this forum for the mess that creates. Perhaps "society's rules" have developed over time to help deal with the problems created by natural tendencies.

 

Are there any men really looking forward to the golden years with their spouse? Or is the thought of being with only one person till death so daunting that you need to immediately seek outside stimulation?

I would find the prospect of being alone and not having a soul mate far more daunting.

 

I'm not really sure Hugh Heffner has found the answer. And, even if he has, how many of us have the financial means to surround ourselves with all that young meat?

[Lizzie60]

I'd say that men fear the idea of monogamy - but think they can make it happen with the right woman. I recently read that a woman at her horniest and with the highest levels of testosterone running through her veins still has 27 times less than the average guy on the street. 27 times!

 

I believe that they need their spouse's help in curtailing the natural tendency to want to pursue females. You can imagine what happens to some of these guys after a few years of monogamy coupled with very little sexual activity from the wife.

 

I agree.. men and women are totally wired differently.

 

On page 91 of The Female Brain, Dr. Louann Brizendine writes (emphasis added):

 

Males have double the brain space and processing power devoted to sex as females. Just as women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion while men have a small country road, men have O'Hare Airport as a hub of processing thoughts about sex whereas women have the airfield nearby that lands small and private planes. That probably explains why 85 percent of twenty- to thirty-year-old males think about sex every fifty-two seconds and women think about it once a day -- or up to three or four times on their most fertile days.

[BetrayedMM]

Some do, some don't. Are men capable of it? Absolutely. About as capable as women.

 

It all depends what page you're on.

 

A man who's OK with himself has no need for external validation.

 

A man who fully understands sex also knows monogamous sex with the same partner(provided she's healthy in body and mind) gets much better with time and repetition, and will dread the thought of awkward exploratory sex with women who don't have a clue what REALLY works for them beyond the(sometimes very inaccurate) "all men like this stuff" generic... pop culture porno techniques and activities.

 

And, then there are men who care about and respect their partners. Dare I say it? They love them.

 

There are men with strong religious belief systems. Some of them are serious about that.

 

There are men who have value systems, codes of honor that they will not break, for their own sake.

 

Any or any combination of the above can easily trump the evolutionary urge to spread seed. The urge to plant seed is also strong. There's a difference.

 

Listen, I'm at a point where women ALL seem extremely untrustworthy right now. I'm also aware that it's my situation and circumstances leading me to feel that way. I KNOW it's not true, but right now I FEEL that all women are about as monogamous a fruit fly. Natural defense mechanism- it's your heart trying to prevent you from getting screwed over again.

[Curmudgeon]

... and women think about it once a day -- or up to three or four times on their most fertile days.[/i]

 

Seems fine to me as long as the thoughts coincide and if men truly think about it more often than once a minute the odds of the thoughts being simultaneous are really good!

[BetrayedMM]

Oh, and of course men have testosterone(as in testicles), enough to grow beards. What we lack is enough estrogen to grow breasts. Both are sex hormones, both fuel sex drive.

 

Sorry, you ain't gonna convince ME of the myth that men have stronger sex drives. Science, history, experience, and anecdotal evidence have convinced me the opposite is true. That's a victorian era fairy tale, nothing more.

[Lizzie60]

Oh, and of course men have testosterone(as in testicles), enough to grow beards. What we lack is enough estrogen to grow breasts. Both are sex hormones, both fuel sex drive.

 

Sorry, you ain't gonna convince ME of the myth that men have stronger sex drives. Science, history, experience, and anecdotal evidence have convinced me the opposite is true. That's a victorian era fairy tale, nothing more.

 

 

Hahaha.. this is too funny... so big breast women have a higher sex drive?

 

This is not a myth.. gosh just look around.. papers, TV, everywhere...

[BetrayedMM]

women think about it once a day -- or up to three or four times on their most fertile days

 

Really? That's interesting. Yourself included? How can you post about something without thinking about it on some level? (no offense intended, but that doesn't make any sense)

 

Just because It Is Written does not make it so.

[BetrayedMM]

Hahaha.. this is too funny... so big breast women have a higher sex drive?

 

This is not a myth.. gosh just look around.. papers, TV, everywhere...

 

I didn't say that and you know it. Try again.

 

Oh, and yes, we all know pop culture is the gospel truth about everything, don't we.

Edited March 30, 2008 by BetrayedMM

[Scrivdog]

Oh, and of course men have testosterone(as in testicles), enough to grow beards. What we lack is enough estrogen to grow breasts. Both are sex hormones, both fuel sex drive.

 

Sorry, you ain't gonna convince ME of the myth that men have stronger sex drives. Science, history, experience, and anecdotal evidence have convinced me the opposite is true. That's a victorian era fairy tale, nothing more.

Right - that's why there are so many strip clubs for women, porn sites for women and male escorts for women.

[norajane]

Right - that's why there are so many strip clubs for women, porn sites for women and male escorts for women.

 

High sex drive does not necessarily equal needing to seek sexual stimulation outside your partner. A high sex drive can be indulged WITH your partner.

[Trialbyfire]

High sex drive does not necessarily equal needing to seek sexual stimulation outside your partner. A high sex drive can be indulged WITH your partner.

I couldn't agree with this more. Fuel the marriage, make her feel like someone who matters, not just a slab of meat to pull out when convenient to get your rocks off, and you might be surprised, how high her sex drive can be.

[BetrayedMM]

Yep. That's exactly why. The victorian myth. Women are supposed to be ashamed of sexual feelings, otherwise they might get a nickname.

 

Not to mention that yes, men are visual, and 2 out of 3 of what you mentioned are visual stimulation.

 

Why do women have to PLAY hard-to-get? If the myth were true, they wouldn't have to pretend, would they?

[BetrayedMM]

High sex drive does not necessarily equal needing to seek sexual stimulation outside your partner. A high sex drive can be indulged WITH your partner.

 

Yes. The urge to PLANT seed, as opposed to scattering it about.

[underpants]

Right - that's why there are so many strip clubs for women, porn sites for women and male escorts for women.

 

With all due respect don't these areas employ women?

[silktricks]

THough I do believe that men in general do have a stronger/higher sex drive than women, that doesn't mean that most women don't have a very healthy sex drive.

 

The question, imo, isn't really do men really want to be monogamous. The question is more "do men (or women) really want to be bored?"

 

I think too many women have too elevated an opinion of their own a$$. They think that because they are having sex - even if they aren't that "into it" - that their partners must be satisfied, just because the guy is lucky enough to be having sex with her :sick:. (and of course there are men with the same attitude).

 

So if both women AND men are generally playful, erotic, exotic and experimental in their sex lives, then boredom goes out the window - and so does the urge to cheat.

[Trialbyfire]

So if both women AND men are generally playful, erotic, exotic and experimental in their sex lives, then boredom goes out the window - and so does the urge to cheat.

This is inaccurate. If the cheater isn't a monogamous person, one who holds to their commitments, this will not stop them from cheating. The vast majority of cheating, is ego-based.

[silktricks]

I agree that the ego is definitely fed through cheating - but I don't know that I agree that it's really about ego feeding - except for serial cheaters. I believe that most men first consider cheating primarily for sexual excitement and diversity, and most women consider cheating for emotional fulfillment and excitement.

 

Basically I don't think that men just don't want to be monogamous. I think they want to be excited. If they don't get the excitement they crave at home they will be much more likely to consider getting it elsewhere.

[BetrayedMM]

This is inaccurate. If the cheater isn't a monogamous person, one who holds to their commitments, this will not stop them from cheating. The vast majority of cheating, is ego-based.

 

I have to agree. Funny how the focus has been the fact that men have been conditioned to be more open about their sexuality though(leading to the perception that there's more of it).

 

But, if you've been conditioned to hide your sexuality, wouldn't that make it that much easier to be sneaky about it? Something to think about.

 

So, maybe I should be more direct- a man's sexuality is not what would make him cheat. Men are not forced by biology to cheat. They are not predisposed to it. It is not inevitable.

 

Temptation is universal. Everybody gets tempted. No one is exempt.

 

Because of societal conditioning, an attractive woman will be approached more often than an attractive man. I would say it follows that women are therefore more often faced with temptation. Probably makes monogamy that much harder.

There are men who control themselves. They just don't make a spectacle of themselves, so nobody notices. The scumbags get the headlines.

[Trialbyfire]

I have to agree. Funny how the focus has been the fact that men have been conditioned to be more open about their sexuality though(leading to the perception that there's more of it).

 

But, if you've been conditioned to hide your sexuality, wouldn't that make it that much easier to be sneaky about it? Something to think about.

 

So, maybe I should be more direct- a man's sexuality is not what would make him cheat. Men are not forced by biology to cheat. They are not predisposed to it. It is not inevitable.

 

Temptation is universal. Everybody gets tempted. No one is exempt.

 

Because of societal conditioning, an attractive woman will be approached more often than an attractive man. I would say it follows that women are therefore more often faced with temptation. Probably makes monogamy that much harder.

There are men who control themselves. They just don't make a spectacle of themselves, so nobody notices. The scumbags get the headlines.

One thing I've found, is that monogamy is easy. Truth be told, I get approached a lot and while I've found certain men attractive, superficially, it's pretty easy to control that attraction, when you consider what you've committed to.

 

Yes, I agree about men who are able to control themselves. No matter how much certain members on this board believe that every man has his price, I will disagree. Men with integrity exist.