carhill Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 There are men who control themselves. They just don't make a spectacle of themselves, so nobody notices. The scumbags get the headlines. Important consideration. As a child, my rants were ignored and my positive behaviors were praised. As an adult, perhaps from that conditioning, I do not desire to seek out negative attention, meaning anything which violates my moral code, even if my ego does desire "stroking". I was conditioned to believe that negative behaviors do not garner attention, notice or approval. The Hoover effect From personal experience, I've found men and women to have equal propensity for infidelity. Women seem to be prone more to EA's, some of which become PA's, and men more to PA's. Just one man's journey.... Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 most men first consider cheating primarily for sexual excitement and diversity But, why? The sex would only be different, not better. Once orgasm has been achieved, then what? Is it still about sex? It IS about ego, validation. The idea is that the more women you bed down, the more manly and better at being a man you are. It's the idea that you're just SO good at seducing these 'hard to get' women that you're somehow better than if you didn't. It's to prove to yourself that you CAN, that you are capable, worthy, desirable. As I've admitted before, I cheated on a great girl when I was a young 'un. I know exactly why I did it, but at the time I really thought it was about just sex. It took me a while to figure out the real reason. A man who is OK with himself has no need for external validation. That's how I KNOW this. Sometimes it's not that way, but the vast majority of male cheaters do it for the reasons I spelled out. You could get rich betting on it! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Good things come to those who wait! That's why those DJ guys are always whining about not being able to get a good woman. When they finally do, they get bimbos who fall for that crap they spew in their "Bibles" or whatever they call it. OP says he wouldn't wait even two WEEKS! Well then, you would have lost a woman like me. Wonder how many good ones you've already let go. I'm also of the "hard to get" variety...no playing here. Thankfully, my H was able to think beyond his dick and get to know me first. Trust me, he was rewarded for that in a big way! Of course, I reaped BIG rewards as well. Win-win. But good luck with your "game." Whatever works for ya! Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 It IS about ego, validation. The idea is that the more women you bed down, the more manly and better at being a man you are. It's the idea that you're just SO good at seducing these 'hard to get' women that you're somehow better than if you didn't. It's to prove to yourself that you CAN, that you are capable, worthy, desirable. I think we're talking apples and apples. I completely agree that this is the case with serial cheaters AND I agree that serial cheating is ALL about the ego. I however, was simply talking about whether or not a man is basically monogamous. My point is that I believe that the human animal IS basically monagamous as long as they are getting their sexual and emotional needs met by their partner. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Who is OP? Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 OP = original poster OR other person I don't know, however, who/what Touche is talking about so until clarified, am going to assume a post on the wrong thread....??? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 OP = original poster OR other person I don't know, however, who/what Touche is talking about so until clarified, am going to assume a post on the wrong thread....??? Ooops! Thanks for pointing that out. Not sure how that happened! Yes, that response was meant for another thread. Sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedMM Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 My point is that I believe that the human animal IS basically monagamous as long as they are getting their sexual and emotional needs met by their partner. OK, yes, I can see that. Those are basic needs in a romantic relationship. But, couldn't it be argued that not having those needs met crushes one's ego, leaving them feeling inadequate, insufficient, incomplete? Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I however, was simply talking about whether or not a man is basically monogamous. My point is that I believe that the human animal IS basically monagamous as long as they are getting their sexual and emotional needs met by their partner. I agree with this wholeheartedly as well. I do believe that humans feel most stable and psychologically sound when anchored with the right parter and that monogamy is something that humans wish to aspire to. When those sexual and emotional needs fall off, it then becomes a different story. It is almost a chaos, again. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 OK, yes, I can see that. Those are basic needs in a romantic relationship. But, couldn't it be argued that not having those needs met crushes one's ego, leaving them feeling inadequate, insufficient, incomplete? Yes, such does, but it should not controvert the person's most essential view of themselves and their moral code, essentially what they brought to the relationship in the first place, their autonomy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Right - that's why there are so many strip clubs for women, porn sites for women and male escorts for women. Exactly.. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn Man Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Even though times have surely changed in the past 50 years and even though divorce rates are on the rise it is still possible for guys to be monogamous. Currently I am single and once I am ready to start dating again, I will do it. I find dating to be fun and adventerous and if I happen to really connect with one of them, then I would have no problem sticking to just one woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Even though times have surely changed in the past 50 years and even though divorce rates are on the rise it is still possible for guys to be monogamous. Currently I am single and once I am ready to start dating again, I will do it. I find dating to be fun and adventerous and if I happen to really connect with one of them, then I would have no problem sticking to just one woman. This will always be a never-ending debate. There are those who can be monogamous and those who can't. If you're the monogamous type, find someone who's the same. If you're the cheating type, find someone who believes in open relationships or better yet, just remain single. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn Man Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 This will always be a never-ending debate. There are those who can be monogamous and those who can't. If you're the monogamous type, find someone who's the same. If you're the cheating type, find someone who believes in open relationships or better yet, just remain single. Agreed. There will never be one universal answer to this type of question. Different strokes for different folks. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Even though times have surely changed in the past 50 years and even though divorce rates are on the rise it is still possible for guys to be monogamous. Currently I am single and once I am ready to start dating again, I will do it. I find dating to be fun and adventerous and if I happen to really connect with one of them, then I would have no problem sticking to just one woman. I'm sure every men say the same thing before or when they get married.. I'll NEVER cheat.. ME.. come on.. you're full of ****.. ME... this is NOT my style.. I would NEVER do such a thing.. blablabla.. They all say that.. and guess what.... Come back after you've been married 10+ years and I'd be curious if you'll say the same thing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn Man Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 I'm sure every men say the same thing before or when they get married.. I'll NEVER cheat.. ME.. come on.. you're full of ****.. ME... this is NOT my style.. I would NEVER do such a thing.. blablabla.. They all say that.. and guess what.... Come back after you've been married 10+ years and I'd be curious if you'll say the same thing.. and who are you? A psychic? You don't know me nor do you know every single guy that exists. I see that you like to boast about bedding already married men so I can see why you feel the way that you do about this subject. Link to post Share on other sites
fral945 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 fral945 - I suppose I just want to know what to do if you're the woman who has found yourself in this unhappily married situation. My husband's actions tell me he's one of the many who are reluctantly married, yet he doesn't want to let me go. We have a child together so walking out isn't as easy as I'd like it to be. No, he hasn't physically cheated on me (at least I hope) yet. But it certainly seems like I'm forcing him against his nature to remain monogamous. I dream of ending the marriage, but he doesn't want to. He wants the marriage AND the outside "stimulation". I wish I followed my original instincts and never got married! That's a tough one. I know alot about history but as far as real world experience, you might want to get someone else's opinion (since I've never been married, lol). I'm not sure what to tell you. There are people that do have open marriages, but it may not be something you could accept or live with, and it may invite more drama into your life. While I agree that there are men who would rather not marry, and women as well, I'm no convinced that "most" feel this way. My wife and I moved in together and withing a few weeks I decided that I wasn't comfortable with that arrangement. Neither was she as it turns out. We were married six weeks later and it just felt right and better for both of us. That was going on a dozen years ago and we're still married. It's all very individual. Curmudgeon, I'll agree to disagree. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 If one is really paying attention and knows what clues/cues to look for, you'll end up with someone who wouldn't cheat. H and I are married almost 13 years and he's never cheated. He didn't cheat with anyone else before me either. Neither did my ex who was married 12 years to his ex. And he never cheated on me either. Pay attention everyone NOT ALL MEN CHEAT...even after many, many years of marriage. It's all about who you chose to be with. A man of quality or scum? It's your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Agreed. There will never be one universal answer to this type of question. Different strokes for different folks. Exactly! There are some who believe that men can't be monogamous, but those people tend to be environmentally influenced, where the men they surround themselves with, would all cheat. Of course they're going to believe the worst of men. Sometimes, people need to let go of their cynicism and bitterness towards the male gender, and try to surround themselves with emotionally healthy men. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn Man Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Exactly! There are some who believe that men can't be monogamous, but those people tend to be environmentally influenced, where the men they surround themselves with, would all cheat. Of course they're going to believe the worst of men. Sometimes, people need to let go of their cynicism and bitterness towards the male gender, and try to surround themselves with emotionally healthy men. I just got out of a relationship and I am still a little hurt, but does that mean that most or all women are evil bytches? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 If one is really paying attention and knows what clues/cues to look for, you'll end up with someone who wouldn't cheat. H and I are married almost 13 years and he's never cheated. He didn't cheat with anyone else before me either. Neither did my ex who was married 12 years to his ex. And he never cheated on me either. Pay attention everyone NOT ALL MEN CHEAT...even after many, many years of marriage. It's all about who you chose to be with. A man of quality or scum? It's your choice. Errrr...sorry OP for the off-topic but Touche, I love that pic of you. So sexy! From the sounds of it PM, you're not going to allow it to stop you from moving forward and believing that all women are cheating, nasty bitches. Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 and who are you? A psychic? You don't know me nor do you know every single guy that exists. I see that you like to boast about bedding already married men so I can see why you feel the way that you do about this subject. No.. not a psychic.. but a woman with looots of experience.. you're young.. still Link to post Share on other sites
Porn Man Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 No.. not a psychic.. but a woman with looots of experience.. you're young.. still That means diddly squat in this discussion. Again, you don't know every single one of us. The only ones you seem to know are those who aren't monogamous, so again I see why you feel the way that you do. If I only knew Athiests, then I would probably believe that there is no God. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 That means diddly squat in this discussion. Again, you don't know every single one of us. The only ones you seem to know are those who aren't monogamous, so again I see why you feel the way that you do. If I only knew Athiests, then I would probably believe that there is no God. It's OK.. time will tell... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 Errrr...sorry OP for the off-topic but Touche, I love that pic of you. So sexy! From the sounds of it PM, you're not going to allow it to stop you from moving forward and believing that all women are cheating, nasty bitches. Good for you! Thanks, dear! Now, unblur you're gorgeous self, damn it! Porn Man, you sound very level-headed. And don't let some people who say they have loooottttsss of experience get to you. I mean some people of loads of experience with the same type of cheating scum over and over and over again. Does that mean that ALL men are that way? Of course not. It's such a narrow-minded view. I mean I've never been with a man who cheats but does that mean I think men don't cheat? I mean how stupid would that make me? Link to post Share on other sites
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