Do men really want to be monogamous?

[Scrivdog]

Here's another reason people don't cheat: because they really can't. That's right - they don't have that option. I'm talking about the men out there who were barely able to get a date through HS and college and married the first woman that they finally slept with. Sure they don't cheat - they couldn't even if they wanted to.

 

I remember meeting an old friend who after the age of 30 let himself go to hell by adding 40 pounds or more, got bald, and let his teeth turn green. He may or may not want to cheat, but either way - it ain't gonna happen anytime soon. He made a big deal of telling me that he would never dream of being unfaithful to his wife. Sure he wouldn't. That's like a eunuch vowing never to have kids.

 

While technically they're monogamous and faithful - they hardly can be given kudos for their "virtue".

 

Now take guys who kept in shape, have some success in life, dress well and have seen more of the world than 99% of the rest. Those guys are actively tempted over and over by women who show interest in them. They make themsleves available and will spare no weapon in their femenine arsenal to get their attention.

 

Now those guys have to fight temptation in earnest. Their ability to stay faithful under those circimstances is a real testament to the strength of their marriage and/or the stubborn determination of their will to keep their vows.

 

The playing field isn't always equal.

[Trialbyfire]

Here's another reason people don't cheat: because they really can't.

You can justify your position any way you want but there's A LOT of people who have many opportunities but believe in their given word.

[Scrivdog]

You can justify your position any way you want but there's A LOT of people who have many opportunities but believe in their given word.

 

Women maybe - sure. But not too many men. Unless they go to hookers or something.

[Trialbyfire]

Women maybe - sure. But not too many men. Unless they go to hookers or something.

I know enough men who don't, who have many opportunities. While no doubt, everyone will say, you'll never know if he's cheating or not, that is something I'll disagree with. I've learned through my cheating ex-H, to watch for certain signs. These guys don't have it and are wonderful men.

[Scrivdog]

I know enough men who don't, who have many opportunities. While no doubt, everyone will say, you'll never know if he's cheating or not, that is something I'll disagree with. I've learned through my cheating ex-H, to watch for certain signs. These guys don't have it and are wonderful men.

 

If you read my post - I didn't say that those with opportunity always cheat. I simply said that those with opportunity are the only ones exercising the option not to cheat.

 

Those who couldn't get laid if their life depended on it are forced into monogamy rather than having really exercised an honorable choice.

[whichwayisup]

Here's another reason people don't cheat: because they really can't.

 

That won't stop him/her from cheating online, meeting someone and having an online fling or having an emotional affair.

[Trialbyfire]

If you read my post - I didn't say that those with opportunity always cheat. I simply said that those with opportunity are the only ones exercising the option not to cheat.

 

Those who couldn't get laid if their life depended on it are forced into monogamy rather than having really exercised an honorable choice.

Okay, although those who have difficulty getting laid, tend to not be able to hook up, nvm, find anyone to marry. More often than not, it's not even about looks, more attitude and loser mentality.

[Curmudgeon]

Women maybe - sure. But not too many men. Unless they go to hookers or something.

 

Sounds to me like the wannabe voice of experience.

[Milan721]

 

No, we never get tired of seeing each other, actually on the rare occasions when we do have to spent time apart we miss each other terribly. It's almost as if a part of yourself is missing.

 

We do each have our own hobbies that we spend time on, but we're still within shouting distance of each other. My husband enjoys woodworking and painting, and I love quilting, sewing and embroidery. We both like home improvement and working in the yard. We have mutual friends we see on a regular basis, and we also go out to dinner once a week. Of course the grandkids keep us quite busy too.

 

I just love this story. So, there is hope for the rest of us after all!

[Scrivdog]

Sounds to me like the wannabe voice of experience.

 

Yeah, you got me. I'm 5'7" but I weigh 258 lbs. Fortunately the shine on my bald head distracts from my soft, bulbous torso as it bounces in a strange blubbery cadence over my toothpick legs as I walk on my tiptoes toward the local whorehouse. I walk on my tiptoes, because as, you may have already guessed - as soon as they hear me coming they all of the sudden become "busy".

[Milan721]

Here's another reason people don't cheat: because they really can't. That's right - they don't have that option. I'm talking about the men out there who were barely able to get a date through HS and college and married the first woman that they finally slept with. Sure they don't cheat - they couldn't even if they wanted to.

 

I remember meeting an old friend who after the age of 30 let himself go to hell by adding 40 pounds or more, got bald, and let his teeth turn green. He may or may not want to cheat, but either way - it ain't gonna happen anytime soon. He made a big deal of telling me that he would never dream of being unfaithful to his wife. Sure he wouldn't. That's like a eunuch vowing never to have kids.

 

While technically they're monogamous and faithful - they hardly can be given kudos for their "virtue".

 

Now take guys who kept in shape, have some success in life, dress well and have seen more of the world than 99% of the rest. Those guys are actively tempted over and over by women who show interest in them. They make themsleves available and will spare no weapon in their femenine arsenal to get their attention.

 

Now those guys have to fight temptation in earnest. Their ability to stay faithful under those circimstances is a real testament to the strength of their marriage and/or the stubborn determination of their will to keep their vows.

 

The playing field isn't always equal.

 

Very true. Those ones are the hardest to find! Even if you think you married "a good one", only time will tell.

[michelangelo]

It is that both genders cheat at roughly the same frequency.

 

Maybe our ancestry over millions of years tuned us so that men seek additional sex partners. But that same ancestry tuned women to be receptive to that seeking.

 

End result? Both genders cheat, predisposed by biology. Is it a certainty? Of course not. Not for men, not for women.

 

I read about pregnancies in marriages where the husband who thinks he is the father and he is not. How often is that occurring? I've seen stats of anywhere from 5%-10% or more.

 

So if the average act of sex does not result in a pregnancy, that means there is a lot of women cheating on their partners.

 

Maybe women do not think of sex every five minutes as someone stated men do. Why? Because they are relying on men doing that thinking for them! All they need to be is shoot down woman -- or saying yes.

[GoodOnPaper]

Those who couldn't get laid if their life depended on it are forced into monogamy rather than having really exercised an honorable choice.

 

Cynical but true, IMO. Maybe what's fundamental here is the exercising of choice. How many of us drift into marriage just because it seems like the best thing at the time or that it's an option that seems slightly better than the lonely existence one is experiencing at the time? Maybe those who actually pass on opportunities to cheat are more confident that they actively CHOSE their M from the beginning? Maybe those who are vulnerable to temptation or seem to put themselves in situations where they play with fire are not necessary doing so to hurt themselves or their loved ones but they are doing so to find a way to CHOOSE?

[luvstarved]

Well...I agree wholeheartedly with the posters who say there are no absolutes here. You might as well, IMO, ask if all men like sports or if all

men are emotional clods. Doesn't really matter what the majority of men

are, what matters is ... what about the one YOU are involved with?

 

Like most stereotypes, the one of all men being drooling mindless skirt chasers

or wannabes who just fantasize constantly is based on the fact that MANY are, but you cannot take the general truth and apply it to your specific situation.

 

I think most men are not naturally monogamous, but many fancy themselves as such

or wish that they were and those who do cheat rationalize often by either blaming

their wives for not fulfilling their needs, or just whipping out the "we

can't help it, but it doesn't mean anything" card. Helpless victims of

their own animal natures...

 

On the other hand, I have known men who had really deeply intimate

and fulfilling relationships with their wives and had no interest in cheating.

Sure, they would look at beautiful women, but not in the least get

caught up in actively wanting them, etc.

 

Lizzie seems to feel that every man is just one offer away from cheating

and I have no doubt that she has a high rate of success in encouraging

men to do so...nice point of pride, btw. I also esp. in open marriage had

a similar success rate and have past partners in the triple digits so I have

been around the block a few times too.

 

Nothing personal, Lizzie, but it really sounds like the height of hubris for you to essentially assert that

you can crack any faithful man's resolve with your sexual superpowers,

but not even you has known every man. I don't know if you actually

go out of your way to try to entrap married men for sport, but you

definitely come across that way to me. Fun fun fun.

 

My H does not cheat. He does not want to. Nor does he really seem

to be that enthused about sex with me anymore. He, clearly

in my mind though he vehemently denies it, would rather jerk off and

fantasize. He has stated that he'd be "afraid" to have an affair, that

he had a somewhat spartan sex life before me because he'd rather

do himself than put up with emotional PITAs, etc, and when we do

have sex it is always the same and all about him. But, as he does

himself (and quite likely when he is doing me as well) he is thinking about neighbors, coworkers, women from porn sites, and who knows what else...

 

So...he practices monogamy. But it ain't diehard monogamy. I don't think

MOST men physically cheat or even that MOST men really want to. But I do

think that most of them spend a lot more time and energy than women

do serving the master that dangles between their legs...one way or another.

[Woggle]

I must be the only man that has no desire to cheat when commited to a woman. I have high standards for who I commit to so if a woman meets those standards she is worth my faithfulness and my loyalty. I would never betray a woman that does not deserve it and I would never be with a woman that left such a void in our relationship that it needed to be supplemented by outside women. Betraying a good woman is one of the worst things a man can do because the next man after you will have to pay for her shattered faith in love and relationships.

[whichwayisup]

I must be the only man that has no desire to cheat when commited to a woman.

There are tons of men in this world who don't cheat and would never cheat. Not all men are animals and have no self control. The way Lizzie makes it seem, ALL men would jump at the chance to have a roll in the hay with her. I know of 10 men right now off the top of my head IRL, one being my H, who would NEVER cheat. Ever..

[Woggle]

She surrounds herself with cheating men all the time so she has started to see the world through that lens and can't see that everybody is not like that outside of the bubble.

[Porn Man]

She surrounds herself with cheating men all the time so she has started to see the world through that lens and can't see that everybody is not like that outside of the bubble.

 

Exactly. Very well put Woggle.

 

From the sounds of it PM, you're not going to allow it to stop you from moving forward and believing that all women are cheating, nasty bitches. Good for you!

 

You are correct TBF. I am smart enough to realize that a few bad apples don't make up the entire female population.

 

Porn Man, you sound very level-headed. And don't let some people who say they have loooottttsss of experience get to you. I mean some people of loads of experience with the same type of cheating scum over and over and over again. Does that mean that ALL men are that way? Of course not.

 

It's such a narrow-minded view. I mean I've never been with a man who cheats but does that mean I think men don't cheat? I mean how stupid would that make me?

 

Thank you Touche. I can say the same thing about you.

 

She hasn't gotten to me. I just think that its very obtuse to think with such a narrow mind.

[luvstarved]

Now take guys who kept in shape, have some success in life, dress well and have seen more of the world than 99% of the rest. Those guys are actively tempted over and over by women who show interest in them. They make themsleves available and will spare no weapon in their femenine arsenal to get their attention.

 

Now those guys have to fight temptation in earnest. Their ability to stay faithful under those circimstances is a real testament to the strength of their marriage and/or the stubborn determination of their will to keep their vows.

 

The playing field isn't always equal.

 

Very good point and one I have to deal with constantly. My H is very good looking as women LOVE to remind me and I often "catch" women "chatting" with him when I go to meet him somewhere or, worse, flagrantly flirting with him right in front of me...touching him, blah blah blah (he is very athletic, goes to gym 3x/week, very built...)

 

He acts most of the time like he sincerely does not realize that they are flirting with him (if they are REALLY forward, he does, but most he seems clueless) and I don't even know if I believe that...

 

Of course, I KNOW that in a consequence-free world, he'd be f**king every last one of them. But I also know that in the world we live in, it totally is not worth it to him...and I don't even think so much as ramifications with me as much as having to "deal" with the woman behind the body...however, he WILL take that vision home with him for later inspiration...

 

When I first read your post, I thought that he probably deserved some credit for the temptation that he gets hit with all the time. But when I

know that he is more sexually interested in himself basically than anyone else, I again have to wonder if kudos are really in order...

 

But interesting point nonetheless..

[mental_traveller]

How do you know your partner has never cheated?

 

No one, absolutely NO ONE can say that their partner never cheated on them.. it is ridiculous to say that...unless you're together 24/7.. and that never happens..

 

I know men who cheated and no one even doubt (not even his best friend)... men, unlike women, are extremely secretive about their love life..

 

By that logic, no one can say their partner isn't a secret serial killer or child molester either, unless they are together 24/7.

 

Few things in life are certain, that doesn't mean you can't be confident in anything.

[Porn Man]

How do you know your partner has never cheated?

 

No one, absolutely NO ONE can say that their partner never cheated on them.. it is ridiculous to say that...unless you're together 24/7.. and that never happens..

 

I know men who cheated and no one even doubt (not even his best friend)... men, unlike women, are extremely secretive about their love life..

 

and how do you know that most or all men have cheated or will cheat?

 

By your own personal experiences right? Your personal experiences are not a representation of how everyone elses lives will pan out.

[Woggle]

I know this statement will get me in trouble but after reading many of the posts from OW on this board I would not want to go anywhere near one of these types. I think I will stay with my sane and rational wife. Men who are thinking about cheating should read this board and see exactly what type of woman they are involving themselves with.

[Porn Man]

I know this statement will get me in trouble but after reading many of the posts from OW on this board I would not want to go anywhere near one of these types. I think I will stay with my sane and rational wife. Men who are thinking about cheating should read this board and see exactly what type of woman they are involving themselves with.

 

You have to understand though that a good portion of the guys whom you are speaking of don't really care what type of woman that they are dealing with and that only one thing matters to them and it rhymes with wussy.

[mental_traveller]

I

I just don't know of any female friends who say things like, "Gee my husband is great, but I just have the need to lock myself in a room and watch live streaming videos of hot men jerking off."

 

 

That's because they are women and don't have high levels of testosterone pumping through their body.

 

I don't know any male friends who become totally irrational, rude, scatterbrained and hypocritical for 3-4 days every month like clockwork - but it would be pretty stupid of me to expect women never to have any symptoms of PMT. It is a hormonal reaction that makes people act that way, not a considered, logical decision. Same with men lusting after lots of women.

 

There are definitely guys who want to go into the golden years with one woman. But it needs to be a woman who will be naughty in bed and remain so even after 20 years (Bill Maher's comments notwithstanding). I for one would always leave a relationship if the sexual side of things got stale. I would talk to my gf if things went downhill, and if its a temporary thing and she is prepared to make an effort to get back to hot passionate sex, then that's fine and I wouldn't look elsewhere just because of that. But if I got to the position of Eliot Spitzer, feeling I had to get my rocks off for a decade with a variety of other women, then I would have long since checked out of the relationship and become single again.

 

Many married people seem to have this problem. That's one of the many good reasons I will never tie the knot.

[Woggle]

You have to understand though that a good portion of the guys whom you are speaking of don't really care what type of woman that they are dealing with and that only one thing matters to them and it rhymes with wussy.

 

They will care when OW feels an amazing connection and their wives tires are getting slashed. Playing an OW will result in her making your life miserable.