Busted MM Today...and that felt good :)

[carhill]

It's all a means to the same end IMO. NC with MM. Whatever gets her there works for me; I doubt many here would disagree that NC is likely best for her

[Gwyneth]

You have misunderstood me, and I believe I said in my original post, that I don't want him involving our child in these lies--or bringing the baby around these people. I don't care what he does on his own time, but don't bring our baby into it--especially if it's about cheating on his wife. I think it's fair enough, and as the mother of this baby, I do have a right to know what is going on in my child's life at all times.

 

The lie is that in general, he's sneaky and lies about the littlest things--that is what irritates me as well as worries me. It's not even just about this woman--it's about most things. I even asked him mif he lied to me about his wife miscarrying--he said no. He said he was going to see this old lady he hadn't seen in a while, which to me sounded strange. I took that as a lady about his grandmother's age--not a 40-year-old woman. Then when I saw her, she wasn't old--sorry, but 40 does not consitute as old to me. I took it as he was lying to me about the woman's age because he was lying to me about who this lady was--I am doubting she's a passenger he hadn't seen in a while because 1. she would have been on our train and he was with me the whole time on the train, and 2. He acted shady about it when I saw him with her, and afterward when we spoke. His story changed--that to me meant he's lying to cover his a**. He's just a Very shady person and that worries me now that we have a child coming into this world.

[Gwyneth]

Here's my original post, regarding my previous post, in case some of you are forgetting what I said, and before you blame me for changing my story

 

 

I am just sick and tired of his BS and Lies. He lies about the dumbest things too.

 

After I told him about my weird dreams, he said he had to meet this old lady in about ten minutes who he hasn't seen in a while--which I felt was strange. I figured she was a passenger or something, but I felt he was lying to me, and we agreed to have an open and honest friendship since I am pregnant with his child, and there's no reason for him to lie to me.

 

Anyway, something didn't feel right in my mind. I felt that he used "old lady" as code word for "my new hot thing." And although he's allowed to do whatever it is he feels he has to do behind his wife's back, I don't think there's a need for him to lie to me, or even give me reasons for his actions or his agenda for the day if he's going to lie about it anyway. I didn't ask him where he was going in the first place--I never would have since I knew he was on break at this point anyway.

 

I asked him why he told me he was meeting an old lady when clearly that was not the case. He insisted this lady was old--apparently 40 is old to a 31 year old man? I asked him why is he lying to me--why did he feel the need to even tell me he's going to meet this "old" lady if he was going to lie to me anyway? He claims the lady is his coworker's ex lover ().

 

It gets to a point where you just blow off all your steam at once, and even though this incident wasn't a big deal, it's all the little things that add up. And it's all the BS lies that he feeds me which I just don't feel I should have to put up with or accept.

 

Is it me?? Am I overreacting, or do I have a right to be upset that the guy who I am trying to trust, befriend, and accept in my life and my baby's life, is lying to me??? About STUPID things???

 

Sometimes we need that one little thing--even the smallest, most stupidest thing, to P us off to end the unhealthy R.

 

 

I realize in this post, I didn't mention that it is when he is alone with our baby that I want him to be honest with me--but this incident proves to me, along with other instances, that he cannot be honest with me. So, how am I supposed to trust him when he's alone with our baby?

[Gwyneth]

Here it is:

 

I just don't understand why he even told me of his plans for after I left him on the platform. And if he's going to lie to me about something this simple, then he will probably be lying to me about where and with whom he takes our child out with. This worries me...and I will speak to my lawyer about this.

[mistresswchildren]

I've been where you are. I keep telling myself that I don't care anymore, but I still do. Has this man said that he WANTS to be a part of the baby's life? Is he willing to pay child support? I am new here, so I don't know your situation yet, but I'm sure you have a job. I am sure that you can technically support this child without this guy. There are times in life that a child not having a father is really difficult and bad for the child, but you have to weigh the positive and the negative. Either your baby has no father, and one wonderful mother, or the baby has a pathological liar for a father. Sometimes, I feel that no father would be better than the type of father that some of these MM are capable of being. Maybe I am wrong, but, again, I don't know the whole situation. Maybe this guy is really great as a father figure. I just do not see that any man who lies to the degree that this man has is really all that great of a role model.

[whichwayisup]

I think your worry should be more about his wife's reaction rather than who 'else' he takes his child to see. I doubt very much he is going to sneak off with the baby and go see another OW.

 

It's time for him to come clean to his wife if he really does intend on helping you with the baby. The longer he lies to her and lives a double life, the worse this whole situation will be for everyone involved.

[Lookingforward]

I think your worry should be more about his wife's reaction rather than who 'else' he takes his child to see. I doubt very much he is going to sneak off with the baby and go see another OW.

 

It's time for him to come clean to his wife if he really does intend on helping you with the baby. The longer he lies to her and lives a double life, the worse this whole situation will be for everyone involved.

 

I agree, when she finds out her H has an OW pregnant after she lost hers, the consequences may not be good for every one concerned.

 

I still fail to see where he "lied" about this though - old and older may just be different perceptions. But then Gwyn already knew he was a liar, so why the shock ?

[Ariadne]

Wow,

 

The guy tells G that he is going to meet with an old woman in such and such stop.

 

He is 31 and the old woman is 40.

 

And G says that he lied to her because she was not old enough...

 

and... she is going to talk to her lawyer for the guy not to see the baby.

 

O M G!!!!!!!

 

What a character.

 

If I were that guy I'd stay the hell away from G.

[Gwyneth]

The lie is subtle. The lie is that 1. this wasn't an "old lady." 2. I am not sure I believe she is his coworker's "ex-OW." 3. I believe this woman is mroe than just some old lady to him. This is my uncertainty. However, he has lied to me about other things I don't care to mention. Point is, he lies.

 

mistresswchildrenI've been where you are. I keep telling myself that I don't care anymore, but I still do. Has this man said that he WANTS to be a part of the baby's life? Is he willing to pay child support? I am new here, so I don't know your situation yet, but I'm sure you have a job. I am sure that you can technically support this child without this guy. There are times in life that a child not having a father is really difficult and bad for the child, but you have to weigh the positive and the negative. Either your baby has no father, and one wonderful mother, or the baby has a pathological liar for a father. Sometimes, I feel that no father would be better than the type of father that some of these MM are capable of being. Maybe I am wrong, but, again, I don't know the whole situation. Maybe this guy is really great as a father figure. I just do not see that any man who lies to the degree that this man has is really all that great of a role model.

 

When I originally told him I am pregnant with his child, and said either you will be a part of the baby's life and help me out, or you will walk away completely. He said to "rule out not being a part of the baby's life."

 

As for what he thinks will happen when he tells his wife, he is pretty sure she will pack up and leave--back to her home country. He didn't seem to care--but he also didn't seem to act like he cared she lost their baby...

 

So far he has come to the one OB appointment I had scheduled, with me. But I am thinking long and hard if I will allow him to come. He already wrote down the next appointment so he will know when it is. I am not planning on speaking to him between now and then, and think he will just show up because he thinks he can. But, we'll see. A lot can happen between now and then.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I think your worry should be more about his wife's reaction rather than who 'else' he takes his child to see. I doubt very much he is going to sneak off with the baby and go see another OW.

 

That is a chilling thought. If MM gets visitation, chances are high his W will be there eventually. I can't imagine what it would be like for her to be around a baby born at her expense, when the one she wanted and planned for was miscarried.

[Gwyneth]

That is a chilling thought. If MM gets visitation, chances are high his W will be there eventually. I can't imagine what it would be like for her to be around a baby born at her expense, when the one she wanted and planned for was miscarried.

 

I know. And I don't think he plans on bringing the baby around his wife--if they will even still be together by then. Knowing him, he will hide this from her forever (as men do do this...). Like I said, he made his bed, now he has to sleep in it. I am sure she will be Very upset and she has Every right to be--but she knows her husband is an unfailthful man. Not that this justifies anything, but he is what he is. I can't stop him from bringing the baby around his wife--that's expected. But if she lays a hand on my child EVER, she will pay as will he. It's not the baby's fault his or her parents are idiots.

[erika2610]

Sigh,

 

---

 

~ I opened my heart to have him in my life while I'm pregnant, and then for when the baby is born.

 

~ I felt that it was the right choice to make not for me, but for the baby.

 

~ he said he had to meet this old lady in about ten minutes who he hasn't seen in a while

 

~ this lady was old--apparently 40 is old to a 31 year old man

 

~ I cannot be friends with someone who constantly lies to me. I am better than that

 

------

 

Omg, what a freak.

 

The guy even told her he was going to meet with an old woman.

 

I mean, compared to G she is pretty old.

 

Well, she is not happy and she "can't be friends with someone who lies"

 

I mean, what did she want, name and address?

 

The guy didn't even lie, he told her upfront.

 

Did you read the whole post? He clearly lied to her. I'm sorry, but if somebody were to say to me "I'm going to meet this old lady", old in my mind means like 70 yrs. old. Compared to Gwyn she is pretty old? The woman is 14 yrs. older than Gwyneth. Clearly "G" has stated how he lied to her.

[Lookingforward]

However, he has lied to me about other things I don't care to mention. Point is, he lies.

quote]

 

Exactly, and this isn't something that's new to you.

 

I think you need to stop focusing on the ex? MM , period, as I thought from previous posts you said you were only NOW concerned with the baby NOT him.

[whichwayisup]

this wasn't an "old lady."

 

Gwyn I think you're putting way too much emphasis on him saying "old lady" and allowing your mind to fill up with stuff which is making you worry and predict drama that has not even happened yet. Stop thinking that stuff. You are MONTHS away from your child being born, let alone after that, I doubt your newborn baby is going to be away from you at all. So much can happen between now and then.

 

The stuff you ought to focus on is - consistancy and also having a paternity test JUST to protect yourself.

 

Eventually his wife will know the truth, only a matter of time. If I were you, I'd be encouraging him to come clean soon with her. Chances are she will not want any part of your child anyway, but if she does I doubt very much she would abuse him/her. If anything, I would worry more about your MM and how irresponsible HE is. This woman already has a son so she is a mother...Stop making her into being the devil. Your MM is more like the devil, I wish you'd see this.

[Gwyneth]

However, he has lied to me about other things I don't care to mention. Point is, he lies.

quote]

 

Exactly, and this isn't something that's new to you.

 

I think you need to stop focusing on the ex? MM , period, as I thought from previous posts you said you were only NOW concerned with the baby NOT him.

 

I don't understand why you are not understanding me Is it me, or are you not reading and understanding me at all?

 

My focus isn't about me, but the baby. I have to focus for the baby as the baby cannot focus for itself, right? I think the baby cannot focus for him or herself I am only concerned for the baby--as evident from my entire posts in this thread. I said that if he is lying to me about this, then he will continue to lie to me about bigger things. It's just a mother concerned--do you not get that? I thought I was being clear, and 98% of the posters in this thread seem to understand this except you and one other poster who I will not name.

[child_of_isis]

Did they find out it wasn't twins? Was it twins...? Or am I thinking of someone else?

 

I know. And I don't think he plans on bringing the baby around his wife--if they will even still be together by then. Knowing him, he will hide this from her forever (as men do do this...). Like I said, he made his bed, now he has to sleep in it. I am sure she will be Very upset and she has Every right to be--but she knows her husband is an unfailthful man. Not that this justifies anything, but he is what he is. I can't stop him from bringing the baby around his wife--that's expected. But if she lays a hand on my child EVER, she will pay as will he. It's not the baby's fault his or her parents are idiots.

[Gwyneth]

Gwyn I think you're putting way too much emphasis on him saying "old lady" and allowing your mind to fill up with stuff which is making you worry and predict drama that has not even happened yet. Stop thinking that stuff. You are MONTHS away from your child being born, let alone after that, I doubt your newborn baby is going to be away from you at all. So much can happen between now and then.

 

The stuff you ought to focus on is - consistancy and also having a paternity test JUST to protect yourself.

 

Eventually his wife will know the truth, only a matter of time. If I were you, I'd be encouraging him to come clean soon with her. Chances are she will not want any part of your child anyway, but if she does I doubt very much she would abuse him/her. If anything, I would worry more about your MM and how irresponsible HE is. This woman already has a son so she is a mother...Stop making her into being the devil. Your MM is more like the devil, I wish you'd see this.

 

Yes, I see he is the devil. I was abused by my father's now ex wife, though, because she hated the fact that all his attention was on us three kids and not her when we visited as children. So I am relating my experiences to what my child may or may not go through. I am not really focusing on the age thing--I am just using that as an example since the thread is mainly about how he lied to me about who this woman is.

[Gwyneth]

Did they find out it wasn't twins? Was it twins...? Or am I thinking of someone else?

 

It's just one I posted this in the Parenting thread. I am very happy as I feel two right now would just be too much to handle (considering the father is a baby himself who needs to be pampered). My OB originally said that my Hcg levels were a little high for someone as far along as I was at the time, but this was something my mother experienced 4 out of her 5 pregnancies. Then when she did the US, she said it looks like their could be two fetuses in the womb, but it may also be a shaddow. Next time I went, which was about two weeks ago, she said my levels are now what they should be for someone at my stage (so, normal), and when she did the US again, she was pretty positive there was one.

 

I'm being very closely monitored because I had a troubled experience a few years back after an abortion. I have to go for blood tests routinely now... I hate needles. And my OB wants to do an US as often as possible, so, every appointment.

[child_of_isis]

Didn't he lie to his wife about who you were? Didn't he say you were just a friend or something?

 

-I am just using that as an example since the thread is mainly about how he lied to me about who this woman is.

[Gwyneth]

Didn't he lie to his wife about who you were? Didn't he say you were just a friend or something?

 

Not even. He told her that he and his coworker found my phone on the train one day, and used it to text message each other...

 

I don't think she believe that story. But this is what he told me. Then he has that coworker email him at home and "appologize" for all those text messages, and that he'd "Help pay" for the text messaging costs...

 

That was the first time he was caught. I can't even remember the lie he gave her the second time when she saw the phone calls he had made to me two or three times per day for a whole month.

[child_of_isis]

The point is...he did lie to her about you.

 

How he treats his W, is the same way he will treat you & your baby in the future.

Not even. He told her that he and his coworker found my phone on the train one day, and used it to text message each other...

 

I don't think she believe that story. But this is what he told me. Then he has that coworker email him at home and "appologize" for all those text messages, and that he'd "Help pay" for the text messaging costs...

 

That was the first time he was caught. I can't even remember the lie he gave her the second time when she saw the phone calls he had made to me two or three times per day for a whole month.

[Gwyneth]

The point is...he did lie to her about you.

 

How he treats his W, is the same way he will treat you & your baby in the future.

 

Yes. Before, this didn't bother me because it was Just me. But now it's not just about me--it's mainly about the baby. My best interests are about the baby. He can lie to me All he wants if I'm not pregnant--but not now that I am pregnant with our baby, or lie to our baby either.

[mistresswchildren]

 

I don't understand why you are not understanding me Is it me, or are you not reading and understanding me at all?

 

My focus isn't about me, but the baby. I have to focus for the baby as the baby cannot focus for itself, right? I think the baby cannot focus for him or herself I am only concerned for the baby--as evident from my entire posts in this thread. I said that if he is lying to me about this, then he will continue to lie to me about bigger things. It's just a mother concerned--do you not get that? I thought I was being clear, and 98% of the posters in this thread seem to understand this except you and one other poster who I will not name.

 

I understand you. Will he lie to the child? Will he say he will be somewhere for the baby and then not show? These are the things that a mother worries about. They may not mean much now, but when the child is born and wants his or her "Daddy" around, and "Daddy" doesn't show up, what do you tell that child. If he can't be honest with you about the little things even when you are not in a relationship, then how can you trust him to be honest with his blood when the consequences mean a lot more. I get what you are thinking. I just hope that things improve.

[Gwyneth]

 

I understand you. Will he lie to the child? Will he say he will be somewhere for the baby and then not show? These are the things that a mother worries about. They may not mean much now, but when the child is born and wants his or her "Daddy" around, and "Daddy" doesn't show up, what do you tell that child. If he can't be honest with you about the little things even when you are not in a relationship, then how can you trust him to be honest with his blood when the consequences mean a lot more. I get what you are thinking. I just hope that things improve.

 

Thank you I was beginning to think I was speaking a foreign language, but then I remember how two particulars around here like to give me and others a hard time...

[nadiaj2727]

Gwyn,

I understand what you mean, like more than the words or the particular situation, you have a feeling he is lying/ not being totally honest/ covering things up. You begin to realize that that is his nature -- he lies to make himself look good, he lies to himself and he lies to everyone. You realize he says things one way and then another, whichever way he thinks will make him look better. You begin to get paranoid and wonder if he's lying about *everything* and what else you might not know. It makes you jealous and you wonder if he is already seeing an OW or grooming a potential one, etc.

 

At least, these are all things I felt when I started to realize what a liar and a coward my xMM was. It is just natural. It is human nature -- and now you might have a sense of how his wife has been feeling. Luckily for you, you are not married to this guy and you don't HAVE to deal with him in your life. So walk away. I agree with those who have said you may be focusing too much on him for your own sanity and well-being. Do you think you could try to just not care what he does? Just pretend in your mind like he doesn't exist. Yes, I know you're pregnant with his child so that seems hard to do, but honestly, it may be better for your child right now if you just concentrate on being happy and healthy, and not on what lies xMM may be telling you or what women he might eventually bring your child around. You can't control his actions or possible future events. But you can control right now... this very moment, you can choose to not let him have any power over your heart and mind.