Busted MM Today...and that felt good :)

[mistresswchildren]

More likely she will end up with a restraining order.

 

She will break that. Probably by having another public outburst in front of an "audience". Court will go with the "hysterical mentally unbalanced female who couldn't get her man"

 

Then W & MM gets the kid.

 

OP will pay child support & walk a fine line just to be in the baby's life once a week.

 

This is just so obvious where this is going. It's like watching a train wreck.

 

Gwen...this man does not want to be with you. You are also not going to be able to use the baby to manipulate him. It's obvious that he is not going to play.

 

It is going to backfire on you.

 

Okay, first of all you have to be making meth in your house for a child to be taken away from its mother. Is that really something that you should be saying to a woman that is pregnant and in a little bit of distress?

 

Gwyn

A lot of people are saying things as suggestions, but I come from recent experience. Drop the whole thing. There are a number of reasons for that.

First, every one is right when they say that all this stress is not good for you or the baby. Due to my situation, I ended up with preeclampsia. For those of you who don't know that is pregnancy induced hypertension. My blood pressure was sky rocketing. I actually had to be induced. So you need to calm down. Think about you for a little while. This is just not good for you in a physical or mental sense.

Second, you may not want to think about it, but he may eventually want visitation unless you cut all contact (men who don't really care will eventually go away). Do you want your child to be a part of their family? Do you want your child to have contact with his W? I know that it is an odd question, but most Ws will not be so great with a child that resulted from an affair. My fear has always been that my MM and his W would try to poison my children's minds to me. It's not so much the physical danger that I would be worry about, but you get the point.

All of this is NOT worth it. I am still trying to get out. You sound stronger than me, and I hope that I am right. End this now and live your life and keep your child safe and happy. NC is the way to go. I realize that I need to take my own advice, but just take this from someone who has been where you are. Keep yourself happy, and keep your baby happy.

[child_of_isis]

Not true...when a father decides to fight for custody of his child, the least he will get is shared parenting.

 

What I am telling her is the truth.

 

The reason she is in distress is because she will not let this man go. And no matter what she does, he will not be what she wants him to be. She has tried for too long.

 

This is a case that if W were able to take her to court for alienation of affection (or whatever it is) she would probably win.

 

Okay, first of all you have to be making meth in your house for a child to be taken away from its mother. Is that really something that you should be saying to a woman that is pregnant and in a little bit of distress?

 

[Owl]

Quote by Old English:

Owl!

 

I am truly flattered!

 

Yer a tough nut, but very good for the gals here. You make everyone sit up a little more straight when you enter "the room". I imagine a James Earl Jones-type voice behind the menacing Owl avatar...

 

Soon we'll be back to bickering...

 

...But love ya, anyway...

 

xo

OE

 

ROFL!!! This really did get an out loud laugh from me!

 

In person, I'm so average that I'd rarely warrant a second glance from most people until they get to know me. So its funny to picture the "James Earl Jones" voice you mention!

 

OK...back to not agreeing with each other!

[mistresswchildren]

Not true...when a father decides to fight for custody of his child, the least he will get is shared parenting.

 

What I am telling her is the truth.

 

The reason she is in distress is because she will not let this man go. And no matter what she does, he will not be what she wants him to be. She has tried for too long.

 

This is a case that if W were able to take her to court for alienation of affection (or whatever it is) she would probably win.

 

Trust me, I know child custody laws, and the likelihood of him getting anything more than visitation is slim (especially in New York). He would also have to tell his wife about the baby, which I am betting that he wouldn't do. I understand that she is in distress because she will not let go. That is how many of us are.

Could the wife win alienation of affection, not sure. Honestly, it depends. This all depends on the situation. I don't know Gwyn's whole story, but you have to prove malicious intent.

It simply seems like you are trying to say that the inevitable end of all of this is that the MM and his W will get custody of a child that the W most likely doesn't want anyway. Would you want to raise a child that only proves that your husband had an affair? I'm not saying that it is not possible, but it is not likely. Courts also look at character, and although Gwyn is just as responsible for all of this, what is the MM going to say? "Your Honor, I have been cheating on my wife and lying on a regular basis. My other piece on the side is my character witness. She will prove to you that I showed up to her place every time I was going to cheat on my wife. I would really like to take care of this child even though I am a lying bastard that cannot be counted on."

My point is, let Gwyn concentrate on her situation instead of worrying about something that is possible, but highly unlikely. How can you make a decision if you head is filled with the "what ifs" in life?

[Gwyneth]

Thank you, MWC

 

I've been on here long enough to know some type but don't know what the heck they're talking about. Classic example right in this thread...

[Gwyneth]

And so given that you cannot trust him to be honest, why in the world would you believe:

 

You can't believe him, but for child support, you are relying on what he says, what he promises? I think if you really are depending on him to support his child in some concrete way, you should probably get him established as the father, and get support issues set down in some kind of child support agreement, with legal or court involvement if necessary. Why would you count on what "he says?" You already know that he is juggling many balls in the air, lying right and left to keep the show rolling, and even premeditating and involving others in his lies when needed (e.g. having the friend Email him, apologizing for the text messages...)

 

 

Perhaps not, but it seems to me that this should raise red warning flags with respect to the support issue...

 

I chose to believe him because this is his own flesh and blood we're talking about; his own child--not some lady he is planning on banging in the near future.

[whichwayisup]

Well, I guess time will tell to see if he can turn himself into a responsible person and follow through on his promises to you and the baby. Once that baby is born I hope you only focus on the baby and learn not to expect much from him...People don't change unless they want to - Right now he is telling you what you want to hear and maybe he believes he'll be there and be a good father - Again, time will tell.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I chose to believe him because this is his own flesh and blood we're talking about; his own child--not some lady he is planning on banging in the near future.

 

You know, I can imagine his wife saying this exact same thing before she miscarried. Her child was his flesh and blood too, and he didn't care one bit when that child died before his/her birth. I don't see him being any more caring about your baby either.

[NoIDidn't]

First off, forgive me for my bluntness. I am at the end of my own pregnancy and quite irritable. But here goes....

 

 

What a joke!!!!!

 

If she plans on carrying this pregnancy to term she needs to calm the hell down. Stop all this pointless bickering. He's probably doing to her what he did to his W to make her lose her baby too. If that can even be believed.

 

All this talk about him having the child alone. I L'dOL for real. Please. Common sense. This is a man married to someone else. I doubt seriously that he will sneak over to babysit. Even his own flesh and blood. Obviously G thinks that this baby/babies is going to change him as much as it is changing her. Not the case.

 

G, don't you see the writting on the wall. Stop trying to get this man to change who and what he is with all this pointless arguing. Stop trying to change the sheets, hun. This is the bed you got to lie in now.

 

You are not entitled to the same as his W just because of this pregnancy. The most the court can order him to do is give you money, not respect. You are hormonal and getting histrionic. Stop it!!!

 

Please. If you are better than this, than start being better than this.

[Gwyneth]

I don't know where the assumption came from that I want him, or am trying to change him... Again, I must be discoursing in a language I'm unaware of

 

I'm fine, really. What seems to look like I'm stressed to you guys is really not that big of a deal to me. I don't have arguments like some of you must be thinking--I stay calm during arguments and while I don't raise my voice, I just state my concern, anger, or disbelief, and that's it. That's my kind of argument. There's no hitting or rage--c'mon, I'm not hysterical.

 

As I said the first time I told you all that he said he wants to be here for the baby, I told him and I said here too, that I said "sure" to him. That meant "yeah okay, we'll see." One person makes this ideology of how I think, then the rest of you perceive me on that notion. I don't recall giving the impression EVER that I want him, want him to change, and want him to leave his wife for me. Please--read what I'm saying and not what others are saying I'm saying. Thank you

[whichwayisup]

I don't know where the assumption came from that I want him, or am trying to change him... Again, I must be discoursing in a language I'm unaware of

 

You are expecting him to be a good father to your child. You are expecting him to go with you to your appointments, to be there for you and your baby. If things don't go your way, learn to accept it and not have a big fight with him. I mean, you were freaking out that he lied to you about the old lady...At the end of the day, did that really matter? See, I know you say you don't want him back, I just hope you're being really honest with yourself. I don't know how someone can go from soulmate, he's my bestfriend and I love him, he's in my life - To where you are now when it comes to him. Maybe you are over him and don't care...Your actions however, and reactions towards him, the fighting in public is like a jealous woman who is hurt by her man.

 

NID is right though and her post should stop and make you think.

[JackJack]

"What seems to look like I'm stressed to you guys is really not that big of a deal to me."

 

 

You have said before you were stressed and tired of this and that etc, and you do come across as things being a big deal. So which is it, its a stressful time, or its not that big of a deal to you? If it wasn't that big of a deal, you wouldn't be worried about if he found you and followed you to a store or not, or if he is lying about this or that.

 

I think you feel people make "assumptions", and some do I'm sure, but your story(ies) have alot of holes in them, plus wishy washyness and maybe thats where peope get their "assumptions" from.

[NoIDidn't]

You are expecting him to be a good father to your child. You are expecting him to go with you to your appointments, to be there for you and your baby. If things don't go your way, learn to accept it and not have a big fight with him. I mean, you were freaking out that he lied to you about the old lady...At the end of the day, did that really matter? See, I know you say you don't want him back, I just hope you're being really honest with yourself. I don't know how someone can go from soulmate, he's my bestfriend and I love him, he's in my life - To where you are now when it comes to him. Maybe you are over him and don't care...Your actions however, and reactions towards him, the fighting in public is like a jealous woman who is hurt by her man.

 

Precisely

 

My OWN H doesn't come with me to my OB appointments. I have nothing to prove to anyone in dragging him away from work for my twice weekly appointments.

 

G is talking about him keeping the child alone. Talk about naive!!! Sorry, G, but this isn't realistic given the circumstances. You'll be lucky if he will sneak over to see the two of you knowing he can't sleep with you after the child is born.

 

You say you are over him, then act like it.

 

At some point you will need to accept that you can't turn him into a responsible man. No matter how many OB appointments he attends.

 

Take a train at a different time. Avoid the chances at seeing him. Stop playing this game that is likely to end in a miscarriage and a restraining order (because you seem to like the audience - witnesses in other words - to watch the arguments).

 

And it is a game, whether you are conscious of the way your actions are coming across or not. His W loss the baby, now you try to tie up his time in appts. with you. He shows up at a grocer near you, and you throw a fit. He says he's meeting with an old lady, and you throw a fit because she's not old enough for you.

 

All of the reactions you listed in this thread are those of a woman who thinks she now has some kind of leverage and control of events. You don't. The emotional stress is bad on a pregnancy. Just because you stay calm outwardly doesn't mean that the adrenaline and cortisol building up in your system isn't damaging your arteries and the growing placenta's arteries as well.

 

So.....wise up, calm down, chill out, and try to remember what's really important. A truly independent woman does not allow her emotional state to be dependent on others either.

[NoIDidn't]

 

I totally agree, JackJack. These "assumptions" are things that she has stated herself.

 

Who "busts" someone that they don't already suspect of wrongdoing or have some tension with to begin with? Following folks around, claiming "nosiness"?

 

This is clearly distressing and stressing to G. Admitting to such is not a sign of weakness. Plus, she's pregnant. And pregnant women, sorry ladies, are known for blowing things out of proportion due to our wacky hormones.

[Gwyneth]

I'm not in the mood to debate what I said, what he said, what I or he thinks, or anything. I'm sick with allergies right now, have a ton of work to do, and the last thing I need is a debate on how I feel about MM. I know how I feel about MM, and I know I don't want him. I said I was wrong about MM--what more do you need from me around here? Why is it always the same group of people that have to nitpick at every thing the OP says in every thread?

 

NID is right--I am hormonal, and I'm extremely moody as I do not feel well at all today. I can't take medicine. I can't take homeopathics. I can't rest w/out having to get up to pee every ten minutes today. My feet hurt. My back hurts. My breats are so freakin' sore it's unbelievable. And the last thing I need is for this man to keep calling me and bothering me, texting me, emailing me, and following me to a food store he never goes to and has made fun of me for shopping at, to pick a fight with me. Right now the site of him angers me. Maybe that's all part of the increased hormone package?

 

And for the record, he doesn't raise his voice at me--he remains calm when I talk a mile a minute. I don't know how he remains so calm, but when I rant, he mellows. He opens his mouth and says one stupid thing, I get angry. I wish I could have some wine right about now.

 

To top it off, I have this client that won't stop emailing me as well to fix something for them. I told them I'd get around to it--this person thinks the world revolves around them. This board is a breath of fresh air for me right now between hormones, sore boobs, sore back, sore everything...pain in the a** ex-MM, and allergies.

 

But I am okay--really

[blair08]

"I'm not in the mood to debate what I said, what he said, what I or he thinks, or anything. I'm sick with allergies right now, have a ton of work to do, and the last thing I need is a debate on how I feel about MM. I know how I feel about MM, and I know I don't want him. I said I was wrong about MM--what more do you need from me around here? Why is it always the same group of people that have to nitpick at every thing the OP says in every thread?"

 

**What? I don't think anyone is asking you to debate. I also don't think people are nitpicking you. I think people have questions or advice/opinons just like any other people here on the forum. You are the one who comes here and posts on what is going on, which is fine, but you gotta take the posts that you don't want to hear, with the ones you do I guess.

 

 

"And the last thing I need is for this man to keep calling me and bothering me, texting me, emailing me, and following me to a food store he never goes to and has made fun of me for shopping at, to pick a fight with me. Right now the site of him angers me. Maybe that's all part of the increased hormone package?"

 

**Wow I didn't know he was still doing all that. I must have missed where you said that in your post. I do remember you saying something about the store thing though.

[Gwyneth]

"I'm not in the mood to debate what I said, what he said, what I or he thinks, or anything. I'm sick with allergies right now, have a ton of work to do, and the last thing I need is a debate on how I feel about MM. I know how I feel about MM, and I know I don't want him. I said I was wrong about MM--what more do you need from me around here? Why is it always the same group of people that have to nitpick at every thing the OP says in every thread?"

 

**What? I don't think anyone is asking you to debate. I also don't think people are nitpicking you. I think people have questions or advice/opinons just like any other people here on the forum. You are the one who comes here and posts on what is going on, which is fine, but you gotta take the posts that you don't want to hear, with the ones you do I guess.

 

 

"And the last thing I need is for this man to keep calling me and bothering me, texting me, emailing me, and following me to a food store he never goes to and has made fun of me for shopping at, to pick a fight with me. Right now the site of him angers me. Maybe that's all part of the increased hormone package?"

 

**Wow I didn't know he was still doing all that. I must have missed where you said that in your post. I do remember you saying something about the store thing though.

 

Are you a female? If you are, you know what it's like to have the absolute worst case of PMS--but for like a day? If you have ever been pregnant, maybe you can relate to what I am going through right now. It's awful. The mere sight of him aggravates me--as well as the sight of many others. I remember during my first short-term pregnancy I was like this too. I went as far as kicking the guy in the a** that I was pregnant with. Yeah, it's brutal. But I am thinking positively here and being optimistic The rainy weather and the case of allergies is not helping at all. Plus this knucklhead client of mine is driving me insane as well. He's a man too--all men are driving me nuts right now.

 

I myself am saying I don't want to debate how I feel or what I am saying compared to how it's being interpreted--I'm not saying anyone is saying I am debating.

[Owl]

I think this is all basically a continuation of the drama that led up to and occurred during the affair.

 

Gwen, you have the ability to put an end to all of this drama and stress in your life. Easily. Its been well within your control all along.

 

Someone else already said it. Change your travel schedule/plans. Change your phone numbers/email addresses so he can't continually call/email/text you, as you've noted has gone on.

 

Tell him ONE time, that if he continues to contact you, follow you, WHATEVER...you'll go straight to his wife with all that's gone on. Tell him that you're not interested in him in ANY fashion, and want no further interaction with him at all.

 

And then stick to it.

 

This would free you up to focus on your job, your health, and planning for your baby.

 

This is all within your scope of control...all you have to do is step up and do it.

 

It would put an end to all the fights, all the conflict, all the drama.

 

So how about doing so...starting right now?

 

There's nothing holding you back from moving forward but you.

[blair08]

Are you a female? If you are, you know what it's like to have the absolute worst case of PMS--but for like a day? If you have ever been pregnant, maybe you can relate to what I am going through right now. It's awful. The mere sight of him aggravates me--as well as the sight of many others. I remember during my first short-term pregnancy I was like this too. I went as far as kicking the guy in the a** that I was pregnant with. Yeah, it's brutal. But I am thinking positively here and being optimistic The rainy weather and the case of allergies is not helping at all. Plus this knucklhead client of mine is driving me insane as well. He's a man too--all men are driving me nuts right now.

 

I myself am saying I don't want to debate how I feel or what I am saying compared to how it's being interpreted--I'm not saying anyone is saying I am debating.

 

 

Yeah..last time I checked I was female. I do know somewhat what its like. I have a son. However, I do know what its like to have the hormones out of whack, but I really didn't suffer to bad from whacked out hormones. I know some women who have though, and no its not pretty.

 

IMO, I think your stress level was out of the roof though before you became pregnant with just the situation you were in with him. I do think it might be double now, with the hormones. If you still feel this way after the baby is born, you could look into some meds or alternative ways to deal with stress, just talk to your doctor about it.

[Gwyneth]

Yeah..last time I checked I was female. I do know somewhat what its like. I have a son. However, I do know what its like to have the hormones out of whack, but I really didn't suffer to bad from whacked out hormones. I know some women who have though, and no its not pretty.

 

IMO, I think your stress level was out of the roof though before you became pregnant with just the situation you were in with him. I do think it might be double now, with the hormones. If you still feel this way after the baby is born, you could look into some meds or alternative ways to deal with stress, just talk to your doctor about it.

 

I'm glad you understand

 

Owl--I have threatened to tell his wife Many times. It does no good, and I don't even know how to find her without going to the ghetto town they live in and finding her walking to work. I have better things to do

[Owl]

Better things to do rather than end this whole drama?

 

Do you have his first and last name? You have to have a phone number that he calls/texts you from, right?

 

Getting a home address and telephone inforamation based on this is pretty simple and cheap on the internet. Seems well worth it to me, to put an end to this whole situation.

 

Or if you rather, instead of threatening to tell his wife...tell him that you're tired of him stalking you, and if he continues, you'll contact the transit authority about it to get them to put an end to it.

 

Again Gwen...its up to YOU to put an end to this.

 

Its all YOUR choice to remain in this drama or not.

[Gwyneth]

Better things to do rather than end this whole drama?

 

Do you have his first and last name? You have to have a phone number that he calls/texts you from, right?

 

Getting a home address and telephone inforamation based on this is pretty simple and cheap on the internet. Seems well worth it to me, to put an end to this whole situation.

 

Or if you rather, instead of threatening to tell his wife...tell him that you're tired of him stalking you, and if he continues, you'll contact the transit authority about it to get them to put an end to it.

 

Again Gwen...its up to YOU to put an end to this.

 

Its all YOUR choice to remain in this drama or not.

 

I already thretened to have him fired too--he laughed.

 

I don't have his phone number--remember his Wife changed his number and he never gave it to me again. He uses his coworker's work mobile to call me, or emails me, or sends me text via email. He'll stop--right now he's just angry I suppose. I don't care; I'm too ill right now to care anymore than I was. I'm tired and in pain. His address is listed but not the house phone line. Again, the last thing I want to do is drive to his ghetto neighborhood to have words with his wife. I think that's psychotic and plus, he doesn't live in a nice area (crime happens a lot there).

[JackJack]

"I have threatened to tell his wife Many times. It does no good, and I don't even know how to find her without going to the ghetto town they live in and finding her walking to work. I have better things to do."

 

:confused:

[Lookingforward]

I already thretened to have him fired too--he laughed.

 

I don't have his phone number--remember his Wife changed his number and he never gave it to me again. He uses his coworker's work mobile to call me, or emails me, or sends me text via email. He'll stop--right now he's just angry I suppose. I don't care; I'm too ill right now to care anymore than I was. I'm tired and in pain. His address is listed but not the house phone line. Again, the last thing I want to do is drive to his ghetto neighborhood to have words with his wife. I think that's psychotic and plus, he doesn't live in a nice area (crime happens a lot there).

 

 

?? listed where ? in the phone book ? in who's who in NYC transit ?

[Owl]

Gwen, do you want this drama to continue, or do you want to take action to end it?