Busted MM Today...and that felt good :)

[OldEurope]

I am lost here...Does the wife know yet? And if not, does he plan to tell her before the birth? I find it quite hard to believe he has not told her that this has happened.

 

I am sorry, I wish you well, as trying to make sense of the thinking patterns here is a futile undertaking (and my posts go unanswered so there is no point).

 

You are pregnant, he hasn't told his wife and you don't even have his home phone number. And you are keeping a "door open". You appear to be a very poor judge of character.

 

xo

OE

[Gwyneth]

I am lost here...Does the wife know yet? And if not, does he plan to tell her before the birth? I find it quite hard to believe he has not told her that this has happened.

 

I am sorry, I wish you well, as trying to make sense of the thinking patterns here is a futile undertaking (and my posts go unanswered so there is no point).

 

You are pregnant, he hasn't told his wife and you don't even have his home phone number. And you are keeping a "door open". You appear to be a very poor judge of character.

 

xo

OE

 

And she wonders why I don't answer her posts.

 

No, he hasn't told her just yet.

 

Why would he have a reason to ever give me his home phone number? Like I'm going to call him there--ever?

 

I used to have his cell phone number, but then after his wife called me, she changed his cell number and he never gave me the new one because what's the sense? So she can call me again? So, he gave me is coworker's cell phone number and I'd call him on that. I actually didn't have to call him all that often because he called me throughout the day. If I needed to talk to him urgently, I'd email him which he'd receive on his cell phone, then call me. So, it was never a problem. Still isn't. I certainly don't want his wife to call me again.

[PandorasBox]

"So he gave me his coworkers cell number and I would call him on that. "

 

And when his coworker got the call no matter what time of day or night he would relay that message to the MM and he would call you back from the coworkers cell?

 

"If I needed to talk to him urgently, I'd email him, which he would receive on his cell and he would call me back."

 

That was sent to the coworkers cell? Or this was back when you called the MM on his cell before the number got changed?

[nadiaj2727]

And she wonders why I don't answer her posts.

 

No, he hasn't told her just yet.

 

Why would he have a reason to ever give me his home phone number? Like I'm going to call him there--ever?

 

I used to have his cell phone number, but then after his wife called me, she changed his cell number and he never gave me the new one because what's the sense? So she can call me again? So, he gave me is coworker's cell phone number and I'd call him on that. I actually didn't have to call him all that often because he called me throughout the day. If I needed to talk to him urgently, I'd email him which he'd receive on his cell phone, then call me. So, it was never a problem. Still isn't. I certainly don't want his wife to call me again.

 

I completely agree with everything OldEurope is saying here Gwen. (No offense OE but it's a very rare occassion when that happens -- I love your elegant writing style but sometimes your posts about love and relationships confuse me... lately they've been crystal clear and I've totally agreed).

 

Anyway, if your MM were doing the *right* thing, which he never does, he would have at least provided you, as the mother of his child, with his phone number and other contact information. He would have told his wife right away, because it is the decent thing to do, of course afte ra long list of *indecent* things to do. "By the way honey, I've got a woman on the side and suddenly I've got her pregnant..."

 

The point is G, you are seeing your priority in his life and maybe this is why get so irritated at him. (Not that that's a bad thing -- it's natural to admit so you can realize how things are and start changing your course of action). He is keeping you (and, by extension, the baby) a secret in his life. He hasn't given you his contact information and he is still sneaking around to talk to you. That is so low-life, he needs to man up and acknoweldge his bad decisions instead of continuing to cover them up.

 

I suspect that ihis email shows that although he is obviously still confused and conflicted ("give me some TIME to decide what I want to do about the fact that I'm a father??"), reality has finally hit him. I mean, it has to, right?! As everyone has been saying, he really needs to tell his wife about this baby, because he can't keep it from her. He knows that he will have to pay support and he also knows that if he doesn't tell her, you will.

 

Honestly his email sounds like an attempt to keep you hanging and on his good side so that you won't tell his wife or his job yet, which you've obviously threatened to do. He's in emergency repair mode and putting off the inevitable for as long as possible. "Oh, if I tell her I'm going to counseling and I'm confused and that her baby has changed my life, she won't rat me out. I'll have more time to keep my direty little secrets my dirty little secrets." Plus, he knows that his wife is going to find out one way or another and most likely leave him (or at least that's the fear that's in his mind), thus, the pre-emptive contemplation of leaving her!

 

Isn't it funny that only NOW is he (at least saying that he is) seriously considering leaving his wife... when he's about to be busted because his other woman is pregnant with his child?! This is why OE says he has bad character. He will do the wrong thing until he's found out, and THEN he will look for an escape plan. He can't make decisions on his own -- he allows them to be made for him by circumstances and the women in his life. Did someone hear an "OINK"???

 

I am guessing that before he sent you that email, you pushed him to tell his wife again, and/or threatened that you would. This is a wake up call to him but not necessarily in the way you might hope. He may just be stalling for time, stringing you along with hope and promises like they do all the time. Barf.

 

Don't buy his rubbish Gwenyth. I hate this guy and I am so frustrated that you keep putting up with his antics. Tell him you don't want a man like that in your life. Tell him to give you his home phone number so you can let him know when the baby's born and he can start being the father he swears he wants to be.

[Gwyneth]

"So he gave me his coworkers cell number and I would call him on that. "

 

And when his coworker got the call no matter what time of day or night he would relay that message to the MM and he would call you back from the coworkers cell?

 

"If I needed to talk to him urgently, I'd email him, which he would receive on his cell and he would call me back."

 

That was sent to the coworkers cell? Or this was back when you called the MM on his cell before the number got changed?

 

Wow...how is this info useful at all to any of you?

 

If you MUST know...I'd email his google address, which he'd check on his cell phone.

 

I would only call him on his coworker's cell when I knew I could. Even when I had his cell number, I didn't call him when I knew the wife was home. Besides, MM called me 98% of the time.

[OldEurope]

 

No, he hasn't told her just yet.

 

Why would he have a reason to ever give me his home phone number? Like I'm going to call him there--ever?

 

I used to have his cell phone number, but then after his wife called me, she changed his cell number and he never gave me the new one because what's the sense? So she can call me again? So, he gave me is coworker's cell phone number and I'd call him on that. I actually didn't have to call him all that often because he called me throughout the day. If I needed to talk to him urgently, I'd email him which he'd receive on his cell phone, then call me. So, it was never a problem. Still isn't. I certainly don't want his wife to call me again.

 

 

And she wonders why we're not buying this story that "mommy and daddy" as she refers to herself and (ex?) MM are going to just bring everything together beautifully ("for the child"!) at the end of the day, (ex?) MM all trustworthy and reliable...

 

"There are none so blind as those who refuse to see".

 

I am outta here.

 

OE

Edited April 2, 2008 by OldEurope

[Gwyneth]

I completely agree with everything OldEurope is saying here Gwen. (No offense OE but it's a very rare occassion when that happens -- I love your elegant writing style but sometimes your posts about love and relationships confuse me... lately they've been crystal clear and I've totally agreed).

 

Anyway, if your MM were doing the *right* thing, which he never does, he would have at least provided you, as the mother of his child, with his phone number and other contact information. He would have told his wife right away, because it is the decent thing to do, of course afte ra long list of *indecent* things to do. "By the way honey, I've got a woman on the side and suddenly I've got her pregnant..."

 

The point is G, you are seeing your priority in his life and maybe this is why get so irritated at him. (Not that that's a bad thing -- it's natural to admit so you can realize how things are and start changing your course of action). He is keeping you (and, by extension, the baby) a secret in his life. He hasn't given you his contact information and he is still sneaking around to talk to you. That is so low-life, he needs to man up and acknoweldge his bad decisions instead of continuing to cover them up.

 

I suspect that ihis email shows that although he is obviously still confused and conflicted ("give me some TIME to decide what I want to do about the fact that I'm a father??"), reality has finally hit him. I mean, it has to, right?! As everyone has been saying, he really needs to tell his wife about this baby, because he can't keep it from her. He knows that he will have to pay support and he also knows that if he doesn't tell her, you will.

 

Honestly his email sounds like an attempt to keep you hanging and on his good side so that you won't tell his wife or his job yet, which you've obviously threatened to do. He's in emergency repair mode and putting off the inevitable for as long as possible. "Oh, if I tell her I'm going to counseling and I'm confused and that her baby has changed my life, she won't rat me out. I'll have more time to keep my direty little secrets my dirty little secrets." Plus, he knows that his wife is going to find out one way or another and most likely leave him (or at least that's the fear that's in his mind), thus, the pre-emptive contemplation of leaving her!

 

Isn't it funny that only NOW is he (at least saying that he is) seriously considering leaving his wife... when he's about to be busted because his other woman is pregnant with his child?! This is why OE says he has bad character. He will do the wrong thing until he's found out, and THEN he will look for an escape plan. He can't make decisions on his own -- he allows them to be made for him by circumstances and the women in his life. Did someone hear an "OINK"???

 

I am guessing that before he sent you that email, you pushed him to tell his wife again, and/or threatened that you would. This is a wake up call to him but not necessarily in the way you might hope. He may just be stalling for time, stringing you along with hope and promises like they do all the time. Barf.

 

Don't buy his rubbish Gwenyth. I hate this guy and I am so frustrated that you keep putting up with his antics. Tell him you don't want a man like that in your life. Tell him to give you his home phone number so you can let him know when the baby's born and he can start being the father he swears he wants to be.

 

I don't need his house phone because I'm pregnant. I am not relying on him to help me through this. Never said I was.

 

He said give me a few weeks as in "don't expect every thing to happen tomorrow." He isn't demanding I wait for him--he just said to give him a few weeks. That wasn't an order--it was a patience thing.

 

I still don't see why it's so freakin' imperative that he gives me his house line just because I'm pregnant. I'd call my mom before him if there was a problem.

[nadiaj2727]

Wow...how is this info useful at all to any of you?

 

If you MUST know...I'd email his google address, which he'd check on his cell phone.

 

I would only call him on his coworker's cell when I knew I could. Even when I had his cell number, I didn't call him when I knew the wife was home. Besides, MM called me 98% of the time.

 

I don't think you should be involved in any way with any man you can't just plain up contact any time you need him or even want to say "hi honey." That's not having enough respect for yourself if you ask me. I think you deserve way more G. How can he say he wants to be a great father and he has all these great plans... and not even let you contact him. He needs to be straight up with you and say "go find someone else to be involved with because I have so many issues of my own and I cannot be there for you in the way you deserve."

 

Of course he will never say that, because he's chickensh*t and he wants to use you Gwyn. So you have to say that FOR him, to yourself, and stop letting yourself be drug down into the mud by this guy. Again, I still can't understand why you even want to talk to him???

[Gwyneth]

And she wonders why we're not buying this story that "mommy and daddy" as she refers to herself and (ex?) MM are going to just bring everything together beautifully ("for the child"!) at the end of the day, (ex?) MM all trustworthy and reliable...

 

"There are none so blind as those who refuse to see".

 

I am outta here.

 

OE

 

Yeah, I think it's a GOOD idea that you take a hike! I'm not trying to sell my story. Its' the same five around here that insist on knowing every freakin' detail of every one's story all the darn time. After a while it gets old. I don't care what impression I'm giving off. No one here can truthfully predict what will happen.

 

I just think some of you are having a hard time accepting I'm having a MM's baby, and that MM wants to be a part of the baby's life. Well tough noogies to you.

 

You'll worry about you, and I'll worry about me.

[Gwyneth]

I don't think you should be involved in any way with any man you can't just plain up contact any time you need him or even want to say "hi honey." That's not having enough respect for yourself if you ask me. I think you deserve way more G. How can he say he wants to be a great father and he has all these great plans... and not even let you contact him. He needs to be straight up with you and say "go find someone else to be involved with because I have so many issues of my own and I cannot be there for you in the way you deserve."

 

Of course he will never say that, because he's chickensh*t and he wants to use you Gwyn. So you have to say that FOR him, to yourself, and stop letting yourself be drug down into the mud by this guy. Again, I still can't understand why you even want to talk to him???

 

I don;t know what kind of R you think I was having with this guy, but he wasn't at all my Boyfriend. We were only having an affair. That was it. I didn't need to talk to him every moment of the day. I still don't need to. I didn't want a R with him.

 

How many times do I have to repeat myself around here before it sinks in?

 

IT WAS JUST AN AFFAIR!!!!!

[nadiaj2727]

I don't need his house phone because I'm pregnant. I am not relying on him to help me through this. Never said I was.

 

He said give me a few weeks as in "don't expect every thing to happen tomorrow." He isn't demanding I wait for him--he just said to give him a few weeks. That wasn't an order--it was a patience thing.

 

I still don't see why it's so freakin' imperative that he gives me his house line just because I'm pregnant. I'd call my mom before him if there was a problem.

 

I also don't know why you make so many excuses for his horrible behavior and his bad treatment of you.

 

Perhaps you and his wife have more in common than you realized. He obviously treats both of you like crap but you continue to let him. I am not sure if she even realizes how badly he treats her. But you do realize it, or you should, yet you excuse it... and you're not even married to him!

[OldEurope]

I completely agree with everything OldEurope is saying here Gwen. (No offense OE but it's a very rare occassion when that happens -- I love your elegant writing style but sometimes your posts about love and relationships confuse me... lately they've been crystal clear and I've totally agreed).

 

 

 

 

Aww... You are an awesome sparring partner Nad, and talk about excellent writing (hope your class is going great!). Love reading your posts, even when we lock horns (Gucci heels?) on some points of view...

 

I am retiring from this thread though. Lizzie wrote somewhere about some MM's girlfriend banging her head against the wall out of frustration till it bled...I feel I am going to end up doing just that, for other reasons!

 

xo

OE

[PandorasBox]

Wow...how is this info useful at all to any of you?

 

If you MUST know...I'd email his google address, which he'd check on his cell phone.

 

I would only call him on his coworker's cell when I knew I could. Even when I had his cell number, I didn't call him when I knew the wife was home. Besides, MM called me 98% of the time.

 

 

Didn't your mother teach you to not answer a question with a question?

 

Looky here,...if you don't want to answer questions...don't, plain and simple. I was just trying to understand thats all...You're right its not useful....just as I'm sure the things others have said to you is also of no use to you as well.....

 

You complain about how other people don't answer your questions..but you have done the same..I have seen others ask you a question and you skip right on over it...either it was of no use to you..or you had no answer....Or you make little comments like the one you just made...would be my guess..but of course its just a quess. You do alot of the very same things you accuse of others of doing.

 

But anyway, thanks for answering it.

[nadiaj2727]

I don;t know what kind of R you think I was having with this guy, but he wasn't at all my Boyfriend. We were only having an affair. That was it. I didn't need to talk to him every moment of the day. I still don't need to. I didn't want a R with him.

 

How many times do I have to repeat myself around here before it sinks in?

 

IT WAS JUST AN AFFAIR!!!!!

 

It has sunk into me that he was not your boyfriend, it was an affair. But it has also sunk into me that you are wanting more from him than he is giving (for him to stop lying, for him to follow his words with actions, etc.) That is all I was saying. Never mind. Like everyone else I'll leave your thread because I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say. So it's kind of pointless to try to help. Best wishes.

[nadiaj2727]

Aww... You are an awesome sparring partner Nad, and talk about excellent writing (hope your class is going great!). Love reading your posts, even when we lock horns (Gucci heels?) on some points of view...

 

I am retiring from this thread though. Lizzie wrote somewhere about some MM's girlfriend banging her head against the wall out of frustration till it bled...I feel I am going to end up doing just that, for other reasons!

 

xo

OE

 

Thanks for the compliments OE! I agree I love your posts even when I completely disagree with just about everything you say in them. The funny thing is that even then, there's usually a kernal of great insight that I completely agree with you on. (My class is going great... I'll let you know when I have that book deal. )

 

I agree that it's like banging our heads against the wall in frustration and that our good intentions for advice are met with defensive attacks and claims that we don't understand. I'm out too... luckily I caught your reply before I closed the screen!

 

Sorry for the t/j Gwyn and good luck with your situation.

[blair08]

I think once people come to the conclusion this is pointless and not worth beating ones head against the wall over, and to stop replying to what seems like a vicious cycle, then maybe people would be alot better off.

 

It just keep going around and around, until the thread gets closed and then a few days, or maybe a week later will pass by just for another thread to be made after the last one has been put to rest.

[Gwyneth]

I'm finished with this thread. My intent for this thread has gone all wrong. I came to post in this thread how the board has made me realize things I was ignorant to before. But the more and more I post in this thread, the more and more aggravated I get.

 

I'm sorry if I don't answer Every post in here. Take a look--there are a Lot of posts and I'm one person--I cannot get to every post. Especially when people are posting at the same time and I miss someone's post. It's nothing personal, so don't take it personally.

 

People around here have put words into my mouth, and thoughts into my "mind." Half the things I'm seeing around here has nothing to do with me--they are ideologies composed by others.

 

I just wanted to start this thread to thank those whom have helped me. But it just seems that it's those same group of people who want to push the OW's buttons all the time. Well you have--thanks.

 

I'm fatigued and retiring from this thread. Some of your posts are just not good for my health right now.

[blair08]

I'm finished with this thread. My intent for this thread has gone all wrong. I came to post in this thread how the board has made me realize things I was ignorant to before. But the more and more I post in this thread, the more and more aggravated I get.

 

I'm sorry if I don't answer Every post in here. Take a look--there are a Lot of posts and I'm one person--I cannot get to every post. Especially when people are posting at the same time and I miss someone's post. It's nothing personal, so don't take it personally.

 

People around here have put words into my mouth, and thoughts into my "mind." Half the things I'm seeing around here has nothing to do with me--they are ideologies composed by others.

 

I just wanted to start this thread to thank those whom have helped me. But it just seems that it's those same group of people who want to push the OW's buttons all the time. Well you have--thanks.

 

"I'm fatigued and retiring from this thread. Some of your posts are just not good for my health right now."

 

 

 

Yes, and yet you are the one who continues to post and stress yourself out and then blames others for posts not being good for your health. Anyway, good luck with your situation, and I'm sure another thread will come about soon.

[mistresswchildren]

 

Yes, and yet you are the one who continues to post and stress yourself out and then blames others for posts not being good for your health. Anyway, good luck with your situation, and I'm sure another thread will come about soon.

 

I just want to say the Gwyn has the right to post. It does, however, seem that in some instances she has been misconstrued. She is confused in her own mind, so sometimes, it is hard for her to "vocalize" what she is trying to say. She is coming here for help, just like most of us. I defend her because I am much like her in a lot of ways. It can happen to the best of us. Please, also take into context that she is pregnant. When you are pregnant, your memory is shot to hell. This thread has become so long that there is no way that she could remember every question from every post. Hang in there Gwyn. Remember that there are people still here if you need them.

[blair08]

I just want to say the Gwyn has the right to post. It does, however, seem that in some instances she has been misconstrued. She is confused in her own mind, so sometimes, it is hard for her to "vocalize" what she is trying to say. She is coming here for help, just like most of us. I defend her because I am much like her in a lot of ways. It can happen to the best of us. Please, also take into context that she is pregnant. When you are pregnant, your memory is shot to hell. This thread has become so long that there is no way that she could remember every question from every post. Hang in there Gwyn. Remember that there are people still here if you need them.

 

 

That's not what I'm saying at all. Yep she has a right to post..but if something is stressing someone out and they blame others for their posts stressing them out, it makes no sense to keep returning now does it? It would make more sense to settle down a bit and return when things are not so bothersome to them. Blaming others solves nothing. Something is just mentally off here sorry.

[HeavenScent]

I've been following threads that have a lot of responses and Gwyneth's threads have always been the ones with too many posts in it. Anyway, she's been confused way before she got herself pregnant and definitely her memory is "shot to hell" even before that.

 

I'm sure her new thread on diapers will end up the same way as all her other threads. Just something I have observed...

[Lookingforward]

I just want to say the Gwyn has the right to post. It does, however, seem that in some instances she has been misconstrued. She is confused in her own mind, so sometimes, it is hard for her to "vocalize" what she is trying to say. She is coming here for help, just like most of us. I defend her because I am much like her in a lot of ways. It can happen to the best of us. Please, also take into context that she is pregnant. When you are pregnant, your memory is shot to hell. This thread has become so long that there is no way that she could remember every question from every post. Hang in there Gwyn. Remember that there are people still here if you need them.

 

Perhaps you could read some of G's previous threads to gain an insight into what some other posters are attempting to point out to her.

[sessuale]

You are not putting the baby first. You are putting your addiction first. You are addicted to drama. When MM is not supplying you with it, you come to the board to get your fix.

 

And it is not about hormones. You were addicted before you were even pregnant. If I remember right, it was during a drama episode that you conceived.

 

This baby knows nothing but drama and emotional chaos.

 

You are a pro at pushing people's buttons. We all have watched you here for quite some time. You know how to push MM's & you know how to manipulate the board to get the drama going.

 

If you think she's just stirring up drama then why feed into it with this post? Don't feed the addiction.

 

G, seriously, this guy doesn't seem like daddy material. What's best for you and the baby may be to get rid of him. Hard to think about right now, but come on, how can you not see it? His actions are not showing that he's worth all this. Make a concious choice to avoid his emails and phone calls and whatever else and stay away for a while. If you find yourself still wanting to give him a chance in a few months, okay. Until then, make your life more about you and the baby and not him.

[herenow]

Wow, this story is still going. Not at all surprising that the wife lost the baby. I could have predicted that one First, if that's true, how about a little sympathy for the only innocent person in this whole mess.

 

I have to hand it to you Gwyneth, you win as the most dramatic poster of the month of March. I haven't been here in a while, but I'm guessing that you are not having twins and you found out that you are having one baby, or maybe I'm wrong about that. Doesn't matter either way, I wish you all the good fortune in your quest for whatever it is you're looking for.

 

I have to be honest, I'm not really sure what you are trying to get from most of your posts, so I'll just keep my opinions to myself and wish you the best.

[Tony]

And we sail into the sunset as this thread closes and the evening is upon us!