Carolina56 Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 I think men in relationships who waste their energy jacking off to porn rather than pleasing their wives or girlfriends are losers. There are so many guys out there who are desperate for loving, attentive relationships and have no need to go hide and jack off to porn. You don't see postings from satisfied women on here - it's all women who's husbands are neglecting them and choosing their porn over real sex. Dump those losers and find a real man! I'd much rather prefer to come home and see my man sitting on our bed with a happy erection he saved for me and didn't waste in the palm of his hand. Anyone can masturbate. I know I prefer a hot handsome man over my vibrator anyday - I prefer human contact over fantasy. People who substitute porn for satisfaction are lost in their own little worlds and are missing out! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel812 Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 mtre, The whole reason I replied to this post was to let you know that the porn subject isn't always about a woman having confidence and/or emotional problems. If I can accept that you can look at porn and not have an addiction, can't you accept that it's not always the woman's issue? I'm not saying that porn always leads to affairs. I know instances where it has, I know some where it has not and has led to worse things. And of course there are those that lead to nothing. Like I said, there are many different ways for someone to be sexually addicted. (Phone sex, internet porn, porn mags, prostitutes, peeping toms, etc.) I am certain that you do know many people, but how many sex addicts do you know? How many people do you know that have been affected by SA? Until you get to know a couple hundred of them like I have, how about you refrain from saying my opinion is bull****. I thought I afforded more respect than that. Link to post Share on other sites
mtre20 Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Angel 812 Please don't misunderstand me. I do not think your opinion is bull. I am sorry if you understood different. However I disagree with what you were inferring in your post. I do not believe as a general rule that looking at porn is going to lead into affairs and further inappropriate behavior. Does watching violent movies lead to violent behavior? The answer---Rarely Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 What a load of crap! "I'm addicted to porn." I try not to be critical, but you must be joking. If you seek therapy for this, if you even dare to take a pill for it, I for one promise there will be no way for you to ever gain my respect. Take control of yourself, get a grip (on something else), sell your damn computer, and go mow the lawn or change the oil or something. Maybe you can use some of the time you spend checking out teen sites to do something nice for your wife instead. What kind of life do you want to lead anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
lightbeing Posted June 23, 2004 Share Posted June 23, 2004 Originally posted by johan What a load of crap! "I'm addicted to porn." I try not to be critical, but you must be joking. If you seek therapy for this, if you even dare to take a pill for it, I for one promise there will be no way for you to ever gain my respect. Take control of yourself, get a grip (on something else), sell your damn computer, and go mow the lawn or change the oil or something. Maybe you can use some of the time you spend checking out teen sites to do something nice for your wife instead. What kind of life do you want to lead anyway? You've got it all summed up huh? LOL, This is self satisfying superficial jibberish. Crap at best How is changing the oil gonna help anyone's desire to stick their hand down their pants?? Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 My husband has been addicted to porn for four years and has continuously promised me he'd stop. About two months ago I decided I couldn't take it anymore because I had found out that even after stating I was considering divorce and he promised me that he wouldn't look at porn anymore he did. This was about the 5th time he's promised to stop. I told him it was over and I was leaving. He begged me to give him another chance and admitted that he was addicted to porn. Up until this point he always claimed it was a normal behavior and that I was the one with the problem: Sidenote: --- I have no problem with porn. I have a problem with my husband preferring to use porn by himself instead of being with me. I have been made to feel like I was unrealistic and expecting too much from him. Sex became systematic and planned. It had to be put on the "Things To Do Today" list and had to occur at a specific time or it wouldn't be convenient for him. He has often left me crying myself to sleep after finding him using porn when I wanted to be with him. He made me feel like my fantasies were stupid and anything I wanted to try sexually with him would not interest him. He would become verbally abusive if I ever pointed out his preference to porn over me and continuously communicated that it was none of my business. He never wanted to share it with me, talk to me about it or for me to even know that he used it. He did every day. My life got to where I was afraid to not be home when he was home because I knew he'd be doing that. My life stopped and I did nothing but stay home just to make sure he didn't do it. I hoped that if he couldn't do it then he would want to be with me. It never worked. He always found a way and he always picked that over me. Sex was awful. I felt lonely and hurt. ---- I told him that in order for us to try and save this marriage that he had to see a therapist. He promised me that he would. I said we had to do things that were romantic and I needed passion and I need him to initiate sex and show me that he wanted to be with me. He had to stop looking at the porn. He promised me he'd never do anything to hurt me again and he wanted to save the marriage. I don't know if he's stopped looking at porn because in order for me to prove his previous lies I've had to share all my computer knowledge so he can delete anything that tracks his visits. I do see a difference in his libido and he asks more now if I want to be intimate, however he hasn't scheduled an appointment with a therapist. He's called twice and both times he called after hours when there wouldn't be anyone answering the phone. The therapist returned his call but as far as I know he hasn't made an appointment. It's been a little over a month since I gave him the last (there always seems to be just one more "last") chance. I love him but as the days progress and I don't see him doing anything to deal with his addiction except for claiming that he's stopped looking at porn it makes me feel like the pain he's put me through is being disregarded. If this man truly thought he had an addiction to porn and he wanted to save his marriage wouldn't he go see a therapist? He purchased a book in sex addiction immediately after telling me he was addicted to porn (as I was walking out the door to have dinner with someone else) but hasn't even started to read it. It's been stuck under the shelf and hasn't even been opened. I thought I'd share this to see what outside opinions I might get. I feel as though his passivity about going to a therapist is a sign that he doesn't truly feel he has a problem and he's just doing what he needs to do in order to keep me home. Does anyone think that someone can get over porn addiction without therapy? When he told me he had an addiction he stated he's used porn since he was nine years old and he can see a pattern in his relationships over the years. He'll have an abundance of sex and as the relationship continues the sex basically stops and he reverts back to using porn every day. Every day. I just wonder if I'm being stupid. I wonder if I'm lying to myself like I have for four years. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 Well no advice and not sure if anyone even read my post but I've decided to move out. The ultimatum for us trying to make the marriage work was therapy and he hasn't followed through with it. Hopefully I'm making the right choice and not pushing him even further into his addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel812 Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 Hi Olivia, I just wanted to let you know that you can't push him further into his addiction. This isn't about you, it's about him. And don't ever let him make you feel like this is your fault. He has choices, just as you made a choice not to put up with it any more he can choose to do something about it. Nothing you can say or do will "make" him change. He has to want that for himself. The best thing you can do right now is to take care of you. Remember, the more time and energy you put into worrying about him, the less time you have to invest in yourself and getting through this. If you let it, it will drag you down. Believe me, I've been there done that. If you would like, we could talk through messenger some time. I started a support group two years ago for this, so I have seen what this addiction can do to people. There are people out there who have gone through the same things that you have gone through. You're definitely not alone. Take care and let me know if you're interested in IM. Angel Link to post Share on other sites
autopsy Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Originally posted by Carolina56 I think men in relationships who waste their energy jacking off to porn rather than pleasing their wives or girlfriends are losers. There are so many guys out there who are desperate for loving, attentive relationships and have no need to go hide and jack off to porn. You don't see postings from satisfied women on here - it's all women who's husbands are neglecting them and choosing their porn over real sex. Dump those losers and find a real man! I'd much rather prefer to come home and see my man sitting on our bed with a happy erection he saved for me and didn't waste in the palm of his hand. Anyone can masturbate. I know I prefer a hot handsome man over my vibrator anyday - I prefer human contact over fantasy. People who substitute porn for satisfaction are lost in their own little worlds and are missing out! I thought this was interesting... What about porn as a substition for lack of sexual interactions with your partner? The reasons I'm asking is because I have a strong pornography addiction which I'm slowly trying to fight, but it's not like I'm neglecting my partner for porn in any sense, because I'm extremely attracted to her and I'm always eager to do something with her before porn, but it rarely happens that way. She gets angry at me for going on, but she refuses to do more things with me; over the past four years, we went from sex about 4-5 times a week, to at most once or twice, with nothing in between. On top of all this, she confessed she has no drive for sex at all (or very rarely, at least), and also whenever we do have sex, it just feels "okay". And she expects me to not go on porn? Yeah, right... I'm trying, but it's no easy fight. But I figure, what's the point? She has little interest in me anyways, so it's my perogative to do what I want if she doesn't taken an interest in me. I've told her many times, the odds of me going on porn are increased when we haven't done anything in a few days and I feel like she has no interest in me; but neverthless, nothing changes. She refuses to do more things with me, but expects me to not go on porn. She always says I don't have an addiction, but I go on in spite of her (which I don't at all, because I love her dearly and prefer her over porn by easily), for which I argue so solidly against, but she doesn't believe me. She takes it all to heart, but leaves me to fix it. I get so frustrated with all this, but I just want to make her happy and rid of my porn addiction, but I just don't understand the point anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
lovenut Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 I left my husband for awhile. He for years was trying to hide the fact that he was spending time almost if not nightly on cyper porn. It got to the point that it did affect his ability to have an orgasim unless he was watching me get oral on him. He had to have the visual stimulation. So I knew something was up. So I moved out. Which was a shock to him. It wasn't until I finally busted him on what he was doing and how much of a constant lier he was that he came clean. He is able to hide was he does well because of his computer knowlege. Once I explained how the porn had effected us he was disgusted with himself. I went through and found stuff he missed on his work issued laptop and brought up the fact that he could have lost his job. I did moved back in after a few months. There were conditions. I can go through his computer at anytime. I have all the passwords and am allowed to at any point to put spyware or other devices on it. Plus he nolonger gets on that computer at night. He agreed to give up using his computer except for work for 3 months to try to break the addiction. He is actually a much happier person. He also knows that I can and will leave if it happens again. Link to post Share on other sites
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