anyone ever gone back out with their ex?

[loveinlife]

did it work out for you guys?

how long of NC did it take them to go back out with you?

[starlite]

My ex and I broke up 5 months ago and just got back together. He emailed me every other month, maybe a bit more and I wouldnt respond...or I would write back saying I couldnt talk to him.

 

We are now giving it a second shot and we shall see how it goes.

 

No matter what, if you still care for your ex, no contact is the way. Not to particularly get them back...but to help move on or seperate yourself from the stress.

[jerbear]

Most of the time it works out to some extent. It can go from NC, friendship, to marriage and divorce.

 

I've gotten a few 2nd chances and they worked out for a short time only to end.

[heartoutside]

I've always been a true believer in true love and all that But sometimes we've just got to walk away. I got a 2nd chance with my ex after I had gone NC and deleted her from my life only to have her crap on my heart again. This is the first time in my life I actually regret going out with someone, we were together for almost 4 years, and I regret the day I met her. I've never felt that way before about an ex. So I will warn you, if you want to take a chance and put your heart out there on the line again, then so be it. But be ready for it to get stepped on again.....I know this sounds kind of bitter and every situation is different so only you can really be the judge of your own situation. But I wanted to believe that we could work things out, even though I had doubt I still got back into a relationship with her. I should have listened to my gut.....

[Nanachu]

We dated for 3 months for the first time and he broke up with me around November. He sent me an email for X'mas and New Year. Then, he contacted me around the end of January 2007. Ever since he emailed me twice a week. I waited few days and replied back only when he included specific question (beyond "how are you?") in his email. So, I was not completely NC, rather LC. Then, he started to sugget to meet up around March 2007. I did not say anything back to that since I was not ready to meet him meaning I was not ready to take him as a friend.

Around May 2007, I was ready. So, we met. He asked me to get back together after going over all of the things that he did wrong, I did wrong and we did wrong. He had suggestions how to fix them this time. I left it as "I think about it." I took him back after a while. We are still together. It was not easy. We have miles to go but have been moving to a good direction. He asked to move in last month. I did not take it since I do not think we are ready.

 

So, baby step, moving slowly this time. But, it is working out this time. Second chance can happen, but it depends on how bad the firsrt relationship is, what both parties learned during break-ups, and how much both care about each other to work on the issues. It is not easy, but it can happen.

[starlite]

UPDATE! We broke up, people dont change.

[Bobby.Roy]

UPDATE! We broke up, people dont change.

What happened!!?? I thought you guys were back together, giving it all a second shot..! Damn! :(

[ahah2322]

Please don't say that starlite. People can change if they want to, whether they are the minority or not of trifling importance. That really is an over-generalisation that will affect the original poster's views on things like second chances. It would be better if you just shared your experience i.e. 'Mine didn't work out...' instead of postulating that people don't change and therby second chances don't work out.

 

(sorry if i'm being too anal about it, starlite. i hope you don't take offence to my voicing of thoughts)

 

I just think it's extremely saddening that many people who frequent the forum give negative advice about second chances. The thing is, these advice affect the original posters' views and subsequently, their actions.

 

I understand that the advice are construed by each individual's personal experiences and beliefs and also agree that realistic and practical advice should be given but many of the replies border on (unwarranted)pessimism.

 

It definitely wouldn't hurt to be a little bit more positive and hopeful about things, for since people's opinions are very often persuasive, subtly or profoundly, it does affect how the original poster is going to respond and perhaps, the reasons why second chances very often don't happen or don't work out are due to the self-fulfiling negative prophecies.

[xpaperxcutx]

UPDATE! We broke up, people dont change.

 

Uh-huh....

 

 

Seriously why would you want to get back with your ex anyways OP? There has to be a reason that you broke up in the first place. Besides the chances of getting back together would be a waste of your time because you already know their faults and because they're so used to you, they wouldn't try to change themselves no matter how much you want them to.

 

I would never get back with my ex whether I contemplate the idea or not, the idea of getting back with someone with so many faults and problems are not something I look forward to.

 

The way I see it is the first time around it's a new relationship with each person trying to add a little something to each other like a brand new house, but the second time around, it's like trying to move back into a conndemned building.

[nab0610]

look i'm going add my 2 cents here

 

i'm going through a breakup with my ex and its one of those where she never said she wanted space, but more or less thats what i'm taking at as what she wanted

 

also i think things may have been moving too fast for her and me and we got a little bit scared

 

she'd been texting me for a couple of those days seeing how i was doing, so i tried talking to her about 5 days later and her mind hadn't changed

 

i told her i thought it was for the best if we go no contact

 

now the point of this being is that alot of times people make decisions and regret them, just because you've had bad experiences with ex's doesn't mean everyone does

 

the advice these people are giving is not to stay completely emotionally attached to your ex otherwise your just going to drive them away

 

i know from many different people that things can change...my parents broke up after 6 months of dating because suddenly my mom jumped the gun and was like things are moving way too fast for me i need my space...so my dad gave it to her and eventually she came back realizing she'd made a mistake my parents couldn't be more happier today they've been married for 25 years or so...

 

another example is a friend of my parents who live down the street from them they broke up twice once for 2 YEARS! and they are very happily married today

 

there still is hope for those of you are willing to forgive and forget and have an open heart...the times that things don't work out is when both parties don't try...if you both try and things don't work out at least you'll both get closure even if you do get hurt again...be optimistic don't be a downer

[starlite]

Please don't say that starlite. People can change if they want to, whether they are the minority or not of trifling importance. That really is an over-generalisation that will affect the original poster's views on things like second chances. It would be better if you just shared your experience i.e. 'Mine didn't work out...' instead of postulating that people don't change and therby second chances don't work out.

 

(sorry if i'm being too anal about it, starlite. i hope you don't take offence to my voicing of thoughts)

 

\.

 

No offense taken.

 

But, People dont change. You have to accept people for who they are and the way they are. If you are an adult, I would say 25 and up...you are who you are and you have to find someone who accepts you the way you are. That doesnt mean someone who cheats once will always cheat...but chances are if it was a regular thing, it will continue. If someone is a social person, that wont change. Stubborness wont change. Selfishness for the most part doesnt change.

 

Someone can work on actions, but they wont and cant change who they are as a person. In my situation, I was giving it a second chance to see his actions, and he proved to be set in his ways. I am not saying second chance dont ever work, of course they do sometimes when both people want it and can accept who the other is...but again, people dont change.

 

And Nab- yes, there will always be situations where second chances work. I am saying go no contact because when someone says they need space and the other keeps pushing, well, they are pushing them further and further away to the point of no return, and that in my experience pertains to men and women.

 

So can second chances work...Yes of course. But dont expect that your ex is going to morph into a different person in the matter of months, there true colors will show and it is up to you to accept it or not.

[Mouldylocks]

People can and DO change who they are. There'd be an awful lot of therapists out of business if it were an impossibility like you're suggesting:p

[witabix]

Its second time around for me and my SO, back together for well over a year now, after a six month break up. Together for over two years before that.

 

It does work out, and for us its better the second time around.

[nab0610]

just curious, but what happened during your 6 month breakup

 

like no contact, go out with other men/women, talk the whole time?

[witabix]

See other people, no contact, no emails/texts &c, either way.

 

Is that important?

[sedona]

See other people, no contact, no emails/texts &c, either way.

 

Is that important?

Um......yeah! I'm betting that there are an awful lot of people who are hoping for the results you describe!

[witabix]

sedona, it is not about how you behave, it is about how much you mean to each other.

 

I would like to explain, if I may.

 

We had a tempestuous relationship prior to this. However out of that tempest came some very good things.

 

I had lost contact with my children, that tempest stirred me into making contact again, because she would not allow me to say "Yes, I have children, but you are not allowed to talk to me about it"

 

She knew the importance of my children to me and how much I was suffering because I was not in contact.

 

It is now sorted out, one grand daughter and another grand child on the way. My daughter said that me getting back in contact was the removal of a block in her life and that was the reason she felt she could move forward and have a family of her own.

 

I offered no such catharsis to her life. Yet she still saw something in me, to accept me back when I asked her to get back together. I knew that she was the one, is the one, and will ever be the one.

 

She is ill now, and I have stood by her with no question in my mind, heart or soul. She said I should break up with her because of her illness.

 

That is the kind selfless person she is, ever thinking of the well being of others, and never judging you.

 

I have learned so much from her, I have even learned humility. Something that an arrogant, macho, violent, idiot, such as I was, could never have learned from anyone else.

 

I love this woman with all that I am, and all that I have the potential to be.

 

I am the man I am now because of her.

[xpaperxcutx]

sedona, it is not about how you behave, it is about how much you mean to each other.

 

I would like to explain, if I may.

 

We had a tempestuous relationship prior to this. However out of that tempest came some very good things.

 

I had lost contact with my children, that tempest stirred me into making contact again, because she would not allow me to say "Yes, I have children, but you are not allowed to talk to me about it"

 

She knew the importance of my children to me and how much I was suffering because I was not in contact.

 

It is now sorted out, one grand daughter and another grand child on the way. My daughter said that me getting back in contact was the removal of a block in her life and that was the reason she felt she could move forward and have a family of her own.

 

I offered no such catharsis to her life. Yet she still saw something in me, to accept me back when I asked her to get back together. I knew that she was the one, is the one, and will ever be the one.

 

She is ill now, and I have stood by her with no question in my mind, heart or soul. She said I should break up with her because of her illness.

 

That is the kind selfless person she is, ever thinking of the well being of others, and never judging you.

 

I have learned so much from her, I have even learned humility. Something that an arrogant, macho, violent, idiot, such as I was, could never have learned from anyone else.

 

I love this woman with all that I am, and all that I have the potential to be.

 

I am the man I am now because of her.

 

Witabix, I think in your case the second chance did warrant a try and it can work out because you were married and had children. There were so many memories and love born out of your relationship with your wife that had you not pursue a second chance, it'd led to so many regret.

 

I'm not a hypocrite and not very much so a pessimistic, but in general I don't think second chances work. At least in my case I know it won't. But different experiences asks for different results. In my case, my ex had too little going for him, he lacked direction in life, and I felt more like a mother to him than a gf. I had to to back out of it.

 

I didn't say second chances won't work, but I just don't see how going backwards sometimes will ever make a difference.

[witabix]

Witabix, I think in your case the second chance did warrant a try and it can work out because you were married and had children. There were so many memories and love born out of your relationship with your wife that had you not pursue a second chance, it'd led to so many regret.

 

I'm not a hypocrite and not very much so a pessimistic, but in general I don't think second chances work. At least in my case I know it won't. But different experiences asks for different results. In my case, my ex had too little going for him, he lacked direction in life, and I felt more like a mother to him than a gf. I had to to back out of it.

 

I didn't say second chances won't work, but I just don't see how going backwards sometimes will ever make a difference.

 

papercut.. I didn't go that far back My children are grown up, my SO now isn't my ex wife.

[Nanachu]

UPDATE! We broke up, people dont change.

It is very rare but people can change. But, they need to go through very strong pain caused by the part of them to really feel strong need to change.

If they did not go through pain and like or are indifferent about the part of them, they do not change just because we told them to change.

Rather, if we tell others to change, they may rememmber our comments and change later to somebody else, but will never change for the person who imposed a change. My ex BFs did not change when I was telling them, but some of them changed for their next GF. So, I realized that I did tons of work to be pushed back by my ex BFs and to help them be a better man for their next GFs..... Therefore, I thank my BF's ex GFs.