An observation and theory many guys have

[TheFonz]

As a guy I can sense almost right away if another guy is a guy who is good natured, good hearted, trustworthy or insert similar adjective. Likewise, I can also tell right away if a guy I meet has a bad nature, "evil", devious, untrustworhty or insert similar adjective. And not to brag, experience has shown me that my first impression is never really wrong. I would only assume that women can tell the difference as well if not better than a man can, or if not tell which is which be able to distinquish a difference.

 

Now a lot of guys I've known have said that basically after a lot of experience, observation and trying everything, they have concluded that women are naturally attracted to guys who are fundamentally bad or "evil", and are naturally unattracted to guys who are fundamentally good. And that women are most of all, more than even looks, money and status, attracted or not attracted to a guy based on who he fundamentally is, basically good or bad person. And women, like men can, are able to fairly accurately tell which a person is quickly upon meeting. Almost like it's a 6th sense or intuition that can't really be manipulated. So it doesn't matter what a guy does or doesn't do, you're either born "good" or born "bad". If you're born bad then you will do good attracting women and if not you won't.

 

I think this all sounds kind of dubious and I don't want to think that the real reason I have so much success with women is because I'm fundamentally a bad person, but I don't know. I have actually seen things that would suggest it might be true. I know so many guys who are attractive, successful, and intelligent and I can sense are genuinely good guys. When they approach a girl no matter what they say or how they act the girls are quickly unattracted to them. It's almost like the women are picking up something on some other pathway and get turned off.

 

Now on the other hand, I also know a lot of guys who give me a bad vibe, and the more I know them the more I find out that they really are bad news. But most of these "bad" guys can be less attractive, successful, and intelligent and seems like regardless of what they say or do they in fact attract women more. The only thing they have going for them seems to be a "bad" vibe. They can even act congruent with being bad or they can be phony and act nice, but either way they have more success.

 

I'm not really into spirituality or anything but it's almost like it's not even how the person acts, what they say, or their appearance. Not that those can't be clues, but it's like you can still tell someone is bad even if they do nothing bad. They're just being phony. I'm not trying to say women are universally attracted to bad guys and every guy who does well with women is a bad guy, but I sure know a lot of bad people. Maybe I'm really just a bad person to? I thought this was an unique way of looking at this issue. Has anyone else noticed something like this?

[Taramere]

I think what "bad" guys do involves taking advantage of vulnerability. Whether it's a con man robbing pensioners out of their life savings, or a PUA focusing his efforts on women who have a lot of self esteem issues (which might make them more desperate to please)...those men smell out vulnerability in the way that animals smell fear.

 

I've had times when I've been attracted to men who logically I know are sh*ts. To me, that happening is a sign that something's wrong internally. Something I need to identify and fix - because I know that when I'm feeling happy and healthy, I don't want anything to do with people like that.

 

The essence of drama is exemplified by the old silent movie stereotype of a villain strapping the heroine to the rail tracks...with the hero getting there just in time. These dramas have a strong psychological pull to them. In real life, people choose their role (villain/hero/heroine-victim) with the latter two feeling continually disappointed because real life drama doesn't reflect the fairy tale version. The only person who seems to win is the villain...so it's not surprising that men who dreamt, in childhood, of being heroes contemplate becoming villains instead.

 

The only answer I can think of is that as soon as any person finds themselves in that situation where they're envious/resentful of a "villain", feeling like a victim, desperate to rescue or be rescued....it's a sign that something within them needs to be addressed and fixed. They need to rescue themselves from the people and situations that encourage them to feel that negativity and perpetuate the unhappy dramas.

 

As an aside I often get the impression, with some of the men who permit themselves to start feeling very bitter about that villain/heroine scenario, that they too have fallen into that "victim hoping to be rescued" role. If they start looking bitter and potentially villainous enough, perhaps a "good woman" will step in and untie them from the tracks before that train of bitterness mows them down for good.

[JerseyShortie]

I think this whole thing some men have about whining about how women like bad boys is a way to make guys who don't know to engage women into a date or relationship with them, feel better. THat way you can blame women for the fact that they like "bad boys", not you a "good guy". That way it's her fault, not yours, on why you haven't been lucky with women.

 

I have heard this topic come up alot and have said it before. Women don't like bad boys. But being "nice" isn't enough either to grab a woman's interests. That doesn't mean we want a man who berates us or beats us. It means we want an honestly "good" man that makes us feel exciting and feminine and attractive. Don't men want the same thing? A woman that makes them feel excited, masculine and attractive? Alot of "nice" girls get passed up too. And not because men don't want nice girls but becauase those nice girls aren't doing the things to attract men and make them feel like men.

 

So my word of advice is to stop with this "girls want bad boys" crap. Because it is untrue. Some women might want bad boys but most women want "good men". Men who are loyal, kind, exciting, and make her feel like a woman. Being "nice" isn't enough. And why should it be? Stop blaming women and claiming thye like "bad boys" and start looking at yourself and asking you what you might be doing or not doing that isn't engaging the type of women you want.

 

Quite honestly, your whole post does nothing but blame women for men's problems when if you didn't realizie it, men are grown adults who are capable of their own choices and actions. The ironic thing is that while you blame women you also expect them to be the ones to save these "bitter" men when again, that is only something a man himself can do.

 

This is not a matter of women being the issue, this is a matter of YOU being the issue and needing to look inside yourself and not look externally at how wome nare to blame and how women need to fix men. Don't feel too bad though. Both men and women do tend to blame the other sex for their issues. It is easier that looking in themselves and seeing how they fail themselves first.