wife left with baby more help please

[peter]

Hi this is for shirley ot totally confussed.

 

thank you both for giving me the advice two days back,

 

but I have more problems, the thing is i saw my wife on sat night and we both aggread i would stay away and not contact her for 2 weeks to let things calm down as we was both very confussed at the moment and i didnt want my wife making any harsh decisions about our future, the thing is i broke my heart out to my wife explaining how i felt without her and my child, she said as long as i stayed away she would spend the time thinking,(she also said that she still loved me and was wearing her wedding rings)but this morning I received a solicitors letter saying my wife had been to see them yestaday and wanted to know about the access I could have to my child this upset me a lot because I thought my wife was taking the time to think about things, so i phoned her and asked why she had done it and she said she needed it an black and white but she was still thinking about things, all I want is to know where i stand, its killing me please help.

[Shirley]

Hi this is for shirley ot totally confussed.

 

thank you both for giving me the advice two days back, but I have more problems, the thing is i saw my wife on sat night and we both aggread i would stay away and not contact her for 2 weeks to let things calm down as we was both very confussed at the moment and i didnt want my wife making any harsh decisions about our future, the thing is i broke my heart out to my wife explaining how i felt without her and my child, she said as long as i stayed away she would spend the time thinking,(she also said that she still loved me and was wearing her wedding rings)but this morning I received a solicitors letter saying my wife had been to see them yestaday and wanted to know about the access I could have to my child this upset me a lot because I thought my wife was taking the time to think about things, so i phoned her and asked why she had done it and she said she needed it an black and white but she was still thinking about things, all I want is to know where i stand, its killing me please help.

 

Hi Peter,

 

I don't really understand what you mean by access to your child. But don't sign anything that says you will give up the right to see your daughter. This is a whole different issue. And it's best to work on one thing at a time. Right now, your wife is trying to control you. And she's probably being coaxed by family members. What she needs to do is to spend time by herself, and think about things on her own. Until she's done that, you won't know if her demands are really her idea, or if they are coming from her family. Just keep reassuring her that you love her, and you want to be a part of her and your daughters life.

[Totally Confused]

She's doing all her homework, in-case she decides to leave, and your access to your child is one of them. That doesn't mean she's definitely leaving, but I will be honest, it sounds like she's thinking about it - but that doesn't mean, she's definitely going to do it. Don't lose all hope yet. I know this is killing you, but you really do need to leave her alone for a while. If you push her and call her, then you are disrespecting her wishes and you'll push her even further away. I know she's told you to give her two weeks, but what you might need to do is let her come to you when she's ready. It might even end up being more than that, but let her see if she can miss you. The reason she's asking for space is because she is trying to find out if she'll miss you, which to her, will determine if there is still a flame in her heart for you. She is telling you the truth when she tells you she doesn't know how she feels about you. Time and distance can usually clarify that. If you are constantly harrassing her and telling her to tell you how she feels, she'll start resenting and disliking you, because she doesn't know how she feels.

 

This is where you are going to have to be strong. Leave her alone, let her miss you and things may actually become more clearer for the both of you. All I know is if you don't do what she asks, you will definitely lose her, no question about it.